Infinite Truths of the Universe

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Salt Grenade

This is a new concept for a grenade. It uses few explosives, and has two purposes.


The actual grenade is split into two parts. One half contains raw sodium. The other half contains chlorine. Both sides are proportional in mass. In the middle, dividing them, is a thin layer of a weak conventional explosive. This can be replaced by a magnesium sheet if a brighter flare is desired.


When the pin is pulled, the weak CEs are set to detonate at three seconds. When the wall is removed, the Sodium and Chlorine mix, provoking an extremely explosive reaction. If magnesium has been used as a divisor, it reacts as well, producing an extra-bright flare along with immense amounts of heat, a mild explosion, and the already blinding flare from the Sodium-Chlorine reaction. The only leftovers are pure salt crystals, tasty on beef and potatoes.


Antimatter Grenade

This grenade is really hard to make, but would produce a pretty big explosion. This grenade is a two-step process.


This grenade is split into three parts: one half, and two quarters. The one half contains plain, solid carbon. The walls of the quarters are magnetic, preventing their contents from shifting about or colliding with the walls. One quarter contains carbon anti-protons, the other quarter containing carbon anti-electrons.


When the pin is pulled, the wall between the antimatters is destroyed, causing them to mix, creating a mild explosion, blowing off the wall to the half, the carbon. The carbon and anti-carbon will mix, and cancelling each other out, will create a massive and extremely powerful explosion.

Adjective Land

What if we lived in a world where everybody did adjectives? We would have to 'being do' them, and we would look really wierd. On the other hand, we would have to 'be' verbs. Can you even possibly imagine what it would be like if we had to being do sad while being eat?

Existance Weapons

Existance weapons work by stabbing or otherwise maiming someone's existance. For example, if you stabbed a 40 year old man with an existance knife, all moments of his being would simultaneously bleed from the wound, killing him entirely. Side effects may include the permanent and rather horrible mental scarring of any person present, especially hemophobes but excluding emos and vampires.

Hyper-Effective Toilet Plungers

Toilet plungers today haven't changed very much, and are increasingly less effective against the new wave of blockage.

Sonic Toilet Plunger

This plunger is actually a large exposed speaker shaped like a toilet plunger head. Pre-installed in the plunger is very loud annoying music, which is piped into the speaker during use.


You simply place the toilet plunger speaker over the blockage, making a nice firm seal around the bowl. Press the button on the end of the handle to blast the blockage with the chosen music. This either loosens it or kills it entirely, but either way you can now flush the toilet.

Nuclear Toilet Plunger

For even more annoying blockages, this plunger uses nuclear power to desintegrate the blockage.


Place the cup of the plunger over the bowl, making a perfect seal. Press the button on the end of the handle to activate the miniature nuclear device in the cup (secret government technology and what). The blockage will be desintegrated, and so will your toilet, and your house, and your neighborhood, and maybe the better part of your city.


Toilet Plunger (+1)

This toilet plunger is the most effective known to man. This toilet plunger uses a combination of sanctified polymers and black magic to get rid of the worst blockages imaginable.

HOW IT WORKS (Contains graphic content, may not be suitable for some):

Place the plunger over the toilet, it doesn't really matter where. Press the button on the tip of the handle to activate ethereal portal. Toilet plunger will emit a waterfall of hellfire that flows like cursed lava through the deepest pits of the underworld, and will pour forth smoke to blot out a thousand thousand suns, and devils will emerge forth as well, playing their devilry and black tricks, and Archdemons will come up and smite the toilet where it stands with a torrent of liquid evil and hatred.

No cleanup required.

Batteries not included. 

Civilities and Figures of Speech

If you trip The Light Fantastic, it is considered polite to apologize and help it up.

When you sing "The Body Electric", be sure to pay royalties.