Don't know why anyone would care to see this, but it is a record for me. This is the unedited transcript of the audio in "Silly God Adventures, Funny God," exactly as it was originally. This was edited for clarity sake in Part Twenty.
What follows from here is the transcription of the audio:
Wow. So, I'm checkin' out my Facebook page here today and, uh,
What the hell! What does this mean? I just got married? I mean, I've
been married for fourteen years, I mean...What is it uh...Oh, that's
God, I. I was working on the profile, y'know, I never
like to put that stuff in, er anything. When I joined up I just left it
at, uh...I didn't answer that question, I don't like fillin' out forms.
And, today I said, wait a minute. They've had me listed as
single, so I said, Well, I'm going to fix that. I mean, that's not fair,
that's not fair to my wife. So I listed it as...y'know, I corrected it
happens? So announced, on my site, where all my friends come...and they
all get it announced on their sites too, "I got married."
Now, one of these, my friends, is my wife's son! So, this is
not convenient. Well, I'm wondering, How does this thing, anyway, this
software, how does it know that? And why did it take so much time to
learn that I got married?
OK,OK. So I'm sloppy when it comes to filling out profiles—I hate forms.
And I just noticed today they had me listed as single, or dead, or
something. Anyway, it wasn't right, so I changed it.
Now, I'm announced as married! HOW COOL!!! Everybody should try
this. Does this mean I get my....ok, I'm counting, hold your pants
on..... OK, fourteen years...technically, more that was untechnical, if
ya catch my drift, but, uh.... So I can't wait to tell Mary Lynn that we
get to do the fourteen technical years all over again.... And I don't
think it's gonna be so technical....
Anyway, I just had the thought... would it mean I'd have to live through
the eight years of the W. again?
I guess I'm going to have to talk to tech to see how I can give back the
fourteen years. I'll settle for the fourteen I had.
Wheeeew, sure glad I thought of that.
Hey, what's this.... My friends are coming.
Hey, Peter, what do you mean by that?
You too, Mary Beth!
Anna, come on, you know me better than that—didn't I even bring Mary
Lynn to class, sure I did?
Hey, and, as I was saying...you, in the corner, furry foot or whatever
you call yourself, don't give me that he-man cat stuff—Acey. You too?
So, I see, all you guys think I was dissing Mary Lynn. Think that I
INTENTIONALLY left it blank.
You, of all people Sasquatch, you actually think I put myself down as
Oh, ow, the hurt, the injustice. My friends think I'm a cad. They're all
signing a petition to have me sent to feminist hell!!
Oh, the horror, the horror.
I don't think I can stand the injustice, I'm .... shrinking… honestly I really
do hate forms, I mean....
oh my God getting smaller. ..
I'm really telling the truth, guys. I mean, stop shrinking me and I
promise for the rest of my life I will read every fucking form that
comes across in front of my face...oh, oh, that's hell, maybe worse than
well, I'll try to do better to fill in every blank.
I'll be good.
Oh, just please stop.. ….
Gets Me Stoned, Digs Joan Osborne. "Don't Be So
Judgmental," He Says.
Well, that was a trip. No….No thanks to any of you folks, I mean…hey!
Ya know what happened?
I melted…yea, you saw that part...then I became this puddle. OK. The
cat drank me, thinking I was delicious! Hey!
So I was up there in front of the Real Justice, the Real One. And,
guess what! Ha! turns...to all of you! Turns out God hates forms as much
as me. So there!
In fact, we hit it off pretty good...good with god, hey, now
there's my next title, hmmmm, goodwithgod...Shit, guys, he's got the
best—I'm telling you—HASH brownies... no lie!! Wow, you think yer
trippin. Try being dead sometime and hanging out with God in, well,
where he lives...I think Oregon, now, that's what it looked like...And
these big mutha hash brownies .... De-lic-ious. I'm tellin ya! But
kicked my BUTT! I'm tellin ya, God can do some shit! Didn't seem to faze
him, but he did start acting sillier than even He usually is.
Well I was toast, I was starting to brown out. But you couldn't miss
the Major and Only Consciousness, not when he's breakin into
"What if god was one of us, just a slob like one of us. Just a
stranger"…I mean, you know…
Maybe, uh...I suppose he sang a little bit better then me…I have to
say that, though, cause He's God, ya know.
Well…no, but He's a nice guy….
"there's a stranger on the street."
And, and like, like that, you know,
"tryin to make his way ho-ooo-ome...." ho-oome....."
Joan Osborne - "One of Us"
I mean he really dug it. I couldn't help it, I was laughin my
ass off. There's God dancin and singin, smilin and trippin. Christ!
...er...should I? Oh what the hell. If you knew him, you'd realize he
don't give a shit about words you say; it's the hurtful words, oh and
the greed, murder, and rape—he's not silly bout them at all….
Anyway, there he is even gettin into the parody of it. you know,
like, you know, the one that was made of it, you know, like that, uh,
guy does, but anyway it was a woman…and she said
"what if god smoked cannabis, hit the bong like some of us"
[chuckle] really gettin into it…I mean God is really getting into
"yea, yea, god smells good"
and like that. I mean, I cou...I never laughed so hard. I mean I
always knew that God, that if God were good and loving he'd have to be
silly. Cause well being serious all the time means you ain't good and
Joan Osborne - "What if God Smoked Cannibas?"
But this was like, Wow, God is the funniest Dude there is!
Aw...Hmmm... funnygod@gmail.... Naw no one would believe it. besides, I
think he's saving that one for Himself.
It was alright…. it's all….
It was, it was ALL great!...there was…there was one... like I
said…. OK, oh…like I said he digs Joan Osborne. So….
So, when he starts breakin into her
"Let's Just Get Naked"
you know, like…I forget the tune now…
"just for a laugh...it's a thrill and a half"
"we've been together so….I hope it wasn't just the drugs"
…something like that. I forgetting now too.
But, well, well, what would you think?
Joan Osborne - "Let's Just Get Naked"
First I…but He's getting' into it…He's got perfect pitch of course,
you know….anyway, first, I'm uncomfortable thinkin - hey, like...I'm a
guy, is this appropriate? I mean, I swear I did flash on those Catholic
priests, my bad...I mean... how could I think about...God…How could I
think that about God? I mean...oh that damn Catholic in me; I'm startin
to think even He's a perv.
Oh, uh, but, luckily, saved by my early youth investment in primal
therapy I end...I ended that trip, man.
But then there was another, right on its heels: like He...like what
if God was only appearing to me as a man...because I am and shit, ya
know...and well...what about that: You know that stuff we say like [like
as if praying:]
"I ask, please, that God/Goddess, aah, will find it in His/Her
divine, yilly, yani, whatever…" Ya know, yada, yada, whatever."
I mean…male, female…why…you know, it shouldn't be, right?…so I'm
thinkin…If He's just as much…I mean what if He is He just as much a She
and can be one whenever. So I'm hearing…and I'm thinkin', well that
makes sense 'cause He's everybody so…Hell, He IS half female, and I'm
hear...but I'm hearin' this "get naked" song and now I'm freakin' again.
I'm thinkin, oh yeah, all my mofo friends melt...melted me because
they thought I dissed Mary Lynn; and…and NOW I'm having the time of my
life with God, and he's telling me to forgive my friends for being so
judgmental and punishing.
He's saying, HE'D never be as judgmental or punishing as any human
would because, well, he said, because…because…I am all of you. He says, I
am all of you, I am everything and, "I like to be nice to me; cause if I
can't be on my side, who can?"
Now ya just can't argue with that kind of
there's-nothing-that-exists-but-me reasoning, I mean...especially when
He's…….especially when He's….heh….should I start saying She's?...proving
it to you.
