Embedded Files
The Talk
Anna Rubenstein
A father talking to his son (23)
Unlike many other traditions in America, there is no clear or even approximate date for when The Talk began to be had. Historically, distinctive contexts prompted different iterations of the discussion, with timely topics as its focus. In Tennessee in the 1830s, parents might have emphasized behavior with slave owners, desperately trying to protect their children and keep their families intact (1). In Mississippi in the 1940s, The Talk might’ve centered around “learning to avoid certain sidewalks and neighborhoods” (2). However, at its core this conversation has always been about how to be Black in America: how to act, how to think, and ultimately how to survive. Today, the discussion is commonly associated with how to handle the police force, which has been a “single constant” of the practice (3). As a way to begin to trace the history, trends and shifts in policing can help approximate when these discussions became a necessity, and later a cultural mainstay for Black families.
The beginning of modern American urban policing was during 1839 in Boston. But before that, groups existed that were primarily focused on controlling the slave population at the time. Slave patrols were first established in South Carolina in 1704, marrying the early colonial watch patrols with a more militant approach. During Reconstruction and Jim Crow more major cities started funding a police force, and cops began functioning like these early slave patrols, upholding black codes and laws to control Black people were being reinforced (4). Resentment towards the arrival of Black Americans during the Great Migration permeated Northern states, and cases of police brutality have historically occurred in major cities. Many scholars conclude that though police forces have modernized, the violence we see today can be traced back to the roots of racialized violence from those we consider to enforce the law.
During the 1950s and early 1960s, a goal of the civil rights movement was to challenge police brutality. “We want an immediate end to police brutality and the murder of Black people,” read point seven of the Black Panther Party’s Ten-Point Program (5). Yet more policing than ever was experienced in response to the movement – aggressive dispersion tactics, such as police dogs and fire hoses, were used against individuals in peaceful protests and sit-ins.
The Rodney King beating proved that the problem of excessive force was real in America (24)
Starting formatively with the beating of Rodney King in 1991, violence against Black Americans at the hands of police have ignited national conversations about policing. Tracking deaths at the hands of police is a relatively new phenomenon, but limited statistics prove that Black people are killed by police at disproportionate amounts (6). When officers are charged, America watches to see whether they will be indicted or acquitted, the verdicts setting new precedents and provoking new expectations. In the last ten years, the movement to “say their names” has provided even more harrowing evidence, as victims have become more than numbers in the national media cycle.
These entrenched institutional patterns mean that Black Americans have had to learn how to keep themselves and their families safe. As more killings have become high-profile in recent years, it has become apparent that regardless of identity, money, or location, simply being Black puts individuals at higher risk of interacting with law enforcement and being subjected to force.
As a way to reckon with this reality, The Talk has been a rite of passage for many African American children. The Talk is a conversation parents have with their kids about how they should handle police encounters when, not if, they have them. While “the talk” between white parents and their children often refers to the birds and the bees, Black parents must find a way to communicate the dangers their child will face and the way they should respond to them. There are a myriad of approaches to this discussion, and it has taken on the context of the different time periods it has existed within (7). In an interest to consider the nuance of such personal endeavors, this paper will look at examples that showcase the different themes and approaches there are in an attempt to make claims about how it has transformed within respective time periods. Since its beginnings The Talk has always forced parents to grapple with the often competing endeavors of protecting innocence and inspiring self empowerment while educating about the reality of being Black in America. However, though each family takes different approaches to The Talk, culturally there has been a shift away from being solely focused on protection, as empowerment movements have increasingly advocated instilling and preserving self esteem.
Coming of Age in Mississippi is a 1968 memoir by Anne Moody about growing up in rural Mississippi as a Black girl in the 1940s. Her account details her first reckonings with her own race, a moment many children of color can remember having. Her mom provides strict instruction with the absence of explanation: “All the way back to our house, Mama kept telling us that we couldn’t sit downstairs, we couldn’t do this or that with white children. Up until that time I had never really thought about it,” Moody writes. She then puts together certain patterns she had noticed and connects them back to their whiteness, such as providing them with “a pass to downstairs in the nice section and my blackness sent me to the balcony.” When Moody continues to try to put the pieces of this narrative together by asking her mother questions, her mom is uninterested in having conversations: “every time I tried to talk to Mama about white people she got mad,” Moody writes (8).
