Nigel Ball The Sailor

‘Who’s that knocking at my door?’

Said the fair young maiden.

‘It’s only me, from over the sea,’

Said Nigel Ball the sailor.

You may sleep upon my mat.

Bugger the mat - you can’t shag that.

You may sleep upon my stairs.

Bugger the stairs - they’ve got no hairs.

You may sleep upon my landing.

Bugger the landing - you can’t get your hand in.

You may sleep upon my bed.

Bugger your bed and give us some head.

You may sleep between my breasts.

Bugger your breasts and show us the rest.

You may sleep between my thighs.

Bugger your thighs and give us a rise.

But what if I should have a babe?

We’ll drown the bugger and fuck for another.

But what if I should go to jail?

I’ll pick the lock with my bloody great cock.