Ella Schroeder

Bridal showers and gifts have historically reflected the state of the economy and the expectation of women and their role in marriage. During the peak of the Industrial Revolution, bridal showers began to be documented in America. While women had been coming together since colonial times to help a bride assemble her wedding trousseau (Figure 1), a chest filled with clothes, bedding, household items, and keepsakes, formal showers, where the bride-to-be was given gifts and opened them in front of her party, emerged during the mid-to-late 1800s. Upper-class women would have showers as a way to display their husband’s social status. Gifts, which were shown off by the bride during the party, were “decorative rather than useful” to imply that the bride was “coming from or marrying into positions of high social status.” (2) The new consumer market, which resulted from industrial advancement in mass production, resulted in a rise in materialism within society and caused high-income brides to seek luxurious and frivolous items that were now more accessible. In addition, the important role of women in decorating their new homes to suit their husband’s status and needs was another motivating factor for giving extravagant rather than practical gifts. However, by the mid-twentieth century, bridal showers and lavish weddings were more accessible than ever before to people outside the upper class due to the rise of retail wedding stores. Bridal shower gifts became more functional as more and more women started staying home and needed items for the domestic upkeep of their homes. Figure 2 gives suggestions for bridal shower gifts in 1968, which included dish towels, sewing kits, aprons, and cooking spices. Since a woman’s life was believed to begin when she married, bridal showers and gifts were to help her perform her wifely duties. Household goods, like dishes and bedding, were often given to brides to make their role as a stay-at-home wife easier, thus bridal showers served as a way to reinforce social expectations of women (4). 

But by the 1970s, a more radical change had taken place in the etiquette of bridal showers—the mention of the “wedding night” and the gifting of sexual gag gifts (5). Before the 1960s and 70s, sex was something that only took place between a husband and wife, and premarital sex was extremely looked down upon and risky due to the lack of birth control. In the early-to-mid 20th century, marriages transformed to be no longer an economic necessity but a partnership based on affection and companionship. And with that change in marriage came the change in how sex was perceived, which became an expression of love, rather than just an act of procreation. This idea was furthered by psychologist Wilhelm Reich, who in the 1920s through the 40s, argued that sex was a natural and pleasurable process that, if not performed regularly, could lead to mental and physical illness (6). Women, however, were still heavily affected by sex since a lack of reliable birth control put them at risk of getting pregnant. Advancements in contraception in the 1960s provided some women with birth control, which enabled them to more freely express themselves sexually.  In 1960, the first oral contraceptive was approved by the FDA, and in 1972, the supreme court ruled in Eisenstadt v. Baird that single women could have access to birth control (7). When the supreme court ruled in Roe v. Wade that women had the right to abortions due to privacy, women could freely have premarital sex without the fear of pregnancy and damaging their reputation with an illegible child. Ideas about the health benefits of sex from scientists coupled with the introduction of safe and reliable birth control further fueled the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s and 70s. This movement brought sex to the forefront of mass media and destigmatized premarital sex, which was occurring among young adults but not discussed openly (9). In a study about premarital sex, researchers found that in 1900 only 6% of U.S. women had engaged in premarital sex by the time they were 19, while in 1968, that number had risen to 45% (10). Sexologist Alfred Kinsey, known for his revealing Kinsey Reports which exposed sexual behaviors in Americans, found that about half of the women he surveyed in 1953 had had premarital sex (11). His reports scandalized the American public because the fact that many women were having sex before marriage was a shocking truth that society had worked too hard to prevent. The Sexual Revolution can be seen as a catalyst for the evolution of the bachelorette party from the bridal shower because it opened up a way for women to express their sexuality freely. As put by sociologist Beth Montemurro, “for a woman’s friends to throw a party for her to say farewell to her days of sexual freedom would require admitting that she had a sex life before marriage" (12). The ability for women to openly proclaim that they had had premarital sex would not have been possible without access to birth control and society’s acceptance that sex was a natural, pleasurable activity. 

Beyond women’s newfound sexual freedom, the 1960s and 70s ushered in more political and economic agency for women. The rise of feminist philosophy from writers such as Betty Friedan began to reject the limitations of women in the workforce, in the home, and within society. In The Feminine Mystique, Friedan remarked that there was “no other way [a woman] can even dream about herself, except as her children’s mother, her husband’s wife” (14). The call to redefine a women’s identity led to the rise of the Women’s Liberation Movement, which advocated equal rights for women and the end of discrimination against them in the workplace. The passage of legislation such as the Equal Pay Act of 1963 and the Civil Rights Act of 1964 further empowered women to join the workforce, thus allowing a future where marriage wasn’t the only way to find financial stability (15). Higher education also became less discriminatory in 1972 with Title IX, which prohibited women from getting excluded from education programs based on their gender (16). Increasing possibilities for what women could choose to do with their education and career allowed them to see an option for themselves outside of mother and wife, leading to a gradual decrease in the median age women first get married (17). The perception that marriage was a “restrictive transition in life” get from 44% in 1957 to 59% in 1976, according to a survey conducted by Joseph Vernodd, Elizabeth Douvan, and Richard Kulka (19). These new political, economic, and social freedoms enabled marriage to be a choice for women rather than a necessity. A woman's life was thought of as starting with marriage and motherhood, so pre-wedding rituals like the bridal shower aimed to celebrate the most important stage in her life and help prepare her for it. But as women began to be given opportunities to define their identities outside of “wife” or “mother,” there needed to be a new pre-wedding ritual developed to acknowledge that women were also giving up part of their freedom when they got married like men were.