This exemplifies one approach to The Talk that some parents utilize. Rather than sitting her kids down to have a formal discussion about the implications of their race, Moody’s mother maintained a strict parental role that instructed but did not always explain. Instead of a conversation of warning, extra precautions become a way of life. After the Great Depression, racial violence was becoming more common, particularly in the South with the rise of lynching (9). Though officers might not have been the ones doing it, some research finds that as much as 75% of lynchings “were perpetrated with the direct or indirect assistance of law enforcement personnel” (10). These conditions catalyzed conversations structured like those Moody’s mother had, critically serious in an attempt to protect above all. Even with the threat of lynching significantly diminished, this style is still practiced by some parents today.
A TikTok that depicts that strict parenting for purposes of protection is still practiced today (26)
An article by Brianna Holt in 2020 discussed how growing up she found her parents' rules to be unreasonable, such as keeping her from attending sleepovers or going to playdates outside the home. “I watched my white friends receive more privileges with age, while my parents’ grip on me seemed to get tighter,” Holt said. As Black children age, parents often become more concerned with their safety as they lose the shield of youth and lack a shield of police protection. Like Moody, Holt said her parents didn’t have explicit conversations about behavior and racism, but instead implemented “smaller everyday rules” up until they believed she was old enough to hear a more direct version of the truth. “Now I see that their rules are an appropriate reaction to the threats that face black people throughout the U.S.,” said Holt, who ended the article by saying she expected her own parenting style to one day mimic her parents (11). Though this approach is still in practice, factors such as social change movements, media accessibility, and pop culture recognition means children are more likely to question their parents actions, and parents are more likely to offer explanations (12).
My Dungeon Shook is a 1963 letter from James Baldwin to his nephew that communicates many frequently included components of The Talk. Unlike the past examples, this is a case where Baldwin adheres to the tradition of having The Talk in a sit-down style to signify a coming of age. Baldwin imbues his message with brutal honesty: “You were born where you were born, and faced the future that you faced because you were black and for no other reason.” This clarifies that it is nothing other than his nephew's skin color that puts him in this position, a message that Black parents often prioritize communicating to demonstrate that this conversation isn’t a reflection of their child’s intrinsic worth, and rather testifies to others “inhumanity and fear.” Since this letter was written in the midst of the Civil Rights movement, this goal reflects a larger movement towards a less willful acceptance of the conditions Black people were given. Rather than solely prioritize compliance, Baldwin evokes messages of empowerment in his letter, a sentiment that has been increasingly expressed in conversations today.
Baldwin additionally decided to focus a large portion of the letter on helping instill a degree of understanding in his nephew for his “countrymen.” “You must accept them and accept them with love…. They are, in effect, still trapped in a history which they do not understand; and until they understand it, they cannot be released from it” (13). This sentiment reflects that the overarching goal of the Civil Rights movement was to achieve equal rights and coexist with their oppressors in society, an effort that requires acceptance of people and structures that had long battled against them. Today, many parents attempt to employ understanding by communicating to their children that problems with the police force have less to do with individual biases and more to do with deeply rooted systemic racism. Depending on their approach, they will either emulate Baldwin’s message of acceptance or employ their children to demand change from oppressive institutions.
An excerpt from the letter where Baldwin attempts to explain the thought process of white Americans to his nephew (27)
Message to My Daughters by Edwidge Danticat in 2017 touches on the decision of when to have The Talk, grappling with the “delicate-but-brutal balancing act of protecting children’s innocence, while educating them about the realities of what it means to be black in this country” (14). As the media has increased awareness of young people subjected to police brutality, today’s experts advise starting these discussions at an early age and adding details as they grow older (15). In her essay, Danticat discusses her dichotomy of thought every time she sees a Black person killed. “I do not want my daughters to grow up as I did, terrified of the country and the world they live in. But is it irresponsible of me to not alert them to the potential life altering, or even life-ending horrors they might face as young black women?” Black children born today will never know a world in which they can’t go to school or be president, creating a world of possibility that parents contend with maintaining alongside communicating progress does not ensure prosperity. Danticat’s sentences alternate between sending messages of warning and hope: “Please know there will be times when some people might be hostile or even violent to you… Please don’t let this restrict your freedom, break your spirit, or kill your joy” (16).
