May 1, 2025 

Dear LJ: I’ve had a crush on a best friend for years. I’ve always wanted to ask her out, but whenever I got my nerve up she was always recently out of a relationship and it didn’t feel right. She’s single now, but I don’t know how to approach it. If I had a way to start the conversation, I think we could make it work. —Desperate to Date 

Dear Desperate: That’s a big, brave step and it sounds like your feelings are deep and genuine. The fact that you’ve waited and considered her circumstances says a lot about your respect for her, which is a great starting point. Since you are already close, the key is to keep it sincere and grounded in your existing connection, without putting a ton of pressure on her or the moment. Here’s a gentle but clear way you could start the conversation: “Hey, can I tell you something? I really value our friendship, but I’ve realized I have feelings for you. I didn’t know when or how to say it, especially when things were complicated, but I’d regret it if I never did. I care about you a lot and would love to see if we could be something more, if you’d want that too.” Don’t be mad at me if this doesn’t work (I can’t hold a relationship). If she tells you she doesn’t feel the same, don’t get upset with her. Instead, try and see if you can still be friends. We are in high school…I’ve never once thought I was going to find the person I’ll marry here (and honestly, most of us won’t).

Sincerely, Jordyn 

Dear LJ: Lots of seniors are trying to pick their direction in life and what college we plan to achieve it at. What’s some advice you would give the seniors to lead them in the right direction? What are some ways you would narrow it down? —Fearful of the Future 

Dear Fearful: It’s okay not to have it all figured out. Most people don’t. You’re not falling behind just because your path isn’t crystal clear. Don’t chase perfection. Chase curiosity. What pulls your attention? What would you want to wake up and get better at for the next 4+ years? What I would do to narrow things down is start with your strengths and interests. What subjects or topics make time fly when you’re doing them? Where do people naturally come to you for help or advice? Ask yourself what kind of life you want—not just a job. Do you see yourself working with people? Alone? Traveling? Creating? Solving problems? Look at careers tied to your interests and see what they actually involve day to day. Shadow someone, do an internship or even just message someone in the field. Visit campuses (virtually or in person). Sometimes the vibe of a place helps the decision make itself. Set goals for the next 1-2 years—not just the next 10. I promise people don’t have the rest of their lives planned out, even if they say they do. I didn’t even think about college until a few months ago. We aren’t supposed to have our entire life planned out at 17 and 18.

Sincerely, Jordyn

Dear LJ: I said something about someone to one of their friends and this person took it the wrong way. It’s been some months now and this person still feels this way. Should I face the music and accept I’ll never speak to this person again, or try again to make things right?  —Facing the Music

Dear Facing: First, if this is someone you want a good quota with, see a lot or even want to become friends with, I suggest you try talking to them. It could be difficult. They might not want to forgive you but at least you will know you tried.

Now I want you to seriously think about what you said. Did you say something hurtful? What would you think of someone if they said that about you? 

Third, ponder whether or not what you said was genuinely mean. Please don’t try to project the blame onto someone or something else. Just accept that you did something wrong, High school is the prime time to make and learn from mistakes. Even if it was a simple misunderstanding you might just have to apologize and take blame for your “mistake” if you want to salvage this relationship. 

Try and talk to them in a comfortable place—not a loud classroom where people could overhear. Then bring up what you said, what you meant by it and say that you are truly sorry. DO NOT project blame in any way (this makes you seem disingenuous). Since this happened a few months ago, say that you have grown since then and have realized your mistake. Also try to sprinkle in some compliments about the person you are apologizing to. Find some common ground.

Lastly, once you have had your conversation with this person do not expect an answer right away. If they forgive you, good. If not, that’s okay. For future reference though, be careful who you’re talking to when talking about people.

Sincerely, Lily

Dear LJ: How do I overcome a fear of social anxiety? I don’t wanna ruin my chance to make actual connections with people I know I can be close with. —Anxious Annie

Dear Anxious: I suggest finding out what is specifically worrying you. Is it talking to new people? Is it keeping a conversation going? Is it starting a conversation? Is it just your inner voice making you worried? There are many things that can make you anxious when trying to make friends. Once you know what makes you anxious (could be multiple reasons), try and work on it. For example: If you’re scared of starting conversations, practice starting conversations with people you’re already close with. Or if it’s your inner voice making you worried, try to ignore what it’s telling you. Also realistically weigh what it’s telling you; one awkward conversation with someone is not going to make them dislike you. Try to start with smaller interactions first, like saying hi to someone in the hallway or complimenting someone. These will eventually build up to longer conversations. Another good tip is trying to find common ground. You can find common ground from observing people or stalking their socials…your choice. People also love talking about themselves so asking them questions can also help you boost quota. If you are able to strike up a conversation with someone just remember that it could feel a little awkward. It might be a little shorter than you want. Just remember that over time, conversations with someone will get easier. Be patient. If you try too hard you will have the opposite effect and push people away. Lastly, getting over social anxiety is not easy. With practice you will become more comfortable with socializing. You also have to remember that you will have to put yourself out there which you might not always be comfortable with. Now when you do go out and talk to people, remember this: genuine connections with people aren’t based on perfection. They are based on being real and relatable.

Sincerely, Lily