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Dear people. I predict that if John Mcain wins today's election, we may slide abruptly into a condition of anarchic chaos not seen by the world since Constantinople was sacked in 1204. To avoid this, vote hard. If for some reason your polling station is equiped with the infamous touch screens, BEWARE. They are computers/robots who are clearly in favor of mcain and will do anything in their power to steal the election. (Mcain favors the robot uprising). If you vote late and the polls close before you enter, STAY IN LINE. They can't kick you out if you are already there. Sleep there if you must. If for some reason Mcain wins, here is a survival guide for the upcoming years of hardship. Survival Guide. Ok, So if you are reading this then the world as you know it has ceased to function in a recognizable fashion. This could mean that your government or the finacial foundation upon which it rests has collapsed and the streets are occupied by mobs of shiv wielding looters. Or that the military has mobilized a coup. But whatever the case, it is certain that by now you have already killed your neighbor in an act of heroic self preservation. That's one down, 7 billion to go, because in your new world the only way to survive is to be the last one standing. This simple guide will provide the techniques and strategies that will keep you one step ahead of your post-apocalyptic competitors. step one: mapping out your future. there are two possible ways to survive in this new world and neither of them are pretty, but you will have to very quickly make your choice. You can either take a sedentary and consequently defensive approach, establishing a semi-permanent water source and agricultural life, or you can become a nomad scavenging, attacking and foraging whatever you come across. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. The sedentary approach, if employed successfully, will allow you to lead a life of moderate comfort while the nomadic system offers you the opportunity to plunder which is equally important. Below are some simple rules to the establishment of both. Sedentary Life Model 1. Do not wait for the dust of the apocalypse to clear before you join or start a settlement of humans. it is inadvisable to live in a fixed location outside the protection of a tribe or band. Those stationary few who shun the sheltered settlements in favor of isolation, will probably be forced to watch their families die at the hands of wandering raiding parties. This is usually just before being left for dead in a nuclear wasteland (if you are part of the raiding party, It should be noted that the people you leave alive tend to survive and seek revenge so be thorough and just kill them). Therefore, quickly seek out other survivors for defense and, if you have the courage, establish your role as leader. 2. Gather healthy people and valuables quickly. The strength of a society is dependent on the strength of it's citizens. Leave the old, sick, weak and injured behind. don't hesitate to remove their food, clothing and useful items as you do so. If they resist, kill them. In your world of violent resource acquisition young men and women between the ages of 16 and 30 are critical for the establishment of a well defended civilization. In the beginning these men and women will be used as farmers, builders and laborers as well as your fighting force. But soon, as your numbers grow, you will want to establish a professional military fed by the labor of the civilians. Never let this military forget who is in control. It is advised that you kill some of them in hand to hand combat duels about once a month just as a reminder. 3. Find a scientist. This can not be stressed enough. You will need a brain to your organizational brawn. In fact, find as many as possible but let us clarify the term scientist. We are not looking for meteorologists, microbiologists, agronomists, ethologists, cytologists sociologist, ect. Nor are we seeking any academic fields dependant on technologically expensive equipment. We need scientists of a practical nature. Like physicists, chemists, geologists, epidemiologists and this is the big one here, doctors, doctors, doctors. holy shit are these guys going to be cooler than they ever thought possible. You should keep them protected, give them immunity from your heavy handed legal system, shelter them and provide them with as much sex as they can handle. Their children will probably be just as valuable as they are. 4. Laws. step one, kill the lawyers, they will wrestle your newly acquired power away from you the first chance they get. Step two. establish a fighting arena to settle internal disputes because justice is best served at the hands of the individuals. Step three. establish a police force. Step four, remember that it is good to kill the troublemakers before they reach maturity. At the first sign of insurrection kill the troublemakers and his/her family. Kids love to grow up seeking revenge soTHE NEW CALL