In a 2015 Op-Doc by The New York Times, a similar structure is adopted as parents explain having this conversation with their children. “Make sure your hands are out of your pocket so they can see,” says one mom. “You have every right in this world that anyone else does” (17). This dichotomy exhibits the modern movement towards empowerment – now that Black Americans are legally equal to everyone else, what stands in the way are long-entrenched traditions and systemic malpractice. To many, this is a less acceptable pill to swallow, and the police force has been a highlighted institution that has been called to reform.
An Op-Doc from the NYT that features interviews with Black Americans who were given and who have gave The Talk (28)
Between The World and Me was published in 2015, and exhibits how generational this advice can be in the absence of true progress. Essentially, the entire novel is The Talk: Ta-Nehisi Coates writes a letter to his 15 year old son about how to survive and live freely in the Black body, giving advice on the basis of his lived experiences. With language that is both honest and empowering, Coates ensures that his son is aware of the destruction that will occur but implores him to find value in the struggle. “The police departments of your country have been endowed with the authority to destroy your body,” Coates writes, highlighting a contemporary recognition of the systemic nature of violence. Later, “I urge you to struggle.”
It wasn’t until Coates experienced the murder of his college friend, Prince Jones, that he developed his own fears for his son. This pattern keeps The Talk cyclical: there often comes a point where talk becomes truth that Black Americans must reckon with before their very eyes, whether it happens to them or to a loved one. “Now at night, I held you and a great fear took me. Now I personally understood my father and the old mantra,” said Coates (18). Today, national media coverage has created even more catalysts for conversations, as each name that makes the news serves as a reminder for Black parents. However, more parents are finding that The Talk no longer protects their children, if it ever did. In a column by John Blake, he outlined the common advice given, followed by an example of its inability to protect. “Stay away from bad places. That didn’t seem to work for Breonna Taylor,” wrote Blake, referring to the fact that Taylor was shot and killed while sleeping in her own home. "It is impossible to be unarmed when my blackness is the weapon you fear," said a quote from Rev. Traci Blackmon, exemplifying the helplessness parents often feel today (19). Despite strides they have made on paper, despite lessons learned from decades of experience, this has not ensured the safety of their children.
Ta-Nehisi Coates explains Between the World and Me, why he wrote it to his son, and what he intended to accomplish with the book (29)
Intersectional approaches to The Talk has led to more families having it with young girls (30)
The Talk is often associated with being given to Black male teenagers, but recent years have demonstrated that adopting an intersectional approach is necessary. During the Black Lives Matter movement, mainstream media drew more attention to police violence, but girls and women were given substantially less consideration in national discourse. Research has revealed the framework of the police talk has marginalized girls' experience by “conceptualizing boys as the primary targets of police, while constructing girls as collateral targets of police violence; emphasiz[ing] masculine forms of violence; and it is directed almost exclusively at boys” (20). In 2015, the rising movement to #SayHerName has emphasized the adultification of Black girls as well as the sexual harassment and violence they receive from the police (21).
Though there have been a myriad of approaches to having The Talk, there has consistently been an effort to practice both pride and preservation. “They need to know about the America that will not accept them for who they are, yet you want them to be committed to living life on their terms in the face of these things. I wrestle with how explicit and how concrete I want to be,” said one mother (27). As well as how to have it, parents contend with when to have this discussion as it becomes abundantly clear that being young is no longer salient protection. While white families might give talks about being safe, for Black families this discussion is specifically about staying safe from police, the very people that are supposed to protect them. And the ultimate struggle is that sometimes it doesn’t even work – do everything right and it might not matter. These fears have existed in the Black community for generations, but mainstream media attention has sparked national conversations to ingrain The Talk in conjunction with the police force as a cultural practice. Today, new components are included to coincide with current realities, including shifting focus to a message of empowerment alongside safety. Rather than only teach children to be complicit and respectful, parents might advocate for them to record the interactions they have with police (22). While systemic racism continues to permeate America’s law enforcement, The Talk will continue to wrestle with this reality.
