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“I Took a Walk”

by Juno Snider

I took a walk yesterday

Past the flowers and the pretty butterflies

Delicate, soft, angelic, beautiful

I gazed at them with obedience once

But not today.

I took a walk yesterday

Past the gravel and the tantalizing cliffsides

Rough, coarse, earthly, strong

I sat on them with curiosity once

But not today.

I took a walk yesterday

And watched the vibrant river

Always flowing, always evolving mystique

Impermanent. The perfect fit.

I dipped my foot in

Then my legs

Then my waist

Then my chest

Then my head was under the water,

And yet I did not drown.

I did not drown,

But they held a funeral anyway.

There was no corpse to bury.

They put a mannequin in a dress

And layed it in an open casket

For some kind of self-pitying display.

There was no corpse to bury,

But they still dressed in black

And cried out a stranger’s name.

There was no corpse to bury,

Even though they told stories and gave speeches

That weren’t even mine

Stories I had made up or performed

To shield myself inside an almond shell

From the world, from the people

From the violence.

There was no corpse to bury,

But they insisted that there was.

If there was no murder

Then why did it feel like I killed her?

There was no “her”!

You all just thought there was

And mourned the rough draft of a book never released.

God made me in his image,

And I remade myself in mine.

I took a walk today.

I walked to the funeral

And smashed that goddam mannequin into shards

And left all the attendants to pick up the pieces

Foaming at the mouth and screaming bloody murder

As if it mattered that much to them in the first place.

And as I left their performances behind

I dove into the river

And as I submerged myself in the water

All the fish and the frogs

And the tadpoles and the water striders

Surrounded me as if to say,

“Congratulations.”