The History of Empty Nest Syndrome in American Mothers: Why do Mothers Feel This Way and How we Have Made Progress

By Sonia Jones 

In 1914 the term “Empty Nest Syndrome,” was first coined by Dorothy Canfield (1). She came up with the term to diagnose the phenomenon many mothers face once their youngest child leaves the home. Empty nest syndrome (ENS) consists of symptoms involving feelings of depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem.

ENS is a relatively new phenomenon. The term being coined in 1914 is reflective of the impact that industrialization had on American families. In colonial times, life expectancy was anywhere from 30-40 years less than it is now . During this colonial era, mothers often died in childbirth or did not live for a significant period after their children left the home. Because of this, mothers did not face the struggle of seeking purpose beyond motherhood (2). 

Furthermore, the colonial era saw that many rural families often lived in multi-generational homes for economic efficiency or children would only leave their homes for marriage (3). This quickly changed at the turn of the 20th century, when the rise of established gender roles and the nuclear family drastically changed the family dynamic of American families. 

Some scholars such as Professor Blower from Boston University, would suggest ENS the rise and fall of ENS can be attributed to developments such as birth control as it resulted in women developing their identities before having children, thus preventing the identity crisis that characterizes ENS.

However, this paper will refer to sources that highlight the emergence and peak of ENS in the 20th century. Furthermore, these sources will prove that while ENS is not a phenomenon that can be eliminated in our society, that the social progress that has liberated women in the 21st century, has greatly alleviated its consequence. 

The rise of ENS

ENS would not have been as prevalent in pre-20th century America. In his article “Multigenerational families in nineteenth-century America,” Steven Ruggles explores that multi-generational homes were the norm in America up until the 20th century. Ruggles quotes Nelson A. Cruikshank regarding living situations before the 1930s, “all a family needed for a secure old age or to ride out a period of depression was a quarter section of good land and a couple of sons to help farm it, or even a couple of daughters through whom able-bodied sons-in-law might be acquired.”  Historically, families lived much more communally and would work to take care of their elders even after marriage, which meant that they often would continue to live with their parents throughout their lives.  Because of these circumstances, mothers in the colonial era were not as vulnerable to the consequences of being an empty nester (4).

With more job opportunities, new experiences, and better wages calling American youths into cities, young adults became more at-risk to experience the consequences of living a life without the immediate support of their families (5). Moreover, the 20th century was host to a patriarchal and capitalist society that oppressed women in a way that would create the conditions for phenomenon’s like ENS to impact American mothers.

“The Feminine Mystique” by Betty Friedman presents the limitations of “true feminine fulfillment,” in a post-WWII America that embedded distinct notions of gender and family into society. In describing the “perfect” woman, Friedman writes “She was healthy, beautiful, educated, concerned only about her husband, her kids, her home (6).” Girls were growing up in a society where they were not given the opportunity to fully explore hobbies or careers. Their purpose in life was to become a mother. This created an expectation for the identities of women, which would no doubt come into question once a woman’s “motherhood” was over, and her purposeless, post-maternal life began (7).

The discussion around ENS likely peaked in the post-WWII period where prominent gender roles limited a mother’s identity beyond motherhood. In the June 1985 issue of Ladies Home Journal, an article states “A decade or so ago, women’s magazines used to write all the time about the empty nest syndrome… (the magazines) explain that women were unhappy because the children’s leaving meant their job was done (8).”  Here, Myrna Blyth reflects on the prominence of ENS in the 1960s-70s, which points to the possibility that the occurrence of ENS peaked during this period that tied a woman’s identity to motherhood.

While women have been able to overcome many of the hurdles stunting their sense of independence, mothers in the 21st century are facing a new set of problems in motherhood. In her essay “The politics of housework,” Pat Mainardi highlights how modern women still carry the responsibility of being homemakers even as they pursue their own careers. The weight of this burden is often due to a husband’s lack of contribution to domestic chores (9).

