Victoria Glorius

"Have you lost your virginity yet?" 

"You're still a virgin? Just get it over with."

"I had sex with the first person I laid eyes on."

 "I'm celibate; I'm saving myself for someone who deserves me."

"You have to protect your flower."

Society places great importance on virginity with examples including shows such as Jane the Virgin to movies such as The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Chastity and purity have long been associated with Innocence, honor, and virtue. However, society has always emphasized the importance of sexual liberation while simultaneously shaming individuals for being sexually liberated. As a result, virginity has become a criterion by which we judge others. Thus, your body count, or lack thereof, can entirely change how others perceive you. Over the past 100 years, attitudes toward sex and virginity have changed significantly, from abstinence to liberation, but what is the motivation behind how sex impacts our perception of others? The clashing social norms in the United States have changed straight women’s relationship with sex and virginity, which has given way to purity culture. These changing norms and advancements in the United States have allowed women to forge their own sexual identity by choosing to either rejecting or accepting social norms.

Victorian Morality 

Victorian Morality began in 1837 and lasted until 1901and Queen Victoria influenced this period. The Victorian Moral Code was an unspoken norm that set the guidelines for socially acceptable behavior. This period emphasized sexual propriety, sexual repression, censorship of the obscene, and honesty1. During this period, "Most children, even among the poor, were sent to Sunday school where they were inculcated in a belief that one must abstain from sexual perversion." Children learned that pleasure and lust were "a test of faith" and should not be responded to. Consequently, "sexuality become externalized — it became part of the object, rather than the self — and became regarded, seemingly, as a necessary evil2." 

Although the Victorian Moral Code originated in 19th-century England, its influence reached the United States. In the United States, women were expected to be the Angels in the house. The expectation of being an "Angel in the House" comes from Victorian Poet Coventry Patmore, who believed the ideal wife was ignorant and innocent. This belief quickly became popular in both the United States and Britain3. 

Figure 1: Artistic Depiction of the Angel in the House, “Husband and Wife’s Duties: Duties of Husband and Wife towards Each Other.” n.d. Victorian Era. https://victorian-era.org/victorian-husband-wifes-duties.html.

As children, Victorian Women were raised to be proper wives and mothers. During childhood, "they would learn housewife skills such as weaving, cooking, washing, and cleaning." The expectation from Victorian women was to be innocent. A Victorian man writes, "Innocence was what he demanded from the girls of his class, and they must not only be innocent but also give the outward impression of being innocent. White muslin, typical of virginal purity,... The stamp of masculine approval was placed upon ignorance of the world, meekness, lack of opinions, general helplessness, and weakness; in short, recognition of female inferiority to the male4". Women were expected to be virgins on the night of their wedding because sex was "a way for married couples to spiritually bond and procreate — sex without the possibility of procreation was considered sinful5."1

20th century

1900-1950

The death of Queen Victoria in 1901 marked the end of the Victorian Era, but remnants of the Victorian Moral Code remained. At the time, sex was viewed as a taboo subject that women were often uncomfortable discussing or uneducated about. As a result, women were ignorant about sex to "keep them chaste[and] to develop and refine their sense of shame." In the early 1900s, some parents felt their children should learn about sex as they did- on their wedding night. A letter from a mother to her daughter even states that "[there are] certain things your husband will require from you. It's not nice, and you'll just have to put up with it," and married women often felt too ashamed to give their unmarried friends advice about their first-time6. 

 The 20th century marked a change in American Society. While the expectation of remaining a virgin until marriage persisted, the reality differed. During the era of Victorian Morality, they externalized sexuality; however, in the following decades, American Society began to internalize sexuality. Furthermore, there was a dichotomy in beliefs in the United States. On the one hand, there was the social purity movement, but on the other hand, the progressive era was starting to emerge. While the notion of remaining a virgin until marriage persisted, changing times began to dwindle the popularity of this movement. 

Before the 1920s, sex was an act of duty and not one of pleasure. Couples had sex for procreation; thus, remaining a virgin was expected for marriage. However, by the 1920s, members of society began pushing back on this belief. Of "those born between 1890 and 1900, 74% remained virgins until marriage, but among those of the generation born after 1910, only 31.7% remained virgins7 ." One other cause for changing social norms was activists such as Margaret Sanger. Margaret was a women's birth control activist who believed that men and women should enjoy sex and that women should have the right to sexual liberation without fearing pregnancy. 

