Mulgrave Wifi

Lily Mehio (G8)

Published Issue 1 2021-2022

Comedy

Hello fellow humans! Today we are going to talk about a topic that we might all have different opinions about. The “Mulgrave Wifi”. Picture this. You are in class trying to write an essay for an English assessment due at the disappointing time of 4:00 pm. Not at 11:59:999999999pm, not even at 8:00pm, but at 4:00pm. You are trying to type your essay out and your typing is delayed to the point where the writing shows up about 5 minutes after you press a key. So you refresh the page and it decides to take its sweet time to load. After about 10 minutes of waiting, apparently, your wifi is not working. So you decide to try to connect to “Open Wifi”, only to realize that you are already on “Open Wifi” and “Mulgrave Wifi” is even worse. At this point, you have taken up about half of your time for this essay just trying to get the wifi to work. So you give up on trying to fix it, and instead ask to go to I.T. to try and fix your problem, which took about 10 more minutes of your ridiculously limited writing time.

So you then run back to your class to try and speedrun writing your essay in 15 minutes (kind of like how I am writing this now) and somehow, your wifi still is not working. What? Did you expect to have a happy ending where you finish in 15 minutes? Of course not. So you decide to do the unthinkable and ask for an extension only to realize that thankfully the entire class has the same problem so you and the rest of the class devise a plan to get an extension to the weekend. So you and everyone else pick one of your fellow classmates (the favourite student obviously), to ask the teacher for the extension. The plan was flawless and you and the rest of your class have an extension until the weekend. Unfortunately, you and your classmates all have a professional degree in, Procrastination!

So even though it is Wednesday and you have until Saturday, you decide to procrastinate until Friday night. But of course, this is the night that you had 50 after school activities and are exhausted so you decide to leave it for Saturday morning, but you sleep in until 11:00 and you have one hour to write a detailed 6 paragraph PEARL essay on all 4 of the criterion including the 3 hidden new criterions. So with one hour to write, in your messy hair and in your PJ’s, you type faster than you have ever typed before and finish the essay with 1 minute to spare. You have done it (just barely)! And what is at fault for all this rush and procrastination? The Mulgrave wifi. There is definitely no other explanation for this. Not laziness, not bad study habits, not procrastination, but the Mulgrave wifi. Thank you very much. *Mic drop*