Washing Machine Heart

I’ll take the outside of the sidewalk when we walk side by side,

I’ll give you my meal because I’d rather be hungry than see you starve,

I’ll stand on the bus so you could sit,

and if you get cold just ask and all my clothes will be yours.

I’d give you my skin to keep you warm. 

I’d do anything for you even when you don’t notice me.

I’d give you all of my organs if you needed them.

I’d follow you to hell if you would just let me hold your hand.

I’d use my body as your shield and soak up all your pain and all your fears, 

because to me, it’s best if you’re the happy one.

Because to me, it doesn’t matter who I was before I met you. 

My needs aren’t necessary, as long as I have you. 

I will live a life that revolves around you because who really am I when you’re gone? 

Why wish for anything else, anything better, when I’m yours?

Why be greedy for things I thought I wanted?

I don’t know what to talk about if you’re not in the story 

and I can’t make eye contact unless it’s your eyes I’m looking into.

So please, please don’t leave. 

Without you near me, without you touching me, I feel empty. 

When you’re not by my side I think of where you could be, who you could be with instead. 

I would never leave you even though I know that, if you wanted, you would leave me.

The worst feeling, the one that tears up my stomach 

and strangles my neck with the necklace that holds your initial, 

the one that carves its nails into my back and 

pulls each tear from my eyes,

 is that you’ve never loved me like I love you,

Never felt the things I’ve felt for you 

or went out of your way to do something for me. 

To me, it’s always been you, from the first moment our eyes met. 

But I’m just another planet in your solar system, 

another bug that flies around your head and buzzes in your ear.

I’ve never been the person you make eye contact with first in a group, 

and I’ve never been the person you turn to hug first. 

All my money and all my time has been dedicated to you

 just so you can push me away, 

crumple me up and throw me away. 

But no matter how many times you brush me off, 

no matter how many times you leave me on delivered, 

I’ll always come back. 

I’ll always return to your side like a sad, dumb little puppy. 

I’m so obsessed with you that I’ll even watch as you fall in love with someone new. 

I’ll leave them a seat on the other side of you 

so even when your back is turned on me,

 even when you act like I’m not there,

at least I can feel your knee hit mine once and a while. 

At least I have that little sliver of you that sometimes looks my way.

Because you’re what makes me, me.

No matter how many times you’ve drunk from my cup and replaced it with poison,

 I’ll always pick it back up and drink it again.

 Because I’ve gotten used to your taste and I’ve gotten used to the way you ignore me. 

After all, my best days are the ones we spend together

 and if you’re not there I have no reason to be here either.

I’d do anything for you if you’d just love me back

Avery Pugnetti, Grade 11

Creative Writing Major