Additionally, the decline in virginity rates can be traced to the flapper lifestyle. The flapper lifestyle became popular in the 1920s and went against the rigid standard of the Victorian Era. A "flapper" was a progressive young woman who believed in sexual freedom. The flapper lifestyle made it so women would not be considered impure, immoral, or dangerous for engaging in casual, consensual sexual activities8. Everything about the flapper woman went against Victorian standards. From how they dressed to how they acted, a flapper symbolized a liberated woman. The image below depicts the difference between a Victorian woman and a Flapper. While the Victorian woman waits to be courted and expects a gentleman, the flapper expects a good time. She is wearing more revealing clothing, and there is less space between her and her dance partner. Sex was tied to identity, but members of this generation sought to redefine their identity through sexual liberation.2

The changing norms in the early 1900s laid the foundation for the sexual revolution in the 1960s. As stated before, the 1900s was a mix of social norms. Although women were coming into their sexuality and countering age-old expectations, traditional beliefs persisted. In a first-person encounter of how Jacquline Culotte had sex in the 1950s, she recounts that she was a virgin on her wedding night because "It was expected… Horror stories of how giving birth "out of wedlock" would ruin one's life were common. They were told by mothers, grandmothers, and aunts to keep you on the straight and narrow." She later states, "No one in my home talked about contraception." At the time, methods of contraception such as diaphragms and condoms were available, but the only fool-proof way was abstinence. Older women taught the younger generation that abstaining from sex would benefit their favor. Pregnant unwed women were examples of what a woman should not want to end up as, thus reinforcing the importance of purity and one's sexual identity9.

Furthermore, girls were still kept uneducated about sex and contraceptives. Even as a college student in the 1950s, the women within Jacquline's community did not offer her sexual advice but told her to stay a virgin. Keeping young women uneducated was a method used by the Victorians to maintain chastity.

1960-2000

In 1960 the FDA approved the birth control pill; by 1962, more than 1 million women were using it10. The birth control pill was revolutionary as it removed the fear of pregnancy from sex, thus allowing women the ability to have pre-marital sex. Over time, the use of the birth control pill granted women sexual liberation that they did not have before, crumbling arguments on why they should avoid pre-marital sex. "It was no longer mandatory for women to follow the church's rules and regulations towards copulation; they out rightly decide on their own." The birth control pill now allowed women to enjoy sex for themselves, internalizing their sexuality and taking pleasure into their hands11. 

One's self-identity is closely related to social norms because your identity and personal beliefs allow one to either accept or reject said norms. In the early 1900s, there was a push against the standard Victorian moral code. Defying this norm became a part of flapper women's identity, and they did this through their sexual promiscuity. Because of the expectations for women to remain virgins until marriage, flappers engaged in pre-marital sex to forge their identities. Despite the growing amount of progressives like the flappers, the fear of pregnancy and the expectation of remaining a virgin until marriage prevented many other women from forging their own identity through their sexuality. Women feared the consequences of having pre-marital sex due to how unwed pregnant women were judged. Up until now, sex was something that women kept apart of themselves. Even with the invention of condoms and diaphragms, the fear of pregnancy controlled women and kept their sexual desires locked away. For most of history, women were not allowed to be sexual beings because their identity was contingent on their purity and Innocence. Purity was the standard for marriage, and the birth control pill wholly changed that. The birth control pill gave women the freedom of choice.

Furthermore, it allowed women to explore their sexual identities, giving them more options than abstaining from sex. As time progressed and women began externalizing their sexuality, men's standards for women changed. Earlier, the Victorian man explained that he wanted an innocent woman of virginal status. However, only 100 years later, that standard did not hold. Instead of the innocent women and the Angel of the House, women were expected to emulate the Playboy magazine cover.

Today, many individuals think that people from the 1900s were innocent and practiced sexual abstinence, but that is untrue. Modern purity culture is a result of women's sexual liberation. The invention of birth control changed the social norm around sex. However, the purity movement, which emphasized the importance of sex as an act for married individuals, is a religious counterclaim, while historically, counterclaims were social.

