Why we should Burn Nature Cereal

Kiana Bagherpour, Jasmine Wang, Alice Peng (G9)

Published Issue 3 2020-2021

Comedy

Hello kidlets, we are back at you with another highly controversial topic. Before we get too far into this, let me explain what Nature’s Cereal phenomenon really is. This bright, juicy, aesthetic SCAM was first introduced by Sherwayne Mears via his TikTok, @natures_food. It consists of blueberries, blackberries, and pomegranate seeds in a wooden bowl. He then drowns the fruit in coconut water and eats the whole affair with a spoon as he praises the MANY benefits of his winning breakfast: “My number one thing when I eat this that I notice is the energy level. I literally felt like I could run a marathon.” Then this INteresting combo of LITERALLY FRUIT AND WATER proceeds to go viral on TikTok.

This is where I begin to get a little aggravated (and a little confused if I do say so myself).

W H Y ? Uhh that don’t make no sense? My man? It is literally a soggy fruit salad (soup? cereal?). It oddly reminds me of those soggy wet fruit cups that everyone ate in kindergarten. You know the ones that are really hard to open and that kids spill everywhere? YEAH THOSE, EXCEPT LIZZO ATE IT SO IT GOES VIRAL.

In my angry state, here’s a list of things that SHOULD have gone viral instead:

Jasmine’s handmade fish air dryer

Alice’s broken mailbox

Traffic cone

Kiana’s left pinky finger

Cooking like a chef I’m a five star Michelin

Azealia Banks (I SEE YOU LIZZO)

Cheese stick coloured hair

Dino Nuggets

Our HILARIOUS ARTICLES I MEAN COME ON

Microwaving the stank

Dabbing

Trigonometry

Psychometry

Scrambled eggs with cough syrup mixed into it

12 frogs in a trench coat

Trash goblin

Your great grandpa and his third nostril

Literally anything else.

Thank You For Reading.

XOXO