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Do you ever wonder what your life would have been if it had gone in a different direction?
I think it is a very normal thing for people to wonder what might have happened if they had made a decision differently. I’m sure that many college students feel that way. What if I had taken a different major? What would have happened if I only went to a two-year college? Would I be the same person I am today if I had entered the workforce straight out of high school? With all that in mind, yes, I’m glad I’m normal!
Some people believe that life is all pre-planned and that one will eventually find the one course of life that has been planned for them and that they will finally find fulfillment. I believe that our life is a lot more dependent on our choices than that. St. Benedict believes in people making choices about life as well. In the prologue of the Rule of St. Benedict, he places a hypothetical dialogue between God and the workman (soul):
“Is there anyone here who yearns for life and desires to see good days?” If you hear this and you answer “I do,” God answers “…keep your tongue from vicious talk and your lips from deceit…once you have done this, my eyes will be on you and I will listen for your prayers” (RB Prol:15-18).
This is clearly a choice that the worker makes. At many other places in the Rule, St. Benedict attributes our actions and way of life to the choices we make.
Yes, I have made a series of choices to be a Benedictine Sister. Could one of those choices have been different? Yes, absolutely! I do think of it occasionally, when I have to make a trip and need to plan around when a car in the small monastery fleet is available. It’s then that I think it would be so nice to have a car of my own I could use whenever I want.
Do I believe that being a Benedictine sister is what God has called me to be? Yes, but I also don’t believe that God would love me any less if I had made different choices.
While I was spending time at the monastery before I became a Sister, an old friend invited me out to dinner. He definitely had FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) for me. He told me that I should go to a bar and get soused and then go have a one-night fling with someone “because only then will you know what you will be missing.” I told him I would never want to use another person in that way, simply to satisfy my own curiosity.
That is a choice I made that absolutely could have been different. If I had chosen to do as he said, I may have gone on to get married and possibly have a family. I didn’t think of all the possible ramifications at the time of that choice, I only knew I didn’t want to use another person to achieve my ends. That choice has contributed to me being here.
Choices are funny things. A lot of people want to keep their options open so they can always choose B if A doesn’t work out; but there’s always the possibility of C. Or put another way, “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” (Even if I don’t know the flavor!)
If I want to buy a new car, I have many choices, depending on what I need it for. I may choose the dependable Honda Accord rather than a cute little Chevy Corvette. Most people wouldn’t be able to afford both. I may think of the Chevy Corvette longingly now and again, but I have made my choice. And there are many more to come…
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