Emily Wang

The History of the Divorced Single Father

Emily Wang

          During the 19th and 20th centuries, fathers were primarily seen as the providers and breadwinners of the family household; they were to be strong, well-educated, and in charge of the finances. They left the caregiving and housekeeping roles to the mothers, who balanced the responsibilities of ensuring their children were well taken care of along with cooking the meals and cleaning the house. Each parent had their own duties to help support their children and the family in general (1). However, what happened when this nuclear family structure fell apart due to a failed relationship or marriage, specifically when mothers were out of the picture and fathers took on the role of a single parent? What were the fathers to do? Were they to remarry? Try to meet ends by themselves? Would they be deemed fit to even take care of their children? These are all questions that single fathers in America had to and continue to consider. One could argue that the role of the father has remained the same throughout American history and therefore, has inadequate qualities to hold the responsibility of caring for a child. With this change in family structure, however, single divorced fathers in particular have increasingly shown to challenge this notion of the traditional paternal role since the 20th century, as illustrated in films, newspaper articles, and online forums. On top of navigating the trials and tribulations of being a single father, they have taken on more caregiving and housekeeping roles as well as have fought for their custodial rights to demonstrate their capability of being the best fit primary caregiver for their children. 

Nuclear Family

          During the late 20th century, the nuclear family structure was very typical and seen as the ideal in America. This type of family consisted of a traditional married heterosexual couple with children. Living in a society where the nuclear family was favored meant that the concept of divorce was looked down upon by many. People wanted to claim this identity of having a perfect family as their own because it showed mainstream society that they had this sense of economic stability, a sense of balance and relief in knowing they would be able to have enough food and resources to share amongst their family members rather than having too little. They were a perfect unit. A family with too many members and mouths to feed, or only one parent to support a family rather than two parents was not the family structure they sought after. “It is a matter of economic wellbeing that most families be formed as mother, father, and children in a single-family household”, Hendrith Vanlon Smith Jr. stated in his novel (3). This structure was further exemplified in both films and TV shows during the 1950s and 1960s, an example being the sitcom Leave it to Beaver, where the father is shown going to work outside of the house at an office job while the mother is shown remaining at home and taking care of their two sons on top of upkeeping their house. 

          However, this particular family structure slowly declined towards the 1970s. With divorce making its way to a steady rise in the late 1960s, Governor Ronald Reagan signed the Family Law Act of 1969, resulting in California being the first state in America to adopt the no-fault divorce. This law “eliminated the need for couples to fabricate spousal wrongdoing in pursuit of a divorce…, allowing one spouse to dissolve a marriage for any reason – or for no reason at all” (5). By signing this law, the divorce rate jumped from 1% back in 1915 all the way to 3.5% in 1970, which was at an all-time high (6). By 1979, the divorce rate was 5.3 per 1,000 Americans in the total population (7). This also meant that during this time, nearly half of the children who had once married parents witnessed their parents split and go through a divorce. Consequently, decisions had to be made regarding where the child/children would ultimately live and single-parent households were no longer considered rare in the United States after this divorce boom. 

          In a study collecting data on 130 countries, the United States currently has the highest rate of children living with only one parent. Roughly 23% of children younger than 18 years old currently live with single parents in the United States, a little over 3 million of them living with a single father (10). The percentage of children under the age of 18 that began living with solely their father skyrocketed between the 1960s and 1980s. In 2016, the U.S. Bureau stated that there were a little over 2 million single-father households in America, about 40% of which were as a result of a divorce. Over 60% of single fathers are raising one child, while close to 40% of the other single fathers are raising at least two children (11). This is a dramatic increase compared to the statistics from the mid-1900s, when there were less than 300,000 single father households in America (12). 

