This is the Year!

This is the year I will have my first kiss.

This is the year I will break my first bone.

I will revive a dead language
and normalize nudity

and never lose at checkers

and learn how to read.

I’ll apologize to my neighbor
for my dad telling them they need to get rid of their dog
because it comes into our yard too often
and could attack us, because it is a pitbull,
even though it is not a pitbull.

I will finally see Paris (Texas) and ride on a plane (on the outside)
I will finally free the pigeons I’ve been holding hostage

I WILL FINALLY START WRITING IN ALL CAPS

And finally FIGHT THE MONSTER UNDER MY BED

I will get out the time loop, out of the time loop, oh no

I will commit my first crime.

I will rob my first bank.

I will take over a mob cartel
become a queen pin

and finally stop singing “Old Town Road”
every time it comes on the radio.

This year I will stop laughing at the fact
that my cousin posted a picture of our family
at a funeral, next to another picture of us
at a funeral, to show our supposed glow up.

I will learn how to drive

my sister insane

and apply early decision
to clown college.

I will discover something that does not exist

and find the secret pool on the 4th floor of the school

and find out where every country hides its nuclear weapons

and find a best friend.
This year, I will find my true calling
and lose my virginity.

This is the year I usurp the economy

Debunk the CIA
Use alchemy to bring someone back to life

Supercede from the union
Meet a Liberian prince and move overseas

Steal his money and go home

(Liberia lacks an aristocracy.

This is the year we change that.)

This is the year I will finally talk back to my mother

and find out I’m adopted

and hunt down my biological parents

and get them put me up for adoption

and reverse my birth.

I will give to the poor

And take from the poor

And visit starving children in faraway lands
And bring them free iPads

This is the year I’ll get lost in space

meet aliens

party with aliens

accidentally insult the aliens’ leader

start Space World War IV

hide from the invasion

lead the resistance against the aliens

recruit Will Smith

bury Will Smith
get captured by aliens

get killed by aliens

get revived by the aliens
become an alien
serve as an alien ambassador

write the peace treaty between humans and aliens

go to alien art school

fail alien art school

begin to resent the humans
win alien elections
send space humans to space internment camps
establish an alliance with Space Russia and Space Italy

invade Space Poland

and finally weaponize the polar ice caps.

This is the year I
quit vaping
churn butter

shave my legs
stop putting glue peels in my eyes instead of contact lenses
practice voodoo

suck some toes

care

seize the means of production
run a sno-ball stand

vibe check my inner child

DIE?

ressurect.