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Life in the Fast Chair

Does anyone else wish some items you buy from the shop were just a little bit more conveniently packaged? I for one wish shops like Argos would give you the option of purchasing items ready assembled. There are times when it would make the journey home so much easier. Like the other day I bought a computer chair. It has wheels and I live at the bottom of a hill. I'd already made the trek up the hill to the shop so it would be so easy just to jump on the chair and sail down the hill to my house. The lack of brakes could be a potential worry but I'm sure with the hydraulic buttons I could duck and dive my way past most signs and obstacles. It would be like test driving the chair. If both the chair and I make it home in one piece, well that would be a concern because it would mean I was somehow permanently embedded in the chair, but if we made it home with each of us in one piece then we could call it a success and the chair could be accepted as part of my family. I'd give it a home and make it feel welcome; give it warmth by sitting on it and doing all the family activities that are usually associated with chairs. If it failed the test I'd simply carry its remains back up the hill and claim a refund.

For test driving chairs to become a reality we would first need some of the extra money given to local governments to improve the roads to actually be used to repair the roads, with a little more going towards creating designated chair lanes. The result would be incredible. You could race your neighbour on your new computer chair and it would be the true test of which chair is the best of the best. It would give the expression 'keeping up with the Jones'' a whole new meaning.

One woman had bought one of these chairs that I too was considering buying and wrote a very insightful review. It read 'easy to sit on'. I had to read it twice. I couldn't believe someone would write that about a chair. Easy to sit on? You bought a chair and found it was easy to sit on? Are you kidding? What kind of crazy chairs must she be used to I wondered. Electric chairs maybe? Honestly, the logic of these people worries me. In the end I decided NOT to buy that particular chair and went with one that was really easy to sit on. It was an arm chair that was already in my living room!

I persevered and decided to buy the chair after all. So after a spot of DIY, the chair was ready to go. I jumped on it and with my best push-start, catapulted myself off down the hill towards home. So there I was speeding down the hill on my new computer chair when I saw something shoot past me. Zoom. It was my next door neighbour who had seen me in the shop and decided he too must buy a new computer chair. Only his was the better quality one that happened to be in the sale so cost half the price of mine. He blasted past me. I put my hand on the invisible key stick and moved into 5th gear. I wasn't going to stand or indeed, sit, for that, I needed to beat him. It pains me to say that he won. However while he may have won the race, I had the last laugh. You see, as he went flying past me, he couldn't stop because he'd melted the brakes. Onwards he steamed, across the road and straight over the fence into Mrs Johnson's flowerbeds. She went nuts! Needless to say he had to pay for them which put the price of his chair up significantly higher than mine.

There's a valuable lesson to be learned from this I feel, the next time you go to buy a chair, make sure you test drive it first.