What keeps us from finding happiness?
It's with no doubt that happiness has an important place in our lives but the question here is: How far are we willing to go to achieve it? Is it really worth the sacrifice?
Happiness is a term people know but often confuse with similar sensations such as relief or excitement. The feeling of relief is nothing more than a sense of self relaxation or, as people say in an informal way, it's like “taking the weight off your shoulders”... it's just a temporary feeling since sooner or later another thought or burden will take its place.
Furthermore, the perception of excitement when felt in the split second seems like a big deal and you feel like that experience will change your life for the better, but once you live it, your life goes back to how it was before and in order to find that so called “happiness”, (the correct term in these cases is satisfaction). There's a need to keep searching for new goals in order to fill that void, and like that, successively.
Happiness, like satisfaction, does have its "symptoms" too, metaphorically, such as joy and contentment. However, it's much deeper for being a state of mind.
It is supposed to be something permanent, and, unlike satisfaction, it is what makes life meaningful.
There are a lot of factors that increase the difficulties to find happiness nowadays, and the biggest one and the one that pops in our minds instantly is the advanced technology we are in contact daily. Don´t get me wrong, when I say this, regardless of all the advantages in terms of resources and stimulations the Internet provides us, the countless insecurities and fears we develop are even greater.
In this technology factor, there are two very important problems that mostly teenagers struggle with, which decrease the chances of being happy: the involuntary need to compare to others and materialism.
From my perspective, even though I love to “eavesdrop” on other people’s lives and fortunately I don’t have the need to compare myself to them, the arrival of social media has done nothing but cause a lot of turbulence in this generation’s lives. More than 85% of the worldwide population suffer from low self-esteem and I’m certain it's led by the impact of social media.
The need to compare themselves to others is more popular in girls. They see those “perfect” celebrities on Instagram or TikTok and they take time of their day to picture themselves with the body, the hair, the eyes,... they see through the screen. While in front of the mirror, they wonder why they weren’t born with all those unique “natural” (there's exceptions obviously) features when they are authentic, something most celebrities will never be.
Comparing yourself to others, in the worst scenarios, causes mental diseases including depression or eating disorders, reducing the probabilities of being happy. People in those circumstances, when said there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, do not always believe it, due to being so vulnerable and mentally unstable they can’t even think straight.
I had myself a share of body dysmorphia and, like a lot of people, I once was insecure about my body and to get skinnier, I did all the wrong things. It worked, but at what cost? It was tough but I couldn’t let myself get to a point where I wouldn't be the only one helping me.
What I’m trying to remark here is that even when hope is scarce, giving up is never the answer… accepting and loving yourself for who you are is. You only need enough willpower to do so, because no matter how many people are there to support you and help you go through it, only you can make the problem go away. Once you do, happiness comes back to you.
Another thing that happens regularly due to social media is the need for validation, mainly male validation. Girls tend only to feel good about themselves when some guy likes or comments on their posts. Guys they’ve never met before. You need to be in such a desperate state to only feel positive when some random guy that shouldn’t matter speaks his mind. Not only your self-respect but your critical thinking are “going down the drain”.
The other complication that can also come from the Internet is materialism.
It’s nice to buy new clothes or make up, right? I get it, I feel joy doing so too. However, it can lead to an addiction. What I’m about to write is very similar to what has been said in the introduction.
Materialism has the same outcome as excitement. Once you buy all those items you’ve been dreaming for ages, you feel a void only possible to fill by a similar wish, and goes on. If you’re always seeking something, you’ll never be grateful for what you already have or accomplished, and you’ll never find happiness and closure. Materialistic addictions can also be about money, career, anything. Anew, I “lived that life” before and since I chose experiences like traveling or spending time with loved ones, instead of material things, I’ve become the happiest person.
Lastly, another very popular thing that 90% of teenagers go through, including myself, is excessive overthinking about tons of subjects like relationships, future careers, among others. They say the Universe has its own plan for us and you have your destiny already crossed. To be completely honest, I don’t believe in any of that: we choose to be what we become. There is no point in waiting until the Universe decides to give us a peek of how our future will look like because that will never happen. If your ambition is to become rich, you’ll have to work hard for it because chances of it happening without commitment are low. That’s when the fear of failure begins. We have no reassurance of what we’ll accomplish in the future, if we’ll be successful or not, so the thought of working hard and studying and all going in vain is such a wonder. You start overthinking if any of this is worth it, and if you’ll ever accomplish your dreams. Personally, I’m pretty negative about whatever it is, so I’m used to overthinking a lot, not only about career matters, but also about creating problems that are not even there. My advice to people struggling with the same thing, and honestly what I should follow too, is that it is ok to fail and to get out of your comfort zone even if it scares you. You’ll feel out of place, scared and in need for support, but in the end it will all be worth it. Getting out of your comfort zone will allow you to try and experience new things and to self-grow, incredibly important to anyone no matter their age.
Overthinking doesn’t really have a cure; you just need to learn how to relax and get your head clean. Going out more with friends, enjoying the little things. I’m not saying to go partying every day or to do outrageous things. One thing I want to straighten out is a phrase a lot of people use as an excuse to do things they shouldn't: “You only live once”. I couldn’t disagree more with this sentence. "You don´t live once, you die once". You live every day. Every day when you wake up is a chance to start over, to be better and to do better. Every day when you wake up there’s a little more hope to find happiness than there was yesterday, and that is what keeps us going. So don't use this statement as an excuse, it’s not a good argument.
As Dumbledore once said, and I quote “Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”.
Madalena Cardoso
12º F