4.0 student's
STRATEGIES GONE WRONG
Embedded Files
Asha Linn & Mark Victoria
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY MARK VICTORIA VIA CANVA
Originally published June 6, 2025
WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents.
With GPAs becoming final very soon, MBMS’s honor roll students are taking matters into their own hands, and not in the way that was expected. While some students are striving to end the year with good grades by studying extra hard, our MBMS 4.0 students have exceeded standard in not the best ways.
VOO-DOO
VOO-DOO
“VooDoo on your teachers may seem a little extreme,” Sarah VooDoo said, “but it’s really not that bad.”
Seventh-grader Sarah VooDoo has shared that she used VooDoo on her teachers to manipulate them into giving her good grades.
VooDoo is “a religion practiced in parts of the Caribbean (especially Haiti) and the southern US, combining elements of Roman Catholic ritual with traditional African magical and religious rites, and characterized by sorcery and spirit possession.”
In her interview she mentioned that she started only doing a little bit here and there before but now she just uses it daily.
EXPLODING CHROMEBOOKS
EXPLODING CHROMEBOOKS
“My grades were waning by the middle of May, but I did get them up at the end,” Bobert Boppenheimer said, “though I can’t exactly say I’m proud of what I’ve done. I once exploded my chromebook so I had more time to study for a test.”
While most students chug Red Bulls and Alanis to get through the night to study for a test. An explosive approach was taken by Boppenheimer.
Boppenheimer exploded his chromebook before the Math SBA postponing when he will have to take it. Cobert Boppenheimer,
Bobert’s father, deals with fireworks, and was pleased to hear his educated son was making the right decision and continuing his family's legacy.
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY M. VICTORIA VIA CANVA AI
TEACHER Supports 4.0 students
TEACHER Supports 4.0 students
“Grades don’t define you,” seventh-grade honors social studies teacher Ms. Knowig said “but if grades are decreasing, you have to take certain precautions.”
One of MBMS’s most popular teachers Ms. Knowig is supporting these diabolical actions taken to get good grades before the end of the year!
“I mean I did a couple things that probably weren't allowed for her class, it is pretty hard after all.” seventh grader Kris Bratt said, “I am glad that she is okay with it though, I would’ve never seen it coming, she is super strict afterall.”
Forget the strategy, just don't do schoolwork.
Forget the strategy, just don't do schoolwork.
“Grades are whatever to be honest, like I just go with the flow.” Eighth grader Football Jock said.
Now, not all students are taking insane tactics to get good grades. Jock is a retired 4.0 honor student.
He claims that studying was a waste of time, he had his fun and now he's pursuing a new career. He has started a baking business, “Sure grades are important but you don’t have to take it so far, but like it’s not that personal."
Jock also had said in an interview that MBMS should only have students take classes that go with their future occupation. This method could cause students to excel in their favorite subjects, and when they have to use a subject they didn't study, they will just brutally fail.
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY M. VICTORIA VIA CANVA AI
In the end, we are proud of our honor roll students. They came with grit to work hard, they cried over A- 's and of course they conquered. Staff and students both know these kids are going to rock the world.
Because nothing says “honor roll” more than mild destruction and some manipulation.
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