So anyway, there I am, and now I'm thinking, "Christ, if you turn
into a beautiful chick... you know, what the hell's with this "just get
naked" stuff... great song, I mean, but, well I'm trippin, remember? I'm
not quite thinkin straight so I've got it all screwed up in my mind
that I'd be, you know, that I'd be just proving the mofo's down there
right, that I'd end up being unfaithful to my wife with god...dess...
and prove a bigger cad than they already melted me for.
So, there I am all screwed up thinking I'm gonna have to choose
between proving to Anna, and Mary Beth, and Doug, and Peter...you
bastard, Peter, you know I love your Ma...and fuzzy feet Acey-cat he Mah
and Dara…aah I'll prove all of you wrong, or turn... down sex with
Goddess. And you tell me how the hell you say no to Goddess/God?...I'm
still wonderin if a non-Catholic would've gone through that kind of
Well, all I can say is that it's a fine damn thing that the hash
starting wearing off a bit… wow!...or maybe God was just laughin so hard
at what He/She knew I was thinkin but…and… but then had pity on me.
Because with, with more clarity I began to see how tripped out I'd been!
Look (a) I'M FREAKIN' DEAD! What the hell do I care about provin
anything to you guys, let alone how would you know, and so on?
But also, he...(b) Hey, I'm with God, fer Chrissakes! Now, now that I
think of it and look around, I know, I know, you'd think this would be
the first thing I'd notice, but, well, don't be so judg-men-tal!…I mean,
I…ya..member I got that from the Main Person Him or Her
self….cause…cause how do you know? Ya know?...don't go judgin' me… and,
and…and also how you'd be after ingesting, ingesting God's own private
Seriously, do you really think you've ever had anything as
strong...as the crop God's got?? C'mon, a little reason, here, folks.
thank you. So anyway it dawn's on me that I'd been naked…that we'd been
naked the whole time <chuckling> shesh,
whileallthis'sbeengoinon...Not even feathery wings or any of that happy
ho no. Wellll….
Well of course that well, of course, see, clothes…or heaven…Well (1)
you're clothes don't have a soul. Sheesh! What were you... er, er ah, I
thinkin? that's dumb! Then the, then the hash was really wearing off and
my superior intellect really started to kick in: Like…like it start to
"Hey dummy"...talkin to myself, see…"This is frigging heaven!"
...ya know, when I lived in Oregon, I JUST KNEW God was hanging
out up there…aah, too hard to explain…
"so anyway in heaven, so in heaven" I tell myself, toler…I tell
myself tolerating…tolerating me: "Do you really think there'd be sweat
shops spewing out conveyors of clothes? hmmmm?"
"UH, No, I answer myself, seeing the wisdom of my self's question."
"And in heaven, do you think there'd be anybody having to slave
their lives, er, their, timelessness, away?...Indeed!" continued the
erudite little puke...that I was having second thoughts about being so
proud of, now that it's me Socratic dialoguing all over my ass…OK
"Indeed!" erudite me said "It's heaven, so why would ANYone have to
Yea, of course, he was right, but he didn't have to stress that
"ANY"…a big ol' ANYwu... that way; it was like he was saying, "It's
obvious to everyone, dummy; what'd you do catch 'brain deadness' all of a
sudden?" Course he didn't say that out loud, but, you see, like I said
earlier, I went through primal therapy, back in the day, so I know a
little bit more about myself than the average schmuck.
So that's why I can tell when I'm being a dick to me.
Well, long story short...oh, huh, I see, way too late for that,
Well anyway, turns out that...hell now here's where that Catholic
stuff woulda actually helped me out...well, in heaven there's no sin, no
sin, means no shame, no shame means why get dressed?
Meanwhile, Over in the Muslim Section....
And besides, over in the Muslim section, the part with the…the Muslim
section…the part with the dozens and dozens of women for every, y’know,
suicide…or is it, actually, really, as much as seventy-six virgins to
one guy, I think…. Anyway, I really remember it was a lot…whatever it
was…yea it was lots, plenty, and believe me, I was watching and it
didn’t take long for that, y’know, that whole thing to become normal. I
mean the women had plenty of time to themselves. [chuckles] Yea, I guess
they would…they’d have plenty of time to themselves…I mean, and they
seemed as natural in their nakedness among the forests of heavens as
magical elves or something. I mean, there was nothing weird about it.
But I know, you’re gonna owe me for this big time, cause
there’s two…two big questions on your minds…I know…who wouldn’t be
thinking these things…I’m gonna think of how you can pay me back for
gettin me melted, drunk down like a saucer of milk, and dead. I’m just
realizing how much power I have here, for starters…since you’ve never,
you’ve never melted, uumm, you’ve never melted or the rest, &
y’know…boy, can I milk those events…like, you’ve never had that
experience so…I could like…”ooooh, the hell, the horror, the pain…you’ve
already boring myself. I can’t pretend that way just to get extra guilt
or chips outa you because ooh…that’s too much work, because…ohhh, I hate
to say it…. You ain’t lived till you’ve melted…you think a deep
tissue massage is relaxing? Well you ain’t lived till you’ve actually
had a meltdown in front of one of your friends. Hahaha. And I’ll be
damned if I can make like…I’ll be damned if I can make like being
devoured by my cat…well…was like “Jaawws! Oooh nooo, duh, duh, duh, duh,
duh… " No. I’m sorry. He.
I really love my cat, is all I can say.
So, good for me, and good for you because I’ll just tell you, and you
could eat your hearts out for jealousy…how’s that? Let’s just say that
being licked up by a cat…well I’m reluctant to say, but well let’s just
say that we all have certain pleasurable experiences…that involve, well,
let’s say, being licked! And, uh, well, oh…well bein' taken in the
mouth of another, y’know? Well, I guess I more than hinted there, didn’t
I? Well how else can I say it?
But I got it all over you guys cause well, you can feel pleasure in
certain sex acts involving the mouth and parts of your lovers’ bodies,
as you know what I’m talking about… well you don’t know the meaning of
exquisite pleasure until it is aaall of you…not a part…that is lovingly
I’m not into beastiality or something…don’t get me wrong…but I really
love my cat, is all I can say, I mean….
Inside her…or his…warm cozy belly was just some kind of bliss…I’m tellin
I get the feeling once you’re out of your bodily state…well maybe it’s
because the ego goes but, but, though I knew, I knew I was gone for the
world, I couldn’t have been more pleased at my fortune…ok I’ll let ya
off the hook…. Eehh, I’guess it’s that God influence, y’know?
Oh, I’m just to kind for my own good, and, well, like God told me in
Oregon, “Well, that’s what Jesus’d do.” So ok I won’t torture you any
I know I haven’t addressed the two questions in your mind…er,
actually…three. I know what they are. I know what you’re all thinking so
don’t deny it! Come on!
You’re thinking, “What does God look like naked?” right? Shew.. I knew
it… I know it, I know you guys, I mean, well… just…I’ll tell you…just
about anybody, well I’ll, I’ll tell you, but whatever you’re expecting,
I’m sure I’m going to be a disappointment for you.
Nope, God is not a downy-covered Ken
doll. So… No, he wasn’t
covered in downy feathers and all Ken-doll parts or anything that an
evangelical would imagine. Remember, it’s only here that we think of
nakedness as shameful.
You gotta dig this. This is the guy who designed, sculpted our
form… You think He’s ever had the thought that He made something
nau-ghty… or I can tell you that a little time with Him and you’d
realize or you’d think, at least, that one of the reasons…if not The Big
One…how would I know?...for creating us is…well it just occurred to me
that…I may have just realized why they say we were made in God’s
image…because, y’know, by now, no doubt we’ve realized we are the
dumbest animal on this planet….
