What were you wearing?

Sexual assault/kidnap

I was raped 3 years ago after everybody in a house we were hanging out in went to sleep. We had been kissing but I told him I didn’t want to go any further. He didn’t listen, and put my hands behind my head so I couldn’t push him away. He put it in and forcibly kept going until I started crying. Then he stopped and left.

I was roofied at a bar on Halloween and raped later that night at a friend’s apartment by someone I knew. My friends were supposed to look out for me but they threw me in a cab with him instead; he had been making advances on me but they wanted to go home with other people they were at the bar with. The next morning, I woke up naked next to him. I felt awful and knew something was wrong, but called my friends and they all told me I had just “been drinking too much” and that nothing could have happened because we knew this person.

I had 1.5 drinks that night, and wasn’t too drunk to remember the evening. But everything from the time I had half of a vodka sour at the bar is pretty much blank, with a few tiny memories that let me know what happened.

It took me 6 months to accept that my friends were gaslighting me, and 10 years to accept that what happened that night was rape. 12 years later, I’m still mad and still struggle sometimes with acknowledging that it wasn’t my fault.

I was 12 years old when I was sexually assaulted by my 16 year old partner. My friends were in the room with me and heard me say no over and over and they did nothing.

Sitting at a bar with my friends and a guy comes in, sits down by me and proceeds to buy me a drink. Next thing you know he is rubbing his hands all over me. I am screaming in my head LEAVE ME ALONE, STOP IT, but it is not stopping. I am so mad that no one is coming to my aid to stop this.

By the time my friends and boyfriend get me to go. I am so mad at my boyfriend for doing nothing and my friend from not helping me. They both swore they came up and tried to get me to go play pool or something but I would not acknowledge them and they did not know what else to do. My boyfriend thought that I was enjoying it.

I learned later that I had disassociated and was frozen with fear. My therapist told me I was going to have to learn to protect that little 12 year old girl inside of me or it would continue to happen to me.

I always thought I was strong but found out that night that I still need to be stronger.

I went to a New Years party on Greek Row in Salt Lake City. I got very intoxicated and was pulled into a bathroom where a frat brother assaulted me. He bit my neck numerous times and was forcing my skirt off of my body. My friend, Leela, and a couple of frat brothers intervened and made him leave me alone, which I appreciated, though I brushed the situation off like it wasn't a big deal. I was scared and shocked, but found myself laughing throughout the entire experience, minimizing it to the people that intervened.

Later that night, I was in a bedroom and was still very intoxicated. I blacked out momentarily and when I became conscious again found another man laying on top of me. I was also obviously very surprised and he jumped off me when I said "What is going on??". My friends and I eventually got a cab to go back to my house. The man that laid on top of me hopped into the cab and came to my home with us. I again felt like I had to just bear with it, and didn't feel comfortable saying anything. Leela stood up for me a second time and made him leave.

Throughout the night, I felt that it was not okay for me to stand up for myself and say "no", even when other people intervened. I didn't want to be a victim and didn't want to admit that I let someone hurt me. I had bruises all over my neck and chest for nearly two weeks afterward, but instead of letting other people know I had been assaulted, I pulled it off as though I was just promiscuous and "in charge" of my sexual expression and activity. This night haunts me to this day, knowing I could have been hurt so much worse than I was.

A guy named Ted invited my friends and I over to have some drinks and stay the night at his family's condo in Park City. We played board games and later hung out in the hot tub. I forgot to bring clothes to sleep in, and Ted offered me some basketball shorts to borrow for the night. We went to his room, where I initiated a kiss between us. I felt bad about kissing him because I had a boyfriend, but brushed it off. Later that evening, he pulled me into his bedroom again and started pulling my pants -- his basketball shorts -- off my body. I was so shocked, barely able to mutter "no" , but he kept going. I felt that because I kissed him earlier, I was asking for it and just needed to commit to having sex. He was very aggressive with me, and called me a "dirty bitch". I felt degraded and sick, and couldn't sleep that night. The next day I told my boyfriend that I had sex with another man. Our relationship went downhill from there, and many people thought it was because I was a cheater. It has been difficult to explain what happened, and I never bothered to clarify with many friends because it ultimately felt like my fault. I chose to kiss Ted, I chose to "not fight him off" , so I felt it was my fault. To this day, I hate the name Ted and hate myself for letting him assault me.

After being approached by and declining the request for a date by a man who could be my father, he proceeded to follow me home, and pace in front of my apartment, tracking back and forth in the snow in front of my windows and door. The following day he returned to the visitor center where I worked and proceeded to attend all my programs for the day, and then followed me home again and pacing again in front of my apartment. I lived alone, pre cellphone and did not have a landline either. After he performed some explicit acts in front of my apartment and appeared to have no intention of leaving, I feared for what might happen next. I waited until he was slightly distracted and made a wild run for my car and drove like mad away from my apartment and into the closest town. He followed me and so I went to my coworkers house knowing late at night nothing else would be open. Luckily she let me in and we called for help. I feel lucky and still catch my breath when I am in my house alone in the evening when snow is on the front sidewalk.