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Alan's Story

I first became fascinated by callipers when I was about five years old. There was a little girl at my school that had to wear one because of polio, I presume, but the affliction was not severe so she looked just like all the other girls but with this quite simple but pretty calliper, which I found really endearing and attractive.

Also there was a really nice elderly lady on our street that had one leg a little shorter than the other , and she wore a built up shoe , about four inches ,so this was quite noticeable, the shoes were a nice grey/blue colour and looked like maybe she had them made 'privately', the built up shoe looked heavy and I always wondered how she coped with this. It looked really awkward when she was walking by and found that this made me feel 'funny', but l liked the feeling, although it puzzled me. Also I became more and more ashamed of how I felt and became very introverted. This stimulated a life long journey into psychology, philosophy, eastern mysticism and Zen to find out how this could be linked to my sexuality and, as I grew older, how this carried into maturity in the psyche, but that is another story. For now I continue...

As I got nearer to puberty this was well embedded in my sexuallity but I could not talk to anyone about it, so it remained a private fantasy that at some point I would find a girlfriend that would participate in this fantasy for me, it never occured to me to find someone that was disabled, because the disability was not the focal point of my fetish, and thought that someone who had to wear callipers would think me 'sick'  that I found them attractive.

So I eventually married and had children, my wife would play mild fetish games with me, but I could not tell her about this fetish for callipers, after we had been married for eight years we eventually divorced (we were married quite young) I was then twenty eight.

When I found a new partner and we had been together for about a year, I had started to make leather wear for the 'hippies', bags, belts, pouches, sandals, etc , and was asked by someone in the fetish 'scene' if I would make something 'special' for his partner, and whilst I was making this th subject of fantasy came up with MY partner! So Ithought here goes! I held my breath and told her straight!  She thought that this was pretty ' FAR OUT' (!!)  but agreed that I try it to see what it was about, and to see if the fantasy would persist if I went through with it, I made a simple calliper that was not very convincing but was functionable.

Soon we had started to travel abroad to work and it was forgotten, we took 'winter lets' in between journeys and were living in havoc most of the time, but eventually l found a place where we were organised and were having a break from travelling, and I still wanted to try out what it would be like to wear two callipers. It was discussed again but my wife was not really enthusiastic. She eventually agreed that I make some but didn't want to 'police'  my wearing them. She had pointed out that people ''don't wear this sort of thing''  by choice, so it was agreed that if I make them then I was to wear them 'unconditionally' (except for out doors or if we had visitors) and indefinitely!!  NO exceptions! So I made them (!) and they were very good ! and very REAL this time.

She said that she had found a way to make me wear them that did not involve anything mechanical like locks etc, but that l must agree, and on paper !! before she told me what it was !!, or it would not work. So OK, we made the agreement !! The (HER !) agreement was that she would tell everyone that we knew that l liked wearing callipers and that the first person that she would tell was this woman that liked to gossip. So that was that, l REALLY HAD to wear them.

We had had a tiff one day, and l was going to take the callipers off.l had unbuckled one of them almost when she picked up the phone and started to dial this woman's number but hovered over the last digit and started to count down from 10,9,8,... When she got to three l saw the look that told me that she would do it !! so l started to fasten the straps again , after we had 'made up' l asked her if she would really have rung this woman and told her, she said yes, but had been a little unsure herself, but now she had made up her mind and that if l did that again there would be no countdown from 10, (it took seven seconds to decide !! HOWS THAT !!!) and from then on even the mildest protest was denied because she would start to say this woman's phone number slowly before l had finished the sentence , and l REALLY did NOT want the world to know.

So there I was, I now wore callipers !! it was novel at the beginning, being restricted as to how l had to sit (they were rigid) and walking was sometimes awkward and uncomfortable , also l had to be careful that l didn't overbalance , which meant carrying walking aids everywhere!!  standing from a sitting position was also something l had to learn,especially if l was sat on the floor or l had fallen (which l did !), it opened a whole new world for me , BUT , l had AGREED !!, so l had to learn to' live with it ', my partner held me to this agreement and was not sympathetic when l felt like having a break for a day or so, there were days when l would have 'really'  liked to take them off and walk around free!! this is really frustrating, also there were days when the daily task of putting them on, the cold metal and fastening all the straps before l could stand or walk, and having to wait to use the loo until l had put them on !!  but there l was an invalid that HAD to wear callipers, it felt real.

When l had been wearing them for about six months my wife said that l should go out in them somewhere, to see what it is like to walk further than just in the flat , and to see what it is like to be seen as 'disabled ' by the public, l was not sure what l thought of this , but agreed that l would see how l felt when l got out of the car and walked a little , we were going to a city that was not anywhere near the city that we lived in, and on the way to this city we were passing through a small town and l needed the loo ! so my wife stopped in front of the public toilets and awkwardly l got out of the car, when l came out of the toilets l could not see the car!! My wife had put the car in the pay and display carpark !! which was multi layered, so l didn't know exactly where the car was ! and obviously locked ! She said that she would bring the car back when we had been shopping , and when she was ready , That was the longest shopping trip l have ever been on ! She made it last all of the day, cafes, escalators, crowded shops etc,  the most nervous time was when she tried on clothes in a big store and l had to wait by myself whilst she queued for the changing rooms , it took ages !!  l was glad when eventually she brought the car and we set off home. At that point all l wanted to do was take off my callipers and bend my legs, but couldn't. When we arrived home l said that l wanted to take them off - PLEEEEASE but l couldn't. That day l really felt what it is like to have to wear callipers and for people to stare at you. Towns are a nightmare if you are like this .

We went out a few times more over the next few months , but eventually we had to go abroad again and the callipers were dismantled and the metal and leather bits and pieces stored for our return , but life moves on and the bits have disappeared and we are not together now.

So ends my story of being disabled for nearly a year, that was about fifteen years ago , l hope that my storywas interesting for you ! The eitiology and statistics surrounding this fascination are well documented and common to many as is the personal mental suffering and frustrations that attend it, so l did not bore you with all that , instead l wrote for you this pleasant anecdote which is true and, l think, really funny !!!!
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