And destructive? murderous, and totally uncaring of the other species
and their fates…
As we head for the armageddon that only dumb humans could imagine to set
Why We're Not So Special, Yet Still Made in
But not for now…that’s not the thing I want to get at, just to
say that our…that our…ummm…since we know that our supposed intelligence
is a disease, ok? Actually it’s our ego and sense of superiority and
specialness…but our supposed superior intellect is often named as what
makes us different and what makes us in the image of God. Am I not right
about that? I mean, that’s what you always hear. “We’re different from
the animals cause we, y’know, we got brains, or….”
Well, this won’t go over very big with the academics and such
but…breaking news, folks…our words don’t make us superior…they make us inferior…to
all the other species…who know, without having to struggle with
symbols that are easily misinterpreted. Their language is not language,
so much as it is mind-sharing. And that can all be conveyed in a
precise, precise look…sometimes a smell…or just a howl…across the
forest. You think that the information contained in such things could be
only rudimentary…hardly! He!
You’ve got it all wrong. Alright, let’s say we’re like the
typewriters…laboriously trying to make ourselves understood to each
other…and ourselfs…. Well, what we lost was our separation and
ego—y’know, which come with our separation—is the kind of abilities
that, as analogy, we see in computers.
Now, think of that…think of the size of a computer chip…tiny…size of a
penny or something…and the amount of information it can convey, process,
et cetera…. It is small!
Now our egotism just does not let us see that the natural biological
perfection of all things—each of which is God having the fun of
manifesting Him- Herself in that form, and simultaneously in all
others…. I mean, that’s His thing, y’know…. And, and since these
creatures are still aware…as aware as when we go to a movie and still
realize that it is not real, and that our real existence is elsewhere….
Well, check it out: All of Nature, except for our sorry asses, have the
sense of watching a drama, but none of it is all that scary. They even
dig the scary parts as a thrill, just the way you might enjoy a horror
flick. And of course, they have, without trying, without trying the
knowledge that needs communicating, whenever, and it’s not common,
whenever such a need arises.
Sorry bout that…but I had to dispense with that, because…you’re not
going to believe the one and only way that we are like God, and
it’s a damn fine thing that there is something. Because after all the
rest of your ego being busted, you’re glad to have…you do have a special
link with that source of Love.
What is it? You can’t, can’t you guess? Remember back to my earliest
experiences with God? Let’s put it this way, God so loved the world, God
felt so much compassion for the ways we humans managed to fuck up, and
even to reject all His blessings…even the pain that he gave us as our
greatest gift…which is like wisdom gift-wrapped in something to hide its
nature until we accept it and opened it, to find the gift of wisdom
which brings with it always ever more release from the fear that we have
Well, God, to hear Him tell it, was even as surprised, as an
All-Knowingness can be, that we would be so fearful…that when He wanted
to show us how there was never anything to be afraid of, and that fear
was an imaginary creation of ours…. Well, let’s put it this way, He not
only inspired the billions of human mothers to play the peek-a-boo game
with their children…y’know Mom’s not there, the baby has this imaginary,
horrifying fear that Mom is gone, disappeared, never to return. Then
suddenly her face appears from nowhere. How does the baby feel and
react, react to it? Well, now the baby’s downright gleeful…& beside
her- or himself, can’t even contain her or his joy, claps its hands,
laughs, and giggles…. And, yes, I’m getting to it….
It’s our laughter….
It’s our laughter.
You might ask yourself why, are we the only ones that laugh? And this is
where it got really freakin interesting, and really heavy…. And I was
glad that we had the laughter…. Notice, now, I was with God…and I had
the best time of my life…. But then I was with God! And if you’re with
God, what is it, what is it, how can you, what is it that you would
never ever have, that it’s such a pain in the ass in life?
Of course there’s no fear…you’re with God!
Why you don't see hyenas at comedy clubs.
Anyway, so it’s our laughter, and let’s just say that: Animals don’t
have laughter…because…well, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…. I’m gonna have
to let you…I’m gonna have to do a little favor for you guys like you did
for me… I’m gonna have to string you a little bit along….
Course you’re pretty crude the way you did it…. I mean, melting
me, I mean…it’s was lot of fun, y’know…I’m sorry…. I only wish I could
do it for you guys…. Anyway, I don’t have a petition or nothing, but,
I’m gonna get to that…. I’m gonna lead up to that, about
why…see…alright…and I won’t give you this, that animals…I’ll just say
this about them, they (a) have no…they don’t laugh, and (b) they always
have a sense that they’re, that they’re, that they’re…how can I say?…one
with God…. But they always have part of them knowing that they are
like, y’know, just playing an act.
So, well, would you have fear? Not a lot, would you? If you knew it was
like the movie I was talking about? OK, but now…. Here’s the big
reveal…but I’ll…I’m gonna let it out slowly cause it’s complicated but
it’s sooo fucking simple when you see it. See….
The Absolute Earliest Preschool
And a lot of it comes back to that peek-a-boo. You see, God,
you see, provided the inspiration for that game. There was a reason why
He thought it was so important, and it’s hard to find a mother-child who
has not experienced it…though I doubt any mother ever consciously knew
why she was doing it except that it was fun and gave so much pleas-ure!
Remember that word.
The same with God, just as God inspired mothers to play peek-a-boo to
train children to not trust their fears as being real….
Even to set up in us the next step, where when we are fearful, we
might have the expectation, expectation…and it would be righteous…that
soon the clouds will part, the sun will shine…but even more than that…
you see? Like that training is: At first you’re fearful but after a
while you expect Mother to be there all the time…if you have enough
experience of it. That’s a big hint. For, for you see, it’s training for
God’s training later in life now…let’s put it this way:
Pain is God playing peek-a-boo with us.
I know it’s going to be hard to take, but
Pain is God playing peek-a-boo with us.
And I know you have so many, so many ideas or remembrances of pain. And,
uh, and I’m sure that you think you remember pain. But I’ll tell you a
thing or two…let’s put it this way,
He uses it to guide us from danger…and toward our true path.
Of course, that’s one thing we know, right? We know, we know that when,
when the things aren’t going right…that if things aren’t going right,
sometimes the car breaks down or we break our ankle…how many times we
found out that was the perfect thing that it was God that was helping us
out because we weren’t supposed to be doing something? You know? We’ve
all reached that point, right? Where we know that we are being guided by
God, through some of these bad experiences, right? So, you got that
part, right? Can I get a “right” from somebody?
Oh, Acey, you’re so stoned, I swear to God…. Je-sus sasquatch…you do more
bellowing I swear to God when you’re masturbating than…ooooh, god…never
mind. Anyway…. And you shouldn’t put yourself down now that much now…I’m
trying not to be judgmental, you should give yourself more credit for
being smart, sasquatch… Now let’s everybody else stop laughing, ok? But I
was there, alright?
Ok, so, just as God inspired mothers to train people to not trust their
fears as being reality, even to this, He set it up the next step where
we are… And that’s the next step is, when we are fearful we might have
the expectation, and it would be true, that soon the clouds would part,
and everything would be fine. So, so for pain, God is playing peek-a-boo
with us…He uses it to guide us from danger toward our true path…of
course from what we bitch and complain when we don’t get what we want,
when misfortune brings, when misfortune brings down our cherished
fantasies…and that’s painful. But I doubt there is any of you who
haven’t many, many times given a little, or sometimes it requires more
time…look back at what we had intended and what we were guided to
instead, and said, “Thank God I’m not in charge of my life… If Ida
gotten my way, well, hell, what a stupid idea that ended up being. God
sure must love me to sustain and teach and guide me…in spite of myself."
But of course there’s much more to it, than that.
God, what’s that, Peter?
You say I forgot something, well, I…I shoulda known? Too much of the
blah blah blah, you say, and…you already know this stuff? Wow, you must
have some kinda cell phone to the divine I never…. Oh yea, you’re living
in Hawaii now. Yea, I remember. Our last phone conversation you were
saying something about the vegetation. Wow. Whatever vegetation you’re
liking over there it hasn’t touched…er touched your, let’s say, your bluntness.
