The Clark Shark

Didi Zhuang (G9)

Comedy

Published Issue 4 2022-2023

Within the rainforest of Mulgrave School, a new apex predator arises within the “Mr. Clark” phenomenon. A profound evil, more primal than that has been seen manifesting centuries and centuries before, Mr. Clark proves time and time again to thrive on the despair of students. Standing multiple feet tall, he has a “looming effect” on many; often, one will not realize his presence until it is too late. 

“I dunno man.” One anonymous student starts. “He kinda….(you sure he’s not here) he…kinda just..appeared. And to be honest… I’m afraid.” The anonymous student was then found one week later alone, crying, because of a four in science. The local prophet was then consulted in order to uncover more facts. “Ah yes. The Clarkitcus. I am familiar with the ancient one.” The local prophet continued. “Originating from the Bay of Fundy, the being you call ‘Mr. Clark’ was spawned from the deep waters”. “But be warned, an eldritch as old and powerful as this one is one not to be meddled with”. His skill in pharmaceutical chemistry causes concern among the populace, causing many to fear and revere him. “Bro….it’s like…magic right? ” queried one student. “Is that how he just…sneaks up on us??? Does he teleport?”. Causing a corrosive effect on space-time, Mr. Clark is a designated Class-V reality bender, being able to bend matter as well as the despair in students. In reality, it is less of bending and manipulating spacetime, rather, it is more of cutting a hole into spacetime and sewing it into a pair of pants. However, there is a method to counteract this effect, you must..

Editor’s Note: Hello readers! We’re deeply sorry this article was cut short, the journalist had their device taken away by Mr. Clark and was unable to complete it.