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Keyboard Feet Bandits on the Run

How do keyboards lose their feet? No, this is not a joke, or trick, but a genuine question. Most people have probably heard the expression 'to find your feet' or some variation, meaning to find your bearings etc but the flip side is losing one's feet. For people that work in an office I'm sure at one time or another they have experienced this crazy keyboard foot fetish.

It's rather disconcerting to find that someone has stolen the feet from your keyboard. I'm sure all keyboards are born with feet yet somehow as they mature and begin their working life in a call centre, their feet magically disappear. The rather deflated keyboards land flat on their backs, unable to provide the ergonomically-rich experience for which they were purposely hired. It's an outrage!

I find it oddly sadistic severing limbs from inanimate objects but it must be done. I like my keyboards to be just like me, reasonably long and with all limbs attached. After resisting the temptation of printing wanted or lost posters for the keyboard feet, I resigned myself to a more practical option, stealing. I decided that after someone had kindly deprived me of having an ergonomic typing instrument, I was now adamant I would inflict the same punishment to some other unsuspecting victim. This is the effect such an event has on you; it turns you into a thief. This morning I was an honest, law-abiding citizen. Since arriving at work however I've now become a fully fledged foot thief. If anyone finds out I'll have to run and hope no-one catches me because I feel my defence in the name of ergonomics probably wouldn't stand up in court. As this is a daily occurrence I can't help but wonder just how many of us there are. There must be countless keyboard feet stealing bandits out there that are secretly in hiding or on the run, or worse, walking among us! Maybe there's a secret covenant, who knows.

Where I work it's quite a big problem. You can actually go to lunch, leaving a full-limbed keyboard and return to find that its feet have gone walkabouts. How on Earth can they up sticks and leave within 30 minutes, they surely can’t be that restless. If people can steal such a simple thing, it makes me wonder what else they can pilfer. Mind you, I do work in a place where people have no qualms about stealing your sandwich out of the fridge but that's a different story. Imagine walking into a fridge, not literally, and suddenly being struck by amnesia. Amidst this panic of no longer being able to find your lunch you pick one randomly and walk away, calmly shaking. I wonder if that's what happens to the keyboards. People must misplace pieces of their keyboard and forget where they are so when they 'think' they're reclaiming their own equipment; they are in fact just stealing someone else's.

While it may all be fun and games until someone's keyboard loses a foot or a leg, it's not very nice or indeed helpful to steal them from another place. So next time you're faced with the dilemma of a footless keyboard, stop and think about your actions. Do you really want to turn into a keyboard foot thief? Stop, put the keyboard down and walk away! Keep your dignity in tact and replace the entire keyboard.