Child Custody Laws

          With divorce, comes child custody laws. Many years before the spike in divorce rates, colonists in the United States were still under the English common law; because of this, the father was always granted sole custody of his children after a divorce (15). Children were typically seen only as the father’s property. As industrialization began progressing and making its mark on America by the late 18th century, fathers began to find work outside of the home. This left mothers little choice but to stay at home with the children to ensure they were well taken care of (16). During the 19th century, more rights were granted in regards to child visitation rights to non-custodial parents, allowing parents to visit their children more often. In 1881, the United States adopted the Tender Years Doctrine, which automatically gave mothers the right to custody of their children during their “tender years”, being four years old or younger. This was the case due to the doctrine emphasizing the “mothers’ biological superiority as a parent and gave a legal preference to mothers in custody matters” (17). With this doctrine, the father of those children were unable to “sue for custody of his children until they surpassed their tender years” (18). By the 1960s and during the increased rates of divorce, this doctrine became less relevant and many states stopped employing these principles. Instead, a more equal standard of child custody laws based on which of the parents were seen to be the best interest of their child started coming to light. 

          States began developing child support guidelines in the 1980s, reinforcing the fact that fathers were capable of handling caregiving responsibilities once given custody of their child. In an article in The Washington Post in 1992, Carl Haub stated, “in the past, it was virtually assumed that only the mother would take care of a child… that isn’t assumed anymore” (22). In addition, Rosanna Hertz, a sociology and women’s studies professor at Wellesley College, stated in a 2007 Boston Globe article that society was developing as more fathers were “stepping up to the plate” by taking on the role of the primary caregiver. While divorce rates have remained stable since the late 1980s, single fatherhood has only continued to increase. In 2018, 20.1% of all custodial parents in the United States were fathers, compared to in 1994, when 16% of all custodial parents were fathers (23). This 4.1% increase over nearly 25 years indicates that the court has progressively considered more fathers as being the best fit parent for their children. 

Dating and Remarriage

          As more single fathers have gained custodial rights, they have had to consider other aspects of being a single parent as well, such as the possibility of remarriage. “Though men remarry at statistically higher rates than women, historically, these have been men without custody of their children. As the pool of single fathers grows, men may find themselves taken out of the marketplace of relationships or at a distinct disadvantage” (25). Originally, the idea of remarriage in the United States during 1910 was mainly a strategy to preserve economic functioning within the family, a necessary way to reconstitute the normative family structure of a nuclear family. To ensure the economic reputation of one’s family was not bothered, men would remarry for the “immediate assistance with children and household management” (26). This was so that men could continue their every day lives, keeping up with their work and finances. On the other hand, many upper-class men were actually able to delay or forgo marriage by hiring domestic servants to do household chores, cook, take care of children, and maintain the overall household in general (27). Pension files that date back to the Civil War display what couples used to do when they wanted to separate; these divorces were more informal and short-term. Once these informal divorces were settled, the husbands and wives would go off and marry other people (28). 70% of divorced men chose to remarry in the 1960s, but by 2013, the rates dropped to 64% (29). 

          This decrease is supported by the fact that it is a split decision amongst single fathers in the 21st century when faced with the question of whether or not to try and find a new partner after divorce. On one hand, recent research including 2,000 adults has shown “that 47% of divorced men are eager to wed again” (31). On the other hand, dating in itself has proved to be quite troublesome. “Dating is difficult or impossible”, explained a single father of two boys on an online forum describing what the single dad life is like. “I have not had a single date in years. I’ve given up trying at this point. It’s not that I’m hideous or that I’m unfriendly or any kind of that. It’s that, frankly, few women want to date a guy who has nearly full-time custody of two kids” (32). 

Rewriting The Paternal Role

          As stated previously, fathers were traditionally seen as the sole breadwinners of the family household. This meant that they were away from home, which also meant that they lost time to bond with their kids. The values they once instilled in their kids diminished, along with them being directly responsible for bringing up their kids. Single fathers since the 20th century have faced obstacles with changing that narrative, by taking on both traditional maternal as well as traditional paternal roles. For single custodial fathers, they hold the responsibility of balancing work as well as taking care of the household and raising the children. However, fathers have shown to be dedicated in caring for their children, even if takes adjusting at first. “I was cookie manager for her girl scout troop, took her to ballet 3-5 days a week, learned to french braid, do buns, curls, have the birds and bees talk… attended all of her school performances, [and] parent teacher conferences”, a father wrote on an online forum, “I would not trade it for anything” (34). Fathers have become to relish the process of being their children’s primary caregiver. “I’ve really put my attention on making sure that things are consistent: We go to the park on the same day, we have dinner ready at the same time, instead of everything being haphazard”, explains Ryan Lambourn, a single divorced father of two sons (35). From shopping for groceries and cooking meals to preparing weekly schedules for their children and cleaning the house, they have garnered pride in defying the traditional paternal roles in American history. 

