Pure snowflakes fell from the treetops onto the ground in silence, there was no sound except the footsteps of a young man, Doctor Yu. He trod the road quietly, trying to calm down from the news he heard a few minutes before. At the end of the road, as the wind blew past his ears, he stopped and took a huge breath, tears running down his cheeks. The Fishtank Hospital stood in front of him like a joke.
Doctor Yu could be counted as one of the legends, he has a wooden prosthesis and a craggy face that made him look older than his thirty-five years. He was well known for producing and selling profitable elixirs that wipe out memories. The liquid he made was glorious, with a shimmering glow and a smell of lavender. Yu is proud of the liquid--he’s more than happy to help people find their own happiness in the bliss of forgetfulness. From the day he graduated from medical school, Yu remembered spending all of his time in the seven-floor tall Fishtank Hospital. All the rooms were as white as the mystical guppy, mysterious, but beautiful. But not all was enchanting in the Fishtank Hospital.
Dr. Yu’s wife, Min, is totally different from her husband. She has been a psychology professor for the past five years and was just forced to marry Yu under threat of imprisonment in The Fishtank. Min felt imprisoned and alone, despite her marriage. With a heavy heart, she would endlessly discuss philosophy with her new husband. Her short straight black hair, old glasses, and jet eyes made her look stubborn, but the scars of her childhood made her strong, as she herself says, “invincible”, while her pregnancy made her much more gentle than before.
There were lots of customers trying to get into The Fishtank and buy Yu’s elixir. One day in the middle of the Christmas holiday, Daisy, a frequent customer, appeared at the door of Yu and Min’s consulting room complaining of a throbbing headache. Stumbling into the room, she smashed the experimental bottles on the shelves as the shocked couples stared at her.
“Where is it? Where is my cure?” She asked with her hands shaking frantically, her long blonde hair moving with the wind, softly patting her back.
Min, as usual, started to get up, trying not to interfere with her husbands’ business. But then she realized the broken glass pieces were all over the room, she moved uncomfortably with the baby and decided to sit down, her arms crossed. Yu stuffed the strong medicine into Daisy’s hands and watched her closely, to see her drink it up in one swallow. “Why am I always getting to know someone bad? This is probably the third time I’ve trusted the wrong person.” Daisy cried, her tears dropping down onto the ground.
Daisy laughed with her teeth chattering. “Holy Jesus, I think I need more bottles to forget this memory,” she smirked and nodded her head at Yu and Min. “Hand me another bottle, one of you, I demand more!”
“Don’t they say time is the finest cure for grief?” Min asked - she was tired of the stress of Daisy.
Daisy’s eyes twitched a little, paused for a second, and then answered, “Indeed, but I can’t wait. When he turned off all of the lights for me, my sorrows emerged out of nowhere, and I wanted to do something immediately. Just me falling into the traps over and over. But humans are so smart; they invented this kind of medication to help forget the consequences of making those horrible mistakes from the past.”
Listening with sympathy, Yu kept giving Daisy bottles of the crystal-clear elixir from dawn to dusk. Min tried to stop him, arguing with him, attempting to persuade him, even controlling his hands, but it was no use, no use at all. He became obsessed with the pride of providing help to the poor and unfortunate sufferers of the world, that’s his biggest wish after all.
On a freezing night, Yu began to sob in his clinic. Min just sat there, drying his tears, accompanying him in silence, asking no questions. The room was so quiet that it only held the breath of two people. The letters Yu was holding in his hands fell to the hard floor of the clinic, and when she picked them up, Min realized that they were all letters from their old friends, their old customers for the elixir. Though she didn't know the text of each letter, and couldn’t guess what was so distressing to her husband, she knew he needed comfort. She hugged him, though she never liked touching other people, that's all she could give for a cold evening and a heartbroken man.
“I just don’t understand, why would such a pleasing liquid mess up the lives of other people?” Yu said thumping the table with anger, “Some customers that once trusted us have now committed suicide, a few were clinically depressed, and the rest seemed to get extremely vulnerable after drinking the elixir. What is going on? ”
“Pleasing? If it’s pleasing enough, those people won’t be sick.” Min smirked, “Lots of people these days drink the liquid and forget about the horrible things people have done to them. Then, did they actually become happy? Maybe. However, some people suffered from their own actions, since they also forgot compassion and the feeling of being tortured.” She paused, looked around, and lowered her voice.