That’s ok, though. Just give me the facts, you say. What does God look
like naked? OK.
Ok, Peter. Ok, I guess I gotta spell it out for you. Well, let’s say
that, first, what I saw was God the way I was meant to see Him. Stop it,
guys. I’m sure that God has an infinite number of appearances just as
He appears in the entire Universe as Everything That Is, both living and
non-living, right? Ok, I’ll get to the point, What does God look like
Well, like everything and like nothing.
Knock it off! I’m trying to give you real stuff here. Like He looks like
everything and like nothing…that’s the true answer, because the
question is irrelevant.
But what did God look like naked to me? Well, that is a question. But I
told you you’d be disappointed. First of all, like I said, with no
consciousness of nakedness being anything but as natural as, and just as
overlooked as the way animals look. They’re also naked. But how often
do you think what any of them look like in detail or, y’know, you’re not
thinking about…they’re not attracting your attention just cause they
only have fur on them. So first of all it was not something that I would
think to note, y’know, what He looked like. But I can say my
recollection is that God, naked, looked not much different than myself
in the mirror, naked, and again just as uninteresting. Told you I’d be a
disappointment for you there.
Fetishing and fearing what's hidden.
But I think you’ll like the answer I have to your other question. Yes, I
know, specially you, Peter. I’m sure you got your mind on those
multitude of virgins, ha! Well this was pretty interesting from what I
could make out…and I don’t mean in any prurient sense. For like I said,
well maybe I didn’t say it yet this way, so I will. It’s just that it
reminds me of the lack of interest in nudity when there is no, when
there is no shame. It all seems so clear from here. It’s almost like
there was a universal point where, that which attracts inordinate
interest, and even fixation, or even fetish, is always that which has
Well, where I was, there was no darkness. No hidden truth, let alone
agendas. So with everything at hand, or, "at thought," to be more
precise, you’re freed from the wondering, worrying, the interest, the
fixation, the curiosity…let alone the fear, uncertainty, of terror,
horror, all of which arise out of the things that are hidden, that are
concealed, that are in darkness. Remember peek-a-boo?
It is the way that mothers teach their babies…by putting something in
darkness, putting something out of view. That creates the trauma, right?
But it’s how babies are taught to not fear….
Oh… you too, sasquatch? You’re still thinking about those virgins too,
huh? Okay, I will jump ahead to that, but I…I’ll jump ahead to that,
because, it’s pretty good. And, uh, I think this will still make sense
in the same order…pretty much, yea.
All we are saying, is give God a chance.
Well, it’s quite funny actually because, you see, you know, well… there
is… only humans could come up with something as horrible as like a
hell. ONLY humans. I mean, come on, God could never come up with
something like that, but…and I’ll get into why later, but it’s just…it’s
just put it that way, there’s no hell. Just take my word for it, you'll
So, there’s no hell, but does that mean everybody goes to heaven? Now,
not quite, exactly, you see? Because, well, let’s see…would heaven be
getting what you ask for…or you think it would be getting what God—who
knows everything—knows…you…want? See? It’s a little trickier now,
Now, think about those suicide bombers. Yeaa. Seventy-six virgins, they
got their wishes, right? But you didn’t see what I saw. I mean, I didn’t
see…. I mean, it was heaven and everything…there was no darkness…. But
so you wanta see some draggin' bedraggled scraggly-assed mother-blankin'
tired lil, lil…I swear to God. What were they thin-king…asking for
"What were we thinking?!" I mean…my God! What does it take
to realize that you can’t handle that many?! It’d kill you! So, you
know, it was kind of funny. I mean think of it! I mean, you know…I don’t
know if God’s laughing at that because that might be judgmental…but
it’s kinda like…it’s like, well, He’s just being kind, he gave them what
they wanted, what they wanted. And you know what, He does that for all
of us…you see?
He does that for all of us and that’s what I meant about the pain being
His blessing to us. Because He might protect us from making bad
mistakes through pain or something like that, but then the other thing
is that He lets us go through with it…He lets us go through with it and
find out that…on our own…what a bad and dumb idea that was.
Pain ain't such a pain. So, there you have it. Pain is
the teacher. But it’s not pain that’s being imposed, or, you remember,
punished. In fact, we’re the dumb asses that are pickin pain. God didn’t
ever pick pain for us, except to bring us back to happiness and that’s
the whole…that’s what I’m getting at…God is so good, it’s amazing
that…well, no, it’s not so amazing because, as you’ll see, it’s all
Anyway, let me get back to what I was saying. I was saying that it just
occurred to me that that whole lewdness thing that there was a kind of a
universal that what’s ever kept in the darkness, is, is, y’know…that’s
where we project all the things inside that we don’t know yet.
And, uh, that’s where all the horror comes from, ok? It’s basically from
darkness. And, like I said, y’know, even in peek-a-boo. But later, it’s
God that teaches us, right? And basically, what we’re trying to be
taught, in peek-a-boo with God, is not to fear, that when something is
not in plain sight, basically not to project our own inner horrors on
what always comes down to being no-thing…no thing at all!
The darkness makes a wonderful screen for projecting imaginary, truly
mental, and fleeting as thought non-realities…it is, it is the reason
for choosing the human form…in fact…. That is, to be completely ignorant
of your identity with divinity. To be completely ignorant of your
identity with divinity is the purpose of the human form.
Well…to throw yourself, completely, into such a darkness, with the
foreknowledge that God is good, and that you will always
be in His, Her presence…. In fact you will be literally moving and
thinking in total God immersion, and the only difference between people
will be the degree to which they know that, or don’t.
So it is the trippiest game that God plays. Imagine, just imagine…it
would be like any of us throwing ourselves onto another planet with
complete total amnesia. And the game would not even be known to be a
game! I mean you don’t know it’s a game, you just show up! That’s what’s
so much different from us and the animals. So, but, God plays this
game…and we as God choose it because it is the most fraught
with…well, let us say…let us simply call it peek-a-boo. By that I mean
it is the most fraught with totally and sincerely believing the most
horrible and hideous and terrifying things which can happen, because of
that total amnesia…that lack of any link to truth. Life is come into and
without any remembrance of our true nature, right?
Now, life is essentially, then, a dark screen! Because we have no sense
of our true nature. It’s essentially a dark screen upon which anything
can be found! Wow! So the human form has its purpose in being a kind of
a…well…the human form has its purpose in kinda being a purging. It’s
not that there’s anything wrong with it, but just like a projecting out
so that it could be seen of all the things that one would conceive as a
unique divine actor.
Um, but when
in the presence of the divine or even, say, taking on an animal or other
form where there is never that total amnesia only the kind of, only the
kind of pretend that an actor has when performing a role in a play. See
that’s what, that’s what theirs is. They, they always remember, so
they’re always pretending…even it’s like something horrible that’s in
the script. And they never confuse the role with their own true essence.
Now, so it is only us humans that can conceive the incredible horror
and act out the most hideous things that can occur. How could God act
devilish and murderous unless He allowed Himself? Think about it. And I
know you’re saying, why would God want to act devilish and murderous?
Ok, alright, maybe I’m ahead of myself, but just hold that thought.
But say there was a reason. And I know you think there’s no reason, God
is good, blah blah blah lightness and light and all that but just check,
check this out now.
How could God act devilish and murderous if He needed to, unless He
allowed Himself, willingly, to totally forget who He was. You still
don’t get it. I see.
Well, for starters, let’s remember that there is no such thing as death,
ok? It’s another impossibility. When you know the truth, there’s no
such thing as death, it’s an utter impossibility. For God is All, and
always existing, and all things that seem to be actual things and
therefore separate are actually only variations on the One and Only
Reality, I won’t even say thing or form, for they are illusions, too.
