Boys Don't Cry

[The following editorial is the first in a two-part series about misogyny and toxic masculinity. This first piece defines and lays the groundwork for understanding these concepts, while the second will narrow the focus to explore the consequences on our environment. This article briefly discusses sexual violence, please take caution with these themes]

Watching your male friends morph into stoic, emotionally closed-off, and self-sabotaging young men is a depressing aspect of growing up. You watch their character fade away as they change - just like everyone around you does. They shift into something worse, into someone who is so unrecognizable and filled with bottled-up anger and bitterness. Your previously warm and kind friends now turned into young men who have fallen victim to the prevalence of toxic masculinity within society, who are now unusually cruel to you just for your lack of a Y chromosome. You lost the genetic lottery and now you have to face the consequences.

How is it that men learn to hate women, suppress their natural emotions, and grow up to become misogynists? The answer is more complex than what my feminine, adolescent mind can describe and comprehend, but regardless of my age (and my sex), I and many other women are not safe from the cruelties of the patriarchy and its long-term effects.

Misogyny is, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, “hatred of, aversion to, or prejudice against women''. Women face violence, that is clear just by looking at the number rape cases in 2018 which is 139,380 estimated and was 2.7% higher than the estimated amount from the year prior.  The National Sexual Violence Resource Center states that there is a “social context” as to why sexual violence occurs, “Social norms that condone violence…traditional constructs of masculinity, the subjugation of women…contribute to the occurrence of sexual violence”. This form of violence is rooted in hostility and a desire to control which is then further stimulated by the systematic oppression that many groups face, in particular women, who struggle with being deemed as inferior and beneath men.

Feminism is often disregarded as unnecessary and ridiculed by most. The ideology of feminism is not the same for all of its advocates, but the agreed definition is, “the advocacy of women’s rights based on the equality of the sexes”. The first wave of feminism was ridiculed, as was the second, third, and - you guessed it - the current wave of feminism. Women were seen as hysterical for wanting equal rights and suffrage in the past and now women are seen as hysterical for rightly calling out misogyny and the effects of the patriarchy. Feminism’s core beliefs were (and still are) misconstrued as a hatred for men and the desire to bring female dominance. Still, this idea is far from the truth–women just want the ability to have equal opportunities and to be taken seriously as human beings.

A common occurrence is women being trivialized for speaking out against the violence and abuse they experience. A popular example that has been trending because of female music artists Nicki Minaj and Megan Thee Stallion having conflict is that of the latter, Megan Pete, a woman who takes pride in her body and her sensuality as well as never standing down in the face of the mass amounts of scrutiny she faces from fellow music artists and people online. In late 2020, Canadian rapper Tory Lanez, born Daystar Peterson, shot Megan Pete in the back of her foot as she walked away from him due to a heated argument they had. Megan sustained injuries and required surgery to repair the damage that had been done by the hands of a man she had been previously known to be involved with. Following the incident, and after identifying Tory as her assaulter, she faced nothing but hate and disbelief, which resulted in a descent into depression.

During her testimony before a jury, Megan said, “I wish he would have just shot and killed me if I knew I would have to go through this torture”. Even the most successful women aren’t safe from toxic masculinity and the way it manifests itself in the prevalence of male dominance in all careers and spaces of life. Three years after this trial where Lanez was found guilty and sentenced to ten years, Megan still faces mockery and harassment over a traumatic night that may never leave her brain. Adding insult to injury, women like Nicki Minaj have mocked her assault in recent days, even calling her “fragment foot” in a song she recently released. There are also men like Drake who have used her assault as a song lyric, “This'', calling her a derogatory word and than saying, “lie ‘bout getting shots, but she still a stallion/She don’t even get the joke, but she still smiling”. Both men and women make a mockery of women’s suffering, but why is that? Why exactly is it that both groups perpetuate misogyny? To understand misogyny, its roots need to be examined and understood: toxic masculinity.

Misogyny is the result of toxic masculinity, this specific mindset creates a sense of hatred of “weakness' ' and the rejection of vulnerability or even being in tune with one’s emotions. While toxic masculinity as a whole may not fully manifest itself as the hatred and violence we see against women today, it is difficult to ignore the role it plays in the development of the ideology of misogyny and how it's woven into the very fabric of society. R. W. Conell’s theory on the hierarchy of masculinity states that there are four different types of masculinity and that the most respected and valued is hegemonic masculinity. This means that the most socially accepted men are centered around their ability to remain stoic and suppress their emotions but is also a way to justify their dominance of other men who do not fit into this role and women who are perceived as weak and too emotional. Toxicity serves to reinforce the gender roles and ensure the submission of women, in doing so, the toxic mindset promotes socially destructive aspects of hegemonic masculinity such as violence and a desire for control over others.

Men and younger teenage boys fall victim to this mindset as it is taught and modeled throughout generations and has evolved. An example in Hispanic communities is machismo, in which men feel the need to exaggerate their masculine character to preserve their pride. The way these ideologies spread quickly through social media platforms and well-respected men that perpetuate violence against and dominance over women is through the An instance many are tired of reading about is self-described misogynist Andrew Tate, who was arrested for rape and sex trafficking charges by the Romanian government. Andrew Tate is analyzed by Robert Lawson who is interviewed by Vox, Lawson, who studies the communication of men online, claims that “Someone like Tate says we will fight against that, by reclaiming this sense of primal, traditional masculinity”. Tate is a man who perpetuates hegemonic masculinity amongst men and advocates for the suppression of the rise of independent women to maintain the system of male dominance.  Men are not misogynists at birth, it is not a belief that is embedded into their genes, it is an ideology that is put into their impressionable minds when they are young and are impacted themselves, leading to violence and hatred against women. Women then internalize these beliefs and turn on each other, once again going back to the Nicki Minaj and Megan Thee Stallion example as she made a mockery of both Megan’s body type and her traumatic assault, ultimately upholding the system that oppresses both of them in the first place. Misogyny is horrifying on all fronts.

Both men and women are impacted by the toxic mindset of masculinity, men feel that their vulnerability is equivalent to weakness and suppress it, leading to their susceptibility to become violent and hateful towards women, who experience this violence and discrimination in work, academic, or any other social setting begin to feel negatively about their sex and perpetuate this systematic oppression. Misogyny affects all members of society, it is not just one group, however, misogyny has a significant impact on the lives, or rather the survival of women, and society must accept the realities of misogyny and how it is ingrained into both our societal structure and our minds. 

In the next issue, misogyny will be discussed further, taking a closer inspection at how it impacts teenage girls in a school environment and how this impacts women in the long run.