prose by Gibby Caicedo
To describe this morning in a few words: depressing, gloomy, peaceful and-- dead. These mornings are such a double-edged sword. The peaceful quiet grants you peace of mind, despite this raging world.
The human psyche is so complex. So then, what happens when you fall into the pit of lost attention and get stuck? That’s right, you heard me correct, stuck. Getting pushed into your mind by existential forces in a maze of its own is terrifying. As if one were stuck in a maze with no entrance or exit. Then what do you do? You sit and you ponder, oblivious to your own creation and torment. Wondering about your life, who you are--and I’m not talking about that “everyone’s special” nonsense. I mean who you really are. What will you do for the world? There are thousands upon thousands of these questions. That’s where the sadness consequentially decides to rear its nasty, ugly, and hideous head. It begins as a small fragment, allowing you to stay mindful and aware. Nevertheless, it’ll fester slowly, but surely it’ll fester. In your mind, body, and soul, it will spread.
Like a disease, it will spread.
Like a cup of red wine spilled, it will spread.
Like a rumor, it will spread.
Nevertheless, this dust mite of an emotion will commence enlarging itself. It will begin spreading its thick gelatinous self over you. To the point endocytosis occurs, now you’re inside of it. It controls your mind, body, and soul -- all of it. You can try to escape it. Just walk out the way you came. But you don’t remember how it got here. You’re just experiencing it. Recall when you thought you could walk? Take a look at your legs, a second ago nothing was wrong with them. Now they’re covered in tar and cement. You get further lost in it. The further you go, the more simultaneously both pain and numbness you begin to feel -- it feels like everyone is being taken by it. No matter how much you fight to sustain against it, you’ll never be able to fight it...