Issue 1

 Fraser Talks

Lots of people don't realise that eye-black is the perfect way to hide the constantly flowing tears that result from crippling self-confidence issues.

Hair-spray: gotta look fly before you fly.

There are a number of benefits to having a large build up of fluid in one knee that are often overlooked by narrow minded physios. These include but are not limited to:

• Stress ball

• Comfortable kneeling whilst endlessly waiting to be called onto the pitch

• Pillow for Alexis' weary head

• Convenient excuse for not trying very hard

The peroxide blonde idea originated from an old episode of Dragonball Z but believe it or not, my head was the last part of my body that got the peroxide treatment.