Though many celebrated the sexual revolution of the 1960s because they were no longer confined to relationships, everyone did not feel this excitement. As society rejected traditional sexual norms for an open one, "conservative Christians became troubled about how to keep the biblical tradition of sexual activity within the confines of marriage. Because of the rising pre-marital sex, extramarital sex, and divorce rates, these Christians were fearful of the breakdown of the family in religious life. They were worried that their children would be swept up in the casual-sex environment." As a result, In the 1970s, the evangelical purity movement began to counter the sexual revolution of the 1960s12. This movement emphasized teaching children to wait until marriage to have sex to please God and prevent sinning.

Later on, the true love waits movement began. This movement acknowledged that sex is now an option for women but encouraged them to wait until marriage to have sex. This is different for women in the past because virginity was not an option for women but rather an expectation for marriage, and sex was solely for procreation. Two years later, the Silver Ring Thing reached prominence. This program had young girls wear a silver ring on their left hand to symbolize their commitment to remaining pure. By 1995 approximately 2.2 million adolescents had taken a virginity pledge13.

21st century 

Our relationship with sex and virginity today is based on social norms. Throughout history, societal norms and whether we accept or reject them have been integral to our identity. In short, your perception of sex and virginity is based on your connection to society. Those who believe in remaining a virgin until marriage will be proud if they abstain from sex. At the same time, those who engage in more sexually liberated circles will be proud to explore their sexuality.

  One example of this in modern times is through the show Jane the Virgin. Jane the Virgin follows Jane, a 23-year-old virgin, and her life after being artificially inseminated. Growing up, Jane received her sexual education from her religious grandmother, who believed in abstinence until marriage. As a child, Jane was taught that when she loses her flower, she can never go back, and she valued the lesson her grandmother taught her so much that she waited until marriage. 

Figure 8: Jane the Virgin Lotus flower, kayp17, “Jane the Virgin: An Exploration of Feminist Catholicism,” Religion in Popular Culture Lab, March 15, 2019, https://religionpopculture.home.blog/2019/03/15/jane-the-virgin-an-exploration-of-feminist-catholicism/. 

Interestingly, the two closest women to Jane, her mother, and best friend, serve as her opposite. Though sexually liberated women surround her, she values her grandmother's lesson so much that she decides to wait until marriage until she has sex. Her virginity was such a big part of her identity that the show's introduction changes after she has sex. She is no longer Jane The Virgin but "Jane the Smooth Operator" or "Jane the Telenovela writer". Her introduction is now contingent on each specific episode and not her virginity.

Jane represents the millions of young girls in the United States who were taught that men don't want chewed-up gum and to protect their flowers. However, as this paper emphasizes, modern society has once again rejected purity norms. Today, the young girls in the 1990s who took purity pledges and attended purity balls are coming forward to explain how this extreme purity culture has traumatized them. "Many young adults raised in this subculture have said that they still battle shame and trauma due to these teachings, making it difficult to develop healthy adult sexual relations14." The True Love Waits and Silver Ring Thing used shame to prevent women from entering their sexuality. This method is similar to what occurred during the Victorian Moral Code. The difference is that these young evangelical girls' shame is tied to their religious beliefs. They believed that as they sinned, they were hurting their connection with God. In addition, they also thought that their sins would make them less desirable to their future spouse. Two TikTok videos have been attached with first-person anecdotes from each creator. Both women describe their experiences growing up in purity culture and its lasting effects on their mental health. 

All in all, changing beliefs around sex and virginity are due to the acceptance or rejection of social norms. Throughout history, progressive and conservative movements have co-existed, with each movement rejecting the standards put in place by the other. This can be seen through the flappers, the Victorian Moral code, Evangelical purity culture, and the sexual revolution. Furthermore, your sexual identity is closely related to the group that you subscribe to. To those who believe in the importance of purity, remaining pure will be an essential aspect of their identity. On the other hand, those who subscribe to the belief of sexual liberation will value sexual exploration. Sex is an act of intimacy between two consenting individuals but historically, social beliefs have impacted how individuals perceive sex. Whether women want to accept or reject social norms, the choice is theirs. 

