Scribes 2021

38 Years on Trail and 2000th run celebration

2006 - Sun 26 Dec 2021 - Monymusk - Hare: Hippo - Scribe: Mad Cyclist

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 2006

OnOn: Monymusk Football Club

Sun 26th Dec 2021

Hares: Hippo & Mrs T.

Scribe: Mad Cyclist

It was a 111st twin birthday for Tonto and Fire Flaps who had both turned out in fetching nurse uniforms and a large 111 sign, why I don’t know but we think their ages were 62 and 49.

Little Shit, stepping backwards to get a pic of the circle, then promptly fell flat on his arse as he tripped on a local’s garden fence which was already laying horizontally behind him due to the recent storm Arwen.

Two new runners were introduced to the circle, Grant and Giovanni, just in case we never see them again!

Off we set on a short jaunt through the woods before meeting the River Don, who’s bank we followed for just over a mile before turning back on ourselves along a track through woods again for a mile.

On reaching some run-down agricultural or builders sheds and an impressive pile of stones we were soon back into good woods trails again and up the side of a field until we encountered the only considerable obstacle of the run… We dropped in on the remains of the old Kemnay to Alford railway line but soon encountered a road bridge the trail appeared to pass beneath and was flooded.

With a few helping hands and team spirit we managed to get everyone up the steep bank, clinging to the remnants of a fence and onto the road above where a welcome box of chocolates welcomed us.

From here the line was too overgrown so Hippo took us through open woods before re-joining the line as it passed the back of a couple of houses and eventually past a field which we entered the far corner of. Obviously the near corner wasn’t good enough for Hippo as that would mean we would have ¼ mile less distance to cover!

A wee slalom through woods again and we arrived at the beer stop and a chance for a few more sweeties. At this point I just caught up with Drillbit so either he found a mighty shortcut, I’m getting slow these days or probably both!

We then had a choice of through-woods or on-tarmac to the Monymusk junction and then a final loop through the town’s park and woods before returning for the circle.

Post run down downs were then awarded for the crimes of the day:

  • To JC ‘the Horn Blower’ for not needing his front runner horn since he was last back in the circle.

  • To Muff Diver for being a smart arse telling us 111 is a Prime Number

  • To Hippo for something I didn’t hear as I was over with my notepad asking Muff what he just said. Followed by a down down to me, Mad Cyclist, for interrupting Aids by asking questions of Muff Diver!

  • Aids then recalled being 15 or 20m out in font passed by polite hasher who apparently could see the flour trail following a check but decided to not call until the rest of the pack passes. So a down down for ‘No more Mr nice guy’ James!

  • Aids himself was then required to take a down down for pre-recording Mary Poppins but then actually stayed awake for the whole film. ‘Get a life, get a life, get a life…’ was the chant by all while Aids finished off by delivering a partial recital of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’s ‘Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo’ while kicking his heels like Dick van Dyke. I think Aids should sing the whole 1st verse at the next circle….

A gentleman's got a walking stick.

A seaman's got a gaff.

And the merry men of Robin Hood

They used a quarterstaff.

On the Spanish plains inside their canes

They hide their ruddy swords.

But we make do with an old bam-boo

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - Hey!

Me ol' bam-boo, me ol' bam-boo

You'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.

You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo

But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.

  • Fire Flaps then took a down down for pissing off Numbscull by phoning him for hash directions while he was driving, causing his mobile’s Bluetooth to interrupt at a vital point during The Archers he was listening to at the time on the car radiogram!

  • Try me love me got her first of two down downs for only having directions to Hippo’s from Stonehaven and not directions from Stonehaven to the run or the run to Hippo’s.

  • Sauerkraut was then pulled in for having a shoelaces problem as the reason he bought new shoes.

  • For operating invisible dog lead trip wires All Because (probably on Batty’s behalf) was then given his down down.

  • Try me love me then got her second down down for asking if anyone had jump leads. I assume for her car!

  • Virgins Giovanni and Grant were then praised for completing their respective first runs

  • High Maintenance then was reprimanded with down down for interrupting Ballerina’s announcement on his fundraiser.

  • Aids was pulled in again with a down down for the offence of running on the walker’s trail!!

  • Finally all thanked Hippo for an excellent trail.

On On

Mad Cyclist

2005 - Sun 19 Dec 2021 - Peterculter - Hare: Numbskull & The Dutchess - Scribe: Pigiron

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 2005

OnOn: Peterculter Heritage Centre

Sun 19th Dec 2021

Hares: Numbskull and The Dutchess.

Scribe: Pigiron

And so it came to pass that in the Peterculter Centro Historico I found Glasgow handing out envelopes stuffed with shiny, hand-printed, banknotes. Nothing to do with middle-class mood-altering substances, merely a small recompense for there definitely not being a Xmas lunch party the previous day. On behalf of the hash I would like to thank her for her forbearance and efficiency. Sycophancy is such a nice word, don't you think?

Then, a school-boy error. Despite standing at the back of the class and seeking not to draw attention to myself, the teecher decided to pick on the vulnerable and, while I was distracted counting the contents of my envelope, gave me the task of recording the day's proceedings in minute detail, even supplying me with a fancy notebook and a pen that worked. All in vain, because the dog ate my homework.

The GM, for it was she, opened the circle with an announcement that the Xmas Party, which had definitely been cancelled, and anyway was not really a party, but a simple lunch for a group of friends from hardly any households who accidentally met in a restaurant for drinks and nibbles, would be repeated (not that the original party could be repeated, having not taken place) when the swallows come back to Capistrano. So that's alright.

As night follows day, Sir Deadmund Hillary felt it time for a Horrible History. One wonders if, when he runs out of history next year, will he turn to 'orrible 'oroscopes? Anyway, this is what happened in 2005:

The first Park run. It was called Bushy Park Time Trial. It holds the record for 3 thousand park runners on Christmas Day 2019. (down for Barbarella, being a Park Runner)

Biggest Category 5 Hurricane, Katrina makes landfall in New Orleans. Donations came from all over the world including India and Bangladesh.

Eris, new planet in the Solar System, was discovered. Pluto had to be demoted to dwarf planet, otherwise there would too many planets to fit in school text books! (Down for Pantypockets who thought Pluto was an Athenian and not a dog.)

Gandulf, in the guise of Hippo, found a foreign object in his van that turned out to belong to Gas Chamber, so she reclaimed on payment of a down.

And so to the run, about which I know little because I went on a pleasant walk instead. I have heard reports that it was routed via Dad Dad's periurban hideaway, and that hot mince pies and copious sweetmeats were provided by his long-suffering better half, Mary. Further, Little Shit told me with great glee that the pies were “proper”, so must have been homemade. (Proper pies are not to be confused with Pukka pies, which may be obtained from the freezer at your quality grocery outlet).

I missed all this because I followed the signs to “Lovers Walk”. The signs contained no apostrophes, so I thought I might be in luck, but no, instead I came to the beer stop. What joy.

Unfortunately the hares had stashed the beer in a tree high up a steep bank, in the much the same way as a leopard might hide a fresh kill. It seemed sensible to let someone else retrieve the rucksack, so I settled down on a convenient bench to await help. Assistance arrived in the ethereal form of Olymprick, who is made of sterner stuff and after a couple of attempts, with only minor bruising, rescued two beers. Being an old hasher, he left the stash in situ to provide some entertainment. This was provided by Sharnie, armed with a miniature rake, the better to clear her path. Seeing her struggling up the bank, The Penguin, Shaky and The Beetchhh rushed to stand below and offer words of encouragement. All ended well and the cuts will soon heal.

And so to the circle and my lost notes. Now let's see...

Newcomer Nimi welcomed to the hash

Biggles took a down on behalf of Not Dot, whom we wish well as she recovers from her operation.

Little Shit and Sharnie were rewarded for raiding the dressing up box and actually turning up in Xmas garb. Strange how I never get the memo on these occasions.

The Beetchhh took over to recount the events that took place at the casual gathering of acquaintances at Cafe Andaluz the previous day. Unfortunately English is not the The Beetchhh's first language, so it all got a bit confusing. It seems 26 people wanted to share Tapas, but then Barbarella turned up and made it an odd number, so he sat at a table with Diona who is also a newcomer...No, I've read it again and it still doesn't make sense. But not to worry, she also had a down, so that's OK

I can't remember the rest, being old and vulnerable (see above), but I do know that Hippo announced the Monymusk Boxing Day hash which will be followed by socially-distanced soup and crumble at Sauchan Towers.

And everyone lived happily ever after. The end.

Location: Peterculter station carpark

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/G7YdbLz2At5LMLMy6

Other info:

On Inn:

Hazards:


2004 - Sun 12 Dec 2021 - Insch - Hare: Blagger & Barbarella - Scribe: The Dutchess

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 2004

Sunday 12th December 2021

OnOn: Insch

Hares: Blagger & Barbarella

Scribe: The Dutchess

Sir Deadmond Hillary started with HISTORY Facts; A battery somewhere far, far away lasted 9 years. It gave up the ghost as it tipped and could not get charged anymore.

10 Countries joined the EU. It was hot in those days. Now they think of leaving or just doing their own thing on the quiet. Then there were statistics about the Tsunami disaster. It was felt in Africa apparently and Muff Diver mentioned the elephants uprooted from their chains and run to the hill. Clever beasts - I like Elephants

On the run, gods know what happened. I was not there but investigations told me that Muff Diver (again) bought a tracker for Tia?? (the dog) but did not attach it properly so lost it and had to back track. (ha,ha) you get it?? To find it. This was cliped by his darling wife.

There was a challenge on the run; Something to do with a trunk over the stream or a rope. A handful were brave enough. One of them being One Liner (he declared earlier he had 14 pieces of change in the car so could afford to get wet). Some made it in the water like a wild swim very fashionable apparently or just to get a down down. No names - Tryme Loveme???

The Bitchhh was ticked of collecting the Sweeties too early. He is a sensitive lad so had to offload and gave a down down to Numbskull for parking the van expertly, I thought, and scribe got one as well No idea why.

Smiler had a nice story JC asked to be filmed over the stream but his beloved wife failed to switch the video on - I agree very technical.

This will have to do the rest I can’t read or remember.

Next run in Peterculter

On On

The Dutchess


Location: Insch, Car park off Golf Terrace, Insch for Bennachie Leisure Centre AB52 6LT

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/WQmStr4XZrRdcbN16

What3words address: ///webcams.trample.boldest

https://w3w.co/webcams.trample.boldest

Directions:

Other info: For those who fancy a beer, the train from Aberdeen to Insch works well 😃

Off peak day return £11.60

Dep Aberdeen 10:00 Arr Insch 10:35

Dep Insch 14:08 Arr Aberdeen 14:44 plus later services

On Inn: chez Blagger, 4 Simpson Brae, Insch. AB52 6SZ

GoogleMaps Ref:

https://goo.gl/maps/UKrApeg92hk2zPui7


What3words address: ///hostels.trend.structure

https://w3w.co/hostels.trend.structure

Hazards:

2003 - Sun 05 Dec 2021 - Potarch - Hare: Short& Thick & Wee Willie - Scribe: FiFi

AH3 Scribe Run No.2003

Sunday 5th December 2021

OnOn: Shooting Greens Potarch Green Car Park

On Inn: Shaky’s pad

Hares: Wee Willie and Short ‘n’ Thick

Scribe: Fifi

A late decision by the Forestry Commission at 4pm the day before to close Blackhall Forest because of Storm Arwen damage meant the hares laid two trails this week – the Blackhall Forest trail is now available for FOOFAAH followers instead.

Your scribe volunteered for run 2002 so here she is scribing run 2003. I confess I wasn’t paying attention to the ‘orrible ‘istory – in fact I was trying to persuade Boston to perform whilst close to the bin to minimise the distance required carrying the noisome poo bag, but Boston wasn’t playing ball – he was more interested in bombing round in circles with a short-legged cocker. Anyway, I’m told Tonto received the 2003 down-down for starting the trend of city congestion charges.

Long service awards along with beer, went to Underlay (150th) and Twizzle (450th). (Nice Jockey shirt and Waterproof hat. Well done guys. Ed)

The hares (looking heavily floured from their early morning efforts) might have said something about 2 spots and you’re on, and then we were. I was the last to finally leave the car park (having been unable to remember if I’d actually locked the car – it’s an age thing) and soon caught up with PigIron who was looking for an uninhabited tree to water. Moving swiftly on, I passed It’s All Because and Batty plus two chipolatas on leads. Through two gates and on up the hill to fetch up behind Bruce Almighty, Drillbit and Muff Diver on a bike – I thought I was a slow cyclist but Muff Diver….. “Hasher coming through!!” I shouted and the waves parted for me to stride swiftly on with my walking poles whirling.

Wee Willie was busy writing in flour at the next check trying to make sure Numbskull took the short cut he’d been promised. Smiler and Japs Eye dithered which way to go before wimping out and taking Numbskulls’ route (Japs Eye’s a smoker but what’s Smiler’s excuse?). This was despite my best efforts to lure them up to the trig point with me. It was off trail, but hey-ho. Boston and I enjoyed a quiet walk by ourselves to the top of the hill, encountering just a few Arwen casualties near the top necessitating some up-and-overs and round-abouts.

I heard a faint On-On sound below me and strode on to intersect flour again. Turning right I wasn’t quite sure if the pack had already passed by. The next check assured me they had so I upped my pace to catch up with Glasgow and Doina shortly before the beer check. High Maintenance held forth beside the sweeties explaining the new tracker device adorning hash hound Tia’s harness (maybe Muff Diver has one too).

I can’t say what went on with the runners, other than hearing a report from Short’n’Thick of Barbarella leading a mini-pack of acolytes off-trail. JC insisted he had no gossip to impart – ever discrete (not) - so I’ll just have to move on to list the down-downs in the circle.

A short(?) circle was held (it was cold after all) and Down-Downs were awarded to:

  • Bin Liner – for being the Lost Boy on run 2002 when search parties had to be dispatched to hunt him down after the circle

  • Bruce Almighty – for being filmed running(!!!) on the Halloween Hash 2010

  • T-Rex Cock – for wearing skin-tight running tights(!!!)

  • Underlay – for recycling sins (Hash Beer provides a glass bin and a cans bin and woe betide he who uses the wrong one)

  • Short’n’Thick – for squeezing orange juice over himself at the beer check

  • The Dutchess (delegated to Numbskull) – for insisting she be taken somewhere interesting, hence they abandoned their warm, electrically powered house and drove to cold, candle-lit Ballater to find all the cafés closed

  • Barbarella – for failing to submit a scribe for the 2000th (again)

  • Bungee Finger – for turning up to a hillwalk with no coat

  • Wee Willie – for falling over a gate on said hillwalk after Aids and Tiger Feet had attempted a botched repair to it

  • Fifi and Ballerina – for anger mismanagement when TECA didn’t ask to see the COVID passports they had expended lots of wasted energy and extra miles in collecting to get into the Madness concert

  • The Penguin – for being vertically challenged and unable to erect the hash beer table legs to their full extent

  • Numbskull – for breaking into Ballerina’s car for the beer only to find it wasn’t there

  • Muff Diver – for smugness at having electricity whilst the country dwellers went without

  • Muff Diver, Smiler and Wee Willie – for incestuous-ness with hash maps. Muff Diver’s recycled map from No.1996 had featured his favourite websites Gorgeous Lesbians, New Porn videos and Priest’s Daughter but only Smiler noticed

  • The Hares, Wee Willie and Short’n’Thick – a fine trail on a fine day laid in adversity

The hungry pack repaired to Shaky’s house for a fine Sunday lunch of chilli, apple crumble and custard (but not all on the same plate at the same time) laid on by Val.

