God Moments

His Work Above Mine

by Samantha Gonzales

“Your ways, God, are holy.

    What god is as great as our God?”

Psalm 77:13

They say that college is the fun part of adulthood and to enjoy it before life begins to set in fully, but I must've missed a step in the college rulebook where it states that. At the end of my third year here (this year), I began to experience trials that made me wish I were sixteen again when the only stressor in my life was whether I would ace my parallel parking or not (I did not). Now, my mind was full of thoughts of finances, graduate school, and jobs and housing after college. The list felt so long, and its completion seemed almost hopeless. It was this semester especially when I suddenly felt the need to rush on planning out my life after graduation, and I suddenly felt the need to start saving money like crazy for bills I have yet to receive. I began to take extra shifts whenever I could because I felt terrible that I was only taking 12 hours this semester instead of my 19 last semester. Although, it wasn't long until I found myself drained mentally and physically. I found myself stressed out because of paychecks and budgeting, and I kept planning to see what I could do to ensure I was where I wanted to be by whatever mental deadline I had. There came the point where I realized that no matter how much I worked, I couldn't reach my deadline. I wanted to do everything myself. I didn't want anyone’s help. I wanted complete control and the full responsibilities of an adult that I was (and still am) far from ready for.

I began to pray and ask God why my plan wasn't working out when I was putting my all into working hard. Why was I still at square one? I decided I needed to take time and spend it alone with Him. No distractions, no nothing, because it is when everything is still that we have no choice but to listen to what He has for us. In the middle of solitude, I felt the Lord turn me to Psalm 77. I read the beginning and saw myself in these words: 

"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me."

"Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?"

As I read, I related to every line; they spoke about my thoughts. They formed the words my thoughts were shying away from producing due to embarrassment and guilt. As much as I'd like to say that I didn't shake my fist at God to question Him as to why things weren't going my way, I did. However, I kept on reading, and it was that eleventh verse that made me do a double take. 

"I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago"

I had been so focused on things going according to my plan and was forgetting that it wasn't what I wanted that mattered. I am not the maker of my life or my future. Why was I in the mindset that I was? Why wasn't I trusting that He would provide as if He hadn't been doing so already?

I was reminded of when I applied here, and neither myself nor some of my family believed I'd last living away from home. Now, I am at the end of my third year and staying over the summer. I thought of when I was nervous about my housing since I was no longer living with my family. Now, I live in my own apartment with whom I consider my best friend. I thought of moments when fear and anxiety had a hold on me and left me unable to physically speak. Now, I've found my voice and have used it in ways I never fathomed I would be able to do so. I thought of the many answered prayers I was so fixated on long ago but had forgotten because that was how well God handled them. I had to take a moment, and as it reads, "remember his miracles from long ago."

This isn't the end; it's just the beginning of something He has in store for me.

“You are the God who performs miracles;

    you display your power among the peoples.”

Psalm 77:14