Mahalak, Kelly(@kellymahalak). 2022. “It’s the blank stare for me. Thank God for therapy. #exvangelical #deconstruction#purityculture #puritycultureistoxic #itwasthe90s #exvangelicaltiktok #progressivechristian#deconstructingchristianity.” Tiktok, July 7, 2022. https://www.tiktok.com/@kellymahalak/video/7118385692765408554?_r=1&_t=8c3Bag4tSjD&social_sharing=v4

Simpson, Jordan(@JordanSimpson574).2022. “ When purity culture works TOO well 😩😂😂😂 #formerhomeschooler #homeschooled#exhomeschooler #purityculture #southernbaptist #fyp #truelovewaits #purityring.” Tiktok, May 29, 2022.https://www.tiktok.com/@jordansimpson574/video/7103251374565068074?_r=1&_t=8c3BgMewMOJ&social_sharing=v4

1.   “Victorian Era Morality Facts: Moral Behavior, Values, Ideals, Ethics.” n.d. Victorian Era. https://victorian-era.org/victorian-era-morality.html

2.   “The Victorian Era: Sexuality and the Family.” 2013. Into the Rose-Garden. February 10, 2013. https://intotherose-garden.com/2013/02/10/the-victorian-era-sexuality-and-the-family/.

3.  “Angel in the House by Coventry Patmore, Summary and Analysis.” Victorian Era, May 7, 2020. https://victorian-era.org/angel-house-coventry-patmore.html. 

4.  Appell, Felicia. 2009. “Victorian Ideals.” Mckendree. 2009. https://www.mckendree.edu/academics/scholars/issue18/appell.htm.

5.   “N I N E S - Exhibits.” n.d. Nines.org. https://nines.org/print_exhibit/861.

6.  “N I N E S - Exhibits.” n.d. Nines.org. https://nines.org/print_exhibit/861.

7.  Doery, Aviva. n.d. “Aviva Doery: The Revolution in Attitudes and Ideology of Sex.” Sites.psu.edu. Accessed May 4, 2023. https://sites.psu.edu/pennstatercl/aviva-doery-the-revolution-in-attitudes-and-ideology-of-sex/.

8.   Muniz, Hannah. 2019. “What Is a Flapper? The Glamorous History of Women in the 1920s.” Prepscholar.com. August 12, 2019. https://blog.prepscholar.com/flapper-women-1920s-history.

9.  Jacqueline Coulette | April 18,  2012. “How I Had Sex in 1950: Essay.” Zócalo Public Square, October 3, 2017. https://www.zocalopublicsquare.org/2012/04/18/how-i-had-sex-in-1950/chronicles/who-we-were/. 

10.   Huber, Valerie J., and Michael W. Firmin. 2014. “A History of Sex Education in the United States since 1900.” International Journal of Educational Reform 23 (1): 25–51. https://doi.org/10.1177/105678791402300102.

11.  Doery, Aviva. n.d. “Aviva Doery: The Revolution in Attitudes and Ideology of Sex.” Sites.psu.edu. Accessed May 4, 2023. https://sites.psu.edu/pennstatercl/aviva-doery-the-revolution-in-attitudes-and-ideology-of-sex/.

12.   Pate, Michelle Dennyse. 2022. "The Felt Sense of Evangelical Purity Culture." Order No. 29327888, Sofia University. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fdissertations-theses%2Ffelt-sense-evangelical-purity-culture%2Fdocview%2F2716926319%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

13.  Landor, Antoinette M. and Leslie Gordon Simons. 2014. "Why Virginity Pledges Succeed Or Fail: The Moderating Effect of Religious Commitment Versus Religious Participation." Journal of Child and Family Studies 23 (6) (08): 1102-1113. doi:https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-013-9769-3. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fscholarly-journals%2Fwhy-virginity-pledges-succeed-fail-moderating%2Fdocview%2F1542827893%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

14.   Ingersoll, Julie. 2019. “How the ‘Extreme Abstinence’ of the Purity Movement Created a Sense of Shame in Evangelical Women.” The Conversation. December 10, 2019. https://theconversation.com/how-the-extreme-abstinence-of-the-purity-movement-created-a-sense-of-shame-in-evangelical-women-127589.