(Post scribe info:Ed)

Many thanks to everyone who came to the on-inn earlier today.

I am very pleased to say that collectively you donated the grand sum of £230 which I will pass on to ‘Go Beyond’ immediately. Thanks also to those who have said they will donate separately.

Shaky

2002 - Sun 28 Nov 2021 - Sunhoney Farm - Hare: Its All Because - Scribe: Thrupenny Bits

Run No: 2002

Date: Sunday 28/11/2021 11am

OnOn: Sunhoney, Hill of Fare

Hare: It’s All Because

Scribe: Thrupennies

After a red weather warning on Friday and Saturday we were reduced to an orange alert for Sunday so no excuse for not getting up and heading out towards Midmar. It was still wintry but the wind had abated, leaving many obstacles on roads. A brave group of about 25 hashers found their way to the run site where Red Stripe was welcoming all and sundry to rummage around in her rear to try and get lucky (with a t-shirt)!

The cold air must have frozen my brain …. I heard myself volunteering to scribe; our GM has a quietly persuasive way about her. RA Aids continued the proceedings by waving an unpaid whisky and fine wine bill from the pensioners’ lunch – who would have guessed that the culprits would be Numbskull, The Penguin and DadDad.

Awards for 1411 runs in total went to:

  • The Penguin – a huge hip flask for achieving 1111 attendances/runs. We look forward to all sharing a nip from this in the near future….

  • Biggles – cosy fleece for 200 runs

  • Bag O’Bones – sexy sweatshirt for 100 runs

No Horrible History to remember run 2002 by, so straight over to the hare, Its All Because, who rambled a bit about trees down (really?), green vertical flour (to match the general forest colours and orientation?), and a nice unmarked scramble to the top for those who must (never understood that need personally).

Although maps were distributed to the walkers, the group that I was with still managed to make the hash even longer than necessary. The many fallen trees provided a good aerobic workout for failing hips and wonky knees, with many unders and overs to navigate, mostly successfully. Happily we didn’t miss the splendid sweetie check (where we reminisced about a summer foofaah) but the beer check was long gone, so on in to the delights of warming gluhwein, crisps and cake.

RA Aids called the circle to order but as chatty JC wasn’t paying attention he got a quick cold down down. Several more followed:

  • Hash beer Hippo and Ballerina were recognised as being quietly competent and reliable

  • Red Stripe was looking very co-ordinated in purple camouflage trousers

  • Numbskull wanted to thank the 2000th committee for a great weekend. Seems he didn’t know he was part of that committee!

  • Nuggets briefly halted his tree bashing operation to be appreciated for baking a chocolate cake for the 2000th run

  • Late arrivals Bungee Finger and Drillbit, although at least BF tried to be on time

  • Little Shit, Ballerina and Biggles made it to the top by “using the force”

  • Brother and sister duo Sandra and Japs Eye forgot something, or was it each other? Also Japs Eye joined Meetup running and walking group not realising it was the same as the hash, poor deluded boy.

  • It’s All Because for setting a good run, apart from the lack of trees, and supplying super-sized cake

As the circle disintegrated half a dozen hashers set out to look for Bin Liner who of course arrived back while they were gone. He was just doing his own thing and didn’t need rescuing this time. Rumour has it that he just got into his car and drove home as it was cold, leaving six hashers now missing …… to be continued…….


Location: Sunhoney Hill of Fare

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/PwuFwBWxBGw9WSft6

What three words - primed/baths/boggles

https://w3w.co/primed.baths.boggles

Directions: Sunhoney, Hill of Fare car park down track off B9119 west of Echt opposite Sunhoney farm

Other info: Additional/overflow parking in farm yard opposite track.

On Inn:

Hazards:

2001 - Sun 21 Nov 2021 - How Moss Cresent, Kirkhill - Hare: Hippo & Tonto - Scribe: TryMe LuvMe

Date: 21.11.21

Run number: 2001 (Hangover run)

Hares: Tonto and Hippo

Scribe: TryMe LoveMe

Run Location: Somewhere near the Hotel. Kirkhill?

Prerun downdowns went to the last standing to close the bar out:

· TryMe LoveMe for being the last AH3 standing, along with Inspector Gorse and Cockatool (EH3)

· Bruce Almighty (Mearns) not present.

· Malfunction, Ditch the Bitch, Flubba and Frutie Tootie (Shetland H3)

The Run:

Wet, windy and muddy with a rather rememberable Under or over option from the sweetie stop, saw some of us crawling through the badger tunnel out towards two very full moons…

After a well-deserved beer stop at the stone circle, we all returned to the cars rather hypothermic. With quite a few hashers suffering from frostbite, the decision was made to return the circle to the hotel where many took the opportunity to depart homeward bound, rather than be called to account for any misdemeanours...

Many a downdown was awarded today. Many apologies if any were missed:

· Best dressed in the 80s theme: Inspector Gorse for his ET and Elliot attire, despite how impractical it was for pretty much any activity. Shout out for outfits to Sir Eddie Deadmond and the matching purple dudes just to name a few!

· To the hares: Tonto and Hippo

· The present 2000 committee: The Bitchhh, Icebreaker

· Redstripe graced us with her presence via video link, with Fire Flaps taking a downdown on her behalf

· The Whining connoisseurs, who, to rectify the situation of awful bar wine, secretly refilled an empty bottle of wine with good stuff they bought with them. Pink Panther (left early), Tongue lasher, More Butt, Rug Rat, Eff Foo, Gin Bin and Tonto (designated wine waiter!)

· To Stalker and her girls for being the fitness queens, including Glasgow and TryMe LoveMe. Personally I think it was a great performance!

· Icebreaker for his bands performance last night. Was given a special t from Glasgow to commemorate the night

· Mr Sheen for drunk of the night after being carried back to his room by the Shetlanders.... Weirdly no one saw him at the hash today....

· Fire Flaps - who told us all she doesn't like getting wet until the end... It was confirmed that she will not dry up just yet

· Worst outfit from Saturday night went to Wee Willie who claimed he was wearing a 1984 Hash T Shirt

· The Bitchhh for carrying and umbrella on the trail, however he argued that this is in fact the future of Hashing!

· Flying Dutchman for not mentioning to his girlfriend that you need to earn a hash handle

· Another downdown to The Bitchhh who last night wore Mr Sheen’s suit. Let's just say it wasn't the most flattering look......

· IceBreaker gets another downdown for shaving off his beard, apparently looking like a young Jonathan Ross

· Emu for the supersuit, made to measure. With matching mask. How cute!

· Mr Sheen for the shortest dress. nothing was left to the imagination

· Inspector Gorse was up again for falling asleep in the toilet and missing half the evening

· For complaining that he can't hear anything, The Penguin got a down down yesterday. However, he toddled over to the band on Saturday night to tell them they needed to play more quietly.... So downdown to selective hearing

· Downdown for tunnel... A voice said "oh my waters have broken"... Followed by "I didn't realise you were pregnant". Sandra Smith (not present).

· Cockatool for using the 'wrong' gender toilets and using the Sink as a bidet

· The Dutchess for finding some extra-large condoms- she will now go round everyone Cinderella style until she finds the man they belong to

· Little Shit, The Penguin, Hippo for long term longevity Hashers

· Biggles and (candida?) for wearing the same outfit, they fought to start with but ended up being best pals by the end

· Mr Sheen was back in for crying and whimpering his way to bed, not once but twice by fellow hashers. It transpires that he started early on the good stuff and also didn't eat anything (something about not matching his body goals...)

· TryMe LoveMe being anointed for the third time, and others who doubted the legitimacy of her name

· Mr Sheen, who apparently has a twin- Malfunktion. Both sporting stunning white trainers

· The Bitchhh is back in the circle, for looking suave (however not sensible) on Saturday night. He was chatting ladies up at the party despite having a very beautiful lady of his own

· Downdown for Struth for being just a general great, all-rounder. And also because she was a wee bit of a floozy in past years...

Charges from the circle:

· Deli Belli, complaining about Aberdeen hashes being a death march. Followed by a rendition of the sound of music classic

· Tongue Lasher for not using the 1500 songbook on account that Shirley Valentine was pinged and Bag "O" bones was away playing with his train set

Shetland Hash harriers thanked AH3 for the weekend and invite us to their summer thing around the 19-22nd June (ish)

EH3 also invited us to their Christmas meal on the 11th December.

Hash Groups present:

· Carney Hill

· Shetland

· EH3

· Elgin

· Glasgow

· Ottowa H3

· MoreButt from Singapore via Sweden

· MH4

Apparently there were more downdowns scheduled but travellers needed to catch flights, busses and trainsA


Location: Howe Moss Crescent in Kirkhill Industrial Estate. Dyce, at OS Grid Ref. NJ 8655 1263. Park on left hand side?

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/nN2hVdeqETcJLRXh8

Directions: TBA

Other info: Remember this will be a live hare run so some things will be a bit different. There will be sealed instructions to be opened at the start and will try to include a couple of maps for walkie talkies.

On Inn:

Hazards:

2000 - Sat 20 Nov 2021 - Aberdeen Dyce Airport Hotel - Hare: Underlay & Toy Boy Tom - Scribe: Barbarella (PART ONE)

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 2000 (Part One)

Sat 20 Nov 2021

OnOn - Aberdeen Dyce Airport Hotel

Hares: Underlay & Toy Boy Tom

Scribe: Barbarella


Assembled at the Aberdeen Airport Hotel some early to catch the £5 Breakfast and meet the other early birds. Slowly the foyer began to fill as everyone turned up for the buses to whisk us off to our mystery Hash.

I will have to mention at this point that 16 were missing after over indulging at an Edinburgh party the previous weekend.

The buses arrived in good time, the whole two years planning seemed to be paying off, and we had a successful Red Dress run from the night before as proof. Thanks to Glasgow and her team of volunteers not to forget the newly appointed committee. The pub count was Archibald Simpsons,

Filthy McNasties, The Dutch Mill,The Foundry and finally The Old School House not to be mixed up with Revolucion de Cuba,(Gingeritis, Try Me-Love Me, Cuddles, Inspector Gorse and many more?).

The buses are quickly loaded and after a couple of JIT (Just In Time) chancers boarded we were off. A look along the bus and not one blow-up sheep in sight, obviously expectations of finding a live good looking one for the night were high!

Little Shit had forgotten his autocue from the 1000th run so we did not get a commentary of all the sites of special interest as we headed out towards the countryside, suffice to say he missed mentioning, Dyce Tesco Express, The Spiders Web pub, Dyce Parish church, The Green Trees pub, the site where Lawsons Sausage Factory once stood (Giving Dyce the link “They built this city on SAUSAGE ROLLS!”:- Starship 1985, and LadBaby Internet sensation) and Kwik Fit, at least one of the aforementioned made/changed/ruined my life!

Where are we going I haven't a clue! Back to the scribe then, where was the bus going, again I hadn't a clue, the night before I had told a hash virgin if she paid £35 to Glasgow she could have a weekend away with a bunch of the nicest people in the world, somewhere in the translation to Romanian and back she had missed I said a bunch of drunks singing out of tune down down song.

I was now trying my best to improve her English, from this scribe would you believe it, you will have gathered that English is not my strongest subject, and thank Bit and Byte for spell checkers the next time you see them.

Next time I look up we are about to plough straight through the new (ish) Oldmeldrum Golf Course roundabout, how was the driver was to know they had put it there? Hanging a right we were heading towards Tarves, this had to be the destination but no, we carried on and just as one or two of the Flat Earthers on the bus had asked to be read their last rights thinking we would plunge off the edge of the earth we were there some school carpark in the middle of nowhere, it turned out to be Methlick! (Named after being the first village to discover methamphetamine apparently!)

The 90 or so Hashers disembarked the buses plus the few extras who had driven there the carpark becoming a throng of badly dressed runners and walkers.

After a short time we were assembled for the group photo, some even had Little Shit (Hash Flash) on the picture side of the camera, taken by the very camera shy Shit Boyfriend also the bus drivers.

The small boy Olymprick looks like he is humping should you ever see the picture is actually Cockatool a willing volunteer no doubt! So the circle is formed and here was my biggest mistake of the weekend, taking a picture of some very beautiful young harriettes I decided to get a better angle and stood into the circle oblivious that FireFlaps, our lovely GM was looking for a Scribe, “Oh you'll do!” I hear from behind me, I swell up with pride as being the chosen one after all I just want to make her happy and proud of what a fantastic hasher she has!

There was a pre-run Down Down given to Hippo for his decision to book a twin room at the Hotel instead of a single one thinking he would have more space and maybe share, however he wasted his money as if you booked a single room you ended up with a twin anyway as all the rooms were twins, but he thought he might have scored by having a double breakfast included.

The direction of travel was indicated by the Hares Underlay and Toy Boy Tom and the hounds were released, heading into a housing estate of new builds. Through a couple of tarred roads and then finding ourselves on a very muddy path with lots of gorse either side. The line of bodies as I looked down the hill was a sight to behold. We hit another tarred road and right up the hill. At this point half the pack overshot the flour and a bit of hashing confusion ensued, horses in the field next to the road looked just as confusing by the hundreds of fit bodied runners descending on their peaceful field. (to be continued)


Location: Aberdeen Airport Dyce Hotel, Farburn Terrace, Dyce

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/StPsHKhUsgnyzTjK7

Directions: TBA

Other info: 10:15am. Buses will leave at 10:30 prompt for A to B run in rural Aberdeenshire

NB: you MUST have pre-registered for this event using the form on the website, FB or in previous emails.

On Inn: We will return to the hotel at approx 14:00pm in time to change for 2000th party - 80s theme so dress up in your finest. There will be a room where you can leave your bags securely.

Hazards:


Red Dress Run - Fri 19 Nov 2021 - Prince of Wales - Hare: Twizzle & Struth - Scribe: ??

Location: TBA

Google Map: TBA

Directions: TBA

Other info:

On Inn:

Hazards:


1999 - Sun 14 Nov 2021 - Collieston - Hare: Underlay & Roger Me More - Scribe: Stalker

AH3 #1999

Collieston

Sun 14 Nov 2021

Hares: Underlay and Roger Me More

Scribe: Stalker

We (Stalker, Barbarella, The BitcHHH) arrived late but right on time for the Remembrance Day two-minute silence to commemorate the lives lost of people who died during the first World War.

JM - The BitcHHH, in absence of Fireflaps, was put in charge of the circle but managed to do just about everything wrong: arrive late and not ask if there were any new runners, visitors or returners amongst. He was awarded a down-down. Luckily (not for me) he did remember to nominate a scribe, but no pen and paper was provided.

Sauerkraut was awarded a 150-run shirt (well done that man! Ed.), and must have forgotten everything he had learned from hashing as he had finished his down-down before the song had barely kicked off.

Upon arrival Aids had been spotted de-rusting the bottom of his car using a rock in the parking area – back and forth, back and forth until the rock was nicely coloured (after the run also receiving a down-down for this act).

After a quick briefing by today’s hares, Underlay and Roger Me More, with phrases like: “Three spots and you’re on” and “it might be difficult to spot the flour in the dunes”, we set off, except for Barbarella who was caught stripping in the parking lot.

It was a breezy Sunday morning, but a little bit of sunshine and stunning coastal views put a smile on everyone’s face, at least until a few checks later when we reached the viewpoint over the Henley Bay and diverted from the coast and into the dunes. Hippo and Tonto however decided to have some alone time and went all the way down to the beach. Someone commented that Tonto has long legs and Hippo has the stamina, therefore they would have a good time together down there.

The journey through the dunes was quite an adventure. There were moments when we did not follow the flour but rather the hare. Some hashers got left behind at points but managed to get back to the group as we were getting close to the sweety stop. Prickly Bush was spotted “self-isolating” and taking at least a 5m distance between other runners in the dunes.