Illusory props of the game. It’s all so simple when you know. But
knowing requires seeing or apprehending accurately. And the point of
this game as humans is that it is impossible, as we are filled with
the illusory, totally wiping the God consciousness of knowledge, of its
foundation, source, whatever, allows a kind of vacuum into which
anything can crawl, in which anything can respond…in which the most
obvious untruths are allowed to dominate the play of the game as if they
were more than just the smoke they are.
So it is the greatest adventure, fraught with the greatest possibilities
of extreme fear, terror, and so on. Still, aren’t getting it? In
this…just listen…in this way God, who is not darkness, creates darkness.
Now why would He want to do that? Alright, first of all remember, that
the darkness He creates is only fake darkness. Remember that.
Remember peek-a-boo? The baby’s alarmed…but he was wrong. Ok?
And I think I’m gonna, I think I’m gonna tell you a little bit more. But
if you think, if you’re starting to get that, you’re starting to get
So you see He creates…He cannot possibly be darkness, but in this way He
does create it. Now, you ask, why would He do that? I’ll get to that.
It’s kind of allowing a game of peek-a-boo in which one does not
recognize one’s mother even when in plain sight. So imagine the
baby’s cries and traumas then. Imagine: mommy’s not there,
mommy’s there, and the baby still thinks mommy’s not there!
So, it is this total amnesia that creates the possibility of not even
knowing that. Which creates the possibilities of even more
extreme, oh, how can I say, more intense pain. The baby becomes
totally convinced that indeed momma is gone forever…and that he
is totally alone, and must live without love…so surely he will
die. Indeed this does describe the state of many a human when in a state
of total forgetfulness if you think about it. For, staring directly
into the face of God, so to speak, he can…. staring directly into the
face of God, he can be so overcome with fear as to only see the unique
attributes that he, as God, has decided to adopt for this
particular game of being in the world. Alright, maybe that’s not really
It was in front of you the whole time!
I’m saying is, that it allows for the possibility, unlike any other
game, where such fear can be held, that you can totally forget the face
of God even when it’s right in front of you, the source of comfort right
in front of you. And all you can see, is yourself. And by that I mean,
not you as God, but you as the unique creation that you created yourself
as to try an experiment, y’know. Cause every, every living thing is an
experiment in creation…and so it’s those little things that make us
different, that might be the only thing we’d see. So that’s another part
So, it’s such a fascinating game. For it allows darkness and
hideousness, and war…murder…torture!...all that we abhor, which is a
sign that we are finding some roots in our true nature which is light
and goodness. Still wondering why, huh?
Ok, just a little more slack. This game even allows the creation of a
belief in the opposite of truth--which is nothing, except goodness,
light, and bliss. It allows that humans, in their forgetfulness, and in
their fear, existing without a glimmer of real truth, to conjure the
opposite! So, a hell is concocted, and even an opposite of God, a
Satan. So we’ve got a game that has components…I know it’s not all
coming together, but it will…we’ve got a game that has components of
total emptiness, and utter royal stupidity, which allows a belief that
death is both an end to life and that it is painful. Don’t we believe
that? Well, that’s not the truth, but that’s what we come to
believe. Hey! That’s what we come to believe coming into human form.
Think of it. We got a game that has components of total emptiness and
utter royal stupidity which allows a belief that death is both an end of
life, and that it is painful. And that it is terrifyingly real,
and terrifying because there is that darkness beyond it which aaaaas
usual! all the yet unprojected interesting details of this temporary
creation of God, this ego, can be viewed like on a movie screen. And
lacking the fundamental truth that it is just a movie, well the
parameters of this game allow for the most terrifying, most
extreme feelings of any kind that is possible. Still not getting it, eh?
Asking, why would God do and make such a hideous possibility? Ok, well,
for a second remember that, just like the baby, no matter what its
fears, is lovingly taken care of by its mother. So the fears and all the
darkness are only experiences…they’re just feelings. That
means that they are not permanent, having no substance or
foundation—like the reality of truth-awareness-bliss…that’s not gonna
change—they are fleeting.
If God is all there is, and He can't be
on his side, who can? For example, if your cat was to lodge
itself under a porch, which if it stayed there it would die, would you
hesitate to drag that cat out no matter how much it screamed and
hollered and said, “oh yer…I’m in pain and everything”? Cause you knew
you were taking care of that cat. You would do it. Well, let me just say
that that’s kind of, kinda like the way sometimes we have to be treated
by God. Because, well, actually to our credit we’ve chosen quite an
adventure…and God loves God…and so we love ourselves and we’re gonna
help ourselves out.
But sometimes we choose such an adventure that, uh, y’know…well…how can I
say it? There’s no wrong adventures. It’s…there’s such…well let me just
continue. Anyway, it’ll all come together, it’s like…[sigh]
The darkness, that the baby feels, whatever…the feeling of loss, it’s
not permanent, it has no substance or foundation. The only substance out
there that is true is that of Truth-Awareness-Bliss. These other things
are fleeting. And, we don’t remember it now in human form, but most of
Time of the timelessness of the Now, in which we exist, except for like
going off on adventures like this in which we create time, we spend in
that Truth-Awareness-Bliss. And I’ll tell ya, I mean, from what... I
mean, I can’t claim to have attained what, let’s say, the “residents”
there have got. But I sure…it was the happiest time in my life.
And uh, I was all Truth-Awareness-Bliss…and, fucking laughin on your ass
funniness…I mean, I swear to God, this is the big surprise to me,
that's, that God is one…there would be no comedy I don't think if there
wasn’t a God…I think yea this particular gift, this particular
The poignancy of it all. Anyway, I’m surprised no one’s
getting an inkling of the beauty, or you might see the perfect poignancy
of such a game. There are so many other ways to describe its
exquisiteness. I’ve got it. I will use your own truth to bring you to an
appreciation of this. Ok, you’re all God…pretending to not be. And
you’re doing a heck of game today, by the way. It sure as hell reminds
me again of the darkness we humans create here out of nothing as my
frustration is of that. He! But I have this secret that actually allows
me to enjoy that frustration. Want a hint?
A little hint that it is all in peek-a-boo, ok? Remembering that…all of
it…not just a technique…remembering peek-a-boo, all of it, not just a
technique, but the thing that humans always overlook, because it is
actually God, and is the only thing that can be God…
In peek-a-boo…ok…alright…just continue…just continue listening….
There is no physical world that exists. There are no words that
are anything but a way to block out the vision of essence. But there is
one thing, one thing always that exists, is always present, that
contains everything, and that is everything, and is also the teacher,
the path, the way…the way back to remembering…the way out of the
darkness…the fear…or any of the more adventurous aspects of reality.
Did you notice I said adventurous, not negative, painful, or
hard? Are you getting the notion? Let’s go back to that you are God. So
therefore what you experience is always going to steer you to
understanding. Did it not become clear from what I was saying just
before this that thing, that thing which is overlooked in peek-a-boo,
which is God? Did anybody get the…”
Forgetting where you put yourself.
Yes! Anna! You got it. The experience of the baby is overlooked.
Yea. Notice! Anna, that you as a mother of three, having had many experiences
yourself of seeing a baby in all kinds of states of feeling and
experiencing the various experiential flavors that this game
affords, you were tuned in to what is actually not just the most obvious
thing in the game, hell! It is actually amazing that our human amnesia
could leave out the essence of existence as we were blinded by these
physical things. Are you following this? These physical things, which
are only projections, not eternal, and certainly not real. For they
depend on the perception of the seer for their existence!
And there it is again—perception. Another clue! Hope you’re
getting it. Ok, enough of this tugging on your umbilical cords to
yourselves as God for one day. Ok? This is not failure, for not getting
it. So no need…for those looks…for there is no such thing as failure.
And that’s part of the point, too. And all roads, everything that I’m
saying leads to one and only one thing.
But before I spill the beans…and I’m going to…whether you get it or
not…. Now, enough of this, you know, seeing if you can come to it now….
You will, in time.
