Relationships Before Content: Why Building Relationships Matter 

Teachers that intentionally build relationships with students create a sense of belonging both for individuals and as a culture: the extent to which students feel respected, included, accepted, and encouraged by others in the social environment of school. Also called “school connectedness,” this affective relationship to the culture of school has been shown to shape a student’s emotional, behavioral, and cognitive engagement with schooling.

Ask most teachers why they are teachers and over and over you will hear that it is due to the relationships formed with students. For myself, it is truly the factor that has kept me in the classroom these 16 years. Throughout this time I have had the honor of meeting thousands of students since I began coaching then teaching. I have also had the honor of watching them grow into adults, have families of their own, and make their mark on the world as lawyers, doctors, teachers, US Marines, hairdressers, business owners, etc. When I am out in the community, it is a rare occasion for me to not run into a student, former or current. It is these interactions that stir me to my core and remind me of why I got into this profession. Regardless of how “good” I am at teaching my content, if I am “good” at developing relationships with students and giving them a place to be themselves, then I have done my job.


Students have to feel like they have a place in the building. And while not every kid is going to find that in my room, I aim to create a space that is accepting to any and all kids in hopes that it is. I work to create a physical space that speaks to who I am but also helps to show that I care about my students, whether it is through pictures of former students/athletes or their thank you cards stapled to my board, my Kentucky basketball or Boston Marathon posters on my walls, or the ally ship stickers I have throughout the room. While these tokens are reminders of what I care about in this world, it also allows students to see that I am human. I find what matters to them and make sure to ask or to comment about it. I try to be sensitive to behavior or mood changes and let them know that if they need anything, I am here for them but also give them the space to reach out if needed. Ultimately, if a student doesn’t feel comfortable or even safe in my room, how am I going to get them to see the importance of a text? 


When students have trust and safety within a classroom, it helps to propel the discussions and work forward. Students are willing to take bigger risks. Risking failure is something students are only willing to do when they have trust in the person they fail in front of. By building relationships, students are more willing to attempt to push themselves in their work. One way I have seen this manifest in my own classroom is when my students create their own synthesis prompts based on a topic. They demonstrate multiple aspects of deeper learning with the ability to communicate with each other and their classmates. They created the entire prompt and source list focusing on topics that were real world focused, and they were able to demonstrate their understanding of argument writing through their responses. Students also were able to choose their own writing prompt to answer in the end and all were successful. They knew that thinking outside the box was not only okay to do but encouraged, and because we had a trust in each other, they were successful.


The same thing occurred during the pandemic. While I expected that particular year to be the most disconnected of my years of teaching, I found that I was more connected to this group of students because of the relationships we had built. We had to be vulnerable and open to communication. Students had to trust in each other and communicate clearly what they needed for the work to be successful. I found that by building relationships throughout that time period, I was able to invite my students to take risks and really come out of their comfort zones. While we may not have been in the same physical space, I found that my students were carrying out great conversations in breakout rooms, collaborating on projects, and finding their own voice in the classroom. Without having built those relationships from the beginning, we would never have gotten to this point. 


The pandemic has made more clear that nothing matters in education if we aren’t allowing kids to have a place. This doesn’t fix all the problems in the classroom, but I can guarantee that it makes it a better place to be in. When I shut my door each class period, my students know that they are going to be around someone for the next 50 minutes who generally cares and wants the best for them. If we can’t give them that, why are we here?



References:

Visible Learning MetaX. (2021, August). Belonging. Corwin Visible Learning plus. Retrieved November 17, 2022, from https://www.visiblelearningmetax.com/influences/view/belonging

Danielle Dierig is a 16 year veteran teacher teaches at Randall K. Cooper High School in the Boone County School System.  She currently  teaches AP Language and Composition and Honors English III.