November 1, 2024

This might make me sound like a loser. 

I’m lying. 

It will. 

For generations teenagers have divided themselves into groups called squads, crews or gangs. Nowadays, most students call their groups ‘cliques.’ 

According to writer Brooke Ford, a clique is “a small group of people, with shared interests or other features in common, who spend time together and do not readily allow others to join them.” 

Many cliques are well-known stereotypes: the jocks, the band kids, the nerds. But what about the experiences of students who go through high school without a clique? 

As someone who’s gone through most of her life in this position, I have a lot to say on this topic. I am not totally alone; I do have friends, just not a “clique.” For this assignment, I set out to explore this topic with a few of my peers who do have strong social groups and a sense of belonging. Would we have anything in common? 

At school, I often see how truly alone I am. For example, assemblies are my worst nightmare. I always awkwardly wait around until I can find a place to sit. Even when I do, I feel out of place.

Yet when I’m outside of school I’m able to meet up with my friends and feel like I fit in. It makes life very confusing because I go back and forth from being alone to being connected. Within these friendships, I often feel like the person holding it all together (for instance, coming up with plans rather than being invited to things). 

Junior Rainy Martin told me that she feels stuck in the same boat. 

“I just keep [initiating conversations] because they think I’m their leader or something,” Martin said. 

Junior Khaniya Fields, on the other hand, does not find herself in the spotlight. 

“I’m the shy one,” Fields said. “All my other friends are loud.” 

There are many negative side effects of being cliqueless. I end up hanging out with people whose company I do not enjoy very much, even if ultimately I feel worse than before I talked to them. Same goes for dating. Even if the prospect is not a great partner, at least I’m someone’s first option, so it’s tempting to ignore that they make me feel worse, not better. 

Junior Ian Schlarb believes in purposeful relationships.

“Ask if they are the best person [for you to be] hanging out with,” Schlarb said. 

This would be great advice…if I could listen to it. But when you are cliqueless, it’s hard to bring yourself to cut people off. Whenever I see close-knit groups of people at school I feel jealous and regretful. I’m jealous of the fact that the people in these groups have been able to grow with someone. They can look back to when they were young kids together. Most cliques start in middle school and some even begin in elementary school. I regret not realizing how inserting myself into a group earlier could have made my life different. 

How do students with a strong clique view those of us on the outside? 

“I either feel bad or I know exactly why they don’t have any friends,” Martin said.

“I kind of look up to them,” Fields said. “Only because one of my biggest fears is to be alone. I just feel like a person who can still be happy while being alone is someone who is super strong.” 

Strong? 

Maybe.

Still cliqueless, though.