Work Referenced
(1) Williams, Heather. “How Slavery Affected African American Families.” How slavery affected African American families, Freedom's story, TeacherServe®, National Humanities Center. Accessed May 4, 2023. https://nationalhumanitiescenter.org/tserve/freedom/1609-1865/essays/aafamilies.htm.
(2) Scimino, Gustavo. “For Black Parents, 'the Talk' Binds Generations, Reflects Changes in America.” USC News, March 10, 2021. https://news.usc.edu/183102/the-talk-usc-black-parents-children-racism-america/.
(3) Wright, Bruce C.T. “'The Talk' and Its Evolving Relevance for Black Parents and Children.” NewsOne. NewsOne, March 29, 2020. https://newsone.com/3882217/the-talk-evolving-relevance/.
(4) Blain, Keisha. “The History of Policing and Race in the U.S. Are Deeply Intertwined.” NPR. NPR, June 13, 2020. https://www.npr.org/2020/06/13/876628302/the-history-of-policing-and-race-in-the-u-s-are-deeply-intertwined.
(5) *. “(1966) The Black Panther Party Ten-Point Program •.” •, June 15, 2021. https://www.blackpast.org/african-american-history/primary-documents-african-american-history/black-panther-party-ten-point-program-1966/.
(6) Bunn, Curtis. “Report: Black People Are Still Killed by Police at a Higher Rate than Other Groups.” NBCNews.com. NBCUniversal News Group, March 3, 2022. https://www.nbcnews.com/news/nbcblk/report-black-people-are-still-killed-police-higher-rate-groups-rcna17169.
(7) Arienne Thompson Plourde And Amelia Thompson , and From Notre Dame Magazine. “The Talk: Surviving Police Encounters While Black.” Utne, June 19, 2019. https://www.utne.com/community/police-racial-discrimination-zm0z17uzcwil.
(8) Moody, Anne. 1997. Coming of Age in Mississippi. New York, NY: Bantam Doubleday Dell Publishing Group.
(9) “Race Relations in the 1930s and 1940s : Great Depression and World War II, 1929-1945 : U.S. History Primary Source Timeline : Classroom Materials at the Library of Congress : Library of Congress.” The Library of Congress. Accessed May 4, 2023. https://www.loc.gov/classroom-materials/united-states-history-primary-source-timeline/great-depression-and-world-war-ii-1929-1945/race-relations-in-1930s-and-1940s/.
(10) Williams, Jhacova, and Carl Romer . “Black Deaths at the Hands of Law Enforcement Are Linked to Historical Lynchings: U.S. Counties Where Lynchings Were More Prevalent from 1877 to 1950 Have More Officer-Involved Killings.” Economic Policy Institute, June 5, 2022. https://www.epi.org/blog/black-deaths-at-the-hands-of-law-enforcement-are-linked-to-historical-lynchings-u-s-counties-where-lynchings-were-more-prevalent-from-1877-to-1950-have-more-officer-involved-killings/.
(11) Holt, Brianna. “Now I Understand Why My Parents Were so Strict.” The Atlantic. Atlantic Media Company, June 3, 2020. https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/06/my-black-parents-had-be-strict/612610/.
(12) Pradeep Kumar Dwivedi, and Ingita Pandey. “OLE OF MEDIA IN SOCIAL AWARENESS,” August 2013. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwid_ZmNudz-AhUTnYkEHcaCA-0QFnoECBAQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmgesjournals.com%2Fhssr%2Farticle%2Fview%2F24%2F23&usg=AOvVaw3o-dwFdy0njVxRfJCDQeGa.
