Anxieties in children

Anxieties are common among children. Anxieties cause children to miss out on things they want to do or need to do. Here are a few examples:

Charlotte (3) believes that there are monsters living in the wardrobe of her room. This makes her so anxious that she does not want to sleep in her room anymore.

After a death in his family, Noah (8) believes that his parents will now also have to die. He experiences anxiety attacks when being away from his parents which leads to his parents frequently picking him up from school or play dates too early.

Whenever she attempts to prepare for school tests, Maria (13) feels anxious about failing, breaks out in tears and is unable to do any further test preparation.

Anxieties develop for a number of reasons: genes, personality traits, brain development, traumatic life events. Parent behaviour can also be a reason why children develop anxieties.

The most common thing children do when facing an anxiety-provoking situation is they try to avoid it. Whilst this may sound like a practical solution, avoidance leads to children missing out on the things they want to do or have to do.

What can parents do to help children manage their anxieties?

To get answers to this or other parenting questions, make an appointment with Positive Parenting Clinic.

Positive Parenting Clinic: Confidential, individual support for parents of children of all ages.

To make an appointment or for more information, visit my Facebook page

“Everyone has it. I need it too!”

Children develop desires for things by observing others every day. For example, they might see a friend wearing a certain piece of clothes. Or, they might see a child in a TV ad drinking a certain drink.

When children see new things, they may feel a sense of “Wow. Cool. I need that too!”

Consider the following two scenarios:

Sophia (11) sees a classmate wear a pair of platform sneakers with three golden stripes. When dad picks her up from school, she announces: “Dad, all my friends at school have platforms. I also want them!” to which dad responds: “You’re so beautiful. Dad will get you those shoes!”

Jacob (9) sees a friend have an energy drink during lunch break at school. He gets to taste it and thinks: “Yum! And this bottle looks so much cooler than mine!” Back at home, Jacob says: “Mum, everyone at school has energy drinks. It’s so yum and I need energy. I need that too!” And mum, on her next shopping trip, gets a variety of energy drinks for her son.

What does their parents’ response teach Sophia and Jacob about how the world works? How does giving in to these requests impact the relationship between children and parents? What are healthier ways of responding to children’s requests?

To get answers to these and other parenting questions, make an appointment with Positive Parenting Clinic.

Positive Parenting Clinic: Confidential, individual support for parents of children of all ages.

To make an appointment or for more information, visit my Facebook page

Too Much Screen Time?

In a recent poll by The Royal Children's Hospital, Australian parents reported excessive screen time as their top health concern for their children. Screen time includes time children spend on television, video game consoles, digital tablets, and smartphones.

Too much screen time can have negative effects on children’s weight, motor and cognitive development, social and psychological wellbeing - to name just a few.

Guidelines for screen time are:

• no screen time for children younger than 2 years

• max. 1 hour per day for children between 2 and 5 years

• max. 2 hours of recreational screen time per day for children between 5 and 17 years

Great to know what is recommended. But how can parents achieve this? And what can parents do when children already have more screen time than recommended or some of the negative effects have become visible?

To get answers to these and other parenting questions, make an appointment with Positive Parenting Clinic.

Positive Parenting Clinic: Confidential, individual support for parents of children of all ages.

To make an appointment or for more information, visit my Facebook page

When children find it difficult to express how they feel in appropriate ways

Christmas - the time of year when parents look forward to seeing their children at their best: relaxed, happy, and grateful. 

Many children will be lucky enough to receive gifts from Santa, from their parents, and from other family members. When opening these gifts, the majority of children respond with a smile, tears of joy, a jump in the air, a big hug, or a combination of these.

But what if a child’s response looks similar to what is shown in the video below? (the action happens at around 1 minute)

In case you cannot see the video, here is what happened: a child sees their gifts and complains about there being one item less than the year before. The parent tries to explain that some gifts are bigger than last year. The child gets increasingly agitated. In an attempt to calm the child, the parent offers to immediately buy another two gifts.

If there are situations where your child behaves in a similar way and you feel overwhelmed by what you experience, please reach out. Help is available.

Positive Parenting Clinic: Confidential, individual support for parents of children who find it difficult to express how they feel in appropriate ways.

Visit my Facebook page for more information.

Transitioning into High School - Tips and Tricks for parents of children who start High School

When starting high school, children are faced with a number of school-related changes such as having to connect to the highly diverse and academically challenging curriculum, and having to manage school tasks and homework within the time allocated.

At the same time, children undergo major developmental changes such as bodily changes or an increasing need to belong and be accepted by their peers while finding their own identity.

Put school and developmental changes together, and parents could be exposed to situations such as these:

Hearing that she cannot join her new school friends’ party on Saturday, Chloe (13) challenges her parent: “Why can’t I go to the party? You never let me do anything! You’re so unfair!”. And before her parent can reply, Chloe steams off, slamming the door to her room.

When asked by his parent how his day at school was, William (13) mumbles “Yeah”, and when asked to join his family for dinner at a local restaurant, he responds with “Yeah, nah”, then retreats to his room and makes no effort to come out again until two hours later.

What is going on in these children’s minds? Which parenting strategies could help to tune into the children? How can parents help their children be at their best in their first year of high school and beyond?

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Transitioning into Primary School - Tips and Tricks for parents of children who start Primary School

The Department of Education website lists the following as key for children to start learning when they enter primary school: ‘Phonological knowledge and skills’, ‘Grapheme-phoneme correspondence knowledge’, ‘Magnitude comparison’, ‘Subitising’, and more. Ouch! This sounds scary! As a parent of a child in this age group you might ask yourself one, some or all of the following questions:

“Is this really what my child needs to be exposed to at this age?”

“Isn’t playing and socialising enough?”

“How is my child going to handle all this?”