Halfway through the walkers’ trail Sir Deadmund Hillary decided he needed to be a front running bitch (FRB) and set off trotting down the trail in a race like fashion, leaving his wife to fend for herself- luckily she carries a spear!

News spread about the lovely curry the night before (and once again - job well done to Mrs T and Hippo) and the vintage wine, aperitif and champagne charity auction which was apparently discovered under the floorboards by “It’s all because” and “Batty’s”.

Sweetie Stop was short and sweet, and Hippo was the one to find the hidden treasures. The hare told the walkers that the runners had missed the sweetie stopped altogether, but based on how much chocolate was left they did not believe Roger Me More one bit.

A few checks more and we arrived at the Beer stop. Hares had provided an excellent location - shelter from the wind and enough beers, mainly because the walkers never showed up (lost no doubt), although someone passing by might have a rather funny view of many hashers lined up against a wall.

We then made our way down to the parking and waited for walkers to return. The circle started with a few people still missing, but hey, it was pretty cold and windy, and we were looking forward to the On Inn.

A good number of down-downs were awarded to:

  • Panty Pockets and Bag ‘O’ Bones- for being late (and not getting the scribing duty).

  • Underlay – for not knowing where the next weeks run will be despite having to set it.

  • Barbarella – for collapsing at top of the ARI stairs while Aids didn’t.

  • Lone Ranger – return runner.

  • Stalker – for abuse of alcohol (spilling precious Crabbies beer).

  • Numbskull and Sir Deadmund Hillary – for being late to the after run circle.

  • Underlay and Toy Boy Tom – for having their own beer for next weeks run instead of collecting some from Ballerina.

  • Shaky – for speeding like fast and furious.

  • Saff – being named “Try me, love me” (actually giving herself the name previous night during the wine auction by shouting out “hey, that’s me!”).

  • Ballerina – for being slow, and also spotted to having very “hungry” shoes (keep your eyes out for new shoes in the coming runs).

  • Wee Willy – for hitting on Smiler; asking her to strip before getting in the car for a lift.

  • Try Me, Luv Me – for accidently bidding £2000 on a wine during the auction.

Were there more? At this point your scribe might have had 3 beers and no breakfast before, so doesn’t really remember.

No accidents/incidents were spotted after the circle.

A very lovely after run On Inn was held at the Aberdeen Arms, in Tarves, with generous portions and a few good pints.


Location: Collieston, Ellon AB41 8RT

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/d5bm1V9gtcXzLCg26

What3words - ///glassware.situates.defeated https://w3w.co/glassware.situates.defeated

Directions: On On run site is off the B9003 at the Cransdale Vantage Point carpar

Other info: all hash hounds must be kept on leads at all times as there are free rooming sheep at parts of the run and a lot of wild life.

On Inn:

Hazards:


1998 - Sun 07 Nov 2021 - Brathens - Hare: Shaky - Scribe: Tickbate

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 1998

Sun 07 Nov 2021

Brathens

Hare: Shaky

Scribe: Tickbate

This AHHH run fell on a very very calm and beautiful early November Sunday northwest of Banchory. Of course, everyone instantly knew the run's number by some simple mental arithmetic to decrypt it from the digits of this date (07/11/2021) by subtracting them from the current year: 2021 – (7 + 11 + 2 + 0 + 2 + 1) = 1998!

An old tradition for the designation of the scribe (usually one of the late arrivals) was broken by Fireflaps, who gave paper and pencil (from the “Scotch Malt Whisky Society“) to someone who had arrived extra early for the purpose of avoiding being scribe. Although conditions were better (dryer) than on the last hash, keeping the notepad straight was a challenge, forcing the scribe to look at everything from a certain angle, which happened to be keeping the back at an angle of 90° to the wind. Maybe it was not such a very very calm day after all?

Before the run started, Jetslag was awarded a shirt for her 50th hash. And Oh my! It was beautifully colour-coordinated with her yellow jacket. Being born just a few years before 1998, one of the young and chatty fellow hashers got dragged into the pre-run circle. She, however, had trouble answering who wanted to be a millionaire (or something like that). Many words just flew past my ears due to the dynamic low-pressure area. Finally, a down-down was awarded, though half of it ended up as a drink for the parking area.

Two new runners were announced, to which the hares, Shaky and the first-timer 4Fingers, briefly explained the rules. After Shaky came up with excuses about fences and forestry operations, he laced up his left shoe and both hares joined forces with the wind and blew us off and onto the trail.

The track started with a historically high frequency of old-fashioned checks (with a cross inside the circle), along fields, meadows, embankments, forest, ex-forest and finally the promised site fencings. After skipping through some branches of fallen trees and hummocks, Prickly Bush heroically managed to get us off the brush and back on track. Everyone was happy to stay under the wind sheltering canopy. 4fingers was trying to be very responsible in her role by dusting every second tree with flour from the 10 kg she took with her, mindful not to lose any of the hashers. Still, the herding instinct did not prevent 80 % of them from dragging their feet and shortcutting. Unfortunately, the paper given to the scribe did not have sufficient space to note down all the shortcutters. Most of them successfully pretended to not even being aware of their misdemeanour.

In contrast, the beer check was excellent, as pointed out by some walkers who seemed to be parched by the windy conditions. The stop also gave time to complain about “stupendous” shifting from front, to back, to middle, to back and to the front, as some runners were obviously unable to cope with today’s trail. The competing yellow press was ignored by most runners in their attempts of getting everyone to smiling into their cameras. Instead, the focus was locked to the drinks.

Not far after the beer stop and another 100 people taking the road as a shortcut, ignoring the hare’s orders, we arrived back at the Eco-Business Park. It was just about time, as the remaining flour had shrunk to a fraction. After a failed car-theft attempt by Threesome and Barbarella performing an emergency surgery on Fireflaps ear with a pair of pliers, Aids prepared everyone for the awarding of more down-downs than usual. As most of us can remember, last week’s circle was being cut short. It was also decided by more than 15 runners, that a regular event will be held on boxing day!

The first “down-down”

Further on called “d-d”

Was awarded

To Mr. T

For his car

Was hit by a tree

(Who doesn’t love poetry)

The second went to Gas Chamber for not being well (how mean).

The third one, Sauerkraut had earned himself by lacing up his shoes every 500 m. And as a side note: This was observed already on the hashes before.

Furthermore, a theory was brought up a few d-ds later, that the crouching and bending down is just a subtle way to drain of pee trapped in a specially designed pair of pants (for which he got his second and the overall 10th dd).

Twizzle took number four for cycling to the hash (applause!), an activity which may be responsible for his style of running like a member of the Ministry of Silly Walks.

The new runners, of which one was born again, got the next two d-ds (May they return).

Threesome downed number 7 for her plans to dance in Rio for the next years.

Barbarella’s past caught up with him, so he took drink no. 8 for racing up the Crown Terrace stairs.

A dd and a hash handle was finally given to Linda, who shall henceforth be known as Stalker, for ruthlessly stalking a group of, more or less, innocent hashers.

Also, The Penguin got a cup of beer (d-d no. 11) for being accused of taking a nap, although the scribe did not observe this in flagrante delicto.

An attempt of giving a hash handle to the chatty participant from the pre-run circle utterly failed and had to be postponed due to loud discord in the circle.

Finally, the two hares were praised for their terrible trail and got their well-earned d-ds (12+13) under the cheer of the group before the circle was disbanded.

Only a small group gathered at Scott Skinners for the On-Inn.


Location: Brathens Eco-Business Park, Hill of Brathens, Glassel, Banchory AB31 4BW.

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/ETisHfWuyS7HPe8e8

Directions:

Other info:

On Inn: chez Shaky at 13 East Mains, Inchmarlo for lunch. https://goo.gl/maps/xBuFX3bvFvsR3EeX8

Donations to 'Go Beyond' (previously CHICKs).y

Hazards:

1997 - Sun 31 Oct 2021 - Millbank & Tillyfourie - Hare: JC & FiFi - Scribe: Shaky

Run # 1997

Millbank and Tillyfourie

Sun 31 October 2021

Hares: JC and Fifi

Scribe: Shaky

It was chucking it down by the time the pack of around 40 had assembled at the anointed hour, called to order by the GM still in recovery mode from other weekend activities. The pack was a good size given the inclement weather - perhaps the dry morning and an extra hour of sleep had managed to lure some normally fair-weather hashers from their beds. Some excellent Halloween costumes were on display although others had just not got the memo (they know who they are and probably don’t care). There was also a motley collection of numerous umbrellas.

I was allegedly whinging about having to teach next week now that the school term has started and, in a misplaced fit of jealousy, was awarded the dubious distinction of scribe; a task made more difficult by a lack of writing implements, waterproof or otherwise. It must be true when they say there is a shortage of school supplies as the GM came up emptyhanded.

Twizzle was RA. Pre run down down went to Underlay for being the only hasher not wearing fancy dress at the Halloween charity quiz night on the previous Friday night but making a stupendous effort for the run although stuffing dry socks down the front of his costume was a bit odd.

New runner(s)/visitor()s whose name(s) (there was Jim, who appears to have a nick name of Japs Eye. Ed)I missed as I rushed to the car to find paper and pen were introduced. A strategic decision, taken on the basis they would be in the circle post-run and I It wouldn’t remember their names anyway. (Sorry, whoever you are/were.)

Torrential rain and wigs/ costumes don’t mix and by the time I had de-juiced, the pack was long gone, which was the only excuse I needed to walk so I joined Smiler and Roger-me-More on trail.

An early ditch crossing was aided by the innovative use of a ladder and plank co-opted from the hare’s garage as the trail led into the forest behind the playing fields from where the run had started. There was no scream from Glasgow, who was behind us, so she must have crossed safely; if only such a device had been used instead of a suspect log on one of the hare’s previous trails. Not long after, Barberella came lumbering by having started late; apparently an hour’s extra sleep was not enough for him. The trail meandered through varied and scenic woodland.

Tonto and another FRB appeared from the trees having been outfoxed at a check. He’d admitted earlier to driving past the OnOn a few times before spying the hash sign so he wasn’t having the best of days finding anything. It was still bucketing down.

A wide stream that would have benefited from another ladder with plank was crossed without getting our feet wet, or at least any wetter than they already were.

A cunning short cut missed out a large loop. Drillbit was in need of some sustenance and quartermaster Roger Me More who it seems has a habit of being prepared for any food emergency produced a tangerine from nowhere. It seemed to do the trick and Drillbit was able to carry on (I’m still not convinced it wasn’t infused with gin), even though it was pelting it down.

Some FRBs suddenly appeared running towards us and we found ourselves at a check where the pack were having difficulty finding flour and even the slower runners had caught up. After a rather long wait while the pack got its shit together we headed off in the opposite direction, off trail again until we came to a check. Not realising we had been on trail before the check, bad intuition led us straight on. The Penguin who by now had taken on the role of pathfinder cheerily announced that he hadn’t seen flour for several hundred yards so was probably off trail. About turn to the last check on my own as the rest of the walkie talkies decided enough rain was enough and headed to the on-on after consulting the map.

By the time I got to the previous check, Sherlock had caught up, with T-Rex Cock not far behind and we found trail up hill and on to the beer collecting The Bitchhh on the way there. No surprise to find Bruce Almighty had already located the beer. No way was I going to hang around because by now it was really Yellin.

Back at the On-On, the walkie talkies were huddling under umbrellas except Numbskull who was sleeping in his car having allegedly already found the beer check but not the beer! - Karma.

Did I mention it was raining?

Post run down downs were thankfully short and sweet

  • The Bitch - 25 Run award

  • Ice Breaker - losing his keys after a night of partying

  • Tick Bait and Linda for dancing in the rain

  • Glasgow, for having an iceberg named after her (actually it was a glacier as some well-read hasher quickly pointed out, but why spoil a good story)

  • The hare JC (Fifi having already headed to the On Inn) for a well laid trail that kept the pack together if not the walkie talkies, with some challenging checks through some excellent terrain.

We were spared a horrible history this week, so there is a good chance it will be even more horrible next week and no down-downs were awarded to the visitors/ new runners.

On Inn was at JC and Fifi’s country retreat in aid of sensationALL which raised over £100. Well done AH3

Shaky


Location: Millbank & Tillyfourie, Inverurie AB51 7RX OS map reference NJ659110

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/qxZixweZ4TNDeXL89

Directions: TBA

Other info: HALLOWEEN

On Inn: Chez JC & Fifi, NJ789104 (see GoogleMaps https://goo.gl/maps/BX5tZ1aVPqVV2ZHC7)

Hazards:


1996 - Sun 24 Oct 2021 - Potarch Green - Hare: Muff Diver, High Maintenance - Scribe: Tonto

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run # 1996

Sunday 24th October 2021

Potarch green

Hare; Muff Diver & High Maintenance

Scribe: Tonto

Well, it is good to be back on the hash. ONON

I left the country just before real hashing resumed and so coming back to a large circle at Potarch was fantastic. It will take more than a global pandemic to wipe AH3 off the map. Well, a really effective pandemic would do it, and if not that, a meteor strike or inhospitable temperatures will do for us eventually. Geologic time does occasionally speed up, and the fastest hashers can’t outrun it.

Circling up, the GM noted that we had a returner. Of course it was me, so I stepped forward and promptly got rewarded with the scribe. The returner was Tom, a Numskull creation. Welcome back.

Horrible History – the answers were as follows, but what were the questions?

Charles and Diana

£17m

Dolly the sheep

Gary Kasparov

Looking round the circle I noted that the average age of hashers has taken a dive, excellent. I love all you old farts, but the hash will only thrive another 2000 runs with the addition of folk under forty. I also realised that my long term inability to remember names, hash handles or even whether we have met before is no better. So I will not aim to emulate those admirable scribes who manage to mention everyone.

In the pre run circle, our ticket tout GM missed an opportunity to bring Sherlock in to advertise the Hound of the Baskervilles. Smiler quaiched up 350 runs this week. ON ON ON.

Off we set. A very trad trail, a mix of rough paths, swampy tussocks, trip wires, up and down, and plenty of flour. Well laid Muff Diver and High Maintenance. FRB’s – I never caught them, but I suspect, were JC and Underlay who broke the checks maybe a little too easily. It didn’t stop us laggards following some devious loops – and finding some dead ends – Cinders, Red Stripe, Twizzle and Icebreaker kept me company on these. Going downhill it was noted that a lack of youthful springiness, a dose of fear, a history of broken limbs, too much ballast are all combining to cause undue caution. Heh, who cares its still a brilliant way to get into nature and develop a thirst…….

Then there was the beer check, and all was right with the world.

The closing circle saw a flurry of RA’s and would be RA’s duelling for our laughs. I am obviously becoming an old fart because the clean jokes were funnier than the non-PC ones. OMG am I becoming woke? Some deserved down downs and a few rather too thinly clasped straws – what was the UN down down all about Twizzle?

  • Bruce Almighty somehow managed to arrive late at the beer check

  • Tickbait was anointed after revealing he had nursed a tick for a whole week.

  • Sir Deadmund Hillary was lambasted for elongating the history lesson

  • Saff, Mandy and 4 Fingers were accused of attracting dogs….at least I think that was the gist of it. I am sure no offence was meant.

  • Its All Because demonstrated how to use a small dog to tie oneself under car wheels.

  • Tom returned

  • Struth was sandwiched, and looked like she will be back for more.

  • Bin Liner was caught in flagrante at a PissStop at Bridge of Canny pre run.

  • Drillbit had a coffee, doesn’t he always?

  • Blagger, in an attempt to stay in the young set, had a splendid party on Saturday night but woke to post megabash mayhem and absent her car.

  • Gingervitis was anointed after a vote. I do think we should have sung this with gum shields on…..next time?