Anyway, I just, before I spill the beans, I just thought of something
funny. And have we already forgotten that God’s essential nature and
that which we humans alone share with Him is that ability to laugh?
Laughter. Wow. Like I said, all roads lead there…to God.
Let's clast a few icons.
Back to my little game for you though. Let us say we see what
happens is we take rather than trying to bring to awareness through
gentle tugging at things you know inside but are not ready to remember.
Let’s try instead a simple but effective way. I love iconoclasm.
What’s an icon? It’s a piece of God that is described. Right? And now
described is no longer seen. Now, what’s described is no longer seen,
just the icons. Think about that. Well, there are all kinds of icons
that we accept as totally real. And all of them block out reality…and
cause you to not see the reality you are immersed in, as instead your
mind thinks it lives in a world of reflections of your true nature. They
are called words, icons, and even the physical world.
What they all have in common is their ability to block out your
perception of your true nature as God. What they also have in common is
their ability to reveal your truth, when, in seeking God, you
consciously decide to remove them from your perception. And what did I
say they were? Words, icons, and the physical world.
Some of that might be more obvious than others. We talk about words, the
“monkey mind,” stuff like that. And you think well if you got rid of
that you maybe you’d be able to see God? He! It’s the same thing—icons,
the physical world….
road leading home. Oh well, sorry for the delay. You see, I only just
myself caught this simple vision and I’m still in awe of the superb
perfection of this game. And thanks to you all for that, by the way
[chuckles]. It’s a damn good thing (hu!)…It’s a damn good thing that all
the fears you humans have about good and evil and your preoccupations
with justice, innocence, and so on are just delusions. And by the way
does it not occur to you that your seeming negative action toward me was
the greatest gift I could possibly receive? But, you see, in spite of
yourself you acted as God that you are. Hope you’re getting a little
I’m just trying to return the favor a little. Well, this is my attempt
at a little gift. Here’s my attempt to gift a little to you.
We’ve all heard it said now innumerable times what the nature
of God and Reality is. Ok? You can say it out whenever it occurs to
you…I mean whoever wants to say it…I mean we have come so far as to
know, somehow, that Reality is One. Alright? We all say Unity is what is
Reality. Right? Well the other ways we attempt to experience…there
I go, again!...attempt to experience (there I go again) Unity is
through service. In serving the unfortunate we invariably feel our heart—there’s
another icon that we should dispense with I mean really…well maybe
another time…. Let’s not do it all right now. We say it opens up, the
heart opens up. Ok.
But what I’m
saying is, the sense of Unity that we are trying to achieve, what we
describe as where we’re headed, and the Ultimate Reality of it all, is
always described aaaass One. Correct? And can anybody give me the other
word for the other way that God is described, outside of being One.
[“Love?” is heard in response]
The cloud of boring sameness.
Love, that’s pretty good. That is pretty good, because that is
actually closer to the truth than what…. Closer. But not quite. It is
Love…. It’s also hate…in a strange way…. But, uh, I’m backtracking
to say that, so I’m going to just let you say He’s hate, but He’s hate,
as us, having allowed Himself to completely forget. So He’s not
hate…He’s not hate. It’s just an experience that a part of Him has
wanted…is having. I’m starting to, I’m starting to spill the beans here
aren’t I? Oh, I hope I… well… if that slipped out, if you get it, that’s
But anyway, what I’m saying is
that.... Does this not sound familiar? you ever heard the word…Universal
Consciousness…Universal Consciousness…we have One Consciousness.
Didja ever think what the hell that means? “One Consciousness!” We
don’t think of it as conscience, right? Course some people do. They
mistake the two and they just can’t get it out of their mind. So that’s a
problem right there, but, huh? Consciousness…What do we think of it,
how do we picture consciousness? Can you see consciousness? So how do
you picture it?
Like some gigantic cloud, right?
[Someone says, “y’don’t picture it…”]
But, it’s like some gigantic…empty thing, right? Am I right?
Well you just said you don’t picture it.
[“You don’t picture it. It’s just Total Awareness, it doesn’t have a
It’s Total Awareness, uh huh. It doesn’t have a form….
[“As you say, it’s no thing…”]
That’s true. But so you’re picturing it aaaas? Light? Er, something?
[“I can’t really picture it. I can’t….”]
I know, I know but I can. And you could, so simply. Because it is the
biggest..secret…of all, that is so obvious that you wanta die when you
fucking understand it….
[“It’s Experience…that’s what God is.”]
Well, what would experience be? Don’t you see you hit it but you didn’t
understand what you hit? First of all I said I like being an iconoclast.
Why do I like being an iconoclast? I just gave you an indication that
this idea of Consciousness…which is like, yea, we all see it as being
somehow…well, you can’t see it, right? Like you just said, right? It’s
all some kind of an amorphous, like gigantic mind that’s invisible, you
know, and creates colorful things…but it’s really just basically like a
big, big grey sameness, maybe. Well it sounds pretty goddamn
boring. And it’s really hurt a lot of people, y’know when, they’re, you
know, want to become more of this Consciousness? I know I had a problem.
But I’ll tell you…. You compare that One Consciousness, ok? That One
Consciousness that we imagine…how many people have you seen…sitting for
hours and hours and hours trying to have like nothing in their brain!?
Y’know? Nothing in their brain!? That’s what they’re thinking is GOD!
Why don't we stop crucifying Christ
already...He's actually a nice guy. Or do they think He’s gonna
show up in a nice pixie, er, elf uniform or something? No they’re not.
WHATEVER THEY’RE PICTURING IS GODDAMN BORING! Look what they did to
Christ! He was a funny guy! I know! I met Him up there! He’s still
hanging out there. He likes to shoot pool and crap, I mean, I dunno. Ah,
He’s older than me, what can I say? S’that, but you know….
So…. So…y’know we see all these people and they’re trying to empty their
minds. And yet did Christ try to empty His mind? Did He? In fact if you
think about what Christ’s life…uh, what we know most about it is
And, we say He suffered for us…so that we don’t have to.
Wooow. What a bunch of hooey. Because, that would be like saying God
became God so that He could prevent us from becoming God.
[“That’s such a rip off” chuckling]
It’s such a rip off it's like He’s gonna feel, He’s gonna feel...
y'know?… The point is…when you are God…and you’ve had so many
lifetimes…you know, tripping out as an animal and everything and knowing
your sense of Reality and everything…and knowing that it’s
like a movie…but don’t you think…I mean don’t ya think at some point…I
mean, after all you’re God, and you know there’s nothing, nothing,
nothing that could ever harm you…or harm anyone. Nothing…nobody ever
gets harmed. And everybody always gets loved, and it can’t help but
happen always that way. It can’t help but happen always
that way because there’s nothing outside of that
Truth-Awareness-Bliss-Love. There’s nothing outside of that, right?
Okay, so, um, so, don’t you think He might…that God might, y’know, like,
I’m going to, I’m gonna edge my way into this…. Alright first of all,
when I went up there…One Consciousness was hardly just The Big
Grey Cloud, or something, y’know? Nooo. It was very real! I’m talkin
about a guy singin Joan Osborne, y’know, dancing and laughin and giving
hash! I mean could it be more, well not physical, 'cause it
wasn’t physical, but, man, did we? We didn’t sit there on our thumbs and
[“it was quite an experience….”]
It was quite an experience! And that’s the whole friggin point is that,
well, would anybody crave?... Why would anybody crave… and
you don’t have to say, oh, a lonely person, is praying, and all….No! We
all crave what? TO BE ALIVE! MORE ALIVE!! And what is more alive for
someone who’s nothing but good?