Historical causes of ENS

Throughout history, the most deep-rooted cause of ENS has been the attitudes of the patriarchy that are embedded within American society. With classes such as home economics, sewing, and cooking implemented into their education, 20th-century America was raising young women to be the perfect mothers for the perfect nuclear family (10). In the book “The (M)other tongue,” Shirley N. Garner, Claire Kahane, and Madelon Sprengnether wrote, “A focus on the primacy of the mother’s role in ego formation is not in itself new.”  This proves that, historically, a woman’s self-esteem and confidence has been rooted in her ability to mother and nurture her children (11).

ENS in mothers can also be caused by their love and attachment to their children. Because of this, mothers may face a withdrawal from their children once they leave the home. In one study that polled 1,000 recent empty-nested parents, 21% said that they “feel guilty for not making the most of the time they had with their child (12).”

Moreover, in an episode of Catherine Zinger’s Podcast, “The Accidental Anthropologist,” she interviews a modern mother to an empty nest home named Tracy. The podcast highlights that Americans “live in the superlative,” meaning that culturally, American families are more outgoing and involved in the lives of their children. Tracy states that American parents love to immerse themselves in the lives of their children. Whether it’s through joining the Parent Association at their school or simply driving their children to school every day, parents become a part of the community that only welcomes them because of their children (13). The podcast shows how empty nesters are vulnerable to the consequences of ENS as they miss their children and lose their support network of other families simultaneously.

From these accounts, the separation between mother and child can be identified as a leading factor to the occurrence of ENS. However, the pressures imposed on women in American society as a deep-rooted cause of ENS must be considered given its historically negative impact on women.

The heteronormative expectations for women to serve their husbands and children can lead women to experience an identity crisis when considering their purpose beyond their maternal years (14). Even in the context of today’s society where women are significantly more independent than they have been historically, women continue to suffer under the expectation of being capable mothers while balancing a newer social burden of being career-focused, independent women (15).

Psychological discussion around ENS

The discussion surrounding the psychological consequences of ENS has evolved since the 20th century. In the 20th century, the symptoms of ENS in mothers is framed in a way which blames a mother for her lack of purpose beyond motherhood. This can be seen in an article for the Chicago Daily Tribune in 1953 that states:

“Difficulties in adjustment lead to neurotic tendencies, especially in the mother who is overly protective… (she) has built all her hopes and ambitions around the child who finally leaves the nest (16).”

This attitude is also reflected in an article from 1989:

“Especially mothers, may experience overwhelming grief, sadness, dysphoria, and depression…Since they have devoted a large number of years to the parenting role, women… may be left with a major void in their daily lives (17)”

The above excerpts are reflective of the patriarchal attitudes present in the 20th century, as they subtly shift blame of ENS unto the mother for not developing an identity beyond her motherhood.

The following from a 2016 study dismisses the misogynistic attitudes reflected above when it states, “The term ENS triggers a sexist notion that hinders identification of those who suffer from this syndrome.” This study goes on to preface the infinite number of social factors that cause ENS-related depression, thus shifting the blame off of women and onto the social structures that have made mothers susceptible to experiencing this distressing syndrome (18).

The evolution of ENS causes

So far, we have explored the causes and consequences of ENS in American women, focusing heavily on the patriarchal standards imposed on mothers at the turn of the 20th century. But over the last 20 years, women have made a huge effort to overcome societal expectations of them. With one of these expectations being that a woman's “purpose” is to bear children. Data from the Pew Research Centre shows that the percentage of childless women aged 40-44 has increased from 10% of American women in 1976 to 18% in 2008 (19). Another study showed that around 46% of Americans claim that “it makes no difference one way or the other that a growing share of women do not ever have children (20)."

