No Sound

I stand in the kitchen with my mother and father, while my brother plays his video games in his “cave”, which is what we call his room. My mother stands by the stove as she mixes the contents inside of a pan. My father sits in a kitchen chair, with his work uniform still on and browses his phone. A mouth-watering aroma fills the air.

From time to time, my mother will reminisce about how her mother, Noelia, taught her to cook as well as taught her other life skills. Sometimes, in the event that a question brews in my head, I strike up a conversation by asking something like, “What was your life like before having a family?”

Four year old Jeannette Torres woke up one morning covered in itchy, red spots and a swollen face. Born in Ponce, Puerto Rico to two parents and raised by a single mother in Harlem, New York.

POP!

Her ears pound with pain, leaving her feeling defeated by her own body. She writhes in her bed with agony. Noelia calls for her as a mother normally would.

“Jeannette! Jeannette!”

She shouted and shouted, only this time, to be met with silence. It was unusual that Jeannette would not respond to her. Noelia immediately walks up to her and shakes her, confused as to why she did not respond to her calls right away. Being worried, she took Jeannette to get tested straight away.

When they arrive at the hospital, Noelia paces back and forth with panic as her daughter watches her in silence, confused and concerned. Jeannette knows something is very wrong. Noelia’s heart pounds while her thoughts race violently. She cannot give her daughter any answers.

Fast forward a couple years later, Bruce DeFrancis is born in Calverton, Long Island and raised in Woodside, Queens. One year old Bruce is awakened by his mother’s touch, while she holds a concerned look on her face.

Bruce had not responded to her calls for him. She banged wooden spoons against pots and pans. No answer. Deborah, his mother, had been fighting a chronic illness for a long time, even after Bruce's birth.

His parents quickly rushed him over to the hospital as soon as they discovered something was wrong. They wait hours for answers and every second feels like an eternity. Their panicking came to a halt when the doctor returned. It turns out that Bruce has been experiencing full deafness ever since his birth, and they had no clue.

Back in Puerto Rico, the insistent beeping of monitors and busy chatter fill the large room. Jeannette and her mother spend hours at the hospital waiting for results, unassuming of what would happen next. Jeannette sits in silence watching her mother worry and other ill people begging for help.

The news that found them next turned everything they knew upside down. The doctor told them that the swelling from the mumps caused both of Jeannette's eardrums to burst.

She has lost the ability to hear at the young age of only four years old. Her sense of normalcy was ripped away from her leaving her to learn to live all over again.

At the hospital in Queens, it was evident that the disease that Deborah was dealing with was likely the reason for Bruce's hearing loss.

Hearing loss is a fairly common risk for mothers that are planning to give birth while fighting scleroderma, a rare disease that affects the skin and joints.

At the hospital in Puerto Rico, Jeannette and her mother are beyond devastated. She can no longer hear the comforting words of her mother. Her brother. She cannot hear her own voice, even. She could no longer hear her friends or her teachers at school. She no longer heard music, cars honking, dogs barking or any daily life sounds - just the eerie, warbling of silence.

Her life was put on mute. Everything she once knew was suddenly gone. She sat as she watched strangers’ lips move trying to connect the dots, but to no avail. She feels left out of conversations with people she once spoke to.

On the other hand, Bruce’s world was quiet from day one. He spent every day with one of his senses missing and was learning to adapt to a world that may not be so accommodating to him.

His parents are determined to help him succeed, no matter the circumstances. He has a strong support system and accepts the fact that things are a little different for him because he is in his "deaf world".

Jeannette was around five or six years old when she got her first ever hearing aid. A heavy, brick-shaped aid that hung off her neck, anchoring on her chest. At this stage in her life, she was only surrounded by her native language of Spanish. She was just beginning to learn, only to add the struggle of learning a new language on top of that in such a short amount of time.

Jeannette feels like her chance to connect with her mother was getting thinner. Her mother is filled with pain knowing she cannot talk to Jeannette like she once could. Watching as Jeannette's eyes stare blankly at her, trying to understand what she was saying.