Oh and the Horrible Historical Question: How much did Prince Charles pay which chess wizard to frolic with which test tube sheep in a last ditch attempt to save his marriage?

On On

Tonto


Potarch Green CP AB31 4BE

Main Potarch Green car park off B993 on left over the bridge.

https://goo.gl/maps/2iMHehob9JB3VDJJ8

On Inn Scott Skinners, Banchory


1995 - Sun 17 Oct 2021 - Bridge of Bogendreip - Hare: Binliner - Scribe: Short and Thick

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No. 1995

Bridge of Bogendriep

17th October 2021

Hare: Binliner

Scribe: Short & Thick

A creditable turnout of around 40 hashers braved the grey and wet morning weather. They were rewarded with a good trail, no rain for the duration and flour which was the vogue colour (cerise) of what a young lady would buy from Dorothy Perkins in the mid 1980’s.

In the pre-run circle:

  • Visitors were a mini-kennel of about 6 folk from Edinburgh, one from Rutland, and guest appearance by Cock-a-Tool.

  • With 1995 being his birth year, Ryan was collared for horrible history events he’d have known sod-all about: OJ Simpson trial, Eric Cantona Kung-Fu kicking a fan, Apollo 13 film.

  • Panty Pockets rec’d award for 100 runs (Runs LOL.Ed)

  • Sir Deadman Hill-Ary for negligence.

  • The hare, Bin Liner, absolved himself from any problems finding flour which was laid on Wednesday and had undergone several monsoons, just providing a crumb of hope that the wet would make the pink colouring stronger (it did, worked well)

The pack then headed over the bridge and turned left into the forest. A dog walker was bemused by all this rabble in a normally deserted area, and Struth attempted to strike up a conversation with one of the dogs. Along a long, steady, uphill section, JC advised that the key to scribing is just to make it all up. The scribe disagreed and truthfully reports JC’s dastardly deed of relocating a flour-blobbed log to try and send subsequent hashers in the wrong direction. The trail then turned off the roadway to the right where Red Stripe and Cock-a-Tool struck up intellectual conversation about degrees of ‘shiggy-ness’. All short-lived as they returned to amoeba-level behaviour of making each other muddy. (When one amoeba gets muddy all amoebas get muddy. Ed)

The trail came back to the road and crossed over it into forest the other side. Instead of following the trail, Sharnie was spied taking a short cut along the tarmac thinking no-one would see (Inside information, she was following an arrow and flour that was laid on Wednesday. Sly haring. Ed)

The beer stop near a gate brought most of the pack together, then a track led to the old bridge and back to the car park. We then heard that the Walkie Talkies came a cropper by trying a short-cut which went in the wrong direction, all blamed on Fifi.

Post run down-downs:

  • JC, for sartorial elegance, colour co-ordinated

  • Not Dot, for invoking the Russian hash handle ‘Zapmyballsoff’ in connection with an electric fence which wasn’t live.

  • Olivia, Laurie and Clemence for skipping down the road as a result of the Hare’s pointless and incorrect map short-cut

  • Careless, with his unfinished flat

  • Edinburgh crew, Inspector Gorse, Asbo, Jemima Puddleduck, Red Jumper, Bambi, and one more whose name I didn’t get, in connection with kilted finishers at Dramathon

  • Olivia, Laurie, Barbarella and Twizzle, for having cuddles

  • Muffdiver, in recognition of his valiant mobility (‘when I was a lad…….’)

It was noted that The Penguin had overtaken Twizzle despite having done the Mearns hash the previous day where he took the wrong/longest route which the hare had not intended to be used. Good ‘on ‘I’m!!

Olivia and Laurie were given official hash handles of Cuddles and Skippy following today’s antics.

The recent Undertones concert also provided some fodder for the Circle:

  • Cinders told Biggles how good the concert was, forgetting she’d stood next to him at the concert.

  • Not Dot’s and Biggles’ love dance was so compelling that it even alleviated Fireflaps’ scepticism of finding true love. But ‘compelling’ could not be applied to Biggles’ attempt to repeat it in the circle.

Your ‘Umble Scribe

Short & Thick



1994 - Sun 10 Oct 2021 - Drumtochty Glen - Hares: Bungee Finger & Pink Panther - Scribe: Numbskull

Location: Drumtochty Glen

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/QQW8n2qBijgtGo2w5

Directions: TBA

Other info: Forest Walks car park in Drumtochty Glen, Auchenblae

Run 1994

Sunday 10/10/21

Drumtochty Glen

Hares - Pink Panther & Bungy Finger

Scribe: Numbskull

Years ago, the move to Monday night runs meant you got your Sundays back. Now I’m proply retired, it doesn’t matter much anymore - tend not to know what day of the week it is anyways.

Had the Google lady and a Flaps in the car - both telling me where to go so, WCPGW?

That all went well then - and arrived early for once.

Another thing I’ve noticed recently, like the old days. With some new runners around, there are faces, hash handles and real names. After a while, I sometimes discover that they are all the same person.

With a rather teacher like voice of authority we were all called to order by the Flaps to get the pre-run stuff sorted.

Hillary’s extremely popular horrible history commenced with Pig Iron being coerced to answer questions about 1994:

­ Who was the leader of the labour party?

­ What was the first internet browser called? (cookies were invented)

­ What did a national lottery ticket cost, and what is the largest unclaimed prize?

­ What happened to the channel tunnel boring machine?

Answers? - maybe!

Someone got a DD standing in for SAFF - or maybe the other way round.

Aids then took over and noted there was a lack of deja vue and we might be in a parallel universe, because - warm, no rain, no pink.

It was noted that it was Hugo’s b’day and that he had got a rubber chicken for a pressie.

Glasgow got a DD for pissing on the beer check. What’s the chances of that - well, pretty high!

High Maintenance received a 250 run award (silver mug) - molte congratulazioni.

Pink Panther then demonstrated the run signs (all pink) and off we went.

I wandered around at least half of the trail with Olymprick for company.

Notable events included The Bitchhh seen holding hands (with a girl) and Little Shit falling on his face.

Also, apparently The Bitchhh had made a bet with Fairy Whip-it to do the run in underpantses. It is noy known who won.

And so to the circle, with Aids ruling. There was some telling of jokes, some of which I got.

‘He couldn’t work out how to fasten his seat belt - but then it clicked.’

‘A priest, a vicar and a rabbit donated blood. Nurse asked their blood groups. “Type A” said the priest. “Type B” said the vicar. “Type O” said the rabbit.’

DDs:

  • Me for hash-crash (a Tesco carpark barrier moved on my car while I was away)

  • Short hair cuts - The Bitchhh, me and a few others

  • Drillbit for desperately needing a pee throughout the AGPU bus trip (apparently there was a toilet on board)

  • Wee Willie for something to do with a red jacket

  • Binliner for sartorial excellence

  • For being fit bastards - Hippo, Bag o’ Bones, Biggles, Centrefold

  • I think The Bitchhh gave Barbarella a DD for not getting a tuxedo on fast enough

  • Fireflaps for referring to Bag o’ Bones and The Penguin as freaks of nature

  • ,,, and the hares PP and BF for a rather nice non - deja vue run.

Nummers

OK, the answers:

­ Tony Blair

­ Netscape

­ £1 and £63m

­ Sold for £40k on e-bay



1993 - Sun 03 Oct 2021 - Rowentree Carpark, Bennachie - Hares: Hippo & Centerfold - Scribe: JC

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run #1993

Sunday 3rd October 2021

OnOn: Rowantree Car Park, Bennachie

Hares: Hippo & Centrefold

Scribe: JC

A fine autumn day dawned following upon the previous day’s rainfall of biblical proportions. Perplexed, the hares found little remaining trace of friendly flour, and set about relaying their epic trail. Who knows, perhaps this saved the pack from the renowned Hippo ritual of ensuring the route takes in the highest point within 5km of the OnOn.

Just shy of 40 enthusiasts struggled to fit their trusty steeds into the car park in time to hustle around Fireflaps our illustrious GM. A pre-run DD was probably awarded, but retentive capacity is not great, and from an already low base it has regressed with age. The only thing I can suggest is that future scribes are press-ganged from younger participants! Lively Linda volunteered the ‘orrible ‘istory of 1993. The most important thing to happen that year was obviously her own journey from womb to world, but she modestly downplayed this in deference to the World Wide Web. Apparently, following upon Tim Berners-Lee’s 1991 creation on behalf of CERN [Conseil européen pour la recherche nucléaire] of the first website and browser, website creation was now opening up to the public. Some other minor events happened that year, but the construction of an AH3 webpage was not among them.

As we ambled off westwards Centrefold was heard bemoaning that he had forgotten to enable Strava – this from a hare who had done several reccies and laid the trail twice – just how at risk of getting lost were we?

Ballerina, still suffering from his recent heroic efforts to complete an excessively long Mearns run, particularly welcomed the first check as an opportunity to take a breather, and stumbling over an imaginary tussock of some sort performed a spectacular tumble, thereby cunningly obliterating the circle. After having last week splattered herself all over the forest floor, Sharnie was today taking it cautiously, doubtless preparing herself for future more vigorous endeavours, whilst Bin Liner not to be outdone felt prompted to forcefully head butt the mud as he scrambled to secure a footing when checking out the steep uphill path. However, it was not yet time to head uphill.

It was the wily Prickly Bush who sensed when that time had come, as she chose to explore a convoluted mountain bike trail rather than merely follow the flock down to an eventual back-check. For the front runners back-checks proved to be a recurring theme. Twizzle’s plodding attempt at front running was dashed as young blood Ryan overhauled him on the ascent, while Little Shit’s bid for front running relied on persuading the faster hounds to come back and be included in extensive photoshoots (thereby offering his body a respite and recovery period). As the treeline approached it was obvious to the wiser hashers that the trail would return eastwards. The keen newbies were outfoxed, and for a few hundred zig-zaggy metres JC experienced a brief moment of glory, before falling for the idea that the trail was headed for Mither Tap.

Such a notion was supported when a collection of walkie talkies lead by none other than Mrs T, the hare’s better half, were spotted heading up the Maiden Causeway. But alas, this proved to be on account of navigational incompetence, and once again eagle eyed Prickly Bush saved the day by spotting a hint of flour on a dyke about 500 metres away. The pack attempted to short cut by bounding across the heather, but many did not make the trip unscathed, frequently completely disappearing into unseen hasher sized crevices, often for longer than it takes a photon to journey from our nearest star to our nearest glen.

But I digress - suffice to say that oodles of flour, devious checks, and frequent check-backs yet awaited as the hash traversed to the burbling Rushmill Burn. Although Blagger was to be seen stumbling around in the refreshingly chilly water, others resisted this temptation and instead followed the burn downhill to cross the main track. Then, when a tricky detour appeared to dry up Paddy sussed it out and led everyone into the Beer Check where awaited a well lubricated Muff Diver and Bruce Almighty (surprise, surprise). The box of Cadbury Roses was well received, particularly by Prickly Bush who was obviously in need of a sugar kick after her trailblazing performance.

Returning towards the On-Inn in walking mode Linda (or perhaps it was Mandy?) spotted a fallen glove and (obviously aware of the carnage that might ensue should it be detected by Boston) returned it to High Maintenance who appreciatively commented that being left with only one glove would have resulted in a pretty useless state of affairs. It was at this point that she realised that the other glove was also missing. It fell to yet another dog lover, Struth, to recover the errant article and thereby save Fifi a second costly veterinary bill.

Back at the On-Inn the aforesaid Fifi set up stall and dispensed free garden produce to the famished masses. Red Stripe, admiring her newly acquired courgette (which had strayed into marrow territory), was heard to exclaim “Great, that’s me sorted for tonight”. Then, with the potato crisp supplies nearly exhausted, it was time for Twizzle, Ice Breaker and Little Shit to dispense some down downs in respect of the following misdemeanours (and maybe even others):

  • Centrefold for the previously mentioned Strava incident.

  • Bungie Finger and Paddy for mistakenly thinking that the OnOn was at the Bennachie Centre. Seemingly the latter did have some excuse, claiming that it was difficult to think clearly due to ultra loud breathing noises emanating from passenger Saf (apparently a valid after effect of a booze fuelled lock-in with a few fellow post grads).

  • Centrefold for dabbing flour on canine heads.

  • Paddy for attempts to following wild flowers instead of flour – which resulted in a naming ceremony (Flower).

  • Ryan for prancing about and being generally too fast - another naming ceremony ensued and the clamour-ometer eventually seemed to settle on Fairy Whip-it.

  • Self administered DD to Ice Breaker who, clutching his stick in one hand and his staff in t’other, regaled us of his being sufficiently incapacitated as to suffer the ignominy of being turfed out of a Weatherspoons, hence missing out on a pint or two.

  • Twizzle for his incompetence at arranging a lift home from last week’s hash.

  • Hippo and Centrefold (what, again?) for setting an excellent hash (twice) and arranging good weather (once).

Finally, Mrs T cheerily reminded the pack that although ticks were on duty 24/7, their zenith was hash days during August thru’ November, and the most fun way to counter them was to invite a friend(s) to give your body frequent thorough inspections. For more cool info on these critters see https://www.lymediseaseaction.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/LDA002-9-web.pdf.

** Reminiscences and Ramblings from JC. Note that all characters are fictional, any resemblance to real people or events being purely coincidental.



1992 - Sun 26 Sep 2021 - Drum Castle - Hares: Cindrers & Sergio - Scribe: Spash N Dash

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1992

Sunday 26th September

Drum Castle

Hares: Cinders and Sergio

Scribe: Splash ‘n Dash

I was told by Flaps Flaps to be Scribe this week. Before that we were told by T-Rex Cock relevant history of 1992 such as some football connection, 2 TV comedians dying and the first porn channel being on TV!

Virgins were introduced - Filippo, Patrick, Sarah (later to be called Olivia) and Noelia. Visitors Mr Macavity and Bodsa were welcomed. Cinders and Sergio (our hares) got a down down for doing 1000 runs. (It’s a pity we missed the run 999 emergency services awards! Ed)

We set off. The first stumbling block was at the plantation where we lost trail for a while and got confused by 2 check points near each other. Eventually out of the plantation Red Stripe said there’s a lady in the wood who sleeps in her car. Just before we got to the oak forest we saw said car (blue Volkswagen beetle) but no lady.

The group stayed quite well together due to back checks for front runners. Underlay, 4 Fingers, Barbarella and others went quite a way before turning on a back check.

The beer and sweetie stop was very welcome after 7km of running. It’s all because had his lovely dachshunds - Archie and Hugo. Tia was looking beautiful as ever and Mr Macavity’s dog was leading the pack. Boston was into everything.

I turned round to see Little Shit pouring a bottle of water over Hippo. Something to do with trying to get the fizz out of the water!?

Then we ran for a short distance for the On In. We had great beers then made a circle.

The Down Downs:

  • Drillbit had a down down for putting the wrong batteries in his phone and later another down down for sending an email to the RA from his wife’s email.

  • T-Rex Cock had a down down with a very long song about Yogi Bear from Little Shit.

  • The Virgins and visitors Mr Macavity and Bodsa got down downs.

  • Sarah was called Olivia for looking like Olivia Newton John in her amazing leggings. (Neutron Bomb! Ed)

  • Icebreaker got a down down for making Hash Cash late - meaning there was a queue at the beginning of the hash to pay.

  • Then Red Stripe got a down down for forgetting to make an announcement about the Halloween do.

  • It was a great hash with fantastic weather - thank you Cinders and Sergio.

Then The Bitchhh, Linda, Barbarella, Mandy, 4 Fingers and myself went for a glorious swim in the River Dee.

If there are any bits I missed out let me know and I’ll update the Scribe.

