“Tick Tock. Tick Tock,” the clock said. Each second reminded Emma of the decision she had to make. Dr. Riley solemnly walked into the room, waking Emma from the trance of the clock. He glanced at Emma and the unconscious Noah, and his eyes looked like they lost the war.
“I’m sorry to rush you, Mrs. Smith, but we need an answer in the next 15 minutes.”
Blinking back tears, Emma replied, “Don’t worry Dr. Riley. I’ll let you know of my decision in the time period.” Dr. Riley walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. After he left, Emma couldn’t hold back her tears. Sobbing, she recalled how all of this started.
Noah and Emma were planning a vacation to the Bahamas. It’s been a year since they went on a vacation as Noah was working on being promoted. Now that he got the promotion, they felt it was time to relax and travel. Noah suggested buying tents for the fun of it, and they headed to the local camping store to look for tents. Browsing through the different types, no one thought anything was wrong with them. Emma went to ask the cashier how much a water bottle cost, and when she came back, she saw Noah sitting on the ground, trying to catch his breath. Emma hurried up to Noah, wondering what happened to him.
“Noah, what happened?” she inquired urgently.
“I don’t know. I was scrolling through my phone, and suddenly I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was trying to catch my breath when you came back.” He looked baffled when he processed what happened.
“Let’s get you to a doctor. What happened was not normal for anybody, much less a healthy 30-year old.”
“No no, it’s fine. Nothing major happened, and stuff like this happens to everybody every once in a while.” While Noah was happy to forget about this, Emma was more reluctant. However, she agreed with him after concluding this might have been a one-off event. They went about their day, eager to forget this episode.
“Hello, Mrs. Smith. My sincere apologies to you and your family, but it’s time to make a decision. I understand this is a terrible decision to make, but I’m afraid there’s nothing else to do.” Even though she said she understood, Dr. Vera spoke unemotionally like she was reading a speech, causing Emma to question how many times Dr. Vera said this to other people.
“Yes,” could all Emma get out.
“You would like to euthanize Mr. Noah Smith?” asked Dr. Vera.
“Yes,” Emma whispered.
“Very well Mrs. Smith. This must have been a hard decision to make, but we appreciate you following Mr. Smith’s decision. We will let you know when this will take place.” She walked out of the room unaffected.
Emma sat down in the chair, and she had no idea why she agreed to this. Even though this was Noah’s last wish, she wasn’t ready to lose him, even if he’ll never be in a conscious state.
With what happened in the store behind them, Emma and Noah were making last-minute purchases for their trip. They picked up dinner and made their way back home. Noah sat down at the dinner table, and Emma was in the kitchen. Out of nowhere, she heard a thud.
“Noah?” she called out. There was no response. She called out again, and still no response. Remembering what happened in the store a few days ago, she ran to Noah. Her worst fears came true. Noah was lying on the ground, unconscious. Emma started to freeze up, she had no idea what to do. She attempted carrying Noah to the car, but after coming out of the shock and daze, she called an ambulance.
Throughout the ride to the ambulance, Emma kept reassuring herself that nothing happened to Noah. The ambulance reached the hospital, and Noah was rushed into a room. Emma wasn’t allowed to enter the room, and she was asked to fill in the forms. As she was answering the questions, she got worried about how long the procedure was taking. However, she told herself to just fill the forms and not think about Noah.
The doctor called Emma into the room and introduced himself as Dr. Riley. He told her to sit down to be able to digest this information.
“Mrs. Smith, I would like to know about Mr. Smith’s health. How was he in these past few weeks? Did he ever experience sudden fatigue or frequent illnesses?”
Emma was confused. Why did Dr. Riley want to know about all of this? How is this all related? “Noah has been experiencing more frequent fevers. In the past year, he said he had a fever almost five times. He also experienced a few ear infections, and he got a severe case of the flu.”
“How about fatigue? How much energy does he have these days?” he pressed on.
“For the past few months, he’s been much weaker than before. He used to be pretty athletic, but he doesn’t have that much energy anymore. We just thought the frequent fevers and fatigue were just a consequence of age.”
Dr. Riley nodded. “That can certainly be a cause, but aging usually doesn’t cause a healthy person to faint. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”
Emma remembered the episode at the store. “Well, a few weeks ago, we went shopping, and he suddenly had a shortness of breath. He couldn’t move, and was sitting on the ground, trying to catch his breath.”
Dr. Riley exhaled. “Mrs. Smith, Mr. Smith’s symptoms point to a multitude of causes. But I have to tell you, one of the causes that seem plausible is blood cancer. But don’t worry, as of now, I don’t have any proof that it is. We already did a complete blood count test to know. We should have the results as soon as tomorrow. Mr. Smith will stay here until tomorrow, and you’re welcome to stay too.”
Emma was shocked. Noah could have blood cancer? Before negative thoughts could consume her, she decided to wait for the results.
The results couldn’t have come faster, Dr. Riley walked into the room, ready to give news that could ruin Emma’s and Noah’s lives. After reading the file, Dr. Riley sighed and looked at Emma with an apologizing glance. Emma’s heart dropped to her stomach.
