The church can be a tough place for singles. From ministries, sermon applications, classes, to the term “family-friendly” a lot of churches operate with families and marriage in mind, and this isn’t always a bad thing. We need couples and families to keep the church alive and healthy! But, a lot of times this happens as the ‘norm’ without much consideration to the singles of the church. This can leave singles - whether always single, newly single, or called to a life of singleness, feeling unsupported, lonely, forgotten, and odd.

When you’re no longer this life stage, it can be hard to understand what singles are experiencing. And this is normal no matter what life stage you’re in. But, just ask any single person at your church how they feel. Ask them if they feel valued, respected, loved, and invited into the lives and homes of other families of the church. Ask them if they are ever made to feel incomplete by off-handed comments (“Why aren’t you married yet?”) or sermon illustrations that always draw from parenting or marriages. Ask them how they felt on the nights when the church had a family event or the weekend there was a marriage conference. Here are a couple of practical ways to start a change in this “norm” of the church. Ways to see the singles around you in a new light and care for them in a way that will leave them feeling seen.

One way is to start diversifying our communities. Singles want to be included in adult ministries and life groups, not just the single groups. They want to get to know people from a variety of life stages, ages, and backgrounds, but where marriage and children aren’t the only things being discussed. Not all singles have families of their own, so include them in yours! Not all singles are in their 20’s either - there are people who have been experiencing this their whole lives. They most likely want to be around through the mess and the kids, they don’t care about a dirty house or no plans. Invite a single over for dinner, to go to the zoo, go mini-golfing, help with yard work - whatever it is, they want to be included. It means a lot to be an extension of your family.

Calling singleness a “season” can be hurtful. It can feel like that word implies it’s something to get through and imply that people can’t thrive in singleness. A great way to care for singles is to acknowledge that they are whole, just how we are. It’s not that some singles don’t desire to be married, but that shouldn’t take away from the present. Some people are called to singleness in their lives and this shouldn’t take away from their value or what they can offer. There is a podcast below about setting your single friends up - if you want to know more about that - go listen to that podcast.

Something else that can be hurtful to hear is that “You will find your spouse when you become content with who you are, trust God more, or when you stop looking”. It’s kind of like saying there is a bar that singles haven’t met yet and everyone who’s married has. Sometimes, it’s just not God’s timing or there are other reasons.

Singles need the church and the church needs them and their gifts. Singles love the couples and the families that make up our churches, they have gifts to serve and some also have the time to give.

How can you lift up the singles up in your church families if you aren’t doing that already?