“Besides, you are not only a doctor at The Fishtank, but also an expecting father, you couldn’t let this influence our child. He is too small to know the liquid. ” Min said with her eyes straightly matching Yu. Yu stared at her grimly, as if warning her to be cautious of her words. She smiled and zipped her mouth.
“But the elixir is all I have. I spend most of my career inventing it and taking it into use. I couldn’t give up all my efforts for the past years just to satisfy your personal will and ‘the potential danger’. ”You couldn't believe that it’s his wife that disappointed him when he’s already in such a bad mood.
Min realized the uneasiness and anger in Yu’s tone. She closed her eyes and decided to take a few seconds rest, “that’s too much argument for a single day,” she thought.
“Well, I didn’t say you would have to leave your work behind. You could continue with your elixir exploration. Let’s just keep this liquid a secret to the kid. Okay?”
Yu sighed and unwillingly nodded his head. He has to step back after his wife’s compromise.
***
The child of Yu and Min was born in the vibrant spring. They gave him the name of Erised. Time passed quickly, and soon he started school. He is a smart, funny little boy, the knowledge involved in class was too easy for him to complete. He could learn calculus by himself when he was twelve years old. Erise’s classmates often bullied him, hitting him on the hard wall for answers to homework and tests, due to their envy. Erised often became soft-hearted and came home with bruises on his face and his backpack loaded with broken pencils.
“Have you ever thought of letting Erised take the elixir? He seemed to be troubled every day, I don’t want him to be depressed coming back from school.” Yu asked.
“No, kids are absolutely not suitable for the liquid,” Min answered, not taking him seriously.
“But the liquid The Fishtank made is extremely powerful, we can only diminish one small area of the memory of his sadness. This has already been used for many patients for them to forget about crimes or major traumas. It will be okay. Why are you so conservative and unwilling to embrace new things?”
“Me, conservative? I’m thinking logically about Erised’s future. If he doesn’t have a sense of oppression when encountering failure, will he be fulfilled when he gains success? Children won’t be able to realize the danger if they have no idea what may hurt them from an early age.” Min raised her voice.
“Fine. But Erised is feeling down not because he did anything wrong, it’s the gossip and violence of other people that lead to his emotional instability. He shouldn’t suffer from the things that aren’t his fault. If nothing stands up to control his emotions, he won’t have enough courage to continue on.” Yu protested and patted Min to let her calm down.
“It’s the memories, good and bad, that make us be the person we are today. Numbness can’t do anything. The most horrible side effect of the elixir is that people will become an animal with the worst memories, the goldfish. ”Min put her head into Yu’s arms, “The Sadness pushed us to make improvements and to cherish what we had, that’s why humans challenged themselves to do bigger things, and through adjustments, they finally succeed, achieving things people can't have imagined in the past, and avoid becoming the goldfishes .”
“You’re right. Good night, dear.” Yu kissed Min’s forehead, that’s a white lie and a dramatic stop to prevent further disagreement between the couples.
***
Yu and Min arrived at the graveyard silently, and put the flowers down to the grave of their son, Erised. Min didn’t come out of the room for a whole day, she slept endlessly in her bed. “I lost everything,” she said. Immersed in extreme pain, with tears swirling in her eyes, she opened her son’s computer, and typed in the password. Min searched for his media accounts to closely review her son’s photo album again, to bring back all the memories and the happy times, to see the face that repeatedly appeared in her dreams. Dimly, she opened the program, lights flickered on the screen. She clicked on the column that reads “My profile”, the computer screen instantly showed messages her son had sent. Words she didn't want to see gradually appeared in front of her and started to cover her whole view, sending to people she didn't know automatically. Her heart felt a pinch, and her whole body started to shiver.
“Did Erised know the liquid already?” Min asked herself. She already had an answer to this question.
That’s the day she opened up the bottle of forgettable liquid and drank up in one go.
She became a goldfish.
February 10, 2022