(13) Baldwin, James, "My Dungeon Shook – A Letter to Baldwin’s Nephew on the 100th Anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation" (2016). ESED 5234 - Master List. 58.
https://digitalcommons.georgiasouthern.edu/esed5234-master/58
(14) Arienne Thompson Plourde And Amelia Thompson, From Notre Dame Magazine. “The Talk: Surviving Police Encounters While Black.” Utne. Accessed April 3, 2023. https://www.utne.com/community/police-racial-discrimination-zm0z17uzcwil.
(15) Nettles, Arionne, and Monica Eng. “Having 'the Talk': Expert Guidance on Preparing Kids for Police Interactions.” NPR. NPR, August 27, 2019. https://www.npr.org/local/309/2019/08/27/754459083/having-the-talk-expert-guidance-on-preparing-kids-for-police-interactions.
(16) Danticat, Edwidge. “Letter to My Daughters.” Accessed April 3, 2023. https://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/eng2100mcglynn/files/2016/08/irvin-what-is-academic-writing.pdf.
(17) The New York Times. “A Conversation with My Black Son,” March 18, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXgfX1y60Gw.
(18) Coates, Ta-Nehisi. 2015. Between the World and Me. Melbourne, VIC, Australia: Text Publishing Company.
(19) Gonzales, Shannon. “Making It Home: An Intersectional Analysis of the Police Talk.” Sage journals, February 2019. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0891243219828340.
(20) “Say Her Name.” AAPF. Accessed May 4, 2023. https://www.aapf.org/sayhername.
(21) Arienne Thompson Plourde And Amelia Thompson , and From Notre Dame Magazine. “The Talk: Surviving Police Encounters While Black.” Utne, June 19, 2019. https://www.utne.com/community/police-racial-discrimination-zm0z17uzcwil.
(22) Mahadevan, Pria. “'The Talk' Is a Rite of Passage in Black Families. Even When the Parent Is a Police Officer.” Georgia Public Broadcasting, June 26, 2020. https://www.gpb.org/news/2020/06/26/the-talk-rite-of-passage-in-black-families-even-when-the-parent-police-officer.
(23) Janey, David W. “Black Parents Give Their Kids 'the Talk.' What If White Parents Did, Too?” Cognoscenti. WBUR, April 12, 2021. https://www.wbur.org/cognoscenti/2021/04/12/the-talk-racism-black-parents-children-david-w-janey.
(24) Mydans, Seth. “Tape of Beating by Police Revives Charges of Racism.” The New York Times. The New York Times, March 7, 1991. https://www.nytimes.com/1991/03/07/us/tape-of-beating-by-police-revives-charges-of-racism.html.
(25) Mahadevan, Pria. “'The Talk' Is a Rite of Passage in Black Families. Even When the Parent Is a Police Officer.” Georgia Public Broadcasting, June 26, 2020. https://www.gpb.org/news/2020/06/26/the-talk-rite-of-passage-in-black-families-even-when-the-parent-police-officer.
(26) “Kels on TikTok.” TikTok. Accessed May 4, 2023. https://www.tiktok.com/@kelseyannaaa/video/6966624251000442117?lang=en.
(27) Baldwin, James, "My Dungeon Shook – A Letter to Baldwin’s Nephew on the 100th Anniversary of the Emancipation Proclamation" (2016). ESED 5234 - Master List. 58.
https://digitalcommons.georgiasouthern.edu/esed5234-master/58
(28) The New York Times. “A Conversation with My Black Son,” March 18, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXgfX1y60Gw.
(29) “Part 1: Ta-Nehisi Coates on Being Black in America.” YouTube. YouTube, July 22, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HjkfzVuyGk.
(30) Dupere, Katie. “Powerful Ad Shows Generations of Black Moms Teaching Their Kids about Bias.” Mashable. Mashable, October 29, 2021. https://mashable.com/article/black-parents-kids-racism-talk-video.
Anna Rubenstein is from "just outside of Princeton" New Jersey. She is an aspiring journalist who enjoys storytelling through many different mediums, primarily audio. She loves playing games, exploring museums, long walks, and traveling. She'll happily take any This American Life or A24 movie reccomendations you have (and give you some of her own).
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