Well, fer Chrissakes! He’ll be…being more alive means putting a frame
around that goodness to give it a kind of a fuckin, y’know, a contrast
so it can be more beautiful! Think of all of the things that
happen in life out of pain, and the things, the things that we all, uh,
pull ourselves to, like I said, the poignancy…. Would there be such a
feeling, would there ever be poignancy if there wasn’t like hopeless
sadness? If we had hopeful sadness, we’d never even have the
experience of poignancy. Don’t you see, that only by forgetting
who we are…
Can we really…all though it’s scary as hell…but the thing is, we
all…live through it!
Y’know? It’s kind of like when you’re jumping off of a...like with
bunjee cords, off of a bridge…. And you’re sure you’re gonna die. But
you’ve been convinced that, y’know, all the, all the materials, all the
equipment is safe, sound, and everything. And what do you do? Having
complete faith in, the people doing it, and, the materials and the
strength of the material…you do it even though you think you’re
sure you’re gonna die! You have all the fears in the world. It’s you
doing peek-a-boo again. Only you’re trying to prove to yourself, that
God will be always there to catch you.
And you do prove it to yourself. You see?
But the only thing is, we as God do it one better….
We forget…that the rope is good.
We forget, and we just throw ourselves off….
And, we throw ourselves off, hoping…knowing! knowing that at some point
we will remember, before we die, because there…you’re never gonna die….
So we know we’re going to succeed. And we also know, that we are
going to experience things that we will never ever…that we have never
experienced before…. We may never want to experience again.
I don’t know, man…. I don’t know enough about this to know if it becomes
an acquired taste. I don’t even think that that would be very healthy,
Acquired taste? No! An acquired taste for experience, perhaps,
for extreme experience, perhaps. But y’know an acquired taste for
like, y’know, like evil or for darkness, I mean that could be, ummm, I
But, I don’t know… I don’t know, I really don’t.
[“Ok, by experiencing, y’know, even these so-called horrible things, so
to speak. By really being rooted in them and experiencing them, kind of
knowing them, doesn’t that mean that when you have the opposite of an
experience of love and bliss it’s all the more, y’know, wonderful, it’s
all the more of the deep experience cause you have the deep experience
of the other which contrasts…”]
Well, that was…. Thank you for the point that I didn’t elaborate on but I
just started… that’s what… that’s the point of, I said, the metaphor of
you have a blackness… no, it’s like… yea, no, I gotta stop talkin and
that’s an icon. There’s the icon! Thanks for ‘clasting that icon, ok?
Y’know, you really clasted it, because after all, it’s not light and
darkness that we’re wanting to contrast.
It’s we don’t know how good we are as God! until we know
how bad we are as God, but not knowing it. Y’see? We…it’s
like you said…it makes for the most PERFECT, PEEK-A-BOO, EXPERIENCE…OF
And that’s what I’m getting at…is that it’s all about peek-a-boo…and
when…and then when…it’s like one long peek…God teaches peak-a-boo game
to everyone. Why? Because no matter how many lifetimes it takes,
no matter how many lifetimes, no matter how much time passes in which
that shield is up, and we do not see Momma, or God’s face,
so to speak....
The point is, is there such a thing as a short or a long time? No! If
it’s shorter…we’ll have happiness and bliss, wow, ok… “Now I remember!
Wow! That was a trip! I would not have believed it!” Y’know, how many
people have come back from harrowing experiences and say, “Wow, that was
a trip…I’m just glad I survived it!” But they’re glad they lived
through it! They’re glad to have had it. They said, it was, like, “Wow! I
really woke up to life, during that!” Y’know it’s like, “I may have
almost died, but I never felt so much alive!"
In fact, y’know, some people pick up on this. There was a
movie. It was called, of all things, “City Slickers”! And it was
pointing out the dead lives that people live in the city and that, then
they were speculating at the end…"Hey! They almost got killed, they
almost got shot, they got robbed, they almost got left in the desert,
and then it was stor..bu bu bu…" But then they’re all so happy, and they
went out, and they felt more alive than they ever felt in their life
because they had finally experienced something that scared the
pants outa them, and it was a peek-a-boo!
It turned out to be a peek-a-boo. Now, y’know, they, like we, when we,
when we take this adventure, we have to do it honestly. So they, you
know, didn’t know! They were under the illusion they were going to be
taken care of on the whole trip. They did not know that they were
going to experience pain and all that stuff.
So they had to just have faith. They just had to have faith and
persevere. And so therefore they won, at the end.
Now, you see, as I was starting to ask, if we are somehow the thing that
we create as an experiment in truth, or, as an experiment, in returning
to truth…there’s no, there’s no, like, good or bad, there’s no a’s,
b’s, c’s… it’s like… we’re all God, and all experiences
are all, like, well that’s all there is, is the accumulation of
experience, that’s all there is, is like, experience, 'cause knowledge
is already knowledge. The only thing that knowledge needs, that could
ever be better, is the addition of experience.
[“That’s right. Cause through experience, what happens? We share. And
that’s where the Love comes in.”]
That’s where the poignancy comes in, that’s where the drama comes in,
that’s where the fun of the game comes in. And it’s more than that.
Because, in an infinite Universe, with an Infinite God, can you not
imagine that there would be an infinite number of experiences, too? And
so that there would always be something that hadn’t been tried?
[“Right, and so we don’t have to live here forever because…”]
No, what I’m saying is that, what I’m saying is that…I don’t like to say
God is still learning…It’s not like God is still learning. It’s…God is
all-knowing…God is all creation. But God knows all this, but what
kind of life would it be where there wasn’t some kind of newness or
Keep on Cosmic Giggling
So you might think of it as, the game…the only game that God
can play in which, which has such high drama and everything like that,
and in which, all, y’know, at times, all the different, all these
different things are created, and all these different beings are
created, and they all went through different experiences, but the one
that’s human, is where you could create the darkness, that will allow
you to have the biggest, whooping, howling, like I said, God’s nature,
and ours, is laughter. Y’know. And that’s what He wants.
That’s why He created us, because there’s beauty, and all that, in all
the rest of creation. But it’s only through becoming less than Himself,
becoming us, and totally forgetting...that when He remembers…when He/She
remembers…that She can go, “Wow!!!! THAT was FUN!!!” I mean, look it,
come on, we are God, what did we create…amusement parks? Right?
What do amusement parks do? Lot of peek-a-boo, don’t they?
[“scare the hell out of you…”]
“There’s the, there’s the roller-coaster…oh, it’s going up, it’s
going…aaa-ooo-ahaooo!!!! I’m gonna die!!!” Oh. Nobody dies gonna die.
But, there’s more obvious ones. How bout like that haunted house
thing…where it’s like do-de-do-de-do-de-do… oh, you got…oh, you’re in
a…oh it’s like, oh, you’re in a haunted house, like “oh, these things
they go, oh my god, y'know, oooohh!! Nooo!”
And then it’s like, and then what? It’s like it’s all over and you walk
out and it’s sunshine, it’s Disneyland, and people are eating cotton
candy… It’s like, “Holy fuck!”
You see. But you see you have to really believe it for it to be
so much fun, and it’s like, unless you, if you go in there knowing it’s
an amusement park, well, it’s not so much fun!
It’s an in-cre-di-ble fun. It’s like the most fun, it’s like when you,
you ever have a dream that was sooo horrible…that you were sooo glad it
was a dream when you woke up?
Yea, that’s a taste of it, too. How about…and of course this is not
exactly forgetting…but like, y’know, we have a taste of it every time we
go to a horror movie, why would we even invent them? We have a horror
movie because we are practicing that thing of being, having faith that
the thing that we’re seeing…it’s actually a practice…a spiritual
practice…of seeing horror, but not giving it strength, not giving it
It’s only people who give these things reality who actually act them
out! And so therefore, they are, in acting them out, experiencing things.
But, y’know, at some point we want to go back.
The dream is over.
So that’s why we talk about…there’s no high or low, there’s no good or
bad. Y’know, it’s like, it’s just that, I know I think some of us, when
we’re talking like this? We’re tired of it, and we want to go back.