No one in her family acquired any sign language skills at the time. Jeannette struggled to speak out loud, since she was not able to hear herself. Since speaking Spanish was becoming unfamiliar to her, body language can take a conversation extremely far.

One day, Bruce is sitting on his bed and squishing these weirdly-shaped blue molds into his ears. He pulls his head back with an uncomfortable expression on his face. He shakes his head in annoyance and yanks the noisy, nuisances that are hearing aids out of his ears.

Hearing aids only help to exaggerate sounds, rather than full words. By this time in his life he has been learning sign language through his school, Lexington School for the Deaf. His parents were also learning sign language to communicate with him better.

After a few weeks, Jeannette is starting to love what her hearing aid helped her accomplish, even though it will take time getting used to. The sounds she heard were high pitched and piercing. The jarring sounds of everyday life frustrated her to no end.

At times, she would accidentally fall and cause injuries to her ear. Her cord is left tangled as the big brick pounds into her chest, almost as if it will leave an imprint.

She spent most of her time watching people around her thinking to herself about how she was different. “Why can everyone else hear and I’m the only one who can’t? It’s not fair,” she said defeated.

It is like she is living in a dream. Time moves slower and she feels like she is missing something. Like feels like she is being left behind. She floats in the background just watching life evolve around her.

At Lexington School for the Deaf in Queens, New York, Bruce sits at his desk and mimics the teacher's hand gestures and signs. He spent his elementary school years here before transferring to Saint Joseph’s School for the Deaf in the Bronx of New York for middle school.

Along with the assistance he got from school, his parents were at his side every step of the way. “My mother was involved all of my life. I was lucky, she really focused on me a lot,” he said.

His mother mastered the art of sign language in no time. She wanted to make a difference in the deaf community and especially in Bruce's life. She dedicated 23 years to Lexington School for the Deaf as a teacher working with the deaf, special education students.

She took an opportunity to work at Lexington to have a chance to learn more. She educated herself on what deaf culture was like and wanted to connect with Bruce.

She attempted to teach his father, John, how to sign but he struggled a little bit. He follows the pictures on the page, copying the hand signs and gestures like the book told him to, as well as taking American Sign Language classes to improve.

The day that Jeannette and her mother visited the hospital, her doctor suggested schools he thought would benefit her. New Y0rk had many schools designated for the deaf at this time.

Her little family packs up their belongings and head to the big city from their little town in Puerto Rico. She remains in New York throughout her school career. For elementary, she attended the White School, The Orange School for junior high and then P.S.47 for a short time before transferring to Lexington to finish her high school years.

Along with many other students at these schools, she struggled to balance learning multiple school subjects and a new language at the same time.

While Bruce’s parents made an effort to learn sign language and all there was to know about deaf culture at the time, his brother was not so determined. He was not motivated enough to learn to sign fluently.

His brother had a hard time remembering and understanding certain signs. Bruce and his brother usually communicate through fingerspelling and writing the old fashioned way, pen and paper style. Now, they talk through texting and typing back and forth on a phone.

Since Jeannette cannot hear her own voice anymore, she is taught to speak orally and practices weekly with a special speech teacher at school. At times, her hearing aid would break and leave her feeling apprehensive when speaking without it. Because she cannot control the volume of her voice, people will often confuse her with demands such as, “Speak up!” or “Stop yelling!” and make her feel smaller.

Bruce, like plenty of other deaf students, relied on being taught purely with sign language. He was one of a few students who struggled balancing school and learning to sign. “Some kids had a gift and could pick things up earlier, faster than the rest. Hearing people have an easier time picking things up because they can hear everything,” he said.

Communication is slowly, but surely, improving for Jeannette. She is getting used to the new sounds that her hearing aid has to offer. Her mother starts to take sign language classes to learn better. Jeannette's brother knew some words and maybe some finger spellings, but he definitely was not fluent.

Body language is one of the most important factors in overcoming any language barrier. But, it does not mean these barriers are easy to cross. Growing up, Jeannette struggled with connecting with her family because of her situation. “I would say I was close with my family, mostly my mother. But we could have been closer,” she said.

