“Pitiful, a thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat.” Phil Connors, Groundhog Day.

In 1887, the world experienced a world landmark event. One that would forever cause the world to be exploited and lied to. An event that would trigger, dare I say… the end. This catastrophic occurrence was the beginning of Groundhog Day. Ever since the early 1800s there have been large clothing brands, large free market clothing brands. As the century moved on, companies must have found it difficult to sell their products, especially as more and more Americans were living in wealthy Southern states. However, as the Homestead Act was enacted in 1962, more and more citizens began to settle Western territories; Western territories with more severe winters, and with these winters we need thicker clothes more lavish and decorative to keep the frost away. This migration to the Northwest brought about an entirely new market for the clothing industries of capitalist America. However, they needed a way to make their customers buy spring and winter clothing based on what was cheapest to make. So they came up with a revolutionary strategy… the infamous groundhog himself, Punxsutawney Phil.

But how does Punxsutawney Phil really make his money? How does he reap these benefits? Perhaps someone is paying him to make calls on weather? According to editors at Tax Act journal, “Punxsutawney Phil’s tax history is unknown. This leads to a reasonable suspicion that perhaps this rodent has never even indulged in paying his taxes. Perhaps there is even one bigger lie than this creature's assets. Punxsutawaney Phil has always branded himself as a groundhog, however, there is no difference between a groundhog and a woodchuck besides region. Think of it, dear reader; would you trust a woodchuck to predict your weather? 

Now I — Michael Michaelson— have done some digging (burrowing if you will), and throughout this research I have unearthed the many scandals of Punxsutawney Phil. The links between Punxatony Phil, clothing moguls and Phil’s failures to predict the weather accurately are awfully suspicious. Perhaps it has led to both Phil’s and clothing venture capitalist benefits- maybe an inside job?

Groundhog Day functions on the concept that Phil’s shadow is a sign of an early spring or long winter; however, only 40% of the time has Phil been correct in his predictions. Which begs the question…is something else incentivising Phil’s shadow? Maybe he’s being paid off to say he ‘saw his shadow,’ no? There is no evidence against it.

This is also supported by Phil’s income. Who knows where it comes from? He obviously pays little taxes and is responsible for a great deal of the clothing industry’s spring revenue. Despite the evil that is Punxsutawney Phil, it turns out he’s actually a loving father of fourteen. However, further research findings of mine have suggested that groundhogs live in solitary away from their families…more and more intriguing.

There also have been many large scandals associated with Punxsutawney Phil and the holiday of Groundhog Day. According to the Silive News Journal on February 2, 2014, “Mayor Bill de Blasio flinched as the handler placed Chuck in his arms, causing the groundhog to fall to the ground.” As a result of this fall, the groundhog met its end. An interview with junior Benjamin Gilmer, a sadly misinformed individual, begs to state on the matter of Punxsutawney Phil that, “He’s an awesome little guy.” The media has even gotten Gilmer to beg, “Let him be in charge of the weather,” his only reasoning for this statement being the dropping of Chuck (who he believed to be Phil himself). This just goes to show the media's reliance on the fashion industry and the puppet masquerading behind the scene for what reason would entail them to go so far as to put Phil in the media limelight!

At this point in my investigation I had figured it out, and I now understood. The profit, the chucking of Chuck, the prediction of the weather, and Phil’s solitary life away from his family. It is all so clear now. We don’t have Phil’s tax documents, we know there are outside parties involved in his predictions, and we know how lucrative the spring and winter clothing industry is because of Punxsutawney Phil…

Perhaps Phil was not the mastermind behind it the whole time. Perhaps he isn’t behind the oppression of the world but rather he is the oppressed. It’s clear…

Phil’s incidents, the chucking, and his taxing reveal… His shadow was always predetermined, but not by his own power, rather the admonitory control of his life by the clothing industry. Since the 1800s, Phil has not been the one oppressing us. ‘Big Clothing’ has! This has been a massive corporatist conspiracy to keep the American people oppressed. They’ve been using Phil controlling him to ensure our purchase of clothing based on its production efficiency. All they want is to keep us, the public, in the dark. However these burrows of lies that the public has made surrounding this poor groundhog will eventually fade as we speak out for all of the groundhog kind! It starts with us, GHS, we must take down Groundhog Day and the fashion industry while there is still a chance, before we lose the life we know to this atrocity, for if not us, then who?