Cheers Splash N Dash.


Location: Drum Castle, Drumoak, Banchory AB31 5EY, UK

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/5o5faDFje5o7cVQd6

Directions: TBA

Other info: Park in overflow car park. £3 parking charge.


On Inn:

Hazards:


1991 - Sun 19 Sep 2021 - Blairs Wood, Kintore - Hare: T Rex Cock Scribe: Blagger

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Sunday 19th September 2021

Run No. 1991

Blairs Wood, Kintore

Hare – T Rex Cock

Scribe: Blagger

Point to remember for all of those who don’t want to be picked to be the scribe – don’t turn up late! Another point to remember is that, although it is good for the lungs and the soul to be outside in the fresh air, trying to stagger round the trail with a horrendous hangover and function sufficiently to make notes for the scribe is a right royal pain in the arse!!

I arrived so late that the circle was in full swing, so sadly there is no record made by me of what 1991 was famous for, but I’m sure Sir Dedmund Hillary will disclose his factoids to anyone who cares to ask him!

But fortunately, I didn’t miss the all-important awards – 300 runs for Red Stripe and 400 runs for both Wee Willie & It’s All-Because – well done to you all!

So the pack were soon off and I watched the runners disappear into the bracken, as I tagged along with the walkers, for a different hashing experience! There were dogs galore on the trail, with It’s All Because’s two dachshunds, Tia, Sherlock, Roxy (?) and Rusty and it was hilarious to watch Rusty’s attempts to ingratiate himself with Tia – he just wouldn’t take a growl or a snarl for an answer!!

I cannot comment on how the runners fared on this glorious day, but us walkers had a wonderful meander through the woods. A few events that I picked up which were of noteworthy interest were as follows:

  • Numbskull managed to get lost for a large chunk of the trail and arrived at the beer stop looking rather dishevelled telling us tales of spiders attacking him in the dense forest! They stole his glasses and were as big as dinner plates and yet he still managed to get out alive!

  • Oneliner was set straight by Bruce Almighty when he commented that he hadn’t seen flour in a while, with “ We’ve just passed three spots in the last 50 yards you blind bastard!”

  • Clemens stumbled across the walkers when the runners crossed our paths and he was alerted by another Hasher to the snail that was crawling up his leg, fortunately in plenty of time for him to shriek and flick it off before it got past his giggle line!!

Once everyone had arrived back at the start and scoffed crisps and guzzled beers etc the circle was called, and our illustrious leader Fire Flaps reminded everyone:

1. Christmas Dinner is on 18th December 13:00 at Café Andaluz and there are limited places so if you want to go get your name down with Glasgow and pay a £10 deposit

2. Get your name down for the weekend celebrations for the 2000th run which is on Friday 19th to Sunday 21st November – message Glasgow

3. GM is looking for someone to set the trail for the 2000th run celebrations on Friday for the red dress run in town and Sunday for the hangover run

Copious stories, anecdotes worthy of a down down and numerous faux pas were shared in the circle to the point that I was wondering if it would still be light by the time we drove home! In order of appearance we have:

1. Mrs T safety engineer extraordinaire for her rather naff attempts to identify a trip hazard with a bag of flour

2. Hippo for converting his car into a B&B with tickets to see Vodoo Rooms. Mrs T was interrogated to discover if there had been any “a rocking” going on once they left the rock band and returned to said vehicle.

3. The Bitchhh (aka Zak) called our illustrious GM into the circle for song inspiration in the absence of Bag ‘O’ Bones and the need for a bit more synchronisation from the circle was stressed, so get practicing for next week!

4. The Bitchhh then went on to compliment the hare for a very interesting trail with lots of zigging & Zaking (did you see what I did there?!) which led to a number of slips, trips & falls. The first to be summoned was Wee Willie for arriving at the beer stop in a far from sure footed frolic! Fire Flaps was then called up for her incapacity for staying upright, although there were definite murmurs that The Bitchhh shoved her on her second tumble!

5. The heinous crime of littering was exposed, when Blagger (yours truly) ordered those who had eaten a yellow chewy sweetie at the sweet stop to step into the circle – Glasgow, Wee Willie & T-Rex Cock duly shuffled into the centre and the crowd roared for Glasgow being the culprit , which diminished to a shout for T-Rex Cock and a hardly audible cheer for Wee Willie being the perpetrator, so it just goes to prove what a bad judge of character you lot are, as it was Wee Willie who had discarded the wrapper and tried to feign innocence by producing a second yellow wrapper from his pocket as proof he had not dropped it, but that simply showed that he was a greedy oinker as well as a litterer – shame on you Wee Willie – BOOOOOOOO!

6. T-Rex Cock for managing to shred his legs to pieces at every Hash – fresh blood smeared all over the plasters from last week!!

7. Sir Dedmund Hillary was congratulated on his shiny new motor car, which was classed as a technical masterpiece (just like him) with all of the bells & whistles on it. Of particular note was the ability for Sir Dedmund Hillary to open the vehicle from anywhere along the 5.5 mile trail by use of the latest technology, but that didn’t seem to incorporate the need for Glasgow when she needed to open it, and so she was duly reminded of the need to listen to one’s husband at all times!!

8. One Liner described the scene from a movie- the crashing sounds from Jurassic Park, as a diplodocus bears down on you, as you dive for a deep ravine to take shelter. The hissing and spluttering of George Stevenson’s Rocket as the engine thunders along the tracks towards you – were these the things he was hearing on the trail? But no, it was Little Shit in an attempt to run fast and his body objecting in the loudest possible way!!

9. Little Shit updated the circle with our illustrious leader’s attempt to take a short cut when travelling to last week’s Hash, thinking she knew best. The “Holy Fuck!” could be heard at the car park as she came to a very abrupt end in the narrow lane and had to back up over a mile & a half – the reversing award goes to Fire Flaps! Little Shit was also heard to mumble something about Fire Flaps’s choice of attire that week being very close fitting and he has what he considers an excellent photo, which can be kept from all social media in exchange for a bunch of £20 notes – simples!

10. T-Rex Cock was publicly admonished by Little Shit for moaning that last week’s circle was too short. Panty Pockets & Little Shit had been classed as honorary Australians -no idea what the significance was there, but T-Rex Cock was presented with a down down with a wasp in it for being a moaning old goat!

11. Little Shit was left bamboozled by Barbarella, who on finding check number 2 went in the opposite direction to everyone else referring to his mobile phone the whole time. That was the last Little shit saw of him, so he was unanimously branded a trail dodger for his use of Strava and ordered to take a down down.

12. This led to The Bitchhh jumping in and exposing Hippo for short cutting, who in his defence was blethering on about managing The Bitchhh’s dietary requirements – I’ll leave you to ponder on that one!

13. All guys that needed a pee along the trail were invited in to the circle – 9 in total and they were reminded that nettles grow wherever you pee and those who had been inflicted with nettle stings along the way were perfectly within their rights to push them into the nearest bush for adding to the density of the nettle “thickets”

14. All ladies that went for a pee were then invited to show themselves – 5 n total, who all assumed the squat position to consume their down down to a fabulous rendition of Shit House Rock from Hippo

The down downs all duly delivered a request was made for anyone who did not smell the stench on the way round from behind the slaughterhouse should make themselves known to a member of the committee for a Covid test!

T-Rex Cock was thanked and applauded for an excellent trail that stayed close to the start encompassing hunners of twists and turns but very cleverly never straying too far away, so that Sir Dedmund Hillary was able to open his car from any point along the trail!

Everyone was invited back to T-Rex Cock’s for Lasagne & Brownies for lunch made by his super talented wife T-Rex Hen.

Next Week’s Hash was announced as Drum Castle and Hashers were reminded to bring £3 for parking, or risk it for a biscuit


1990 - Sun 12 Sep 2021 - Gairnhill Woods - Hare: Sir Deadman Hillary & Glasgow - Scribe: Biggles

ABERDEEN HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

RUN 1990

Sun 12 Sep 2021

Gairnhill Woods

Hares: Sir Deadman Hillary & Glasgow

Scribe: Biggles

Notdot and I were looking after grandson overnight and on Sunday morning of the 12th September, our 40th wedding anniversary, we thought it a good idea to attend AH3 no 1990 with aforesaid 10 year old. It was rather cold, and I was one of the few in a t-shirt, most others wrapped up warmly.

In a circle the GM called us round to get the hash meet off the ground. She then declared who the scribe to be and just my luck she picked on me.

The GM then announced the dates for the 2000th run, 19th -21st November, and the Xmas lunch on Saturday 18th December at 1pm in Café Andaluz.

The pre run down downs went to The Penguin, for managing to gate crash the AH3 committee meeting, he looked totally confused when he was in the circle. Nothing new there then, and a t-shirt awarded to Laurie (not Laura), who duly wore it next to the skin showing off the blue hue cos it was freezing.

The Hares told us very little about the run except that it went downhill for the runners, and we immediately lost the trail. After checking in the wrong direction I was now at the rear of the pack, through wet fields. It meandered through the woods and on the 2nd check Barbarella decided to check where the walkie talkies had come from, and headed off towards the cars.

The rest of the run flashed by as we were split up and only heard the occasional on-on. The not quite at the front runners, Underlay and myself were grateful that the whippets at the front marked the checks for us. It was full of into the woods for 100 meters and then back on to the paths.

If you want to know more about the trail, check out the report on Sauerkraut’s FOOFAH cos apparently it followed it closely.

At the end we had to return the Grandson before the circle, because his mum had a sudden change of plans. Apologies but my spy informed me that the after run down downs went to

1 The over the 70’s hashers (The Penguin, Pigiron and Panty Pockets). This was to celebrate that 70 year old Rosie Swale had successfully run from Katmandhu to Brighton this year for charity. Panty Pockets managed to catch Twizzle with her beer over the shoulder.

2 Ballerina for posing with the young harriettes

3. Lazy Bastard Son, cos he couldn’t find the beer check, and his dad had set the run

4.The Penguin (again) for over thinking the hash, and believing that some of the flour was from Sauerkraut’s FOOFAH.

5. Lazy Bastard Son for watching too much karate on TV and not practicing the art of karate.

6.Barbarella though that I was still at the circle and played Status Quo’s Rockin’ All Over The World (as a tribute to Notdot and Biggles slow dancing to Status Quo on the night they met – the dance floor was jammed full, honest ) So it backfired and he drank the beer.

Biggles


Location: Gairnhill Woods, back of Cults, Aberdeen.

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/WbHPbZC8QJiCPVG87

Map Ref:

Directions:

Other Info: The OnOn and parking is on the road that runs North on the East side of the AWPR, the old road to the now abandoned Gairn Farm. There is room for 20 cars + 10 spaces in laybys on the main road.

Hazards: There are no known hazards on the run.

1989 - Sun 05 Sep 2021 - Balnagask - Hare: The Penguin Scribe: Olymprick

Location: Torry Battery, Balnagask

Google map: https://goo.gl/maps/rURWkCFCzFp2YrJ2A

Map ref: OS Map 3896 7055

Directions: Headsouth over Victoria Bridge across River Dee towards Torry, then turn left at traffic lights on to S Esplanade E which bends right on to Crombie Place.

At next junction turn left on to Sinclair Road heading east to join Greyhope Road.

Continue along Greyhope Road keeping the River Dee/harbour on your left, pass the Torry Battery and turn right into the next carpark east of the Torry Battery. (There will be an AH3 sign at that point.

NB: Only hazards will be traffic on road

GOOGLES INTERPRATATION OF OLYMPRICK'S SCRIBE

5th Sept: 1989 : Penguin: Torry

"New Rumers Visitors

Scibe ? Olymprick new

Meshligns Honde History holna - NEW WIFI 1989 - GM was c they ? olymprick ( nistor More putt Head hoe?

Chape linders - Pig Iron One Liner 700 RodyaRobin = 1400 Trev.1401 350 Batty ZAK=RA A wizale)

Aggie shotwp-Because you can't Hare Trenguin No Golf 1989 -GT = GM oops see above most everon one trail V=Virginia Cove Bay Motel Walkers Joe R. Rats Arse

Simon A2 IST. Run = New and Saffron (Lavie) I kept my distance

Suzame (Barbarela) - All in black

Genma (PITA) - Loud Got Several mentions

Golfer fifi thought olympick was one as he was chatting with some and PP+ppe Seamless tif he ha messed Rate (swimming (4) - North Sea

Dr Mipples @ wrong nettles (sama) It . The racists do it again + again Not Dot wha's Scribe she asked Scabe -Hardy a surprise to scribe who clocked hat she was last 2 Arlive fingen explained what all the mud (FYB

2 oil silos contained Spotted rooring god branded fit Young Boy LBS + white Bolto see above

shitel Bollox How the GM described the trail to scribe, when they net on twil twice

"O Ronning what more Butt accosed to of doing on FB. Ballerina Late Beer - I blame the GM• lack of a back up plan

B&B - Scribe If he repeats that bloody song Mirka BACK - you'll have to go figure that one out

ZAK-Quiet Att Seeker -Scribertake on him

MG - Back Lemon - Beathes song about USSR

Bin Liner row teered to pay at end ofron - but too late

Wee willie + Zak first to ☺ - Smiler

Andes catch kavid Queen Saffron

Biggles& Cinders IST after Bastala bock check

shit on H/H/H

Binline Late to Pay

Hippo. Gramps-fraid not but you must have lost anders who did not show atarde

Racing on Bikes, Barbaas. BoB - Song Shortage running theme about to lover corrected for Flaps (sallar Nobeer (tipp)

Lost Property map & Frola * If Hippo had been hash beer weld have had to wait an additional 15mins

flast-left-Wallet - Ice Breaker

Maddy Stood next to scribe and was helpful with names of newbeez

Arlene lost Phone - What again?

Glasgowledt Rats arse ducktape over

Bir (Barb 1 line. 3 late repeat

More Hair Butt. o non runner repeat but to be fair - hardly recognisable 3 + Joint olo. Arm and eye contact

- realy got to tongues New runners. Simont Thelma flintshores - Sung to the theme of frecta Wilma

Stripey - lost cause

CoveBay pay in name of Strachan TAB

found by a IB R Card A Smileron floor next to her bed. 1990 Sir Dedrund. Cycle Race - No wolies

Hanes. on Dicky Di Do (9 verses) .

May have been eleven till a wee penguin got the message.

You could add :


Hi Scribe.

A few notes for you to maybe add to your r*n report.

The Penguin (Hare) reminded hashers that this was not a race but an opportunity to enjoy the views surrounding us when hashing.

Twizzle announced his disappearance, AIDS wasn't present, so we had to dig up old relic RA's ... Haggi was nominated ... but he needed help ... so The Bitch was thrown into the circle by Flaps ... since he's been told he knows his place. ... and what a fine job he did as his first stint as guest RA (AIDS beware, we have a new CockATool in the making), and we know what happened last time ... we ended up all at sea.


A run through the most easterly part of Aberdeen taking in the historic Girdleness lighthouse and the fog horn which guided fogbound ships in days of old but now redundant due to today's technology.

Views of Aberdeen Harbour founded in 1136 making it the oldest existing business in Britain. Interesting to see that the skyline beyond which used to be marked by church spires is now dominated by high rise residential and office blocks.

The old Bay of Nigg which used to be a picnic spot is now a new harbour under construction to accommodate cruise ships and the like.

Neat loop through the Community Garden with paintings on display.

Thanks to Haggisimo for gift of snack foods.

Thanks to The Penguin for sharing his Penguin biscuits which make Penguins big and strong.

How could Hippo, one of our most experienced hashers, get lost on this run?

ON...INN... was Cove Bay Hotel, lunch was great, little to report except that a hasher was seen to disappear to the Gents to change out of his hash gear. 14 hashers turned up at Cove Bay Hotel.