The bridal shower then began to transition into separate parties: a broader family and friend celebration, and then a personal shower with the bride’s closest female friends. In Montemurro’s book Something Old, Something Bold: Bridal Showers and Bachelorette Parties, she cites writer Mary-Beth Brophy, who recounts her mother’s experience with the “personal shower” in 1965. Brophy wrote that “bridesmaids would organize a separate personal shower” where the bride got “lingerie and anything else she wouldn’t want to open in front of her extended family” (20). The second event described is the precursor to the modern-day bachelorette party, where the bride-to-be is allowed to express her sexuality with her most trusted friends. These second parties additionally began to infuse parts of the bachelor party into the traditional bridal shower. Bachelor parties are a rite of passage for men as they celebrate with their closest male friends the loss of their sexual freedom and the future of being tied down by monogamy. These events usually involve the hypersexualization of the female body, joking about sex, and sometimes a performance by a stripper. As bachelorette parties started to develop, they also adopted the hypersexual attitudes and behaviors from bachelor parties as a way to find equality through pre-wedding rituals. If men can be lewd and talk about taboo sexual topics openly, then women should be able to as well. So as it became even more socially acceptable for women to celebrate their sexual freedom and acknowledge that they too were giving up something when they got married, these “personal parties” began moving outside the home—mainly to strip clubs. The first reported evidence of such pre-wedding parties was by researchers Paula Dressel and David Petersen, who studied the gender dynamics at male stripper shows in the late 1970s and 80s. They wrote that the strip club was “a place for women to celebrate with their female friends the significant events in their lives—marriages, divorces, birthdays, and moves” (21). While these festivities were not explicitly defined as bachelorette parties, women since the late 1960s appear to have been having celebrations equivalent to them since before the term was officially used in print by the New York Times in 1981 (22). 

The characteristics of the modern-day bachelorette party, such as the heavy alcohol consumption, also showcase different responses to women’s changing social status and freedom. Drinking and getting drunk have been historically a man’s activity. Not until the 1920s, during Prohibition, did women start drinking in more public spaces like speakeasies (23). Still, throughout the 20th century, it was taboo for women to binge drink publicly and they were thought of as less respectable if they did. However, with the significant legal and social gains that women made in the 1960s and 70s, they were emboldened to start drinking as men do. Bachelorette parties provide an occasion for this gender resistance because heavy drinking is accepted and encouraged for this event. In a study done about alcohol consumption, Montemurro writes: “Women’s use of alcohol at bachelorette parties can be interpreted as women’s way of expressing that they can do what men do” (24). Heavy alcohol consumption has been a common element of bachelorette parties since they became mainstream in the 1980s and 90s. Similar to how the bachelorette party modeled the hypersexuality of the bachelor party to find equality in pre-wedding rituals, alcohol consumption by women was another way to break through these gender restrictions and reclaim an activity that has traditionally been only acceptable if performed by men. Alcohol also allows women to more easily participate in the lewd and sexual acts of the bachelorette party. Although women have fought to push back against harsh gender expectations, many still feel pressured to be thought of as being respectable, which comes in conflict when a woman is trying to be more sexually free. Alcohol consumption allows women to ignore their fears about being perceived as “promiscuous” and engage in acts such as flirting, kissing, or interacting with strippers, at bachelorette parties. All of this culminates into a subconscious form of gender resistance where women the post-1970s continue to push against patriarchal expectations of marriage and sex. Alcohol enables them to “act like men” and freely express their sexuality before they choose to enter a lasting monogamous relationship.

Whether it be a relaxing weekend at a spa or a crazy adventure in Vegas, the bachelorette party would not exist without the freedom gained by women as a result of birth control and increasing educational and professional opportunities. The societal illumination of how women were feeling unfulfilled as only mothers and wives led to resistance against the prescribed gender expectations. The freedom to recognize marriage as a choice rather than an economic need fundamentally changed the way women perceived their future. The bridal shower could not continue as the conservative tradition it was, which enforced the gender oppression that many were pushing against. The development of the bachelorette party was inevitable as women became able to admit to themselves and the world that they are equal to men. In the 21st century, many bachelorette parties still include the traditional sexual celebration of the parties decades before, though the parties are about much more than that now. Media representation of the hypersexual elements has risen with movies, such as Bridesmaids, choosing to represent these parties as unrealistic and chaotic events where things go awry after a night of partying, drinking, and debauchery. However, the central theme of women strengthening their friendships through the celebration of their friend’s upcoming marriage seems to transcend the screen. Modern-day bachelorette parties have evolved to center more around strengthening and commemorating the bride’s most cherished female friends. The celebration of a women’s sexuality will always be a key component of these parties, but since women have gained more legal and societal equality, there isn’t as much of an urge by modern-day women to challenge gender expectations as they did in the 1970s and 80s. All in all, the lasting purpose of these celebrations is to allow women to acknowledge their sexuality in the safe space of their closest female friends and do so in a way that has historically never been allowed.