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1909 - Sun 13 Jan 2019 - Stonehaven - Hares: The Penguin & Blagger - Scribe: JC

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Aberdeen Hash House Harriers

Run 1909

from vicinity of Stonehaven Station Car Park

Sunday 13th January 2019

was brought to you by

The Penguin & Blagger

Reminiscences by JC

Notwithstanding the benefit of the recently opened superhighway connecting Westhill and Stonehaven, Fifi still managed to ensure that her car was the last to trundle into the station car park. And although technically Fifi and mutt Boston were the last to join the circle, it was the hapless JC who was singled out by Barbarella to receive a pen and a wad of paper (the scribe vest and horn having apparently succumbed to recent austerity measures). The circle was already in full swing and someone undoubtedly got a beer, but thinking that Barbarella was just chancing his luck and trying to pass on a scribe already rightfully allocated to him, I was not paying any attention.

It was a sunny day with abundant wind chill, and although Blagger was offering detailed advice regarding how to recognise a check or a new-style back-check, the pack were impatient for the off in order that action might mitigate the ever present threat of hypothermia. From the OnOn we progressed north westerly, which was the most effective way of getting into the open countryside. There was a minor panic when Barbarella realised that he had forgotten to initiate his tracker, but fortunately the rest of the pack were able to tell him where he was.

On the slug road the FRBs came upon one of these new fangled back-checks, and in the resulting melee everyone tried to remember exactly what it was that Blagger had been blethering about . . . . But fortunately Ballerina happened upon some flour, and once more thinking was no longer necessary. The trail meandered across the Cowie Water, with a couple of minor loops and wrong slots thrown in for good measure, before doubling back past the (potentially) fine pile of Ury house.

Luke was one of several new faces who had carefully selected a Penguin Hash for their inaugural run. His athletic prowess (and possibly more) were duly noted by Cinders, and under her mentoring he was observed to be engaged in checking all manner of dead ends. The well-laid trail re-crossed the river (stream?) and enticed us down the wooded banks of Glen Ury. Somewhere in there we encountered a check, a severe downslope, a severe upslope, a viewpoint over the weir, and a couple walking their dog, all at pretty near the same time (which adds up to rather a lot for your average hasher to take-in).

Returning alongside the railway line we re-entered the conurbation of Stonehaven, and there in the middle of a housing estate was the beer check. As we sat upon the neighbouring garden walls guzzling refreshments in the icy sunshine, passers-by might have been forgiven for thinking that here was a dog walkers convention taking a well earned break from obedience & training classes. In a rare guest appearance Dutch Cap noted how, in comparison to a typical 2 hour Mearn's macho mega-hash, his pooch had barely broke sweat.

Meanwhile, Hippo, after energetically cycling to the Hash, managed to sniff out the where-abouts of the beer check and join us there. It was observed however that shit boyfriend and drillbit never made it, presumably having been lured into the warmth and joyous relaxation afforded by a local coffee-house (again).

Back at the car park Ballerina was raising cash for SensationALL by dishing out his summa soup (made from summa-this and summa-that), which was crucial to the process of rebuilding core temperatures. The usual swilling and gossiping was stymied when Aids called the circle to order and invited T-Rex Cock to recount a complex horrible history, which might possibly have connected todays run with the AWPR and French timekeeping. But then again my mind had wandered . . . The usual lengthy perorations ensued, but to cut some very long stories short, misdemeanour awards were foisted upon:

·         JC & Barbarella for scribe confusion

·         Hippo for "cycling in the wind"

·         Toy Boy Tom, when it was realised that his proposed D2 victims (High Maintenance and Muff Diver) had already absconded

·         Ever Ready for developing a fetching husky voice

·         Little Shit for using a dog leash on Red Stripe (couldn't find a whip)

·         JC for skiing a week too early (before the Beast from East hit the Alps)

·         Luke & the new faces (Cherry, Julia, Don, Lou) upon losing their virginity

·         Barbarella for leaving his gloves at Numbskull's house

·         Fireflaps for exhorting Ballerina to keep running (physical abuse)

·         JC for using Ballerina as a windshield (mental abuse)

·         Sauerkraut & Binliner for wondering why no-one else was at the square at 11 o' clock

·         Finally, The Penguin and Blagger for laying copious amounts of flour

Ceremonies concluded with Struth presenting a scrumptious cake to commemorate The Penguin's 44 years of hashing. This was soon scoffed by wellwishers murmuring "get a life . . .".  Thereafter a score or so of hungry and thirsty hashers availed themselves of the hospitality on offer at the Station Hotel. Strangely enough none were thrown out for bad behaviour.


Disclaimer: Whilst some of the above may indeed have occurred, it is quite possible that I just imagined it.


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