Secret fighting ring is uncovered

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION COURTESY OF CANVA.COM

Originally published June 6, 2025

WARNING: The contents of The Canine Comical are purely fictional and intended to be humorous, satirical. Readers are advised not to confuse them with real incidents. 

     As of late, you could walk into any classroom and hear someone randomly cry out “Chicken Jockey!” whenever there is a brief silence. Little do you know, there is a reason for students- and some teachers- calling out this simple phrase. A fighting ring.

     Our school has a secret fighting ring (CJFR) that takes place in the teacher’s lounge every Monday and Friday. The members of this secret club use the phrase “Chicken Jockey!” in order to salute each other without much notice.
    “Our glorious leader Mark Massey came up with our chant in order to maintain a level of secrecy,” Vice-Principal, Jimothy Bimothy said, “I mean, we can’t have just ANYONE joining. We need the best of the best to fight for us, especially since Olympic got The Huk as their starting chicken.”

     In order to join the CJFR potential members must be asked in by one of the members and approved by Massey himself. Additionally, before someone can participate in their first match they must submit a waiver saying that they won’t sue in case of injury.

     “I was only in 6th grade when they asked me to join,” 8th-grader and club secretary, Jason Daboa said, “I was so touched that I couldn’t say no! This year, I’ve only had one point scored against me”

     To play Chicken Jockey, the jockey must be hoisted upon the chicken’s shoulders. The opposing team will then try to push off the jockey or throw them out of the ring. If they succeed, then that team will get one point. The first team to three point wins.

     “Objectively, I would say that being the jockey is way harder,” 3 year old and varsity jockey, Back Jlack said, “I mean, we have to balance on our chicken AND try to push the other jockey off. Chickens just have to maintain a good stance and occasionally move around a little”

     While the CJFR is a fairly safe sport, there have been a few instances of random explosions and outbreaks of the infamous Italian brainrot disease. While this is highly unlikely, improper dismounts and too much aura can cause these minor liabilities.

     “The day I landed a backflip onto the ring was the day I randomly exploded,”  Jlack said, “It was crazy, one second everyone was cheering for me, the next I was in the infirmary with a twisted ankle”

     The CJFR is incredibly infamous around Mt. Baker with many rumors and tall tales surrounding the secret sport. While some might consider a secret fighting ring to be cause for concern, it is actually safer and a better workout than other sports that are offered. This includes, but is not limited to; hallway blocking, scream offs, and earbud hiding.