Haggi went to the loo an hour later, only to find one sock in the cubicle, and the other next to the sink.

Rumours abound .. Dod Michael has been suggested as new hashname for Barbarella.

A fine AH3 Day Oot wi fine weather n Guid Friends. 👣👣


1988 - Sun 29 Aug 2021 - AGPU Knockburn Loch - Hare: Twizzle & JC Scribe: Wee Willie

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1988 & AGPU 2021

Sunday 29 August 2021

Location: Bridge of Bogendreip &Knockburn Loch

Hares: JC

62 intrepid hashers escaped their locked-down lives and assembled at Bridge of Bogendreip, arriving half an hour early, just as well, as we needed to be briefed by the hares JC and Twizzle about the 10km trail, the 6km trail, the 8.5km trail and the 7.3km trail. Plus the size, shape, colour of the blobs and arrows on each trail. The pack started singing to hide their confusion. As your scribe only realised he was the scribe much later (a lesson for your new GM) he has no clue who got the pre-run down-downs, one easy one to remember was Drillbit, who enthusiastically got on the bus at Culter leaving his picnic chair at the bus stop. Fortunately for him CannaeBeArsed was more alert and retrieved the chair.

DD also (I think) for our visiting Hash royalty Hazukashii, important to ply him with ale to make sure we get a good write-up in his hash website (www.gototheHash.net ) .

We all knew who we were on the trail, as Not Dot had been busy creating name badges for all. Somewhat confusingly Gemma seemed to be named Barbarella.

Good to see some absent friends back on the hash- Golden Shower, It’s All Because and One Liner have the misfortune to still be working. We have yet another hash hound due to appear as It’s All Because has another Daschund... though not today.

Your Scribe accidentally took the 10km trail, anyway that’s what View Ranger told me (https://my.viewranger.com/track/details/MjA2MDU1ODU= . An excellent well marked trail, lovely views, no lost hashers, though The Dutchess seemed pretty blasé about the whereabouts of Numbskull.

Cinders was of like a rocket, leaving Aids to work out which of the multiple trails to do.

Lots of hashers disappearing into the distance, I thought Struth was meant to be a slow runner. Roger Me More also, gone are the days when I would see her on the walkie-talkie trail. Maybe she’s actually caught up with Underlay now. I don’t even see so much of Sergio on trail anymore, either he’s got much faster or I’ve got much slower...

At one point it seemed like we had returned to hashing in the 90’s, with a melee of shiggy throwing led by various harriettes. From a safe distance it seemed to be Flaps, Kate, SplashNDash, Laurie with Icebreaker and Barbarella having a shot. There were others, you know who you are...

Makin was definitely dressed for summer hashing, so there was absolutely no chance of him being too hot on trail.

Drillbit and Muff Diver will have been happy that they weren’t biking, this was a superb hashing trail, forest routes, some up, not so much down...

Excellent view check looking south east from Craig of Dalfro. Caught-up with Struth and Threesome, enjoying the view.

Most of us remembered that the giant H on trial was not in fact the helicopter check, but actually the HAZARD marker, minimising the number of hashers to be trapped on the extensive barbed wire boundary.

I had a bit of excitement with Glasgow and High Maintenance while meandering- a lost trail as a result of too much chatting- the route was rediscovered, letting Fifi catch up with us.

Excited voices in the distance told us that we were approaching the beer check, something to look forward to after more than a year of lockdown.

“Is there a doctor in the house” I heard, as Toy Boy Tom and Kate had been attacked by wasps’ shortcutting to the beer. There was, I told them, but the house is at Knockburn Loch...

Post trail:

Arriving at Knockburn Loch to the welcome sight of the parked-up bus, so at least we knew we would be able to get home. Even more welcome was the hash beer laid on by Ballerina, his enthusiasm knows no bounds, having travelled to Yorkshire to procure good beer and to escape Scotland’s minimum unit price rules, a true hasher.

Olymprick made the mistake of turning-up at Knockburn Loch to do the NO NO trail, only to discover that he was now Sous Chef reporting to Bridget and Ursula, with the main task of cleaning tatties for 62. A working hasher, there aren’t many of those these days.

Bin Liner escaped that fate, having turned-up late after escaped domestic responsibilities to concentrate on eating and drinking.

Down Downs:

After Lunch RA Twizzle called the hash to order for the trail DDs.

Lots of DDs happened, please be aware that the accuracy of this summary cannot be guaranteed...

At this point your GM realised that he needed a pen and lots of paper, having forgotten to award the scribe. So First DD to Wee Willie, surprise surprise...

We had yet another fungi award, with Pink Panther celebrating her discussion on mushrooms on trail. Shame Clemens wasn’t here to join in.

At this point it seemed that the numbers of hashers attacked by wasps had dramatically increased- with all of them getting a DD: Toy Boy Tom, Kate, Tiger Feet, Lazy Bastard Son.

RA led a debate about the un-named Makin’s new hash handle. There were a number of totally appropriate names referencing our best dressed hasher, The Immaculate Conception, Pristine, Mr Sheen, and Posy Pants being just a few. The pack decided on Mr Sheen, which was celebrated with a DD.

There was something about Fire Flaps making Fraser late for the hash through excessive use of a hairdryer. A worthy DD followed. Over the exuberance of the pack I think I picked-up a new hash handle for Fraser- so The Panty Drier it is. Or is it?

By now the ales were slowing down my scribbling, you should be worried, as I have another 6 pages of this. There was something about body abuse from JC in Ballerina’s house, JC got a down down. Or was it Ballerina?

AH3 AGPU 2021:

We now turned to our Master of Ceremonies One Liner, who thanked the AGPU organisers, particularly Twizzle, Ballerina, the committee, and of course Bridget and Ursula, our hash chefs.

We looked back at a year and a bit of covid, and thanked those that kept us sane, social and exercised over the pandemic. Of course JC with the FOOFAAHs, Barbarella with Zoom (and bringing-in lots of new hashers), virtual lockdown hashers, quizmasters, Wee Willie and the committee.

The old committee were invited up for a down down, resigned, and then hash democracy took its course. The old committee were very pleased with themselves as they’ve left some money in the kitty for the new committee. Exact amount to follow after Hashcash closes out AGPU costs, but will be something like £2.5K.

The 2021 - 2022 committee:

  • GM: Flaps

  • JM: Zak

  • Head Hare: Panty Pockets

  • Hash Cash: Glasgow

  • OnSec/Edit Hare: Little Shit

  • Hash Beer: Ballerina, Hippo, Numbskull

  • RAs: Twizzle & Aids

  • Social Sex: Red Stripe & Ice Breaker

  • Song Master: Bag ‘O’ Bones

  • Haberdasher: Red Stripe

Then Down Downs for the new committee!

RA Twizzle had been raiding his hashing cupboard which is obviously was too full of hash t-shirts- one passed to Nev in celebration of his AH3 hashing career- he’s off to Spain now, so we won’t see him for a while.

T-shirt was also awarded to our visitor Hazukashii, to remember us by.

Threesome and Jetslag were also awarded- so no more trendy running tops for them now (though Mearns t-shirts are allowed).

A big cheer and a bunch of flowers were awarded to each of Bridget and Ursula- as a thank you for their excellent lunch!

Thanks to our hares today JC & Twizzle.

2021 Annual Awards:

So, time for more beer, and then we hand-over to our RA Aids for Hash Awards. A simple request, we were told, nominations requested for:

The RA congratulated the pack for their excellent suggestions, though he did note that a lot of bullshit was written. Wee Willie went to the top of the class for his insightful (and wordy!) summary, which was deserving of a DD, so got one.

Our RA was also perplexed by some of the alternative awards which showed some excessive lateral thinking- the ‘Dominic Cummings Lockdown Award’ (?) And ‘the Colossus Code Breaking Award’ (?) being two excellent examples. More about these later.

Best trail: There were 28 runs before lockdown 1947- 1974 and 13 since (1975-1987).

· Pink Panther, Shaky, Not Dot & Biggles laid 3 trails and

· Golden Shower, Wee Willie, Binliner each laid 2

Several people nominated their own trails – mentioning no names (Ballerina) so they weren’t counted.

The winner is Fire Flaps and trail 1984 at Stonehaven.

Best Scribe: pretty high quality of scribes, we have two winners, Olivia and Zak

Worst Scribe: Though not requested, we have a joint winner for the ‘Not Best Scribe’ Award: Centrefold for rudeness (1980) and Bruce Almighty for the shortest scribe ever written (1961).

Run awards:

· 25 Runs - Ice Breaker

  • 50 Runs - Threesome and White Bolt

  • 100 Runs - Lazy Bastard Son

  • 300 Runs - Ballerina

  • 400 Runs - Barbarella

  • 600 Runs - Bruce Almighty & T-Rex Cock

  • 666 Runs - Sir Deadmund Hill-Ary

  • 1400 Runs - Little Shit

Down Downs were awarded to all! We were particularly entertained by Little Shit’s version of ‘next to the skin’ for the trews, fortunately we had Red Stripe’s head to protect his modesty, Sharnie just didn’t know where to look.

Best FOOFAAH trail: Over a 12 months’ period 53 trails were set, attracting 193 participants who accumulated 2,016 turnouts (providing an average attendance of 38).

Trail#1 at Aquhythie lays claim to the smallest turnout of only 10 attendees, but at the other extreme and after the final recount Wee Willie’s trail #44 at Tollohill and Fireflaps trail #46 at Cairn-mon-earn both attracted 60 participants (joint King and Queen of the Foofaah).

In total 32 hares or co-hares volunteered to set and maintain trails, of which JC, Bin Liner, Little Shit, Sharnie, Shaky, and Tonto were each responsible for 4 or more. JC set 12!

Apart from JC there were another two hashers who completed all 53 trails – namely Barbarella and T Rex Cock.

Other participants who attended 40 or more Foofaahs were (in order) Little Shit, Sharnie, Drillbit, Fifi, Sauerkraut, Bin Liner, Sir Deadmund Hillary, Numbskull, Not Dot, Ballerina, and the Dutchess.

DOWN-DOWNs to Wee Willie, Fireflaps, JC, Barbarella and T-Rex Cock

Best Foofaah: (26 nominations, 13 for JC [4 for #5, 3 for #53 and 2 for #31} Shaky had 5 for his trails and 2 for Prickly Bush at Kincardine)

DOWN-DOWNs to JC & Shaky

Not the best Foofaah:

Numbskull for setting a trail full of poison out in Drumoak and returning a few weeks later to lay his next trail outside the complainants house. Dogs and flour don’t always mix. Little Shit threatened by mad axeman, “not me gov, it was the big boy and he ran off”.

Splash N’Dash with assistance of Barbarella setting Oodles of flour in the quiet suburb of Cove. Police alerted and nab Little Shit & Sharnie following poison ridden trail.

Binliner laying trail two weeks before the pack were to run it. Dog walkers beware at Foggieton.

Most complaints: #12 Hippo – irate landowner at Drum even though it was a recognised right of way.

Most Confusing: #42 T REX – so many loops and unfound trail from check near Thainstone hotel – found eventually but Annie Bollox gave me loads of grief !

#45 Barbarella – Cove – A close second - no idea where trail when - gave up and ran to town!

Best Lockdown Hash: 60 virtual trails from Ecuador to Auchenblae, Liverpool to Lapland and just about everywhere in between! Every continent covered – including Antarctica.

Hares – Wee Willie and Shaky did 7 each. Pink Panther 5 and Not Dot 5 (3 with Biggles)

Aids only missed one. Wee Willie a close second as he only missed a few – of course Barbarella as host (though a missed a couple) and Bruce Almighty also very regular!

DOWN-DOWNs (Wee Willie, Shaky, Pink Panther and Not-Dot)

Best Lockdown location and scribe: (15 nominations, 4 for Not Dot, 2 for Shaky and Twizzle) Not-Dots Time Travel trail #56 got 2 votes was the only one with more than one nomination. DOWN-DOWN for Not Dot

Special awards for Numbskull & Drillbit for making zoom appearances from their hospital beds!

The prestigious Hashshit Award:

JC has had this for 2 years and is keen to see the back of it...no chance of him winning it this year) (As FOOFAAH GM/Head Hare, he takes full responsibility for all shitty trails. Ed)

(12 nominations – 3 for Numbskull, 2 for Olymprick) – However, some other very suitable candidates

Toilet Role of honour:

Numbskull. Who else would set a run through a working quarry after changing the location twice in a week? Not to mention upsetting the locals by poisoning dogs with flour.

Numbskull for laying the hash (near Park Bridge) with the most aggro from a member of the public.

Numbskull: Only one candidate for me, has to be Numbskull for offending civilians not once but twice during lockdown - once poisoning dogs on the Deeside Way, and once running a trail through some-one's garden (FOOFAAH in Drumoak). A worthy winner!

Blagger – Advertising her Echt run on Facebook when we were supposed to be getting on with hashing and trying to ignore Lockdown. So it’s all her fault (mind you we’d have never had Foofaah!).

Fireflaps our fire eating water baby

Haggissimo for getting himself lost and worrying the shit out of everyone

Shaky. Getting his arrows upside down at the chalk talk, handing out maps that confused Numbskull so much that he had to double check on his GPS - without much success ... running up Scolty with no sign of the tower.

Hippo might also qualify for his run in the Drum Castle area on account of the aggro from the man who said the passing hashers were making his dogs bark. We had to go and amend the trail so it did not go up a small section of his driveway.

Rats: Got to give him something - after all maybe his bionic hips will wiggle again

Drillbit: Drinking all the Hash Beer in Lockdown! (What about Ballerina & Muff Diver!) He gets away with it because he also gets the entrepreneurial award for selling hash beer close to its use by date to Mearns Hash during lockdown)

Muff Diver: Losing Tia on a Foofaah and subjecting a number of hashers to a High Maintenance tongue lashing until Tia was found on an island in river Dee by Wee Willie

One Liner: Missing in action? Hope to see him and skinny witch back soon Olymprick: Being a Pain in the arse but we love him anyway

Olymprick for crimes against zoom!

And the winner is.....Numbskull!!

There now followed a list of alternative awards you never knew you wanted, interspersed with songs from Bag ‘O’ Bones and The Penguin.

And some better deserved DDs- to Arlene for throwing away her mobile phone on the trail- not far enough away, as it was rescued by Tongue Lasher.

I have a drunken memory at this point of Kate getting named- I’ve written down hash handle KitKat, hopefully that reflected what happened... (Not really, she unfortunately got promoted to 4 Fingers. Ed)

Interesting note for future DDs- Sandra was happy that she missed DDs today, her tipple is G&T, which doesn’t seem to be on offer in the circle. As with all things on the hash, that can be arranged...

Some interesting après hash information has been reported to your scribe, involving a visit to the Dutch Mill and a lost wallet- suffice to say this story also deserves re-telling at the next circle, so see you there, Ice Breaker! DD for Smiler too I suspect, for being a Good Samaritan and stopping Haggissimo from spending the contents.

Other relevant post trail info seems to involve close contact with small insects on trail - too many hashers to mention here, but the most memorable one has to be Red Stripe who had to turn into a contortionist to remove a tick from a place generally most difficult to reach. (Another tick in the box? Ed)

And of course we mustn’t forget Numbskull who lost the hashshit award- or didn’t as our GM had secreted it away to Stonehaven for safekeeping.

OnOn

Wee Willie

Your Scribe


1987 - Mon 23 Aug 2021 - ??? - Hare: Panty Pockts & Bag 'O' Bones - Scribe: ??


1986 - Mon 16 Aug 2021 - Scolty Car Park - Hare: Shaky - Scribe: Sergio

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

RUN 1986

Monday 16th August 2021

Location: Scolty Hill

Hare: Shaky

Scribe Sergio

The trail that never was!!!!

