Victoria Topol

Sleepovers and Sexuality: How Slumber Parties Rose in Response to the Complusive Heterosexual Zeitgiest of the 20th Century

Spending the night at someone’s home and sharing a bed while fully clothed–common tenets of the sleepover and the 18th century courtship ritual of bundling (1). Since the 1700s, spending the night at another’s home has been used as an “[opportunity] for physical intimacy with parental approval” (2). While bundling was employed as a relationship building tool for heterosexual pairs, the similarities between it and slumber parties abound as means to foster affinity between the sleeping groups. Although bundling has not explicitly continued to the present day, the widely contested sleepover has. Depicted throughout the media as a coming-of-age moment, slumber parties were and are an integral part of female development, being coined as a term in the 1940s (3). University of California, Berkeley history professor Paula Fass attributes the rise of sleepovers to suburban house structures: “in their big new suburban homes…children for the first time had their own bedrooms, suitable for entertaining” (4). While children possessing private amusement spaces definitely made sleepovers more feasible, I believe this is not the main reason for the spurring of this social phenomenon. In this paper I intend to argue that sleepovers took off in the middle of the 20th century in response to the compulsory heterosexuality movement as a means to pursue same-sex intimacy, an act of rebellion at the time. 

Compulsive Heterosexuality in the 20th Century

In order to understand why slumber parties only came to fruition in the middle of the 1900s, one must first comprehend the rigid heterosexual zeitgeist surrounding the period of their origin. “The prevailing ideology for much of the twentieth century held that homosexuality was, at best, a deviant form of behavior (as if by choice), or, at worst, a pathological condition requiring a cure” says Defining Documents in American History: LGBTQ+ (1923-2017) (5). A 1954 psychodynamic study of lesbianism declares “homosexuality is acquired, not congenital nor inherited, and represents the behavior symptom of a deep-seated and unresolved neurosis,” demonstrating the accreditation of same-sex desires to mental illness (6). Seventeen magazine in the 1980s confirmed the consumption of this idea amongst youth, sharing that fears of being LGBTQ were pervasive in adolescents further demonstrating its societal portrayal as unacceptable (7). Classifying homosexuality as psychoneurosis elucidates its stigma in the 20th century–a socially unacceptable problem requiring intervention.

With homosexuality labeled as an illness, compulsory heterosexuality was further reinforced as one’s sexual desires became a key marker of one’s character, given the rise of the gay-straight binary (8). Notably, up until the end of the 1800s, same-sex experimentation was normalized (9). Perceived threats to affluent, white masculinity by the working class upended ideas of manhood, shifting manliness to revolve around heterosexual desire rather than gentlemanship (10). With this, some also attributed the origins of homosexuality to weak family men: “some experts point to domineering mothers and submissive or absent fathers” as the cause of homosexuality, writes Seventeen magazine in 1985 (11). With this, same-sex tendencies became taboo, reinforced by society’s newfound distaste for meek males. 

Families extensively worried about the sexualities of their children, further underpinning a heteronormative society in the 20th century (12). For example, one mother in the 1970s wrote to an advice column asking if her son’s interest in interior design was cause for concern as she “heard that [the] field has many homosexuals in it” and worried if “association with homosexual people [could] influence a young man” (13). Fears of influence from the LGBTQ struck siblings as well. In 1971, an 18 year old girl wrote to Seventeen magazine asking if her brother is “safe” from gayness (14). This obtrusive paranoia surrounding sexuality in the 20th century reiterates just how rife consternations of same-sex relations were in America, further demonstrating a culture of compulsory heterosexuality. 