“Mrs. Smith, I’m sorry to say, but Mr. Smith has leukemia in the advanced stage. We will try our best to save him.”
The door opened, and Dr. Riley walked in. “Mrs. Smith, the euthanization will take place today at 4 p.m. If there is anyone you would like to have in the room with you when this happens, you can make your arrangements.”
Emma nodded, thinking that no one that would be in the room could’ve stopped the pain.
After being discharged from the hospital, Noah and Emma went home. Noah’s diagnosis of leukemia changed the atmosphere between them. Before, dinners were playful and light-hearted; now, dinners were serious and solemn. Noah underwent chemotherapy and thus was very weak after it. Emma busied herself with Noah’s care and the household chores. While it looked like life could go back to normal, the chemotherapy didn't seem to have an improvement on Noah’s health. However, they never gave up hope.
After 6 months, Noah had no improvement. Seeing this, Dr. Riley confided in Emma that he doesn’t believe that Noah will improve anymore. Dejected, Emma tried to not show this to Noah, in fear of crushing his spirit.
Yet, Noah’s health was deteriorating. He was getting weaker by the day, had a smaller appetite, slept through the day, and he never wanted anyone near him. Dr. Riley told Emma to get ready for the final days.
One day, Noah and Emma had an incredibly tough day. All of a sudden, Noah collapsed onto the floor.
Noah was rushed to the hospital, and many attempts were made to try and wake him up. Dr. Riley told Emma, “Looking at his state right now, in the best case scenario, the next time he comes to the hospital will be his last time. Worst-case scenario, this visit will be his last time.” This broke Emma’s heart. She wanted to save Noah, but had no idea what to do.
A week later, Noah woke up. Emma was grateful for this and hopeful that this meant he was going to get better. However, Dr. Riley was more restrained. He called Emma to the side and told her, “It is a good sign that Mr. Smith has woken up. However, his vitals aren't good. We will be hopeful and do our best to save him, but as of now, it’s very hard.” Emma insisted that nothing would happen, but in the back of her mind, she had a bad feeling about it.
This “bad feeling” turned out to be true. A few days later, Noah’s condition deteriorated, and the doctors tried to do everything they could. Emma was by his side, holding his hand, and then he uttered, “Emma, I’m sorry for all of this. I heard you and Dr. Riley talking. I just want to tell you; I don’t want to live in a vegetative state. If you ever have to decide to kill me, please do. It’s my last wish.”
Emma was shocked. She never thought about euthanizing Noah or his last wish. She always thought that these things would matter later in life, and this thought brought her the realization that Noah was going away from her. She cried, “Noah, I’ll do it. But don’t worry about it, you’ll be fine. Nothing will happen to you.”
Noah chuckled painfully. Then, his eyes started to close, and within a matter of seconds, the doctors stepped back. Emma was terrified; was Noah dead?
Dr. Riley walked toward Emma and slowly explained it to her, as if that will make her understand better. “Look Mrs. Smith, he is alive. But, he is in a vegetative state. He can wake up and sleep, but he has no awareness of his surroundings.”
“Will he go back to normal?” Emma asked.
“We don’t know. Most people who recover from a vegetative state will recover in one month. After that, the chances get slimmer and slimmer. We will try our best to care for him, but this is all very uncertain,” explained Dr. Riley. His eyes looked at Emma apologetically.
Emma spent the next month on uncertainty. Every morning, she was anticipative that Noah would recover, but every evening, she was disappointed. By the time she knew, the month had passed, and Noah’s chances were diminishing. Still, she insisted that Noah would wake up soon. However, the doctors could not see any improvement and refused to believe that there would be any. Six weeks after Noah went into a vegetative state, Dr. Riley sat Emma down and explained, “Mrs. Smith, it’s been six weeks since your husband went into a vegetative state. After the one month mark, almost no one recovers. As the hospital staff, we don’t think it’s wise for him to live like this anymore. I would like to remind you of his wish. He told you that he wouldn’t want to live in this state and would rather be killed. While we have input into what happens, we would like you to make a decision soon. My senior, Dr. Vera said she’ll give you until tomorrow morning to make your decision. She also said that if you make the decision to not euthanize him, you will have to find another care center to take care of him. Now, if you can please excuse me.”
Emma knew she would have to make this decision one day. She knew she should fulfill Noah’s last wish, but the slight possibility of saving him made her hopeful. However, who is she to be deciding whether or not Noah lives? With conflicted feelings, she made it through the next day.
“Mrs. Smith? It’s time for euthanasia. If you’ll follow me, I’ll lead you to the room,” called a nurse. Emma walked behind her, and she walked into a room that had a window right into the room where Noah was.
Emma let out a sob. She thought she got ready for this moment, but in reality, she wasn’t anywhere near ready. Emma knew she harbored a wish that Noah would recover up until that point, but she didn’t realize how much she had believed in it until then. Dr. Riley and Dr. Vera gave Emma a final nod, and Dr. Riley gave Noah the injection.
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