“A good turnout tonight” I commented to nobody in particular as we assembled on the higher track at the Scolty Hill Car Park. Little Shit appeared to be taking names – again. The usual latecomers appeared to have arrived in good time tonight and GM Wee Willie called us to order promptly at 7 pm – just after Little Shit had us line up – or in some cases lie down – for a team photo. This must be so LS looks as if he has a lot of friends when he posts these on faceplant! There were one or two announcements – one about the upcoming AGPU I think (book your bus place and pay up, cheapskates – by the way if you haven’t done so by the time you read this it’s too late I’m afraid – its FULL!).


Then it was a welcome back to Bungee Finger and Whinger, neither of whom we have seen for a long time.

New runners Fraser and T-Bone (I think) were also introduced to the assembled hounds. Did we have a pre-run down down (virtual or otherwise)? I’m buggered if I can remember. We did get an ‘orrible ‘istory lesson from Sir Deadmund though. Key items: Challenger, Afghanistan, Ronald Regan, Pan Am 103 as far as I remember. Wee Willie decided to pick on yours truly for scribe – he said I was “hiding” behind the Dutchess, which was a bit unfair. I was just avoiding standing in a massive hole. Glasgow will back me up on this as I unsuccessfully tried to get her to step back into it earlier. Still, I can’t complain: these tactics have worked the previous 143 times Wee Willie has cast around for a scribe! Next it was over to the hare for the night, Shaky accompanied by his orange Sainsbury’s bag. He attempted to explain his markings to the new runners – unsuccessfully in my opinion. Even experienced runners were chuntering at the prospect of F’s and arrows pointing every which way. Finally, finally he was done.

Off we went and did the run.

I found that I was one of the last to return to the runsite (but not the last as we shall see later on). This time the hounds had assembled on the lower track, guzzling down whatever refreshments they had brought from home. Surely it can’t be long before “normal service” resumes to this essential part of the hash experience?? After the AGPU perhaps? Nicola? Nicola? Are you listening? Anyway, it afforded a few pleasant moments to catch up with hashers not seen on trail and to generally recover from the exertions before once again Wee Willie called us to attention. More announcements – the same ones perhaps: my memory isn’t what it was. Anyway, the floor was soon turned over to RA Aids to entertain us with his skilled oratory. This was when it became clear to all that a few hounds were yet to return - Cinders being one of them, and it wasn’t getting any lighter. However, like the trooper he is, Aids pressed on. Sauerkraut was the first for a down down I think, for crime (or crimes) unknown. Sir Deadmund and a small hareem were also shamed for trying to outguess the hare – they made a beeline for the top of Scolty: WRONG!! I’m sure there were others too. SIRA Ballerina also chipped in with a trio of miscreants (that Sauerkraut again I’m sure) in a quick fire round of down downs. Around this point in proceedings Cinders returned, unscathed it seemed, and attention turned to Hagissimo who had been spotted by Cinders, Numskull and others some time before, deep in the woods. Aids closed the circle in the traditional manner with a drink and a song for Shakey, but as soon as this was completed search parties began to be organised and Olymprick made a plea for help to find his best hashing chum – could we all go and toot our horns at the same time? Perhaps it would act as an aural beacon to guide Hagissimo home. All the runs I’ve been on and I’ve never done that before! Amazing. Well, I don’t know if this was the magic moment, but very shortly afterwards LBS and Lightning Bolt came running back to the cars saying Hagissimo was almost home, and sure enough only minutes later he emerged from the deepening gloom none the worse for his late night experiences. All’s well that end’s well, eh Shaky? No doubt many tales of derring-do were recounted in Scott Skinner’s later on.

Should there be a next time – until then.,

ON ON,

SERG


1985 - Mon 09 Aug 2021 - Netherton Business Park - Hare: Not Dot & Biggles- Scribe: Olivia

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1985

Monday 09 August 2021

Netherton Business Centre, Kemnay

Hares Not Dot & Biggles

Scribe by Olivia

Rolling into the hash late with Clemens while the history talk was already in progress I was given the wonderful job of scribe for the first time. I did however make it in time to hear that the biggest film in 1985 was “Back to the Future” in which Doc Brown (the mad scientist) warns Marty (the time traveller) “Whatever happens don’t go to 2020” so I do know to say that on this very hash we all went back to the future!

Drillbit was then called out for deciding to make up for not registering at last week’s run by registering twice this week. Not sure if he realises we can’t actually go back to the future..(we’re all heading into the future, Drillbit is just dragging his heels. Ed)

Not Dot and Biggles, this week’s hares, then entered the circle to give us instructions for the run and demonstrate for our three new runners. Unclear however, if anyone listened to this… Biggles choose to ignore his own advice and turned up in shorts while The Penguin and Toy Boy Tom on the other hand took the advice very seriously. (Pesky hares. Ed)

We were then released onto the trail which started off as a big group but quickly split up due to the number of false trails Biggles had left for us. This proved a challenge for many with Wee Willie, T Rex Cock and hound Sherlock having to resort to technology in order to find their way.

At one point we came across a river crossing which most traversed using the rocks but Lazy Bastard Son choose to jump straight into, presumably not expecting to be soaked up to his t-shirt. While the front runners continued on through the forest, Glasgow and Panty Pockets headed off with the maps to find the shortcuts leaving the rest of the walkie-talkies to fend for themselves. This behaviour is inadvisable and should not be taken as inspiration for the future. Eventually, most of us made it to the On In which was thankfully not a false trail and took us across a field and back to the car park.

The circle began when it was decided enough people had returned, there will always be a few sacrificed to the hash. A number of down downs were handed out by Aids and guest RA Zak. Glasgow started it off by showing us how to do a COVID safe down down, I presume she received training on how to do this from Nicola Sturgeon herself. Smiler was then given one for talking while the RA was trying to speak, possibly this was on purpose as she seemed far too happy to have received one until she released it was alcohol free. As this was going on Jet Slag and High Maintenance appeared in the wrong direction, (did they realise you just have to follow the flour?) and so were awarded a down down for their efforts. Clemens was given a down down and named Mushroom Dick for arriving back from the run with a mushroom in tow and explaining to anyone who would listen how to tell a poisonous from an edible mushroom. The three new runners Caroline, Chris and Katherine also received a down down and Ballerina was given a down down (reason unclear) which he passed onto his son and his sons friend for stealing his beer. Zak then had to be given a down down for giving more down downs than required (think the power may have gone to his head) and Barbarella received a down down for breaking COVID rules and sharing his salty nuts, according to my sources with multiple individuals… There were probably more but I had lost track by this point and have also had enough of writing. It was around this point however when Struth and Splash N Dash finally turned up cancelling the search party that was about to head out to find them.

All in all a great hash which I have hopefully done justice in my scribe.

On On Olivia

List of runners:

Aids

Bag O Bones

Ballerina

Barbarella

Biggles

Blagger

Bruce Almighty

Caroline Hughes (NR)

Centrefold

Chris Riddle (NR - Jimmy? Ed)

Cinders

Clemens (Mushroom Dick, Ed)

Sir Deadman Hillary

Drillbit

Fifi

FireFlaps

Glasgow

High maintenance

Hippo

Jans

JC

Jetslag

Julie

Kate Webb(Kit Kat, (2 or 4 fingers? Ed)

Katherine Dashper (NR)

LBS

Linda Toca

Little Shit

Mr T

MRS 'T'

Muff diver

Nev

Not Dot (Hare)

Olivia (Scribe)

Panty Pockets

Pink Panther

Prickly bush

Red Stripe

Ryan

Sauerkraut

Sergio

Shaky

Sharnie

Smiler

Splash N Dash

Stonaah

Struth

T.Rex Cock

Toy Boy Tom

The Penguin

Underlay

Wee Willie

White Bolt

Zak


1984 - Mon 02 Aug 2021 - Kirktown Garden Centre - Hare: Fire Flaps - Scribe: SauerKraut

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run No: 1984

Mon 02 Aug 2021

Kirktown Garden Centre

Hare: FireFlaps

Scribe: Sauerkraut

Just back from a trip to the continent and going to the AH3, I was grabbing my Dalmatian shorts from the top of the pile (note: proper hash shorts from the KL Mother Hash), which were apparently a bit ‘extravagant’ for the AH3 hashers, certainly for our GM, who didn’t think twice who should be scribe and now you have to bear with me.

It was an excellent turnout, 53 in total, although only 51 had signed up. Never seen so many hashers on a AH3 run before. After some mingling, touching elbows, stroking dogs, the hash master made some announcements, most important: the hash AGM on 29th August (just over 3 weeks to go). So if you want to raise your profile and become an official, or have something relevant to report like best hash, best scribe, etc., please get in touch with a committee member.

The history man referred to George Orwell and his 1984 novel. Apart from being out 35 years, most of his predictions and visions became true: Big Brother is watching you, Alexa listening in to every word, fake news everywhere, CCTVs, and so on. If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie, it is worthwhile. A big clap to the history man.

Next was Fire Flaps, the hare. She gave an excellent run-down of the hash signs and instructions for her run, though nobody really listened as we found out a little later. I suppose she is used to that as a teacher. And the hashers may be no different (or even worse???) than her school kids with respect to attention span, memory and ability to absorb information.

The pack took off, many fast front runners competing, but Fire Flaps laid it very cleverly with long back checks and false trails, which kept the pack nicely together. She also took care of the walkers, who got maps for the trail and the short cuts.

The trail started quite innocently on roads and pathways, but quickly veered off into grassy and bushy countryside. We got a warning about nettles, but still: a lot of mainly older hashers turned up in shorts, possibly with the experience of decades of hashing, that the young, eager front runners would flatten the undergrowth (and catch the ticks).

It didn’t take long and the pack was in utter confusion mixing up back checks with false trails. Luckily the hare wasn’t far away and helped out.

After going through grass, nettles and other undergrowth, we ended up at a river. It was fun to walk or run in the river and reminded me of the typical Borneo hashes. Then a steep uphill climb followed, culminating in some grassy areas at the plateau. At a remarkable bird feeding station, we caught up with the walkers. The rest was easy-peasy with a short stretch back to the carpark at Kirktown Garden Centre.

We waited a while for the stragglers and walkers before the official part started. Glasgow gave a demonstration how to do a covid compliant down-down. Our visitors from Guildford, Dr. Pussy and Camping Gaz, got the first opportunity to practice, followed by Olympric, who was not happy with the alcohol free beer, and Underlay. LBS and White Bolt paid with a down-down for their racing behavior and Bog Bonker for showing up after 25 years. What did she do all that time? Was it an induced coma? Drill Bit was punished for not signing up, which I hope will be soon part of Covid history. Struth, Not Dot and Shaky were next and finally Fire Flaps, the hare, being rewarded with a down-down for a great hash, expertly laid trail, devious checks to keep the pack together an giving us a real hash experience we were all longing for since lockdown started in March last year. Well done Fire Flaps.

In the past I always added some jokes, but since they were usually edited out because of political correctness issues, I refrain this time, sorry.

The on-on was at Fire Flaps and I hope you hashers contributed generously to support Crabbit’s London marathon found raising.

Some more interesting facts: 3 police officers showed up at the Fireflaps on-on party at 11pm due to noise complaints, but somehow she managed to calm them down and the party went on until 4am. I just hope that the parents of her school kids showed some understanding (because I am sure the party was talk of the town) and that it wasn’t too tough for Fire Flaps to teach just a few hours later.

All in all, run 1984 was possibly the best hash with the best on-on for the last 2 years.

On-on,

Sauerkraut

Those who ran:

AidsBag O BonesBarbarella Bigglesbin linerBog BonkerBruce Almighty Camping GazCentrefoldCharlieCindersClemensDeadmundDr PussyFifiFireflapsGemmaGlasgowGobfullgoblessHippoIcebreakerJCJoe JeewskziLaurieLBSLindaLittle ShitMister T / FochabersMRS TNevNot DotNumbskullOliviaOlymprickPanty PocketsPigironPink PantherDrillbitRed Stripe SauerkrautShakySharnieSmilerStrutht.rex cockThe PenguinThrupennies Twizzle UnderlayWee WillieWhite BoltZak



1983 - Mon 26 Jul 2021 - Balmedie - Hare: Barbarella - Scribe: Drillbit

AH3 Run 1993 Balmedie Beach - 26th July 2021

Hare: Barbarella

Hopefully a permanent return to proper hashing after a sixteen month lay off, Covid permitting. Although it was not quite a 16 month postponement to hashing, as we know it, it was replaced with an excellent alternative with JC’s ‘FOOFAAHs’.

The clan gathered en masse (43) at the Balmedie beach car to finally meet up together at our regular start time of 19:00. Tier 0 now allowed the complete pack to meet up for the first time together rather than in our 20 minute spaced bubbles. The large car park was most suitable for our first ‘socially distanced’,BYOB, larger group meetup

Two new runners, Roxanna and Ryan were introduced! Barbarella explained the basics of the run to them and the few twists he also wanted the pack to follow. This only confused the old timers. What’s a Fishhook? We don’t do that! It’s an age thing.

The run started towards the sand dunes. Ballerina taking a slightly different track, avoiding the boardwalk and short cutting over the sandhills rather than around.

At this time I was halfway between the FRB’s and the Walkie Talkies when on rounding a dune we found our first obstacle. Water! A few years ago we would have all ploughed straight across not caring about it. Not all of us wanted to get our feet wet, me included, and 70% went around to the sand bar. One of our newer runners took a wee spill and would have stayed drier if she had just waded straight across and saved herself a 200 metre detour. By the time I rounded the water the main pack had disappeared.

The run meandered though the sand hills on an excellent route past the Ice House. Muff Dyver had positioned himself strategically on a sand dune with his drone filming the runners as they passed, Fireflaps thinking she was being chased and dive bombed by a demented gull.

On reaching the beach there was a lengthy run (walk for me and others) along the beach looking for an escape up the steep sand cliffs. Eventually we saw where the FRBs had fought the way up a steep sand slope to eventually disappear South towards the Blackdog Rifle Ranges, at least another mile further away from the car park.

TRex and myself checked West after the struggle off the beach and Sir Deadmund checked North. The remaining Walkie Talkies decided, f__k this, and headed back home along the beach. Not having found flour, Trex and I had overheard at the start that folk had seen flour in the village and we decided to shortcut West to try and pick up the trail but found a reed bed that was all but impassable! We eventually picked up the trail at the Southerly carpark expecting to be last in having covered only 4.1/2 miles and taken 1.3/4 hours.

Little did we know at that time the run was 6 miles (10k) and some of the runners straggled in after about 2.3/4 hours and I’m now thankful I missed that part.

It was an excellent run and evening. Plenty of views and challenges (sand!) and a fabulous sunset. Thank you Malcolm.

Down Downs:

We had our very first circle in months led by Twizzle, all be it, with no beer. Our Covid committee rules said not to share!!! It was BYOB.

Sadly, Hippo reminded us that the legendary climber Rick Allen (Sherpa) who had met his wife Twix when on the hash, was an old AH3 hasher and had sadly died when caught in an avalanche while attempting a new route up K2. He had got a down down for not planting a Hash flag at the top of Everest after climbing it. Next weeks circle should honour a real legend.

Laurie,Olivia and ‘Peat’ for not social distancing, the threesome. They were actually flat mates in a bubble!

Toy Boy Tom for his fine 26 mile marathon walk for charity somewhere in England

Twizzle with a real DD as he was the only one with a drink albeit 0.5% and everybody else had drank theirs before and during the circle while he talked. Down downs are difficult with no beer!

Bin liner and Roxana.

Hare, Barbarella, for a long and strenuous run, so much so, that most of the pack gave up and walked back including Hippo!