          With the rise in divorce rates during the late 20th century and the fall in the ideal nuclear family structure, the growing number of single father households in America has shaped what it means to be a father in the 21st century. By challenging traditional parental roles and fighting for equal rights in custody battles, single fathers have increased the overall social acceptance of fathers being the primary caregivers of their children. This evolving positive outlook on the custodial father has strengthened the fatherhood community, and given them the confidence to continue being great parents for their children. They have much to consider on top of their responsibilities as a parent, such as the idea of dating or remarrying, but they have shown commitment to providing for their kids and making them a priority. If the history of the divorced single father has shown anything, it is that their experiences and actions are capable of rewriting the narrative for parental roles, and hopefully continue to be explored and set free in the generations to come. 

Endnotes

1. Blower, Brooke. “The Politics of Housework” Lecture, March 30, 2023.

2. Kelson, Kam. “Pursuing Happiness Is a Choice; from the Movie Pursuit of Happiness.” Medium, December 4, 2017. https://medium.com/@10805833/pursuing-happiness-is-a-choice-from-the-movie-pursuit-of-happiness-94146960dab5. 

3. “Nuclear Families Quotes (7 Quotes).” Goodreads. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/nuclear-families. 

4. “Leave It to Beaver.” IMDb.com, April 23, 1957. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050032/. 

5. Wilcox, W. Bradford, W., Charles Murray, and Michael Barone. “The Evolution of Divorce.” National Affairs. https://www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-evolution-of-divorce#:~:text=In%201969%2C%20Governor%20Ronald,first%20no%2Dfault%20divorce%20bill. 

6. Burke, Jessica, ERLC Staff, Elizabeth Oates, and Jared Kennedy. “5 Facts about No-Fault Divorce.” ERLC, June 11, 2020. https://erlc.com/resource-library/articles/5-facts-about-no-fault-divorce/. 

7. Olito, Frank. “How the Divorce Rate Has Changed over the Last 150 Years.” Insider, January 30, 2019. https://www.insider.com/divorce-rate-changes-over-time-2019-1#in-1970s-the-annual-rate-was-35-per-1000-but-by-the-end-of-the-decade-it-reached-51-divorces-per-1000-americans-10. 

8. Upi. “Number of Divorces Reached Record in 1981.” The New York Times, February 2, 1984. https://www.nytimes.com/1984/02/02/garden/number-of-divorces-reached-record-in-1981.html. 

9. “The Deseret News.” Google News Archive Search. Google, September 14, 1979. https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=336&dat=19790914&id=xtlSAAAAIBAJ&sjid=S4ADAAAAIBAJ&pg=5939%2C4448903. 

10. Kramer, Stephanie. “U.S. Has World's Highest Rate of Children Living in Single-Parent Households.” Pew Research Center, May 28, 2021. https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/12/12/u-s-children-more-likely-than-children-in-other-countries-to-live-with-just-one-parent/. 

11. “Fathers in the United States.” Census.gov, October 8, 2021. https://www.census.gov/programs-surveys/sis/resources/news/fathers.html. 

12. Livingston, Gretchen. “The Rise of Single Fathers.” Pew Research Center's Social & Demographic Trends Project. Pew Research Center, May 30, 2020. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/07/02/the-rise-of-single-fathers/. 

13. “Five Facts about Today's Single Fathers.” Institute for Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/five-facts-about-todays-single-fathers. 

14. Livingston, “The Rise of Single Fathers.”

15. Admin, Vuria. “A Brief History of Child Custody Laws in the U.S.” Simon Law, January 23, 2021. https://www.simonlawgroupaz.com/a-brief-history-of-child-custody-laws-in-the-us/. 

16. Blower, Brooke. “Being Dad” Lecture, April 11, 2023.

17. “Tender Years Doctrine (Forensic Psychology) - Iresearchnet.” Criminal Justice, October 7, 2015. http://criminal-justice.iresearchnet.com/forensic-psychology/tender-years-doctrine/#:~:text=The%20tender%20years%20doctrine%20is,interests%20of%20the%20child%E2%80%9D%20standard. 