A few years fly by, and Bruce is learning how to be an independent young adult, as well as what it really means to be deaf in a hearing world. At 16 years old, he picked up his first part-time job at his old middle school, Saint Joseph’s School for the Deaf.

He sweeps and mops the floors to ensure a shiny finish and he does this in more silence than most people are ever used to. At least he cannot hear the awful sound of squeaky shoes on the floor. Working as a janitor, he showed that his disability is no match for his drive to be capable and self-reliant, just like many other kids his age.

After some years of practice and experimentation with Jeannette’s hearing aid, she finally feels like her aid is becoming a part of her. She is starting to understand what it means to be a deaf person living in a hearing world that she was once a part of. As much as she wishes she could have stayed hearing, she loves to be able to use her hands as a way to communicate with her friends and family.

“I felt so excited to learn how to sign. I thought it was cool,” said Jeannette. She knew a secret language. “I could meet new people through sign language. It was a challenge but I liked learning it,” she said.

Being the only one who cannot hear and the only one to speak with her hands, she is frustrated that she is not able to participate in everyday conversations. Since her family had trouble with learning sign language, it left a lot of holes in Jeannette's relationships. “I would just sit there and watch them talk with one another. Neither one of them knew sign language well, they mostly spelled out words,” she said.

She remembers watching their lips make different shapes to sound out words and attempted to understand what they were saying. Only, she continued to be left in the dark. It is not only because it is difficult to explain everything, but because most people do not take the time to explain everything to a deaf person.

Most of the time, when strangers try to make small talk with my parents, unknowing of their situation, they somehow end up making me feel bad for their deafness and inability to carry the conversation. Even if they wanted to. Instead of repeating what they said, they say "Sorry," walk away and make everything awkward.

As Bruce is learning how to navigate life as a deaf teenager, he has made it to his high school era. He enters Lexington School for the Deaf not with a set of fresh eyes, but a new mindset.

Bruce is a freshman, or as he calls it, “a preppie”. Although he feels like he can take on the world, he still has a long way to go.

Jeannette arrives at Lexington around the same time as Bruce. She has just become a senior and is a year away from closing her high school chapter.

Jeannette is at that stage in her life where she is beginning to find herself, as much as a high schooler can, of course. She has gotten her braces off, started to wear contacts and gained a newfound confidence after finding the right clothing to express herself and to cover her brick and neverending cord.

While she is so close to graduating, she is not aware of how quick her life would be changing. One of her friends rides the bus with this new freshman kid daily.

One particular morning, the school bus rumbles and shakes with the uneven roads, carrying Bruce and his friend to school.

“Who’s that new senior you’re friends with?” He asks his friend.

“Who? You mean Jeannette? She just transferred here.”

What a perk to have a friend in common with someone that you are interested in. Neither Bruce or Jeannette had any intention of getting into a relationship, but both kept an open mind.

It is a beautiful, sunny day in October. A perfect Fall day. It is the perfect time for Bruce to ask her out. He eventually musters up enough courage and seizes the opportunity to ask her out before that chance is gone.

“Would you like to see a movie and get dinner with me tonight?” He asks confidently, yet nervously.

She is ecstatic that he finally got the the courage to ask her out.

She exclaims, "Yes!", wasting no time at all.

After school, they wait with anticipation as the hours slowly pass by. As the sun is almost finished setting, they are sitting in the dark movie theater, watching a film without any captions, with his arm around her.

They laughed together and after the movie, they went to dinner at an Italian restaurant. She orders the chicken and veal with parmesan cheese, and he orders his favorite, fancy meal - spaghetti and meatballs.

Snowflakes fall from the sky on a crisp, wintry day. It is 1991, Christmas day. Seven years have gone by and Bruce and Jeannette have closed the book on their high school careers and began planning their new lives together.

“Would you make some hot chocolate?” Bruce asked Jeannette.

She walks to the cabinet and grabs the container full of Swiss Miss brand hot chocolate. She grabs a clear, small scooping tool to measure the perfect amount of chocolate powder. As she scoops through, her arm comes to an abrupt stop.

CLUNK!

She hit something hard. She scoops again, this time with more force. She pulls out a plastic bag with a black box in it. She opens the bag, with the remainder of the chocolate powder slide off and retrieves the box with anticipation.