AND THEN THERE IS THIS SCHOOL OF THOUGHT GAIA LIBERATION FRONT Statement of Purpose (A Modest Proposal) The Gaia Liberation Front is a concept, not an organization. You become a member of the GLF by joining us in carrying out our mission, which is the total liberation of the Earth. The first thing is to get our message out: 1. Our object is not merely the continuation of life on Earth--which is, for all we know, the only life in the universe--but the preservation of the planetary ecosystem (Gaia) with as much of its integrity and variety as can be saved.1 2. The Humans have been usefully compared to a cancer2 or a virus.3 But it seems to us that the must fruitful way of viewing the Humans is as an alien species (which is why we use the definite article and the capital H). The Humans evolved on the Earth, but have become alienated from it. They are conscious of their alienation, drawing a distinction between the Human and the natural, and proud of it. Like the alien invading species of science fiction, the Humans possess a superior technology (superior, in this case, to any of the defenses that Gaia can throw up against them). Every species tends to multiply, but while every other species stops multiplying when it overshoots the carrying capacity of its ecosystem, the Humans use their technology to keep raising the planet's carrying capacity for their own species (and a few other species that they exploit),4 at ever higher levels of consumption. They are even able to ward off infectious diseases, which keep every other species from attaining overly high population densities. 3. The planet's carrying capacity for a few species can be raised only at the expense of other species, and, eventually, only at the risk of a general ecological collapse. Cumulatively, the evidence is overwhelming that we are rapidly approaching that stage. For all we know, we may have already passed the point of no return. The Humans' technological propensities are probably genetic, because their basic technologies--agriculture animal husbandry, metallurgy, writing and mathematics, hierarchy and bureaucracy--have all appeared independently more than once. The Humans come into full view, then, as a hostile alien species, programmed to kill the planet. 4. Because of the uncertainties involved, we can ensure Gaia's survival only through the extinction of the Humans as a species. Q. But don't you believe in the interconnectedness and inherent worth of everything in nature? A. Yes, but the Humans have disconnected themselves from everything else in nature, so that principle no longer applies to them. Anyway, there's no way to preserve a species that's programmed to kill the planet. The only question is whether that species can become extinct before it takes the planet with it. Q. Wouldn't it be enough to reduce the Human population to some optimum level? A. No, because the first chance it got it would bounce right back. The cancer analogy is useful here: what's the optimum number of cancer cells in a body? Q. But what if the Humans went back to a paleolithic way of life? A. You're forgetting that the paleolithic experiment has already been tried, and that about ten thousand years ago it failed. Their technology, after all, is in their genes. The technologies that have appeared in the past could be expected to appear again, and this time their reappearance would be accelerated by any surviving knowledge of formerly existing technologies. But the appearance of specific technologies is less predictable. In particular, the specific technology that now makes it possible for us to--assuming we still have time--head off this crisis (more on this below) might not be available for dealing with the next one. Q. Shouldn't we make an exception for tribal peoples, who are living in harmony with nature? (Another version: Shouldn't we make an exception for non-Europeans, who were corrupted by Europeans?) A. No, because they're all Humans. Remember that those basic technologies were invented independently by Humans of different races, in the new world as well as in the old. And remember that the Humans, Europeans included, were all tribal once. Anyway, there are no Humans left on the planet who are still totally ignorant of those technologies. Sure, some Humans picked up certain technologies from other Humans, but that doesn't matter to the Earth.5 If any Humans are left, they'll start the whole thing over again. Our policy is to take no chances. That's it. You can be sure that the Humans won't like it. They'd much rather listen to somebody telling them how wonderful they are: What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! -Hamlet, II, ii They're not only in denial about what they're doing to the planet, they firmly believe that th
This popular ESL book is busy people who want to learn better English -- fast.Related topics:
Learn the most useful American English expressions for work and everyday life. For example, expressions like: I'll double-check, within the hour, split the check, Can I put you on hold? -- plus hundreds more.
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