My wife, NotFroofy, moved from England to be with me at the beginning of 2001. I proposed to her on August 3, 2008--three days after Massachusetts law was changed to allow nonresident same-sex couples to marry. Since same-sex marriage was not permitted at the time in our home state of Maryland, we were married in Massachusetts.1/
Because we live near Washington, DC, and have no family in Massachusetts, the ceremony was very small (under 20 people). We had a luncheon after the ceremony for all the attendees. We brought a videotape of the ceremony back for a much bigger reception in DC for all our friends.
We had two attendants. My daughter was maid of honor. We asked my son to be best man. He replied that the best man is a groom's attendant, and since we didn't have a groom, he couldn't be best man. However, he was happy to be "dude of honor."
Our ceremony and reception were very reflective of our own tastes. We did a lot of things ourselves that are traditionally done by vendors. I've tried to include information on how all our projects were done, where to find the materials, and costs, in hopes they may be useful to other couples looking for ideas.
Several times, I was asked what the style or theme of our wedding was, and I was unable to describe it. However, a friend of ours wrote about weddings in our social circles (not specifically referring to ours), and I thought that what he wrote encapsulated our wedding:
[I]t's just struck me that weddings in these circles are often quiet events, with a village feel to them. Not small town, but even tinier, with little separation between "people helping out" and "guests"...there's a sense of community to these things.
Since the wedding, I have written various pages of recaps (vendor reviews, instructions for DIY projects, registry reviews, a description of the special issues we faced as a same-sex couple, and miscellaneous wedding-related articles) for the benefit of other couples. We also posted pictures of the wedding in which we were not identifiable. If you would like to see pictures of the wedding in which we are identifiable, you can contact us using the contact form.
1/ Updates: On February 24, 2010, the attorney general of Maryland announced that although same-sex marriages could not take place in Maryland, Maryland will recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere (including ours). The complete text of the Attorney General's opinion is available here. On May 18, 2012, the Maryland Court of Appeals (the highest court in Maryland) adopted the same position in the case of Jessica Port v. Virginia Anne Cowan.
In 2012, the Maryland legislature passed House Bill 438, the Civil Marriage Protection Act, to allow same-sex marriages to take place in Maryland beginning January 1, 2013. Although opponents attempted to overturn this legislation by referendum, their efforts were unsuccessful, and the law went into effect as scheduled.
On June 26, 2013, in United States v. Windsor, the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, which had previously precluded federal recognition of same-sex marriages such as ours. Thus, our marriage is now fully recognized where we live. The only issue is that if we travel outside of our home state (even just across the bridge to Virginia), we can find our marriage not recognized. We continue to hope for the day in which our marriage and family will receive the same recognition nationwide as any other marriage and family.