The United State’s government fostered the development of compelled heterosexuality, as well. The Lavender Scare of the 1940s-1960s led to the dismissal of thousands of federal LGBTQ workers on the basis of sexuality (15). In December of 1950, Congress released a report titled “Employment of Homosexuals and Other Sex Perverts in Government” contending that the employment of gay workers endangered national security, conflating homosexuality with communism–another pervasive fear in the mid 20th century (16). Following this, President Eisenhower signed Executive Order 10450 nearly three and half years later, officially proscribing homosexuals from government employment (17). This explicit discrimination by American leadership reinforced the legitimacy of fears related to same-sex relations and rewarded those who were straight through economic opportunities. Additionally, until the Immigration Act of 1990, “sexual orientation would remain a valid basis for immigration exclusion,” upholding the supreme court case of Boutilier v. Immigration and Naturalization Service (1967) which permitted deportation by the reason of homosexuality through 1952’s Immigration and Nationality Act (18). The removal of citizens on the basis of sexuality elucidates the precarious nature of life for the LGBTQ and rampant homophobia in 20th century America. Thus, through laws and case rulings, the United States government in the mid-1900s encouraged heterosexuality through the revocation of rights and privileges of those who failed to conform, creating unsafe conditions for gay men and women. 

The Sleepover as Means of Loss of Innocence

After establishing the aggressively heterosexual context for the origin of sleepovers, one must obtain knowledge of the event’s subtleties. Prank calls, too much junk food, and sultry gossip–three common aspects of a slumber party, also known as an overnight social gathering at someone’s home, usually with members of the same sex. The sleepover also functions as a safe space for rebellion. Everyone knows the age-old trick of putting a friend’s hand into warm water while they sleep to force them to pee in their sleeping bag or placing shaving cream in one’s hand and getting them to scratch their face–sleepover pranks are almost inevitable. “At one of my overnight parties, we dared my best friend to sneak into the basement and make a photocopy of her butt” writes one anonymous girl to Seventeen in 2000 (19). In slumber parties, girls are empowered, and almost expected, to act out–using truth or dare as a justification for outlandish acts. 

Media portrayal of slumber parties highlight its rebellious nature. Film and television depict how the peer pressure to engage in illegal and reckless activities is almost as imperative to the sleepover as pajamas itself. In the slumber party scene of Grease, Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) is persuaded to consume alcohol, smoke cigarettes, and pierce her ears–quintessential acts of teenage rebellion that she is visibly uncomfortable with (video 1). As she partakes in these acts, her prior innocence is almost reinforced to the audience as her face contorts as she drinks the wine, coughs after she smokes the cigarette, and vomits after seeing blood (video one). 

In another example, the Gossip Girl episode titled “Daredevil” from the show’s first season depicts a character's transformation from virtuous to villainous over the course of one sleepover (video two). Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen)’s innocence is unmistakable at the start of the episode: “fashion knows not of comfort. All that matters is the face that you share with the world, and your face looks like it’s going to a Bat Mitzvah,” says Blair (Leighton Meester), the rebellious host, noting the freshman’s demure nature (video two 0:30-0:38). Declaring that Jenny’s naivete is something that needs “renovation,” the queen bee peer pressures her into underage drinking, proclaiming “it’s a party Jenny. Either swallow [the martini] or swipe your metrocard back home” (video two 0:53-0:58). Despite wrongly guessing the contents of the cocktail–further showing her innocence–Jenny submits to the coercion and a night of chaos ensues as she attempts to prove to her peers that she is not just a little girl (video 3). With this, the character begins the night with a Hello Kitty sleeping bag and ends with having helped her friend escape from a psych ward and a stolen jacket–the prizes of a rowdy truth or dare game to demonstrate she is not straightlaced (video three). Again, this depiction of a slumber party promotes the idea that a loss of innocence and rebellion at this event is basically inevitable.

Today, mommy bloggers across the country proselytize against sleepovers, citing anecdotes of child pornography, illicit substances, and even murder occurring at these once-fun events. A mother in 2017 writes: “when my child sleeps over at another’s house I lose control of the situation and of their safety” (20). Spending the night with friends has now become contentious as parents seemingly seek to control their children and maintain their innocence, reinforcing the corrupting influence of sleepovers as portrayed by the media. Some may contend that the modern backlash for the sleepover is evident of its rise due to the “golden age” of childhood from the 1940s-1980s with laissez faire parenting (21). Many sleepover guides stress the need for parental supervision at these events, including a 1965 article advising event creators to “plan to have at least one adult on hand to supervise the party. And make sure the parents know that an adult will be there” (22). Additionally, a large portion of slumber party planning advice is written for parents, further underpinning their essential role in these events. 

