Three Rules
At last, a program to prevent alcoholism

Who is this for?

They say alcoholism is a disease, but what kind of disease doesn't have preventative measures?  Where are the brightly colored pamphlets for the doctor to hand out?  Where is the multi-million dollar industry playing off our fears?  At last we have the dinky little website to bring to light this vast societal oversight.

 They tell you that you are genetically disposed to alcoholism, but they offer no advice.  You see yourself sliding down the slippery slope, but don't know how to stop or slow down?  You might be a mini-alocoholic.

I was an alcoholic for 2 weeks.  I would be laughed out of the room if I started going to AA meetings, but I knew I had a problem.  I really didn't want to go through the slow process of turning into an alcoholic, messing up my career and life, realizing my problem, being confronted, and finally healing myself through a 12 step program...that could take years!  So, I made up the rules...

Good luck on your quest to become a semi-responsible drinkers! 

What are the rules?

Every week you have to follow TWO out of the following THREE rules (that means you can break one rule every week, for those who are bad at math)

 No more than 7 drinks over the whole week.

You know what a drink is, one beer, one shot, or one glass of wine (I pretty much always break this one)

 You must drink socially.

I think that if you have even one friend over your house it is social.  If you live with someone, they don't count as social unless you leave the house.  Even if you and your wife go to a restuarant, that is social.

 You can only drink two nights a week.

Nights start at 4:00 though, and go until you fall alseep.

Are you a mini-alcoholic?

NO!  You might drink a lot, but you are at no risk of alcoholism

1) Have you ever gone two weeks or more without drinking without intending to do so?

2) Do you ever brag about how much you drank last weekend?

3) Is your first drink always something nicer, sweeter, richer or more expensive (to get you started)?

YES! You are at least a Mini-Alcoholic, if not an Alcoholic (Welcome!!)

1) Do you find yourself starting at the same pace (or slower) than everyone else but involuntarily speeding ahead as the night progresses?

2) Is the "couple of beers after a hard day" actually liquor, actually more like 4 or actually after every day?

3) Do your friends jibe you about drinking or live vicarously through your drinking outings?

4) When out at a bar with a group, do you find that you have to be the one to initiate the ordering, even if you are doing it just to be a good patron?

EEK!  It's too late four you, you are a Real Alcoholic

There are already lots of online tests to determine this... no point in me muddying the waters with yet another.  If you drink in the mornings or couldn't make it through this webpage without a drink, you should probably check those tests out.


Lisa:  I think this is going to be big!  Bigger than the 12 step program.  There are a heck of a lot more people ON the slipery slope than down in the depths.   This is the ledge on that slope we were all looking for.  It might not save you, but it will at least slow you down.

Jack:  Being on this program is also just a good excuse not to be pressured.  I am dating this girl whose family is pretty intense about drinking.  They think that you aren't having fun if there isn't a drink in your hand.  Being on this program is like being on a diet.  Consider the following scenario: Aunt Mary says "Try this cake".  You say "No thanks".  She says "Really, this cake is the best, I made it from scratch".  You say "But I don't like cake that much".  She says "Well you haven't had my cake!".  This could go on and on, the only way out is to say "look, I am actually on a diet..".  Suddenly, just because it is a program with rules, its ok to refuse the cake.  Same with drinking and being on this program. 

Lee:  It's a beter conversation peice than Atkins!

Katie:  Talk about smart!  I am also saving money.  I am spending less on alcohol and saving money on hospital bills from all those clumsy falls


 But my non-alcoholic friends regularly have weeks where they break two or all of these rules.

True, but think of the AA program.  They don't let you drink at all.  When you are someone like us, you have to have different rules than when you are one of them.

But sometimes I have a party to go to on Fri and Sat, and then a BBQ on Sun!

The point is, you don't have to drink at every social event. Your friends will probably still like you, and if they don't, (Pardon the "after-school special" tone)  they aren't your real friends.

But sometimes I accidentaly follow all three rules, are there rollover rules?  Can I break two rules some other week?

I guess so.  But you can only carry one rule.  And you can't borrow from the future and be in the red.

But I need a meeting or support group to get through this.

That's a little too intense for mini-alcoholism, so instead I created a web forum.  Yes, these are mostly useless, but only YOU as a web forum participant can keep the quality high and the discussion pertinent.

But doesn't this promote binge drinking?

Yes, unfortunatly that seems to be the one side effect.