about Becoming Other

 
Privacy Firewall:

Very serious things have impacted my life.  To prevent further harm, I need to conceal the facticity of my life.  Long ago I have had to surrender any sort of sociability or camaraderie, if I ever even did have such things.  So any communications which I make are for the purpose of trying to retain what little is left, that I might eventually prevail.

1. I maintain and defend a Privacy Firewall.

2. I maintain a Buffer Zone, to make speculation and inference impossible.

3. I don’t let people use emotionality to bait me into disclosures. Otherwise I’d simply be violated again, and again, and again.

4. I remind people that I am concealing to discourage speculation and inference. If people are engaging in speculation and inference, trying to figure out what I am not saying, then they are not hearing what I am saying.

5. I am not at liberty to answer questions concerning myself, or to provide any further details or clarifications.  When I disclose something, it is only after careful deliberations weighing its value in enhancing communications and understanding versus weakening my Privacy Firewall.  So what I can say I do, but I am not able to go beyond that.

Interests:

Alice Miller, Deleuze and Guattari’s Anti-Oedipus, Nietzsche, Bataille, Maturana and Varela

I especially want information about legal redress, preventing disinheritance, and holding those who use the Family System responsible.  I want to find out where the legal high water marks are, and then get involved.

I also want to find ways to do interventions and advocacy.  Predictably, those who have used the Family System to do harm will often end up as senile-suicidals.  I want to find them, shine daylight into their lairs, draw them out into public, and then bring them to justice.

I am not a supporter of the Recovery Movement as I see it promoting denial, promoting neuroticism, leading no where, and being a kind of a fly bottle.

I do not seek Therapy or Recovery.  Rather, I want to connect with those seeking redress and justice.  I seek Comrades.  Everyone has their views and commitments.  This does not change when one tries to be empathetic.  If one has accepted the Recovery view, that you can’t do anything about injustice, that no matter how unfair it is you can’t complain, then you have accepted the principle teaching of the Family System.  The Recovery Movement does run on the same principles as the Family System.  What sounds like empathy, when devoid of commitment to actually doing anything about it, is little more than pity.  This I do not need.

About Following Feelings:

As one who’s consciousness has been shaped by Alice Miller, more than anything else, I try to be open to my own feelings. I pay special attention to them. I give priority to just being able to be with my feelings. I check all my interpretations and conclusions against my feelings.  I use time to do this on a daily basis.  More and more, I’ve learned to trust these feelings and to trust myself.

Things have happened to me which force me to reject all teaching about things like seeking enlightenment, punching pillows, writing letters which are not to be sent, or in any kind of venting for emotional release..  I have no interest in such things.

As I have come to see it, all of these are means of dissociation, of avoiding the excruciating pain of facing what has been lost and destroyed when one has been used by the Family System.

Even the Freud inspired model of repressed memories, pains, and traumas I see as a means of denial.  It’s based on a faulty cognitive science.  If one follows it, it comes back and bites them.

The loss is there and the pain is there, it’s in the destroyed social engagement, destroyed social coupling, destroyed social identity.  You see it and feel it in what has been lost of life, and in what has been destroyed of future life prospects.

In The Body Never Lies, Alice Miller did try to break away from this faulty model of repressed representations.  But much more is still needed.

When one plans for action, one has to face the pain.  It is excruciating.  We learn by doing.  There is no such thing as knowing without doing.  Social coupling, engagement, identity, are rebuilt when one responds to the injustice, when one seeks and obtains redress, and when one makes common cause with others for this purpose.

About Online:

I use online now.  It is important to me.  Because of the ways that my life has been impacted, I need to maintain a strict Privacy Firewall.  With online I can try to connect with Comrades, with those committed to the same things I am, while at the same time maintaining the concealment which circumstances demand of me.

I spend much time online, but despite that, this is the first profile I have ever written.  There are reasons I need to stay concealed.  Profiles are for people with normative social identities.  But still, what I have said here does disclose a great deal about the intensity of my life.  Writing this has been painful.  It does things to my body, and it makes it hard for me to not put my head down on the table and sleep.

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