“What if my child cannot keep up with ‘grapheme-phoneme correspondence’ or is unable to ‘subitise’?”

“Will my child be able to sit still and concentrate during class?”

“How will my child deal with all this change and all these new people and challenges?”

Luckily, there are ways you can help your child be confident and competent in primary school.

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

The Power of Positive Parenting (Triple P) - Five principles underpinning positive parenting

Consider the following scenario: Oliver (10) and his sister Mia (7) have been bickering over petty things all Sunday morning. Their parent has been trying to concentrate on some chores. Frustration is building with how the children behave. Now, the children are fighting over who gets to use the tablet; Oliver screaming; Mia whining; both furiously grabbing for the tablet. Hearing and seeing this, the parent rushes to the scene, rips the tablet out of their hands and shouts “Oliver! Mia! That’s enough! No tablet anymore for today!” Now, both children are whining.

Sounds familiar?

Positive Parenting is an evidence-based approach to raising healthy, well-adjusted, confident and resilient children. What exactly does Positive Parenting mean? In the above scenario, how would Positive Parenting help the parent constructively influence how the children play and interact?

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Raising confident and competent children (Triple P) - Six key skills children need to succeed in life

Here’s a short story about 7-year-old boy Noah: Friday late afternoon, Noah, seemingly bored, says to his parent (with a tone of voice that hints a sense of entitlement): “I want to play Minecraft now.” The parent hands over the tablet.

And there is one about Noah’s 5-year-old sister, Sienna: When she’s hungry, she approaches her parent saying “I’m hungry. I want a banana.” Her parent hands her a banana.

What do these children learn from how their parent responds to their requests? Does the parent’s response help them learn to be polite?

Which parenting strategies can help children build one of the key skills towards becoming a successful adult: showing respect to others?

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Raising resilient children (Triple P) - Six life skills that help children manage their emotions

Today’s world is one of constant change, challenge, and pressure to perform. Mental health issues are on the rise, especially among children. It is paramount for children to have the skills that help them embrace and cope with everyday situations and stressful life events.

Consider the following two scenarios:

(A) 5-year-old Ava is playing with her Legos, trying to build a castle. When the pieces don’t fit together, she starts growling and seconds later violently throws the Lego pieces around the room.

(B) 9-year-old Logan’s school bus stops near his house. Until now, his parents have done the drop-offs and pick-ups at the bus stop. They now believe that it is time for him to walk to and from the bus stop on his own. Hearing this, Logan retreats to his room slamming the door.

Some of the key skills for children towards becoming resilient are: to recognise, accept and appropriately express how they feel; to build a positive outlook; and to develop coping skills that help dealing with negative emotions and upsetting or stressful life events.

What can parents do to help children build these key skills?

Part 3 of the Triple P (Positive Parenting Program) Seminar Series takes a closer look at emotional resilience.

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Tuning into children’s brains - The 4 parts of the brain, and how parents can support healthy brain development

Consider the following situation involving 7-year-old Sophie and her parent:

Sophie’s parent asks her to put her toys away and help set the dinner table. Sophie keeps playing. Her parent, in a slightly agitated voice, requests again “Sophie, put your toys away and help set the dinner table now”. Sophie keeps playing. Her parent gets frustrated with being ignored. How does the story continue?

There are several possible endings to this story. What’s more important is to ask the following questions: What is going on in Sophie’s brain? And, how does Sophie’s behaviour influence what is going on in her parent’s brain?

Looking at their children’s behaviour, many parents ask themselves at times: “Why is she doing that right now?” or “Why is he not listening?” or “Why do I have to say the same thing over and over?”

Understanding how children’s brains develop gives an insight into these and other “why” questions.

Bringing Up Great Kids (BUGK) has been developed by the Australian Childhood Foundation. More than 50,000 parents have benefited from the program since its start in 2005.

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Three Parenting Styles and how they influence children's behaviour

Have a look at the following scenario: Lucy (3 years old) wants a bag of lollies while in the supermarket with her Dad. At first, Dad does not respond. When Lucy gets louder with her demand, Dad says "Ok then, have your lollies. You happy now?"

Here is another scenario: At times, Parker (8 years old) is still a bit wild with his baby sister Lily. In the afternoon, he is jumping on his trampoline with her. Lily suddenly starts crying. Hearing Lily cry, mum jumps towards the trampoline and shouts "Parker! That's it! Off the trampoline!" Parker tries to explain "But mum, she just fell over without me doing anything," to which mum replies "Off the trampoline, now!"

Two of the key skills children need to develop on their journey to becoming mature adults are negotiating and compromising. Given their parents’ style of parenting, how likely are the children going to develop these skills? Which parenting style would be most helpful in these situations?

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Child Developmental Stages and how parents can encourage and support healthy child development

For many parents and carers, professional checks and guidance on child development stop after the last maternal and child health nurse visit at around 40 months or even before. And then?

Every child moves through their individual developmental journey that lasts into young adulthood. Contemporary research shows that brain development continues even into a person’s mid-twenties.

What does "child development" and "developmental stage" mean? What are some of the developmental jobs children have to master until they are 18 years old? And how can parents encourage and support their children’s healthy development in each of the developmental stages?

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.

Temperament Traits and how they influence children's behaviour

The "nature vs nurture" debate has been around for a long time. Is a child's behaviour influenced more by their genes or how they are parented? Why is it that a child's traits can be quite different from their parents’ or that one sibling's traits can be quite different from the other’s?

Every child has their individual set of natural traits or preferences for how to respond to the world around them.

What does "preferences" mean, and how do they look like? How can parents help children recognise and be proud of their natural strengths and work on potentially corresponding blindspots?

Join one of my upcoming parenting seminars to find answers to these and other parenting questions.  Visit my Facebook page to find out about the next seminar.