Drillbit was gifted reflective bicycle clips to match his biking gear

Ryan and Roxanna ( new runners )

Struth and Bin liner completing the full trail arriving mid circle.

Splash N Dash, Gemma, Kate all strolling in just after the circle ended. We did not notice they were missing!

Next time I hope we’ll be relaxed enough to have real down downs as most folk had drank there own beer or drinks and it was difficult for our RA Twizzle! and the first timers and newer runners will be back.

ON ON Drillbit

Run list.

Ballerina

Barbarella

Biggles

Bin Liner

Bruce Almighty

CannaeBeArsed

Centrefold

Clemens

Deadmund

Drillbit

Fifi

Fireflaps

Gemma Emslie

Glasgow

High maintenance

Hippo

Icebreaker

JC

Kate Webb

Laurie

Little Shit

Makin

Muff Diver

Nev

Not Dot

Olivia

Pigiron

Pink Panther

Red Stripe

Roxana Altamirano

Ryan Mascheri

Sandra Smith-Carr

Serg

Shaky

Sharnie

Splash N Dash

Struth

T.Rex Cock

TBT

The Penguin

Thrupennies

Twizzle

Wee Willie

Zak



1982 - Mon 19 Jul 2021 - Clinterty Woods - Hare: Pink Panther - Scribe: Rats

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1982

Date: Monday 19th July 2021

Hare: Pink Panther & Rodger Dodger

Location: Clinterty Woods

Scribe: Rats

43 runners, 3 no-shows

I was excited, though nervous about my 1st Covid Compliant Hash.

I’d set off to Clinterty in eco vehicle (Defender) after putting on Hazmat suit and respirator, only to be relieved on arrival that the GM / Covid Officer was taking temperatures with a digital thermometer NOT NHS preferred rectal versions.

Spotted a pony tailed fading rock star look alike - realised was Hippo !!! Crowd funding to be arranged to pay for some “Just for Men”.

Barbarella appeared with a full vehicle - with individuals who looked as had just left a masked Swingers party........

GM and Pink Panther were informative about trail and that soon St Nicola would allow bubbles of 50 to allow an even MORE normal hash. (How will we cope??)

For The Official Record it “appeared” to the Scribe that all Government Edicts were followed including no snogging or exchange of bodily fluids.

Feedback received from various Bubbles:-

* Icebreaker now a makeup consultant who advised Red Stripe

* Plumbum (well named as followed her for most of the trail) has apparently fetish about “Skin so Soft”

* Ballerina clearly benefitted from Lockdown with VERY nice newish Audi (drug dealing?)

* Struth proving that has only got quicker since my last hash (Ballarinas drugs?)

* Prickly Bush on arrival proved birds prefer to crap on Mercs / Audis / Landrover’s

* Shaky DEFINITELY had vintage AH3 Hash Shirt of day - 1999 charity run

* Panty Pockets fastest start from Circle - is lunch still at 1pm???

* Hash Hound Boston definitely Dog of The Day (limited competition)

* Rodger Dodger definitely best equipped Hasher - dressed for Himalayan trip

Pack adjourned to 4 Mile - Scribe clearly geographically challenged went to Kingswell instead of Bucksburn version!!! Though after realisation joined a well-attended post Hash gathering in the outdoor beer garden.

Hash PMT:

POSITIVES

Location / great trail/ helpful charming hares / good sociable pack / no Covid infectious Welsh Male Voice singers riding Unicorns spotted

Lots of pink flour / wool

Crisps and peanuts at 4 Mile

NEGATIVE

No pixies or fairies spotted in forest

Crossing the cleared woodland tested some expensive hip surgery and stabbed leg with viciously sharp twig

THOUGHT PROVOKING

Will we see Pixies or Unicorns next week???

On On

Rats


AH3 Run 1982

Date: Monday 19th July 2021

Hare: Pink Panther & Roger Dodger

Location: Clinterty Woods - lower car park near the Sparrows training facility

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/USj9hVNN2Kw8DPYG6

Trail Risk Assessment: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1QQtSOmMaX_qiUjntl-XXX46i4eZyzCsz/view?usp=sharing

Other information: Trail marking will be in pink flour placed on trees or on the ground where there are no trees. Pink wool will also be used where no trees. Checks will be 3 spots and/or circle on ground. There are no back checks or marked false trails.

The start of the trail will be found at the east side of the car park, towards the upper car park.

The trail are mostly on hard pack paths, but with some smaller paths through the trees. A short section on a quiet road followed by a short section through a cleared area - branches underfoot.

No obstacles to traverse, i.e. river/stream crossings, barbed wire fences, mountains, roads.


1981 - Mon 12 Jul 2021 - Castle Fraser - Hare: Hippo & Mrs T - Scribe: Sir Deadmund Hillary, Muff Diver, Shaky

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1981

Date: Monday 12th July 2021

Hare: Hippo

Location: Castle Fraser

Scribe: Sir Deadmund Hillary, Muff Diver, Shaky

40 runners, 1 no-show

High Maintenance, Tia the Dog and Muff Diver approached the run site and witnessed JC and Fireflaps sprinting along the road. At least we knew where part of the trail went and in which direction. Having said that, JC often goes off at a tangent and is best not followed.

After parking up, Tia jumped out of the van, took one look at scary Ballerina and promptly jumped back in the van. She knows a dodgy character when she sees one.

Bubble 2 assembled ready for the off. Covid officer Ballerina took his responsibilities seriously and stopped us from leaving early which meant we had to Underlay who arrived on the stroke of 6:20pm.

He had even managed to stop Little Shit and Sharnie leaving their usual 20 minutes early apparently - no mean feat.

Despite his best attempts new runner Kate from Stonehaven had seemingly turned up and left,chasing Bubble 1 only to be contacted by buddy Splash and Dash (still to be formally christened) who was heard to mention that the ‘race’ hadn’t started yet. That heinous misspeak was quickly corrected and Underlay finally arrived so, after a quick briefing from hare Hippo Bubble 2 were off.

Sir Deadmund Hillary had already googled Fraser’s Castle and came up with this.

Hippo chose the spectacular location of Castle Fraser for his hash. The evening weather was wonderful. Castle Fraser is the most elaborate Z-plan castle in Scotland. The castle stands in a vast area of landscaped grounds, woodland and farmland which includes a 19th century walled garden. There is Horrible History evidence of an older square tower dating from around 1400 within the current castle of death. Great place for hashing!

The run started by the castle, so that we could enjoy its magical charm.

As bubble 2 started down the hill to the castle, Kate appeared heading towards us, preferring to run with us rather than Bubble 1, and who can blame her.

There was no flour before this point, so not to waken any sleeping knights. There was a nice loop through Miss Bristow’s wood before “coming out” on the main road to Kemnay. Only for 20 yards before turning up a lane to Braeneil Farm, where the farm girls kindly told us which way to go at the check. Onward to Lauchintilly Wood.

After running past the Castle, the trail headed through the woods and into the fields beyond. It was one of those trails that seemed like it never stopped going uphill and bubble 2 quickly divided into 3 or 4 mini bubbles with the FRBs including Cannae be Arsed, Red Stripe and Prickly Bush and Underlay, charging off into the distance shortly after the Fraser memorial; they either knew what was inscribed on it or didn’t care because they didn’t stop for that bit of history.

The mini-bubble with Shaky, Splash and Dash and Karen, who kept stopping to take photos, came across Numbskull by the shooting ladder, all by himself, waving a map and muttering about a lack of shortcuts.

If The Penguin reminded me of Piglet a few weeks ago, this was Numbskull’s Eeyore moment.

High Maintenance asked for a chocolate stop. She was enjoying a huge chunk of Dairy Milk until it broke her back teeth. Muff Diver later declined Sir D’s offer of chocolate. As he’s already said, poor HM suffered a broken tooth and is just now back from the dentist with a temporary filling. It obviously wasn’t Cadburys, probably some crap from Poundland where he usually shops. Shame on you!

Muff Diver and Tia cycled by without stopping, covering more ground at high speed, finding the trail at every check, and enabling HM and company to avoid walking even a single unnecessary step.

Tia had enough of this and decided to abandon the mini bubble of Glasgow, HM, and Sir D.

Racing ahead and after a while arriving at a check where and lucky enough to hear Pink Panther shout “ON ON” to Drillbit. We had a blether and approached a cattle grid. Tia doesn’t understand cattle grids and she had to be rescued, dangling, by Drillbit. Top man.

Traversing the big hill, we caught up with the walkie,talkies of Bubble 1, Wee Willie, Panty Pockets and Orienteer. This was a good opportunity to take it easy for a while after all, the trail seemed to be going uphill, again. Several checks latter a lesson in following flour and not the person in front of you or painted red arrows caused a longish back track, just after the appropriately named ‘Walkend’.

Just beyond Greenmoss Farm, Bubble 4 (without Struth) caught up with Bubble 3. Everybody should have gone right at this point passed the lake, but Sir Deadmund Hillary took them on a short cut back to the car park.

Shaky found trail again along a sharp right turn to the original path and reached the next check first and checked left. The rest of Bubble 1-1/2 caught up meantime and held the check en-masse until Wee Willie had had consulted his mapping app and decided to head down the road that ‘must’ lead to the castle.

Too soon to be heading in, so checking right downhill found the trail which wound its way past a very scenic lochan and then some children playing with an uprooted tree trunk ( whatever keeps them happy) before climbing a steep hill; it wouldn’t be a Hippo trail without a very steep hill or shiggy would it? and it was too dry for the latter. Unusually Shaky had broken the last 3 checks with abnormal ease and at the top of the hill was passed by the FRBs of Bubble 3, Barbarella, Zac, Centrefold and Julie helped by my calling; at least it stopped Barbarella heading off to Kemnay on one of his typical detours.

Arriving at the On In, Bubble 2 walkie,talkies Pink Panther and Drillbit had already short cut home. Then, more SCBs, too numerous to mention but including Muff Diver on two wheels, appeared through a side gate having seemingly missed the scenic parts of a most excellent trail.

Bag ‘O’ Bones had to run the trail in reverse to find Panty Pockets and his car keys!

Muff Diver had a can of Punk’s finest IPA stashed in my van which went down very nicely. “Always do it nicely” is something my second favourite Harriett is known to say. Having said that, Red Stripe showed me a hot photo of her kissing B****** so maybe she’s moved up into 2nd position!

A wary eye was kept on bad dog Boston as he’s known to pee in other folks vehicles and Muff Divers side door was wide open.

At the OnOn we were presented with quality foofaah shirts by JC. Wee Willie noticed that a printing error resulted in Sir Deadmund Hillary’s shirt having the logo on the back by mistake. Drillbit remarked that this would make it a collector’s item in years to come. Fifi spoilt the conversation by saying the shirt was on backwards.

Fifi jumped into her lovely car but crashed into a wall on the way out. Many hashers rushed to enjoy the moment but were disappointed when there was a large “ping” as the bodywork suddenly jumped back into place. That’s good Korean workmanship for you!

So, in all, a very good night out and the expected Covid Officer Gestapo, didn’t materialise.

Horrible History for 1981

- Greece joins the EU after hiding its budget deficit.

- Serial killer Peter Sutcliffe, the "Yorkshire Ripper", get life imprisonment for killing 13 women.

- Iran releases the 52 Americans held for 444 days ending the Iran hostage crisis.

- The first DeLorean stainless steel sports car, with gull-wing doors, is built.

- Bobby Sands dies on hunger strike at HM Prison Maze.

- The first London Marathon starts, with 7,500 runners.

- UK pop group Bucks Fizz's win the Eurovision Song Contest.

- AIDS is first seen in Los Angeles

- Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer get happily married

AH3 Run 1981

Date: Monday 12th July 2021

Hare: Hippo & Mrs T

Location: Castle Fraser

Sauchen, Inverurie, Aberdeenshire. AB51 7LD

OS Ref: NJ722125

Website: https://www.nts.org.uk/visit/places/castle-fraser

Google Map: https://goo.gl/maps/FZGx15nvrRWUdyPP7

What3words: https://w3w.co/snoozing.typical.coasting

Trail Risk Assessment: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1zBeHYKIUzpsogVmG6juDXgCmVX1T5fXv/view?usp=sharing

Other information: Trail marking will be in white flour or sawdust depending on weather conditions and terrain. Either on the ground or on trees.

Checks will be circles and 3 dots on trees when available.

There are no back checks/falsies and ON ON will be within 100 paces of the check.

The start of the trail will be found on the other side of the castle with trail markings starting near the disabled parking.

The trail is mostly on footpaths and tracks. Relatively flat so ideal for runners. Leave gates as you find them – do not leave open for those following behind.

No obstacles to traverse, i.e. river/stream crossings, barbed wire fences, mountains, roads.


1980 - Mon 05 Jul 2021 - Bennachie - Hare: Little Shit & Sharnie - Scribe: Centrefold

Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1980

Date: Monday 5th July 2021

Hare: Little Shit & Sharnie

Location: Bennachie Visitor Centre Car Park

Scribe: Centrefold

41 runners, not a bad turn out!

Your scribe: Centrefold (this is what you get for signing up last for the run; you get this job. Drillbit did breathe a sigh of relief as he’d got form in signing up late. Ed) Also a slight indication of racing?

Musings of a Resident Covid Officer:

At the start of every trail there are those last minute adjustments to attire, Wee Willie departed the car park in a nice pair of black polished city shoes, and only realise at the first check! Promptly returned to the car park to don his crappy old hashing trainers. Zak was still in hash training mode, and forgot to put on some decent length socks to ward off the sheep ticks. A loaned pair of gaiters saved the day. Numbskull had difficulty deciding whether to take his walking stick or brolly, it didn’t rain. (Guess what he chose. Ed)

A welcome to new runners Linda Toca and Julie Silva.

Biggles arriving back in the carpark at the front of the pack, and appeared to be racing!!! Bag ‘O’ Bones came in a close second; sweating and smelling like a soggy dog. Coming up the rear was Centrefold and Icebreaker. (I heard they like it that way. Ed)

Panty Pockets & The Penguin made the most of the short cuts, a pair of born SCBs, nearly the first back, but not quite! Fireflaps was also caught racing, but in reality only caught-up with Wee Willie, Panty Pockets and NotDot who had successfully short cutted.

Little Shit was his usual suave and debonair hasher of distinction and Sharnie his carer ensured a fantastic trail, well laid with orgasmic views of the Aberdeenshire countryside! (Sharnie had also just graduated as a new Covid Officer, which entitled her to a session of being bitten to death by midges. Ed)

Binliner – Bouncing about like a spring chicken, must be over doing the Sanatogen/Viagra Tablets. Speedy Gonzales found it difficult keeping up with grandad. Roger-me-More also must be on the same tabs, and up and running again, unfortunately Underlay has been in training and left her to find her own way on trail (bad boy. Ed). Sir Deadman Hillary was heard to say “not ‘illy enough!”

Twizzle managed to keep up the rear of Kate, who was dressed in a racy red outfit. He was glad when she ran out of steam after 2 miles of hurdling clumps of heather. (Twizzle did at least manage to eat three pieces of pizza! Ed)

Struth was last into the carpark, but placed the blame Sergio’s escort services with special stopovers at selected picnic spots! Not so amazing, but Struth managed to complete the whole trail without breathing in!.(Ask Sergio. Ed)

Blagger and Hippo discussed at length their lockdown haircuts, (I must admit I couldn’t tell them apart. Must be the consequence of falling out of bed and breaking an arm, but who am I to create some unfounded gossip. Ed)

Cinders was ominously conspiring with NoDot! It’s a secret??? (Nah, NotDot has been wed to Biggles for 40 years, don’t let on to Biggles. Ed)