The Sleepover as Means to Foster Intimacy

One writer describes the sleepovers of her youth to be filled with “truth or dare, speculating about the virginity (or lack thereof) of various classmates, telling dirty jokes, and divulging our deepest, darkest secrets–all washed down with Coke and a pizza chaser” (23). Deep conversations are the centerpiece to every fabulous sleepover, recognized by multiple party guides spanning across the mid-1900s for this event. A Better Homes and Gardens article about planning the perfect slumber party from 1965 reveals that “as far as entertainment is concerned, chances are the most popular entertainment will be just “girl-talk” and giggling” (24). Through these conversations, girls foster intimacy amongst each other: “"closeness" [for females] is often created and measured by the "exchange of information": The more personal stories women share with each other, the closer they feel” (25). A near-perfect depiction of this occurs in the slumber party scene of 13 Going on 30. As Jenna Rink (Jennifer Garner) talks about her first kiss with the love interest of the film, the pre-teen girls stare wide-eyed huddled together, sufficiently entranced with the story; a sense of closeness among the girls is palpable as they bond over private stories and confessions related to love (video four). Through moments like these, an undertail of same-sex, albeit platonic, intimacy abounds even through conversations related to heterosexuality. Overall, slumber parties permitted same-sex intimacy in socially acceptable ways in the 20th century–under the guise of professing one’s heterosexuality through boy talk. Additionally, the more mundane aspects of a sleepover foster intimacy between parties as well: “the particular acts that make up a sleepover - getting ready for bed, falling asleep, moving around the kitchen in the morning - send what Tannen calls a "meta message" of closeness to everyone involved” as they are usual completed solo or with loved ones (26). With this, sleepovers act as a way to continue closeness between women, even if it's in a more nuanced way.

Another revelatory trope in the media surrounding sleepovers is the rise of slasher films in the 1980s, none more iconic than the Slumber Party Massacre franchise. With a similar plot of each film being a sleepover between a group of girls who discuss intimate topics–which is suggested to bring women closer together as discussed previously–and later are murdered by the Driller Killer (27). Additionally “although there is always a requisite pajama-clad dance scene, the camera itself never leers on the girls. Instead, there is always a group of boys—and sometimes weird older male neighbors—voyeuristically peeking on the girls from outside a window” (28). This depiction functions as a commentary on same-sex intimacy between women: the closeness fostered throughout the night must be squashed and the characters must be punished for it, reiterating compulsory heterosexuality of the 20th century. 

To conclude, sleepovers rose to popularity during a time of explicit societal preference for heterosexuals, reinforced by social stigmas and the United State’s government. Same-sex intimacy was portrayed as a disease in the 20th century, dissuading public closeness of individuals of the same gender. Through the slumber party, women were able to continue the same-sex intimacy they once enjoyed prior to this time period under the guise of explicit heterosexuality like boy talk. Whether sleepovers acted as a site of homosexual development or merely gave girls the space for close friendship, its effects on womanhood in the 1900s cannot be underestimated. While LGBTQ rights have expanded since the mid-20th century, slumber parties still exist today, facilitating important bonding between young girls. Although slumber parties may no longer serve as a contemporary act of rebellion, its origins as a quiet uprising against pervasive norms regarding sexual orientation provide important context for understanding the zeitgeist of 20th century America. 

Footnotes:

1. D'Emilio, John, and Estelle B. Freedman. Intimate Matters: A History of Sexuality in America. New York, NY: Harper & Row, 1988. 

2. Ibid. 

3. Blower, Brooke. “Girls Gone Wild.” HI 303: Sex, Love Family: Relationships in Recent American History and Pop Culture. Class lecture at Boston University, Boston, MA, February 14, 2023. 

4. Klass, Perri. “Ensuring Domestic Tranquillity During Sleepovers,” Slumber Tribe | Slumber Party Hire Melbourne (New York Times, February 7, 2011), https://www.slumbertribe.com.au/slumber-party-sleepover-party-research-information.

