About Me

Born into poverty, the son of a migrant smelt fisherman, Mr. Simon, (known then only as "Chris"), turned heads in the 2nd grade at Memphis Elementary (Michigan, not Tennessee) when he declared himself the Mighty Godzilla, and bit the head off of a gingerbread man. Since then those who have known him have labeled him as "...one to watch out for". Mr. Simon displays an almost maniacal devotion to the sports teams of his youth and has been known to make insane wagers with his students (i.e. the now infamous "Chicken Suit Debacle" of 2010) in regards to said teams.
 
Mr. Simon enjoys teaching, in particular the subject of Science (there is no truth to the rumor that he was responsible for the dismissal of Pluto from the rank of planet in the solar system, although he did dismiss a student from class for doing an imitation of "Pluto", the Disney character).  No one truly understands the obsession with rubber chickens (not even his poor wife) but he insists that it is possible to launch one into space and has challenged his students to work for NASA and make his "dream" a reality.
 
Despite his many shortcomings Mr. Simon has a wonderful family that he loves. His wife, Dawn, works for a local credit union and has an inordinate number of responsibilites to do at said job (at least this is the excuse she uses for her husband and children to do chores around the house). His daughter, Savannah, attends university in Oklahoma and is studying to be a doctor (It is not true that he expects "free" service for all of the years dedicated to clothing, sheltering, feeding and caring for said child). His youngest daughter, Bailey, is experiencing the terrible twos for the thirteenth consecutive year. She has a brilliant mind and is athletically gifted, but is willing to throw it all away if her parents would just quit "bugging" her. Bailey's gift for "debate" has raised the eyebrows of the legal community in Oklahoma and the Oklahoma Bar anxiously awaits her application. Mr. Simon also has a dog that he considers gifted, but his wife does not hold the "beast" in as high a regard (please do not mention the "Back Incident" of '08 to her unless you plan on hearing the full text of the current AKC and OSBI regulations regarding dog leashing). They have another dog, Gibby who has a bad case of adult onset BRAT. The dog has been known to don a loin cloth" and prance around the house.