She swings the lid open and hidden inside is something shiny. Her eyes widen as she picks up this elegant, diamond engagement ring.

Fast forward to June 25th, 1993. Jeannette is being walked down the aisle by her brother, while her spouse stands at the altar. This is the happiest day of their lives.

The ordained minister recites the well-known dialogue to start the ceremony and the soon-to-be bride and groom say their traditional lines.

“Bruce, do you take Jeannette to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” he said.

“Jeannette, do you take Bruce to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do,” she says, commencing their marriage.

“I now pronounce you, man and wife!" The minister shouts.

A couple months after the wedding, Jeannette is sitting in a chair while her ears are being filled with a sticky, purple goo (purple is her favorite color). In just seconds, the goo is imprinting into all of the grooves in her ears and is ready to be sent off to the lab and made into her new hearing aids.

Two weeks later, and she is eagerly waiting to try on her new “ears”. When her package arrives, she wastes no time trying them on. Her first pair of behind-the-ear aids.

She grabs each one, carefully, and places them into their designated spots. She slides their dials to “ON.”

BEEP! BEEP!

She hears long, high pitched noises, followed by some muffled sounds that she can almost make into words. No longer does she need to wear an embarrassing brick on her chest.

As time went by with her new aids, she forgot she had them on sometimes. She would forget to take them out when she showered, as she wonders why her shower was so loud all of a sudden.

Even though she still could not talk on the phone, hear the doorbell or even wind in the trees, she just wanted to hear voices again - with some lipreading, of course. She feels like a brand new person.

It is 1999, and Jeannette has been working at a law firm in New York City. She attended LaGuardia Community College for less than a year or so but has been working ever since she finished high school.

As for Bruce, he lands his first permanent job at LaGuardia Airport in Queens, New York. He considers getting this job as one of his biggest accomplishments in life. “I would say working as a deaf person is pretty much the same as working as a hearing person. The biggest challenge, for me, was working for a big company. I became used to it, and it got easier. I tried many times to get promoted, but you have to pass three tests: a writing exam, a physical exam and an oral exam. I couldn’t get past the oral exam.”

Bruce was even featured in an article titled, “A Place Where Pleas Of the Deaf Are Heard" when he started working at LaGuardia. He was almost rejected because of his deafness and surrounding safety issues.

“I was the first deaf person to work in the central heating and refrigeration plant, a little bit of plumbing, too. I had no issues, and my boss wanted me to continue to learn there so I could work there permanently. At the time, I wasn’t taking it really seriously. But I realized they really wanted to keep me there, so I stayed,” he said.

One day, Jeannette woke up feeling strangely sick. This time, though, it is a different kind of sickness. She is throwing up and is feeling emotions she has never felt before.

Immediately, she runs to the store to pick up some things. When she returns home, she takes not one, but two pregnancy tests. She waits, anxiously.

A few minutes later, and the results are in. She cannot believe her eyes - two plus signs, one after the other. She visits her doctor as soon as possible.

“You are pregnant, congratulations!” The doctor said to Jeannette.

She is so surprised. She has been waiting for this moment. She leaves her job at the law firm office to rest during her pregnancy.

After sharing the news with her husband, he is a little hesitant going forward.

“I wasn’t really ready to have a family. I wasn’t done with the world yet," Bruce said.

But, he made the choice to stay for the long, child-filled life ahead. As the year passes by, Jeannette is soon to be due. She was so excited to be having her first child, it was a dream come true. Neither of them knew the gender, since they wanted it to be a surprise.

“Congratulations, it’s a girl!” The doctor said to them.

Out came, me. They thought I was going to be a boy, but they were very wrong. They lucked out about three years later, though, when my brother, Bruce came into the picture. There was no way of knowing how I would come out. Would I be lucky enough to have my hearing, or live my life in silence, too? Although they had no preference to having deaf over hearing children or vice versa, they enjoyed raising my brother and I nonetheless.

As I got older, I would wonder at times about their lives before having a family. Sometimes, I forget that they were people too and once lived in my shoes.