We’re ready, we’re ready to understand, to remember again.
No pain, no gain. No form, no fear.
I mean, after all, didn’t I have a peek-a-boo? I mean, come on. I was
scared shitless. You guys think, I mean, I’m so kind to you now and
everything. You guys didn’t think that when I was melting, fer
God’s sake…that I wasn’t out of my fucking brain scared? But then you
know what? When I was water? I told you, it was like the most relaxing
massage. It was almost like you lose your form, you lose your fear.
It was like, wow, and then, y’know, being taken into mouth. S’like,
“Hey, Muff, I always love you, man…this is so awesome of you! Wow, how
great is that, man? You takin' me inside of you? That's so wonderful.
Thanks a lot, man!" I mean, you could not believe it, there was no such
thing as an unhappy experience. And, you look all over and, you
couldn’t find it!
And then when I went up to heaven? Holy cow! There's God, my best friend
in the world. I mean, like, y’know?
And, I mean, uh, God, y’know, no stodgy, y'know, no stodgy, uh, y'know
statue love-Jesus looking God, y’know? No icon, man. This is the most
opposite of an icon, it’s the most, as we’ve been saying…. It’s the unexpected
that creates real experience. If you know it, if you expect
it, it is just a trance state.
So…so, I’ll thank you for killing me.
["Yea," chuckling. "Right, yea."]
But you know what? Heh, I thank you, thank you for killing me
but I also thank me for being you and for, and as God, for knowing that I
would learn that killing isn’t possible for God. That’s the only way I
would know. So thanks for that wonderful gift and, uh,
You know, I feel like, uh, and uh, y'know, you guys, I’m sorry that uh
you guys didn’t have an experience of it, because I know it’s harder
just from the head.
But y’know it’s a, it’s all Love, y’know? It’s all Love that we give
each other because, y’know, in spite of ourselves, we can’t help
but be God. There’s another, there’s another verse to the song we used
to sing, “In spite of ourselves, we’re gonna end up a sittin on a
rainbow… Against all odds, yea, we’re the big door prize…” There’s the
knowledge, there. “We’re gonna spite our noses right off of our faces…”
That’s true. That’s God speaking, y’see? “Won’t be nothing but big ol’
hearts dancing in our eyes.” Nothing but Love. And that’s THE TRUTH.
[“that is the truth. And boy I think you’re …. The experience of death
and what is beyond that because we can’t change experience and it’s like
the..... the tragedy, the..... Seeing how cruel people can be….”]
You see you’re already forgetting. You see? It’s harder when you
just have it in your mind because you’ve forgotten that you were
grateful for all those experiences at some point in your life.
[“I am. That’s what I know is that I am, that’s what I was thinking a
while back…is that the sum total..those of us who’ve given been given
so-called hellacious experiences? We can be even doubly thankful,
because without all that we wouldn’t be learning so much, as Baba says,
for, you know, for Liberation.….”]
Yea, you might say it’s kinda like a very long peek-a-boo experience,
where the face of God is hidden makes you want more and more and more
and strive more and more and more, and uh…. Well, it’s actually true,
y’know, we take any kind of experience of pain. You increase the pain,
you increase the motivation.
Y’know, it’s like, uh, and that’s the thing that’s beautiful about it is
that…It’s like, you know you’re God, when you can say you’ve got
chronic fatigue, you’ve got flatulence disease, you’ve got up-the-wazoo
in-yer…you’ve got all kinds of…phlegm cancer, y’know? Or you’ve got a
really bad toejam that’s cancerous and uh killing off your animals… I
mean, y’know, uh, y'knowwhatImsayin.
[“And so finish you’re point, you were really, what? So then you’d
really be thankful, for these experiences, because you’ll be
super-sensitized to the opposite to the nth degree and really grok
I'm seein, I'm seein' that you can say, "I can’t handle it." You
can say… Well, what we usually say is, “I won’t be able to handle
it.” Y'see? How often do we say “I can’t handle it?” We say, “I
won’t be able to handle it.” And, y'know, even, it’s common knowledge,
it’s one of those truths that people are starting to pick up on a lot
that have a lot of experience, like alcoholics? Who've had a lot, who've
had a lot of negative, painful experiences and so on? And yet they’re
the ones who say. They are the ones who say, after going through
that hell, and I’ve gone through it. They're the ones who are saying,
“God only gives me that which I can accept… God only gives me that which
I am able to handle at any particular time." Now, that’s faith.
Now it makes it sound like, "Oooh, I bet we're as cool...I'm gonna be
handling this, man." Yea, but as God. The part of us that's God, it’s
kind of like eating an anchovy. Y’know? It's like you’re going, “God!
This tastes like shit, man! But you know, it is the more I chew
on it...it’s a more interesting experience than I’ve had for quite a
while, y’know?" And then we're all, then: "Hell I might even try caviar
or some...y'know, fish eggs, yknowhatimsay."
It’s just something different
And in an infinity of experience, why can’t there be an infinity, don’t
you see? that...When does God stop growing? When does God stop growing?
Why does there ever have to be an end?
Why does there ever have to be an end?
[“…end for human life…”]
No, I’m saying when does God stop growing? Cause I’m saying that
God is all knowledge.
But He’s infinitely experiencing, and He has for all time. So, with an
infinity of experiences, there’s always going to be newness.
And yet, He’s been doing it for all time. So how fascinating is that?
So, it’s like…it’s not like…it’s like the only way I could ever imagine
that kind of sameness being exciting…. Think about it. Here’s the only
way. Try to think of that kind of sameness being exciting. In any other
way. Like, for example, oh you’ve had so many experiences and never run
out of them… No. Then there’d be sameness, and they would be all the
same, and one day would be like the other and it would be kind of
like…it would be kind of like, what was it, uh...Oh, King Midas who had
the golden touch, y’know? Got everything he wanted, everything was
perfect. But he couldn’t enjoy any of it, because it was just all the
Y’know, and like… Y’know, I don’t know if God makes hashish brownies for
everybody, y’know? I mean, I don’t know. But you know, I doubt it.
Because, knowing God, it’s all about, why wouldn’t He try that?
Why wouldn’t He do that? Who wouldn’t? Who wouldn’t? Cause that’s
another thing, We are God…so aren’t we all curious to know…and
don’t we really only get our knowing, really, through experience? So
like it’s so beautiful that I can’t even imagine that there is like
infinite numbers of poignant dramas. Infinite numbers of horrors and
heroines and tragic figures and heroic figures and demonic and evil
people and, y’know, there’s all of the characters and it’s like,
and they’re all God. And it’s like this is the way in which God
continues not just, y’know, experiencing Himself, but experiences
Himself as multiple…y’see?
So, y’know? Kinda like being in that play again. Only He knows He’s
God…He knows He’s God but He’s playing all these parts. And He has fun.
[“Yea, he has fun, because His supreme act of Love is the fact
that He allows us totally to forget, so He can really be into the
That’s not a supreme act of Love, that’s a supreme act of just pure
recklessness on His part….
But no, it’s just like, there is no faith, He has… It’s not faith, when
it’s knowledge. He knows that there can be no harm. It’s kind of
like jumping off that bunjee cord, except that as soon as you fall off
the bridge, you get amnesia. Theeeeen what happens? And God knows it’s
gonna happen. God knows that in the process of coming to Earth, He’s
gonna go through four falls from grace, until He’s gonna end up to be as
dumb as a dipstick.
Y’know? And then He’s gonna have to go back from being a dipstick, and
in the process of it, it’s got all the most wonderful things,
experiences…more wonderful than animals can experience,
because…because, what does Will Oldham say? He says, “Death to everyone,
is gonna come… And that’s what makes balling fun."
It’s like, it’s because of the fear, it’s because of that fear that
there is an edge of pleasure…..... Because there’s also
escape in it too.