intergenerational trauma: something that can go unnoticed

Sometimes, we inherit traits from our parents or grandparents without even realizing it; and, for better or worse, it can also be something that isn’t easy to change, manage, or cope with once it takes root within us. 

It can be tragic to not have a say in the matter because no one asks for trauma in their lives, but the reality is that we don’t have a say in the matter, it can simply just exist within us. 

Intergenerational trauma is exactly what it sounds like; trauma that’s not just experienced by one person, and is “passed down” to people (within a family) from generation to generation. It’s something that goes unnoticed by many, yet is so prevalent in many people’s lives. For example, a great-grandparent who was placed in a German concentration camp for the persecution of their religion and identity may have learned to cope by blocking or burying their emotions deep down inside, also known in the field of psychology as compartmentalization. Because of this, said grandparent may interact with their family in an emotionally distant fashion, leading future generations of other family members to possibly repeat this behavior in their own lives, especially when they are young and much more impressionable. 

While very damaging and inhuman events like the aforementioned example are likely to bring intergenerational trauma to a family and its members, they can also be caused by systemic issues like racism, poverty, and emotional/physical/verbal abuse or neglect. It is also important to remember the following: just because a family, or particular family members, haven’t experienced traumatic events in their past, like fighting in an armed conflict or being the victim of a crime, doesn’t mean you can’t be a byproduct of someone else’s intergenerational trauma. Sometimes it’s subtle, and can be normalized, ignored, or “enforced” by cultural tradition or religion. If one eventually experiences or becomes susceptible to said trauma, it can lead individuals to be hyper-vigilant later in life, experience trust issues in their personal relationships, have low self-esteem/self-confidence, and struggle with their own mental health.

It is hopefully clear to you by now that this subject is a tricky one because it’s so widespread and normalized. It’s that feeling, or simply the word itself (intergenerational trauma), that you have “simmering on low” in the back of your mind or on the tip of your tongue, but can’t quite place or verbalize. It’s something that almost anyone can talk about and relate to with others, but ironically, they don’t exactly know why. 

I assume that many of us young people do not want to be exact replicas of our parents/elders because of their sometimes questionable parenting methods or decisions, but at the end of the day, they made most of those conclusions in lieu of their own upbringing. Now, that doesn’t excuse or forgive their actions just because of their own trauma, but it allows us to humanize, and maybe even sympathize with them more, in order to effectively address and end that cycle; at least for yourself, and if not your own family should you decide to have one one day at a much later age. 

Intergenerational trauma is very complex, and it is even more complex to dissect and make sense of, especially as a young person who’s still 3 months shy of their 16th birthday; there’s simply too much to discuss regarding why and how it impacts people. But although it can be hard to talk about, as it can be triggering, it is important to try and understand its effects in order to work towards a solution, and hopefully, an emotionally healthier, more complete you.