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Friday 13th Strikes Again

Are you superstitious or is do you just blame Friday 13th for everything that goes wrong on that particular day? What is it about Friday 13th that makes all hell break loose for those unfortunate to believe in its mystical powers?

Really though how bad can it be? Well last Friday 13th my day began with a bang. I was woken by the spontaneous combustion of my car. Excellent. Breakfast was a non-event. I didn't have any. I was too worried I'd set my house on fire by burning the toast or something so I chose the safe option. If in doubt, leave breakfast and go out. So I did. Of course I no longer had a car so I had to walk. As I was walked along the street I was greeted by a ladder who was taking up the entire pavement thus forcing me to duck into the dark, shadowy path beneath him. He claimed to be called Larry but I suspect he was maybe under the weather or suffering from concussion because he kept muttering gibberish about being ordered to run up and down the shop all morning.

While I was walking under the ladder a double drain sprang out of nowhere! Much too late for me to avoid it, I was forced to clamber over it. Typically, there wasn't another double drain anywhere for me to counteract this act of pure superstitional madness. All the while I was being stalked by a black cat. I quickly grew suspicious of the cat, and also rather annoyed with it. I tried to kick it but tripped over my untied shoe lace. Upon hitting the ground, I heard the bathroom mirror I'd just bought, shatter beneath me. Immediately afterward I was running to catch a bus and was ran over by a taxi. All that happened before 9.30.

As my soul departed my body and started drifting upwards I remembered I believed in reincarnation. My despair promptly turned to anticipation and excitement as I began wondering what I'd come back to Earth as. I opened my eyes, and just could not believe what I saw. Such an incredible glow pierced my pupils, though I wasn't at school yet so I've no idea how that happened but I found it difficult to fully open my eyes. I thought it must be heaven, or maybe I'd been reincarnated as the casing of a spotlight or something. After a few seconds my eyes opened fully and I saw a very familiar scene. My bubble quickly burst. I couldn't believe my luck. Of all the wonderful things in the world, I'd been reincarnated as myself! To make matters worse I was lying in the road as though I was waiting for another bus after having missed the last one. Of course I could also have have been waiting for another taxi to hit me, I wasn't sure. Luckily I was helped to my feet by common sense and dragged onto the pavement out of danger. Somehow all this drama meant my day ended at 9.30 in the morning. All other memories of that day have vanished without trace. Maybe I was abducted by aliens or maybe the accident / deliberate attempt on my life caused amnesia, I don't remember, it's a lot of maybes and I don't really want to think about being stung by maybes while we're in the month of May.

Whoever said bad luck on Friday 13th is just nonsense should have spent the day in my shoes. They would have been crippled, lost their car to a freak accident, stalked by a black cat, missed their bus to work and hit by a taxi. Then after all that, they would have died and been reincarnated as themselves and forced to live the day all over again. Is there no end to the torture for the superstitious other than locking yourself in a cupboard forever?