Having classified patriarchal attitudes towards women as a significant cause of ENS, this data means that ENS should be less of a phenomenon than it has been before. However, this does not seem to be the case with 98% of parents in the UK stating that they experienced “extreme grief,” when dropping their children off to university (21). This raises the question: if there has been significant progress made to combat the expectations that women face over the last 20 years, why do mothers continue to feel a crippling sense of loss upon seeing their children ‘flee the nest’?

These modern accounts of recent empty nesters contradict the notion that the pressures of the hyper-patriarchal society in the 20th century were a leading cause in the occurrence of ENS in American mothers. This leads to the belief that the primary cause for mothers to grieve their empty nests is not wholly due to an identity crisis beyond motherhood, but because of the severance of their dependent relationship with their children.

This insight suggests that ENS is not something that can be resolved through societal progress. It suggests that, as long as mothers continue to love their children, ENS will always be a phenomenon that parents should be wary about.

We can note from these sources that a mother’s attachment to her child has been a historically consistent cause in developing ENS. Firstly, this article from 1953 states:

 “Middle age is one of the most neglected phases of family life. For many, it is synonymous with the period when the children leave home…(studies) concluded that the mother finds the adjustment (becoming an empty nester) more difficult (22).”

In the June, 1985 edition of “Ladies Home Journal,” Myrna Blyth writes:

“Now if I can handle the next year without Jonathan as well as I think he’ll handle his first year at college, I’ll almost be alright (23).”  

Finally, a 2019 article published in “The Boston Globe” presents a modern mother experiencing the same grief:

“When I realized that I had an empty nest, my emotions roiled… I was sad that I might not see the young ones very much anymore (24).”

"Leaving the Nest" article written in 1985 by Myrna Blyth in the "Ladies Home Journal."

It has been historically consistent that a mother’s instinct to love her child has contributed to the occurrence of ENS. Therefore, in this paper, the “fall” of ENS does not necessarily refer to the decrease in instances of ENS, rather, the decrease in the severity and length at which ENS is experienced.

We can see the impact of social progress alleviating symptoms of ENS by observing the experience of mothers in the 21st century. In Terry Hekker’s 2006 article “Paradise Lost (Domestic Version),” Hekker discusses regret in prioritizing her responsibilities as a housewife but goes on to state that she was able to create a concrete identity for herself by becoming the first female mayor of her hometown. Hekker held office for 6 years and even in retirement continues to work part-time when she isn’t preoccupied with her grandchildren. The relief Hekker expresses in finding a purpose beyond her family highlights the importance for mothers to develop identities outside of their familial responsibilities in order to avoid experiencing symptoms of ENS (25).

A study of nearly 1,000 women in 2007 found that only one in ten mothers were unable to overcome the initial period of grief after their youngest child had left the home. By accepting the freedom that comes with an empty nest, mothers in today’s world can “reclaim and rediscover parts of themselves” outside of parenthood. This could mean pursuing education, re-entering the workforce, practicing hobbies, and reconnecting with loved ones that you grew apart from while preoccupied with your children (26).    

Historically, the opportunities for mothers to discover their identities would have been limited when faced with an empty nest. Because of this, women in the early to mid-20th century may have struggled with ENS for longer periods of time, as it is this sense of self-discovery that seems to shorten the grieving period. The progress that society has made to empower women to create identities outside of motherhood, is key to realizing why it is crucial to identify the values of the patriarchy as a leading cause of ENS. By alleviating the pressures of a patriarchal society, the severity and length of ENS can be reduced. 

Considering class

Even with acknowledging the progress society has made in empowering mothers, the issue of class may prevent empty nesters to thrive in their independence. To gain independence at a young age is a result of privilege. Particularly in American upper-class white families, sending your children off to college is almost a rite of passage, one that the entire family prepares for the entire duration of raising their child. Because families with financial privilege can support the independence of their children, ENS may be more common amongst privileged households (27).

Because it is more economically efficient to share the economic burden of living in a home, lower-income white households, as well as households of minority races “tend to maintain larger, more extended households (28).” Moreover, children of lower-income households may not have the financial means to seek independence upon graduating high school, meaning that mothers of lower-income households are less likely to experience living in an empty nest. 

