Reminder: Everything is Ok 

by Sloan Ballman

Whether you're focused on Abington Heights High School and the individuals who fill it or the individuals who encompass the world, you will find that most of us are in a very similar situation. 

We are hardwired as problem solvers. This is consequence of the evolution of our being, starting with our earliest ancestors who held themselves responsible for not falling victim to things such as starvation or being eaten alive by some sort of animal in the middle of the night. Wayne Stottler of Kepner-Tregoe explains, “Problem solving is at the core of human evolution. It is the methods we use to understand what is happening in our environment, identify things that need to change and then figure out the things that need to be done to create a desired outcome.” 

However, we are not cavemen and women anymore. Most things that these people had to work for and think about- such as food, water, shelter, safety- are not something we need to worry about in the 21st century. So what does this result in? Humans making problems where in reality, none lie. 

You can categorize this as overthinking, anxiety, stress, but all have one common pattern: making problems where they don't need to be. We become rigidly hard on ourselves; we hold ourselves to near impossible standards created by our own mind and feel like failures when we don't achieve them. We never give ourselves grace or the benefit of the doubt. We require perfection or whatever picture of perfection we've created in our head (spoiler alert: perfection doesn't exist). 

Too commonly I find myself in these perpetual tailwinds of thought spirals and clouds of negative thinking that eat away at my brain. And for a long time I noticed nothing wrong. It took me opening up to my mom about these feelings and for her to remind me to “stop thinking you're doing everything wrong! You're doing everything very right!” for me to snap out of what felt like some sort of trance and realize she was right. I was making a lot of problems up in my own mind where none really lied. 

So is this just me? Or do we all talk to ourselves more harshly than we would ever even imagine talking to each other or anyone we love? Is this what we all have grown to consider normal? 

When you talk to yourself, when you are hard on yourself or fall victim to this negative self-talk, remember to talk to yourself like you would talk to a person you love experiencing the same emotions you are. Instead of making it harder for them with things like “you're such a failure, you're so lazy, you should have known better” say things you would really say such as “you tried your best, you're doing everything you can, you can do better in the future”. 

And if no one has told you yet today: everything is ok. You are right where you need to be and you are doing everything right, not wrong.