Now I am weeping,

Weeping in worry and worrying

My hair becomes a nest for the rain drops,

My trench coat unbuttons and flops

My crinkled fingers grasp my phone,

My legs throbbing with perseverance as I scurry home

Clink, clink, clink, my shoes fight the ground

In all my worries and work, I drowned

In all my hopes and dreams, I found

I found my dream and the job that, to it, I was bound

Clink… Clink, my footsteps stall

I crash to the floor and I bawl

I bawl for her, my past self strangled firmly in worry

I remember her fingers tap, tap, tapping to send an email in a hurry

Her eyes fixated and domineering

Reading the response and fidgeting with her earring

Her hands loosening, defeat filling her veins

For she felt that she was being pulled back by reins

“But I didn’t want marketing… No I didn’t”

Her dimples disappeared and her eyes fell into a squint

“No no no, but this isn’t meant to be!”

“This isn’t what I foresee!”

Frigid and serene, her pillow had no companionship

Dazed, her stare loses the helm of the ship

She blinks wondering how it will all work out

Her abhor making its presence with a pout

I bawl, now my jeans drenched and damp

My bag strap sinking into my skin, leaving a red stamp

Hundreds and hundreds of days

Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays

Thursdays, Fridays all gone through

And not one decision made a breakthrough

Never would have thought

The course I wanted had no last spot

I trudge, my hair askew and a murmur playing in my hand

“Hello? Boss-” I hang up, my head recollecting my memories like quicksand

Now I am calm, calm and collected

My life is like a movie, all directed

Heaving with happiness and I had no clue

Tightened with tension and I had no clue

Shackled with sadness and I had no clue

Attacked with anger and I had no clue

All decisions made on a whim

Through my current worries I swim

My current worries were all I ever wanted

Even though she was daunted

All I wish is to hold her taut

Hold her taut and tell her the plot

I wish to show her the details of my days

How my signature looks in black ink and my excitement for each raise

My days are long and tedious

Hers too were long and tedious

My decisions made with intent

Hers too were made with intent

My hopes and dreams a reality

Her hopes and dreams an absentee

Now I am weeping,

My heart doused in ease and leaping

It was all not meant to be, a big scheme

Yet in the end, it became her dream

*INFO*

Aftersome adj. astonished to think back on the bizarre sequence of accidents that brought you to where you are today—as if you’d spent years bouncing down a Plinko pegboard, passing through a million harmless decision points, any one of which might’ve changed everything—which makes your long and winding path feel fated from the start, yet so unlikely as to be virtually impossible.

Koenig, John. The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com

(Inspired by my friend’s experience where she tried her best to replace the marketing course she was mistakenly given in grade 11 but wasn’t able to do so, only for it to now be the field she wants to pursue)