Every so often, my mother would reminisce about my brother and I when we were just babies, and how we grew up. As much as I thought I knew all of the details about their past lives, it turned out that I had not even touched the surface.

“I had a feeling that I would have hearing kids. But, I had no preference.” she said.

While raising all children comes with various obstacles, there are a few that not many are familiar with. Especially, when it comes to parenting as a deaf person. “Sometimes I get frustrated if I can’t understand anything the first time. It is also hard to discipline with sign language," Jeannette said.

My father shared that he did not put too much thought into how my brother and I would turn out. “It’d be awesome to have deaf kids but I accepted it, I don’t think there’s a big difference. The most important thing is having access to good communication. Some kids don’t have the motivation to learn to sign, so communication is limited. You can’t force it,” he said.

Although my father planned to settle down a little later in life, he was not quite ready to grow up so fast. But, he let life take its course. He kept his head up and trekked through life as a new father. “I’ve learned so much of what life is really about. I still have so much to learn, just like the rest of you hearing people do every day. The only thing I can’t do is hear! I accept who I am,” he said.

As of the year 2022, my brother and I are practically adults now. He has just started his freshman year of college, and my college graduation is right around the corner. Terrifying. I still think my brother is 8 years old and that I’m not much older than him.

I never fully understood the details of my parents’ college careers. My mother went for a short period of time while my father did not attend at all. Also, nor did I ever think to ask what they wanted to study if they did attend. A question I asked them was, if you could start over or go back in time and give advice to your younger self, what would you say?

My mother said to me, “If I could give advice to my younger self I would tell her, learn to drive early and continue going to school. I want to do it all over again. I wanted to pass college, but it didn’t happen. If I did go, I would want to study medicine and work in a lab.”

She always told me that she wishes she could have experienced living as a hearing person. It is a bittersweet feeling, because she loves being part of such a unique community, but it is a shame that she had to lose her hearing the way she did. “I always wished I could hear, but I accepted being deaf,” she said.

My father, on the other hand, is not phased by his differences whatsoever. He feels incredibly lucky to be where he is and to have met the people he knows in his life today. I asked him, if you could be hearing for a day, would you try it? He told me, “If someone wanted to put me up to the challenge, I would like to try it. I usually never think about it, I try to ignore it. It would be interesting to try, but I’m all good.”

If he could give his younger self advice, he would say, “Don’t be stupid. Get more of an education and get a better job. Make better decisions, and take the better path. I always tell people I wish I went to college. They always say it’s never too late. I don’t care about the cost either, I just want to do it all again. When I was younger I didn’t take life seriously.” he said.

His dream from when he was young is a little silly when he thinks about it now. He said, “It was stupid but as a kid I wanted to become a wrestler. But now, I’m interested mostly in film.” My father has had a passion for photography and editing for as long as I can remember.

Today, accessibility awareness is on the rise and constantly being redesigned, which is more than my parents’ have ever experienced in their lifetimes. As some may know, the movie “CODA” has been recognized as an Oscar winning film, and deaf people within the movie finally receive their recognition that was long overdue. Deaf people are being highlighted and the deaf community is finally being seen.

My parents’ are recognized as two of the bravest, confident people I know. In my eyes, they are bigger than life. They continue to beat the stigmas that come with deafness and show that they are much more than that. They are people that live like the rest of us do, and just experience life a little differently.

My mother told me, “My biggest accomplishment in life is having my own family to communicate with. It is exciting.” Her current goals are to find a part time job, learn to drive and hopefully own a house of her own. My father's biggest accomplishments are the current job he has and having children. His goals are to travel as much as he can and experience the world in his own way.

The older I get, I can recall the stories and experiences that my parents’ shared with me over the years. They always wanted to let me into their “deaf world”. I never truly understood it until I decided to pick at their brains more than I ever had.

I learned sign language from my parents and gradually became extremely fluent. All my life, I had a recurring thought in my head, which was: why was I the one who had different parents? I was too young to really appreciate them.

As I grew, I learned to appreciate the little things in my life more, and I am grateful for what I have. I’m incredibly lucky to have had them raise me, and I would not trade a thing.