Trumpet player Donald Hagar (Trumpet) hails from Santa Carina de las Nalgas, Mexico, and he cut his teeth playing trumpet for mariachi bands during the spring and summer bull fights, for which his town is world renown.  Don, the oldest of nineteen children, helped to put tortillas on the table with his adept trumpet playing skills, but emigrated to the U.S. to pursue his dream of becoming a fighter pilot.     
  Colonel Chad Aman (keys, master of ceremonies, arranger, conductor) our leader and the mastermind behind the Alpha Schoolmarm Orchestra, is the only military man in our ranks and he runs the band with the kind of strength and discipline that only a career serviceman like himself could possibly possess. Highly decorated for his service in both the Gulf conflicts and in Afghanistan, Chad has met and performed for (Chad is a budding piano player) four U.S. presidents, as well as the prime ministers of several foreign states, and the Queen of England. Chad's retirement from the military has allowed him the opportunity to work on his novel, and to add new specimens to his 30,000 plus species beetle collection, and, of course, to lead the Alpha Schoolmarm Orchestra.     

Great grandson of the famed philosopher/physician and jazz drummer Donald Desmond Aman for whom Amniotic fluid is named, Derek learned his art literally at the knee of the elder Aman who used to place Derek inside the kick drum as baffle material. Derek Aman (drums) has consequently found the drum set to be like a place of refuge in a world of disquieting syncopation.


Father Jon Hegel (Saxophone), a Jesuit priest by training and director of the Denver Church of John Coltrane, has devoted most of his life to helping the homeless and economically marginal of Denver to free or very low cost music training through the DCJC music outreach program. Father Jon has rescued thousands of people on the very brink of musical ignorance. On a personal note, Father Jon has one of the largest collections known of inspirational spiritual music, which he calls his "awe music". This is why Jon is known as the "saver of awe music."  

Chris Siguenza (Cello) is a petrol-chemist with Shell Oil Company who uses the bow of his cello as a platform to test the lubricity of various oils and synthetic oils under development by Shell. While Chris can't actually play the cello, he does own the finest collection of rare golden singing dragonflies this side of the Mississippi.   

The twins, Ominous Mary and Kyle Jones (bass), while not technically considered conjoined due to their difference in age, were none the less born connected to one another by the wrists. Made to perform by their destitute parents in circus sides and traveling freak show events, the twins developed a highly sensitive ability to play music with each other on their respective instruments coordinating their shared wrist movements impeccably. Unfortunately, after their separation surgery, the twins grew to resent each other's solo musical careers, and while once inseparable, now they seldom speak.  


Dave Flomberg (Trombone) came to the trombone like the leper came to the Lord seeking relief from a painful itch he didn't dare scratch, for fear of bleeding. Dave grew up In the Back streets and alleys of Nederland, CO, drifting in and out of triple x movie houses and matzo ball shops looking for upholstery cleaning work when he stumbled upon an old trombone in the back of the theater. This find was his salvation, and ours as well.

Michael Gates (trumpet) has always been more concerned about the clink of her custom fashion than the emissions of her horns. As an avid seeker of all things related to brazil nuts she has managed to construct an entire wardrobe fashioned from the outer husks of these tough seeds. Considering she is the only Schoolmarm in the orchestra our reputation and good standing in the community is pivotal to appeasing her every predilection. Thus, the ASO members regularly deliver her favored seeds in bags exceeding 4 stone in weight a week.   

Adam Stauthamer  (Cello) was formerly trained at the  Juilliard school of music, not, ironically, for cello, but as a short order cook in their lesser known culinary school in the basement. Adam took up the cello to work on his cutting and slicing muscles when he was outside of class. You should try his Juilliard fries.

Guitarist Doron Levari (Guitar) is one of only three known professional musicians born completely deaf in both ears, the other two being vocalists Lou Reed and Randy Newman. Ricky can hardly be said to have a handicap, however, because he is able to perceive tone and pitch through the extreme sensitivity he's developed in his fingers. Because of this extraordinary ability, Ricky is able to carry on seemingly normal conversations with people by placing his hands on the chest of those with whom he wishes to converse, a practice which requires unusual spousal understanding on the part of his wife.  


All photos in Public Domain