18. “What Is the Tender Years Doctrine?: United States Child Custody Law.” Arizona Divorce Lawyers & Family Law Attorneys - JacksonWhite Law, December 14, 2022. https://www.jacksonwhitelaw.com/arizona-family-law/what-is-the-tender-years-doctrine/. 

19. “The Evening News.” Google News Archive Search. Google, June 11, 1989. https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1982&dat=19890611&id=_4ZGAAAAIBAJ&sjid=zTMNAAAAIBAJ&pg=3871%2C944016. 

20. “57 Reports; 110; “Fathers Fight for Children,” Foster Care Public Hearing, Massachusetts Energy Director Henry Lee, Day in the Life of an Air Traffic Controller ,” 1978-06-17, WGBY, American Archive of Public Broadcasting (GBH and the Library of Congress), Boston, MA and Washington, DC, http://americanarchive.org/catalog/cpb-aacip-114-02c8673p.

21. “57 Reports; 110;  “Fathers Fight for Children.”

22. Vobejda, Barbara. “As Single Fathers Head More Families.” The Washington Post. WP Company, May 13, 1992. https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/politics/1992/05/13/as-single-fathers-head-more-families/0ab11822-1043-4764-9521-13d5f253e11b/. 

23.  “Statistics on Fathers and Child Custody.” Lise S. Kaplan, LLC, July 11, 2022. https://www.lisekaplanlaw.com/blog/2022/07/statistics-on-fathers-and-child-custody/#:~:text=How%20many%20custodial%20parents%20are,this%20went%20up%20to%2020.1%25. 

24. “I Am Sam.” IMDb. IMDb.com, January 25, 2002. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0277027/. 

25. Jarrell, Anne. "THE DADDY TRACK - as Society Acknowledges that Men can be Great Parents, the Number of Single Fathers is on the Rise. so what is Life Like for Men Juggling Career, Family, and Home? A Lot Like Life for Single Moms.: [3 Edition]." Boston Globe, Jul 08, 2007. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fnewspapers%2Fdaddy-track-as-society-acknowledges-that-men-can%2Fdocview%2F405077691%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

26. Elman, Cheryl, and Andrew S. London. “Sociohistorical and Demographic Perspectives on U.S. Remarriage in 1910 [Corrected Version].” Social Science History 26, no. 1 (2002): 199–241. http://www.jstor.org/stable/40267775.

27. Blower, Brooke. “The Politics of Housework” Lecture, March 30, 2023.

28. Schwartzberg, Beverly. “‘Lots of Them Did That’: Desertion, Bigamy, and Marital Fluidity in Late-Nineteenth-Century America.” Journal of Social History 37, no. 3 (2004): 573–600. http://www.jstor.org/stable/3790154.

29. Bikel, Dror. “Remarriage after Divorce: 10 Things You Need to Know about Remarrying.” Bikel Rosenthal & Schanfield. Elite Lawyer Management, April 23, 2019. https://www.bikellaw.com/blog/31/remarriage-after-divorce-10-things-you-need-to-know-about-remarrying/. 

30. “Explore More Domestic Servants - Castle in the Clouds.” https://www.castleintheclouds.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Domestic-Servants.pdf. 

31. “Why Divorced Men Marry Again – and Women Don't.” HuffPost UK, January 31, 2012. https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/01/31/divorced-men-are-twice-as-likely-to-remarry_n_1243472.html. 

32. Quora. “What Is It like to Be a Single Father?” Forbes Magazine, February 29, 2012. https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2012/02/29/what-is-it-like-to-be-a-single-father/. 

33. Lesem, Jeanne. "Men Who Raise their Children Alone: CUSTODIAL DADS SINGLE FATHERS." Los Angeles Times (1923-1995), Apr 30, 1978. https://ezproxy.bu.edu/login?qurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.proquest.com%2Fhistorical-newspapers%2Fmen-who-raise-their-children-alone%2Fdocview%2F158554065%2Fse-2%3Faccountid%3D9676.

34. Quora. “What Is It like to Be a Single Father?”

35. “Single Dads: Get Tips to Make Life Easier.” WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/single-dad-tips.

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