This calls back to the habits of pre-industrial America, where economic efficiency was the primary goal of a household (29). With financial issues topping the list of why American adults live in multi-generational homes, mothers in lower-class households would not be able to reap the benefits of an empty nest today (30). Instead, they are robbed of the empowering opportunities that treat ENS and are sentenced to the same struggle that post-maternal mothers would have faced in the 20th century.  

Moreover, studies have shown in recent years that life satisfaction increases after midlife. However, this may be a reflection of how the “boomer” generation in America is by far the wealthiest (34). Because of this, post-midlife American women can take advantage of their new status as liberated members of society and fund a life full of travel, hobbies, and projects to keep them satisfied from the time their children leave the home until death (35). 

Conclusion

The discussion surrounding ENS has greatly evolved over the century. This paper has presented multiple sources proving that the phenomenon of ENS has been a historically consistent experience for American mothers. By recognizing a mother’s attachment to her child as a leading cause of ENS since its emergence, it can be concluded that, although the occurrence of ENS is less likely to decline in years to come, the severity of ENS has declined in recent years due to the social progress made that has given women the opportunity to create identities outside of their maternal role.

Moving forward, there should be a focus on the intersectionality of American motherhood. Minorities and those who live in lower-income households are not granted the same opportunities that privileged mothers do. Pursuing hobbies, enrolling in higher education, and thriving in their independence are not something that is granted to mothers living in less privileged circumstances. Since we have established that there are solutions to the crippling grief of ENS, there should be a societal effort to give all American mothers the chance to thrive after working hard to raise the future of their country.

Footnotes:

1.            Han, Wenju. "Old Women and ‘Empty Nest Syndrome’─An Analysis of Mary Gavell’s The Swing from the Perspective of Feminism." Theory and Practice in Language Studies 8, no. 1 (2018), 29. doi:10.17507/tpls.0801.04.

2.            Blower, Brooke L. "The Mid-life Crisis." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University , April 18, 2023.

3.            Blower, Brooke L. "Young Adult Romance and Seduction." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University, March 15, 2023.

4.            RUGGLES, STEVEN. "Multigenerational families in nineteenth-century America." Continuity and Change 18, no. 1 (2003), 139-165. doi:10.1017/s0268416003004466.

5.            Blower, Brooke L. "Coming of Age." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University, February 23, 2023.

6.            Friedan, Betty. The Feminine Mystique. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1963.

7.            Blower, Brooke L. "The Mid-life Crisis." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University , April 18, 2023.

8.            Blyth, Myrna. 1985. Leaving the nest. Ladies’ Home Journal. 06, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fleaving-nest%2Fdocview%2F1926483184%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676 (accessed May 3, 2023).

9.            Mainardi, Pat. The Politics of Housework. Redstockings, 1970.

10.        Blower, Brooke L. "The Politics of Housework." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University, Boston University, March 30, 2023.

11.        Garner, Shirley N., Claire Kahane, and Madelon S. Sprengnether. The (M)other Tongue: Essays in Feminist Psychoanalytic Interpretation. Ithaca: Cornell University Press, 2019.

12.        Thompson, Dominique. "9/10 Parents Experienced Grief After Kids Left for University This Year - 05 October 2021." Unite Group. Last modified November 10, 2021. https://www.unitegroup.com/articles/9-10-parents-experienced-grief-after-kids-left-for-university-this-year-05-october-2021.

13.        Zinger, Catherine. "Empty Nesting Part 2: The Struggle is American - Why Parents in the USA Suffer More from Empty Nest Syndrome Than Any Other Culture in the World." Podcast audio. March 20, 2023. https://open.spotify.com/episode/5vkRXNZ5jHt7UzWCZzluZM?si=f5992301f65c46a0.