5. “Early Developments.” Defining Documents in American History - LGBTQ+ (1923-2017), May 2023, 1–3. doi:10.3331/DDLGBTQ_0006.

6. Caprio, Frank S. Female Homosexuality: A Psychodynamic Study of Lesbianism. New York, Citadel Press.

7. McCoy, Kathy. "SEX and Your BODY: What does it Mean to be Homosexual?" Seventeen, 03, 1985, 26-26, 28, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fsex-your-body%2Fdocview%2F1860745360%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

8. Blower, Brooke. “Rise and Fall of Compulsory Heterosexuality.” HI 303: Sex, Love Family: Relationships in Recent American History and Pop Culture. Class lecture at Boston University, Boston, MA, February 28, 2023. 

9. Ibid.

10. Ibid.

11. Kathy McCoy, "SEX and Your BODY: What does it Mean to be Homosexual?" Seventeen, March 1985, 26.

12. Brooke Blower, “Rise and Fall of Compulsory Heterosexuality” (class lecture, Boston University, Boston, MA, February 28, 2023).

13. "Homosexual Influence." Ladies' Home Journal, 12, 1973, 24, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fhomosexual-influence%2Fdocview%2F1916749959%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

14. Wood, Abigail. "How should You Feel about a Homosexual?" Seventeen, 06, 1971, 160-162, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fhow-should-you-feel-about-homosexual%2Fdocview%2F1843875270%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

15. Adkins, Judith. “‘These People Are Frightened to Death’ Congressional Investigations and the Lavender Scare.” National Archives and Records Administration. National Archives and Records Administration, 2016. https://www.archives.gov/publications/prologue/2016/summer/lavender.html. 

16. “LGBTQ RIGHTS IN AMERICA: A BRIEF TIMELINE (The Lavender Scare),” n.d. https://heinonline-org.ezproxy.bu.edu/HOL/LGBTQTimeline?collection=lgbtq. 

17. “LGBTQ RIGHTS IN AMERICA: A BRIEF TIMELINE (Executive Order 10450 APRIL 27, 1953),” n.d. https://heinonline-org.ezproxy.bu.edu/HOL/LGBTQTimeline?collection=lgbtq. 

18. “LGBTQ RIGHTS IN AMERICA: A BRIEF TIMELINE (Boutilier v. Immigration and Naturalization Service),” n.d. https://heinonline-org.ezproxy.bu.edu/HOL/LGBTQTimeline?collection=lgbtq. 

19. Siegal, Jana. "Pajama Games." Seventeen, 08, 2000, 32-32, 34, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fpajama-games%2Fdocview%2F1870601907%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

20. Nicolette, “No Sleepovers: Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Parents,” How Does She, April 30, 2017, https://howdoesshe.com/no-sleepovers/.

21. Blower, Brooke. “Learning to Play.” HI 303: Sex, Love Family: Relationships in Recent American History and Pop Culture. Class lecture at Boston University, Boston, MA, February 2, 2023. 

22.  "TEEN-AGERS ALL LOVE SLUMBER PARTIES." Better Homes and Gardens, 10, 1965, 124, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fteen-agers-all-love-slumber-parties%2Fdocview%2F1903403032%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

23. Frieswick, Kris. "Pajama Games." Redbook, 12, 2000, 102-102, 104, 106, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fpajama-games%2Fdocview%2F1876367713%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

24. "TEEN-AGERS ALL LOVE SLUMBER PARTIES," Better Homes and Gardens, October 1965, 124. 

25. Kitchener, Caroline. "Adult slumber parties can help deepen women's friendships." Washington Post, April 8, 2019. Gale Academic OneFile. https://link.gale.com/apps/doc/A581649665/AONE?u=mlin_b_bumml&sid=googleScholar&xid=1f3a440e

26. Ibid.

27. Gates, Marya E. “The Slumber Party Massacre Trilogy and Its Clever Horror Subversions.” Nerdist, October 7, 2022. https://nerdist.com/article/slumber-party-massacre-trilogy-horror-trope-subversions-sexuality-trauma-symbolism-feminine-power/. 

28. Ibid. 

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