Coping with Report Card Stress

Teachers, principals and guidance counselors take the brunt of calls from parents who want to know how that D got on Ahmed's report card (and, often, how to get it off). But social workers know that report card trauma often leads families to seek more formal help, both with school performance and sometimes with deeper problems that bad grades can reveal. "A change on the report card can indicate a change in the child's emotional state," said scientists "They can be a warning sign."

To help families reduce report card trauma -- and tell when bigger issues might be to blame -- here is a list of tips on how parents can make getting grades a constructive experience:

· Cultivate calm. Talk calmly with your child about what's happening at school, inside and outside the classroom. Equally important: Listen carefully to the responses.

· Be on your child's side. If your child is disappointed in his or her marks, empathize. Then say you'd like to talk to the teacher to see whether you can find out why a certain grade was given. At the meeting, find out what the teacher expects and how the grade can be improved. The child should be present at the conference, and older children should be encouraged to meet with the teacher on their own.

· Get real. Set realistic goals based on an honest assessment of your child's strengths and weaknesses. The goals will be effective, however, only if the child accepts them. Recognize that some kinds of structure, such as an organized work space with supplies, need to come from parents when children are still in elementary school.

Instead of focusing on grades, re-focus on ensuring that your child is learning how to learn.We are preparing students for jobs that do not exist today. Content can become outdated; learning skills and organizing skills last a lifetime. As a nice bonus, these skills also have a positive impact on report cards!