14.        Friedan, Betty. The Feminine Mystique. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 1963.

15.        Mainardi, Pat. The Politics of Housework. Redstockings, 1970.

16.        R, Van Dellen. 1953. "HOW TO KEEP WELL: THE EMPTY NEST." Chicago Daily Tribune (1923-1963), Sep 06, 8. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fhistorical-newspapers%2Fhow-keep-well%2Fdocview%2F178557943%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

17.        Blyth, Myrna. 1985. "Leaving the Nest." Ladies' Home Journal, 06, 4. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fleaving-nest%2Fdocview%2F1926483184%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

18.        Badiani, Feryl, and Avinash D. Sousa. "The Empty Nest Syndrome : Critical Clinical Considerations." Indian Journal of Mental Health(IJMH) 3, no. 2 (2016), 135. doi:10.30877/ijmh.3.2.2016.135-142.

19.        Livingston, Gretchen. "Childlessness Up Among All Women; Down Among Women with Advanced Degrees." Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project. Last modified July 31, 2020. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2010/06/25/childlessness-up-among-all-women-down-among-women-with-advanced-degrees/#fn-758-2.

20.        Livingston, Gretchen, and D'Vera Cohn. The New Demography of Motherhood. Pew Research Center, 2010. https://www.pewresearch.org/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2010/10/754-new-demography-of-motherhood.pdf.

21.        Thompson, Dominique. "9/10 Parents Experienced Grief After Kids Left for University This Year - 05 October 2021." Unite Group. Last modified November 10, 2021. https://www.unitegroup.com/articles/9-10-parents-experienced-grief-after-kids-left-for-university-this-year-05-october-2021.

22.        R, Van Dellen. 1953. HOW TO KEEP WELL: THE EMPTY NEST. Chicago Daily Tribune (1923-1963), Sep 06, 1953. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fhistorical-

23.        Blyth, Myrna. 1985. Leaving the nest. Ladies’ Home Journal. 06, https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fmagazines%2Fleaving-nest%2Fdocview%2F1926483184%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676 (accessed May 3, 2023).

24.        Singer, Jill. 2019. Dealing with a suddenly empty nest: Like the finches camped out on our porch, we needed to let our kids fly. Boston Globe (Online), Aug 17, 2019. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fnewspapers%2Fdealing-with-suddenly-empty-nest%2Fdocview%2F2274421866%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676 (accessed May 3, 2023).

25.        Hecker, Terry M. "Paradise Lost (Domestic Version)." The New York Times, January 1, 2006.

26.        Butler, Carolyn. "The ups and downs of being an empty-nester." The Washington Post. Last modified June 4, 2012. https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-ups-and-downs-of-being-an-empty-nester/2012/06/04/gJQA3Kr9DV_story.html.

27.        Karp, David A., Lynda L. Holmstrom, and Paul S. Gray. "Of Roots and Wings: Letting Go of the College-Bound Child." Symbolic Interaction 27, no. 3 (2004), 357-382. doi:10.1525/si.2004.27.3.357.

28.        Harkness, Sara. "Empty Nest Syndrome." Encyclopedia of Aging and Public Health (n.d.), 318-319. doi:10.1007/978-0-387-33754-8_156.

29.        RUGGLES, STEVEN. "Multigenerational families in nineteenth-century America." Continuity and Change 18, no. 1 (2003), 139-165. doi:10.1017/s0268416003004466.

30.        COHN, D’VERA, JULIANA M. HOROWITZ, RACHEL MINKIN, and KILEY HURST. "Financial Issues Top the List of Reasons U.S. Adults Live in Multigenerational Homes." Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project. Last modified March 24, 2022. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2022/03/24/financial-issues-top-the-list-of-reasons-u-s-adults-live-in-multigenerational-homes/.

31.        Blower, Brooke L. "Growing Old." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University, April 25, 2023.

32.        Blower, Brooke L. "Growing Old." Lecture, Sex, Love, Family: Relationships in American History from Birth to Death, Boston University, April 25, 2023.