How Romance Media Sets Unrealistic Expectations For Teenagers: The Impact of Idealized Love Stories on Self-Image and Relationships

“Not everything is going to work out like how it does in rom-coms, everything always works out at the end. Real life just doesn’t happen like that.”- Janae Miller

If I had a dollar for every time one of my friends fell for a fictional character from one of their romance novels, I'd be able to afford all of Lynn Painter’s books. The representation of romance in the media has teenagers idealizing love that may not necessarily exist. The portrayal of romantic relationships in books, TV shows, and movies has a profound effect on teenagers. 

While romantic stories can provide entertainment, they often set unrealistic expectations about love, relationships, and self-worth. These depictions can affect how young people view themselves and what they believe a “perfect” relationship should look like, leading to unhealthy dynamics and disappointment when real life doesn’t match the idealized versions seen on screen. In reality, love is usually more complicated; it requires communication and patience, which most teenagers struggle with.

These romance stories often imply that if you don't have a significant other by a certain age, you're somehow failing at life. Most teenagers feel this way because they believe that their high school experience isn’t complete without having their “love at first sight” kind of moment. Unfortunately, real life doesn’t work like that-at least not at Hillcrest. In a recent interview with Zahwah Aamir, a senior, she was asked if the romance genre affects her high school experience, which she answered with such eagerness, stating, “Yeah, I want to wake up every day and have that experience.” As you can see, the romance genre affects Zahwah's life; she doesn't just want all these romantic gestures to be in books or movies; she wants it to be her reality! But it's time for her to wake up from that dream. David Cameron, a senior, said, "No, I don't think it affected my high school experience because not everyone is mature yet, so I never got caught in anything not fit for me.” David thinks romance did not affect his high school experience because everyone was too immature for real relationships, which seemed to benefit him because this way he avoided drama.

The romance genre in books, TV shows, and movies often presents an idealized version of love that can influence the way young girls view it. The portrayals young girls consume through media leads to misconceptions about relationships, for example, "soulmates." I mean, let's think realistically: not everyone is going to have or meet that one perfect person, and that's because unfortunately, we do not live in “The Notebook” or “The Age of Adaline.” Zahwah Aamir, senior, stated, “There will be young girls at some point; just like how little girls started going to Sephora, little girls will start reading romance novels, and they're going to think that they're going to find this prince charming, but that's not how the world works, and it's very disappointing, especially as a seventeen-year-old.” The impact romance media has on young girls is detrimental, to say the least; promoting unrealistic expectations and stereotypes is going to lead to the formation of unhealthy relationships in their future. Sometimes the relationships you cherish are not going to end like how they ended in the film “10 Things I Hate About You.” It’ll probably end like Tom's ending in “500 Days of Summer.” 

The men you usually see in the romance genre are perfect; girls often say, “Why can’t men in the books exist in real life?” “Why cant boys be like this in real life?” “Why can’t you be like the guys in the books/movies?” I constantly wonder that myself, but how do boys feel about girls saying that? Does that break their confidence? Does that make them strive to do better? With such confidence, David Cameron answered, “I’d tell her to leave and go get with the guy in the book. But my girl will never have to tell me that.” David went straight into defense mode if his partner were to say that; he would feel hurt by the comparison and believes he shouldn't have to change to meet her expectations, just like how they say in the books and movies, if you have to change yourself for someone, it’s not love. Mr. Hernandez, a ninth-grade English teacher and director of the Pre-College and Honors Academy, shared, 'Yes, my relationship has been influenced by books and shows like Bridgerton. My partner has read and watched the entire series, and now there's this expectation for me to act like an English gentleman from the 1800s, which is pretty far-fetched.' He jokingly added that her admiration for characters like Anthony Bridgerton and Young King George has raised the bar for what she expects from him. “It might sound unrealistic, but if I wanted to, I would!” he laughed.

 Yes, the romance genre can be entertaining, but it often creates a false vision of what love is. Real relationships are built on genuine connections, not based on the few times you made eye contact with the boy who sits directly across from you. Holding onto these unrealistic versions of what a relationship can be, can take away the opportunities you have to make more deeper and meaningful connections with those around you.